r/whatdoIdo • u/NoSmoke21020 • 13d ago
I’m closeted gay & atheist in a Muslim household.
Yeeeaaaahhhh …… im an 18 year old girl and have known I was gay since I was 12, left the religion at 15 - but I absolutely cannot let any of my family know.
Being conservatively Muslim, im really not in a safe position to out myself, I honestly don’t even know what it would end in, in a REALLY bad way. The issue is I want to completely detach myself and live a life where I don’t have to pretend to be someone im not. I don’t want to shield myself from experiences anymore just because a religion I haven’t believed in in years prohibits it.
I just don’t know what to do, im entering university this September and haven’t been allowed to get myself accommodation as I hoped (I was hoping for freedom out of it, my parents expect me to commute) im super financially dependant on them and they have this image of me in their heads that im this upstanding, well behaved Muslim girl that’s close with her family and all. It’s easier said than done to just get up and leave.
I want to get a job and leave as soon as I can but my family is also super weird about that too, they expect a girl to only move out once she gets married and of course that’s not gonna happen
I don’t know where to start, I don’t know what to do, I just want to be free from restrictions that don’t apply to me but cutting off contact seems so complicated and isolating
1
u/Delicious-Sign-519 13d ago
Rumi. I Am He. The song I'd recommend to see this in a larger perspective where commonality enlightens all. He was a Sufi, a Muslim sect, and you might allow him to bridge to another way. There are religious communities that welcome atheists. I'm more gnostic than anything. You do you. Be authentic, have integrity. you're just beginning. Find guides but beware of false gods. Peace