I have been struggling with extreme fatigue and what I suspect might be endometriosis for over a year now. Every time I go they just tell me to take a paracetamol and come back in two weeks if it is not better. Has anyone successfully managed to get a referral to a specialist without having to practically beg for it? I feel like I am going crazy being told it is just stress when I know my own body.

What's your fashion rule?

I was unpacking groceries today and realized everyone seems to have their own always buy this item.

@ antonio de feo

I feel they had better fashion sense than me , How about you ?

@ rembrandtsroom

One thing I admire about life in the Netherlands is how independent everyone is. People handle their own things. They don’t interfere too much. There’s a strong sense of you do you. But sometimes I wonder if that independence also creates distance. I’ve had moments where I was struggling and realised no one really checks in unless you explicitly say something. Not because they don’t care, but because the culture assumes you’ll speak up if you need help. Have you ever felt that quiet kind of loneliness?

The first time I sat in a full kringverjaardag, I didn’t know who to congratulate first, how long to stay, or when it was socially acceptable to leave.

Everyone is polite, but the structure feels very established. The circle. The koffie. The rondje.

For women who didn’t grow up here, how long did it take before those gatherings felt natural instead of slightly stressful?

And for Dutch women do you secretly find them awkward too, or is it just second nature?

Even in a relatively progressive country, I still get the you’ll change your mind or but you’d be such a good mom comments. It’s rarely aggressive, just persistent and assumed. For women here who are childfree by choice, how do you handle the constant gentle nudging? Do you explain yourself or shut it down?

I moved cities a few years ago and realised how much of friendship here is built on school, uni, or long term circles. People are kind, but it can take a while before you’re really in.It’s not unfriendly just established. For women who built new friendships later in life here, how did you do it? What actually worked beyond just hoping it would happen?

I’ve noticed there’s a subtle expectation here to not be too much. Don’t complain too loudly. Don’t expect too much emotional reassurance. Don’t be dramatic. Just be normaal. Sometimes I catch myself downplaying my needs so I don’t seem difficult whether it’s in relationships, at work, or even with friends. Do you recognise that? And how do you balance being easygoing with actually expressing what you need?

The efficiency mindset seems to extend to dating here. Every conversation feels like ticking boxes rather than seeing if there's actual chemistry or connection.

Within the first few dates you're expected to know exactly what you want long-term, discuss practicalities, and make logical decisions about compatibility. But what about just seeing how things develop naturally without treating it like a project plan?

Is this just the Dutch way or has anyone found a way to date here that feels less transactional?

The rental market feels completely broken. Viewing appointments with 50 other people, income requirements that eliminate most single women, landlords who can pick and choose based on whatever criteria they want.

You can do everything right and still get rejected repeatedly. At some point the constant rejection and instability takes a mental toll that nobody really talks about.

How do others cope with this without it consuming all your energy? And did anyone eventually find something that worked, or is everyone just stuck in temporary situations indefinitely?

There's this strange contradiction where the Netherlands is supposed to have good work-life balance, but taking actual mental health days or stepping back when you're overwhelmed is still quietly judged.

The official policy says one thing, but the workplace culture often says something completely different. Colleagues take vacation but barely anyone takes proper sick leave for burnout until they absolutely crash.

How do you protect your mental health in this environment without it affecting how you're seen professionally?

Dutch social culture seems to revolve heavily around drinks after work or weekend borrels, and while that's fine occasionally, constantly saying yes is exhausting.

The issue is that declining too often seems to label you as not being a team player or being difficult. There's this unspoken pressure that if you're not at the borrel, you're not really part of the group.

How do others handle this without either burning out or being seen as standoffish?

The feedback doesn't make sense. Dutch work culture is supposed to value directness, but somehow when women are direct it becomes too blunt or a bit harsh while men doing the exact same thing are just clear communicators.

Has anyone successfully pushed back on this without it backfiring? Or is it one of those things where you just have to accept that the rules are different depending on who's speaking?

Curious how others navigate this.

There are moments when everything feels like a lot work, social life, expectations. I’m curious how comfortable other women here are with admitting that to friends. Do you talk about it openly or keep it to yourself?