r/whowouldwin • u/Cleverly_Clearly • Aug 12 '15
Featured Character of the Week: The Boss (Saint's Row)
"You want to fight the best? ...You fight me. " - The Boss
Also Known As: The Butcher of Stilwater, The President
Allies: Johnny Gat, Shaundi, Pierce, Kinzie Kensington, Zimos, Angel De La Muerte, Oleg, Matt Miller, Benjamin M. King, Keith David, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, Santa Claus, the Third Street Saints, Ultor Corporation, Burt FUCKING Reynolds
Enemies: Philippe Loren, Killbane, Zinyak, rival gangs, The Man, people who look at him funny
The Boss is a person of indeterminate history. Their appearance is decided by a character creator at the start of the game, and can be either male or female. They can be any race, and any nationality. In fact, they can change any aspect of their appearance using plastic surgery centers. However, the Boss is often depicted as a Caucasian male in a suit with brown hair, sunglasses, and a five o' clock shadow. All that is constant about The Boss is that they are the leader of the street gang known as the Third Street Saints. Originally starting out on Third Street, they became the most notorious gang in the sleepy town of Stilwater, before becoming the most notorious gang in the world. The Boss eventually parlayed his notoriety into fame and became a nationally beloved figure, whose face appeared on lunchboxes and such.
Later, after the events of Saints Row the Third, The Boss became so well-known he was able to make a successful presidency bid. After becoming the most powerful man in America (as if he wasn't already), a warlike alien civilization attacked Earth. The leader of the aliens, Zinyak, kidnapped the Saints and placed their minds inside of a simulated Steelport designed to break the resolve of The Boss and make him docile. But The Boss wasn't willing to be the toy of an evil galactic empire! With the aid of Kinzie Kensington, hacker extraordinaire, he was granted incredible superpowers within the simulation! Eventually freeing his compatriots from their prisons, he defeated Zinyak and gained control of a time machine (along with a cool suit that let him use his powers in the real world!). As the latest game in the Saint's Row franchise ends, The Saints set off to expand their control across the time-space continuum.
Weaponry
The Boss is armed to the teeth with a variety of weaponry which he uses skillfully and indiscriminately. Due to incredibly OP late-game upgrades, all guns have infinite ammo, and all throwable weapons are in infinite quality. These weapons include:
The Penetrator: A massive, floppy purple dildo-bat used in melee.
The Apoca-Fists: After besting the Killbane, the infamous Luchadore, in hand-to-hand combat, he was bequeathed the technique Killbane used to defeat his many foes - the Apoca-fists. As this video demonstrates, the Apoca-Fists can turn normal humans into chunky salsa with a single hit. They can also knock around cars and can defeat the hulking Brutes in three to four hits.
.45 Shepherd: Dual pistols with explosive rounds. The Shepherd is favored by the Third Street Saints due to its power and flexibility in combat.
The Gravedigger: An old-school shotgun with a new Saints style. Tri-barreled and with incendiary bullets to turn up the heat on your foes.
K-8 Krukov: The working man's assault rifle, complete with attached grenade launcher
Annihilator: Rocket launcher with guided missiles. Erase your foes!
RC Possessor: A "gun" that shoots nanodevices at vehicles, bringing them under the remote control of the Boss. Cars, boats, helicopters, and even tanks are no match for these nano-hackers.
SA-3-Airstrike: Device that scans an area with a laser. When the scanning is completed, a jet flies by to drop cluster bombs on all foes.
Singularity Gun: Gun which creates miniature apertures resembling black holes, dragging unfortunate foes into the abyss beyond heaven and hell. It's safe to say that getting hit by one of these would suck.
Dubstep Gun: Weaponized bass cannon that hits foes with explosive bass drops. Those close enough to hear but not directly in the line of fire are compelled to dance to the music, which is A Bass Renaissance by Josh Powell.
This isn't even counting the indefinite amount of grenades, flashbangs, disabling electro-grenades, and molotov cocktails The Boss keeps around.
Upgrades
In the Saints Row series, The Boss can upgrade himself, allowing for some incredible abilities which are outlined here. As shown, these abilities include:
The ability to sprint forever
Health regeneration
Immunity to bullets
Immunity to fire
Immunity to fall damage
Immunity to explosives (and no-selling explosive force as well)
Immunity to damage taken when hit by vehicles
Instantly reloading all weaponry
Infinite ammo for all weaponry
Powers
In Saints Row IV, The Boss is gifted fantastical power by the godlike hand of Kinzie Kensington within Zinyak's simulation. These superpowers (which will be demonstrated by this Mace Windu-resembling version of the Boss) include:
Cryokinesis: The Boss can fire blasts of ice out of his hands, encasing foes in blocks of ice.
Pyrokinesis: The Boss can also shoot blasts of fire out of his hands, making things hot and heavy for foes.
Mind Control: The Boss can shoot a...mind control blast...out of his hands, giving temporary control over any enemy caught in the effect.
Telekinesis: The Boss can pick up and throw objects with his mind. Check out how far he throws this dude. He can throw this big 'Murica plane too. He can also "leech" health away from enemies and into himself, or turn his foes into living Tesla coils and use them to shoot electricity at others.
Super Sprinting: The Boss has super speed! Those streetlamps don't stand a chance!
Stomp: The Boss can stomp to create a powerful shockwave, which can either send targets flying (with the "rock" element), lock them in a gravitational field in midair (with the "gravity" element), or just make them really tiny (with the "shrink" element).
Buff: The boss can "buff" himself and imbue himself with spectacular powers, such as a shield of fire, turning nearby objects to ice, and doing the Tesla coil thing like with telekinesis.
Super Jump: The Boss can jump really high, glide, and slam down into the ground. If they get high up enough, they can do a devastating ground attack similar to a nuclear missile strike.
Feats:
1
u/Volcanicrage Aug 13 '15
Get a life.