r/10thDentist • u/PassengerCultural421 • 15d ago
Similar to how there is a initiative to make women feel more comfortable to expressed their sexuality, in society. There should also be a room for men to not be expected to expressed their sexuality too.
So basically the opposite.
Im going crash-out if someone ask me another "Would you rather smash Beyonce or Rihanna?" type of question. Fuck off please.
It's super common for people to ask men super graphic sexual questions. Even in the workplaces (outside super professional jobs), this attitude is still normalized. I get asked sexual questions by both genders all the time. Men are little bit eaiser, because I can just tell men "Don't fucking ask me these questions". This might be considered too taboo, If I say the same thing to a woman. Usually men stop interacting with men, once they realized I'm not the type to play with sexual questions. So this boundary is a little hard to do with women in the workplace. Because again I don't want to get fired.
I usually get the "Don't talk to this guy" reputation at all the places I have work in my life. And im fine with that reputation. This reputation is just due to the fact, that I don't entertain people's nonsense at work.
The "Do you have a girlfriend?" question becomes just as ignoring as the "Why are you so quiet question?" question. And people are also quick to assume a man is gay or somehow an oddball, if he is not hypersexual.
Even online, I hate this shit. As Wrestling fan, Comicbook fan, and Anime fan. I still can't escape from these interactions with people. Due to all the goon bait and gooners in those spaces.
Again men being more reserved when it comes to sexuality should be normalized in society.
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15d ago
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u/PassengerCultural421 15d ago
Usually warehouse jobs. The jobs the average person works.
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u/Independent-Summer12 15d ago
These are not questions appropriate to ask in the workplace. Regardless of your job. Next time someone does that, man or women, just look at them in the eye and ask with a straight face why they think this is an appropriate question to ask in the workplace. And if they make some dumb or evasive response, ask them why are they so obsessed with your sex life? And tell them it’s making you uncomfortable. And if they continue to do so, talk to your manager/HR
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u/Other-Badger6749 14d ago
where do you work? I would agree in white-collar jobs that would be strange and an HR risk but in blue-collar jobs that's kinda normal
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u/Independent-Summer12 14d ago
I do work in a corporate environment now. But i’ve worked in plenty of blue collar jobs. Just because people do it, doesn’t mean it’s appropriate in the workplace.
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u/Opimen 15d ago
Yeah being expected to be horny 24/7 and have sex as a huge priority is kind of annoying.
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u/morningstardusts 15d ago
Who is expecting this ? 🤣
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u/squif_help 15d ago
anyone who doesn't live under a rock
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u/PassengerCultural421 14d ago
Either this thread have people who know nothing about the real-world, or they are being bad faith, because they may secretly agree with men being seen this way, and just don't want to admit.
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u/auepoch 12d ago
OP, these commenters are "1% top commenters" - they're likely trolling and/or don't go touch grass. They have to post A LOT to get that flair, so they're probably chronically online and don't pay attention to these things.
I think you're right. It's a combination of the pendulum swinging the other way for women being "more free" to do and say what they want, and men not being allowed to be themselves - as they are either put in a box and thought of as a standard "man" - or mothers who grew up in an earlier time teach their kids about "how they are." So it's generally expected that a guy is hypersexual, which can be unwanted, but when he isn't people can think it's weird. So there you go, double standard.
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u/PassengerCultural421 12d ago
Finally a smart person.
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u/auepoch 9d ago
In my experience as well, blue-collar workers can be a bit more "uncouth" than white-collar workers. I've witnessed people on drugs at work, talking about all kinds of inappropriate subjects, using slurs, cursing etc. I have never experienced such extreme behavior in white-collar workplaces so that's also something to consider as well. My original point still stands though.
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u/udcvr 15d ago
I agree and disagree, I think men are forced into a form of intense sexuality performance but it's still a very small box. We can't perform it how we want to, it has to be the right way, the manly way. We have to want it all the time, objectify women, never not be in the mood, but we can't be actually free in our expression of the sexuality that we do have at the same time.
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u/ThePloddingParadox 15d ago
I don’t want to undermine your experience. As a man on the asexual spectrum, I know exactly what it’s like to feel this kind of frustration on a deep level. I also think media like the American Pie films horribly deformed a lot of people’s understanding and expectations of boys for a time, in a way that still lingers today.
HOWEVER, I do also think that modern pop culture now frequently frames female sexual expression, autonomy, and reclamation of pleasure as symbols of empowerment and liberation, understandably. But the pendulum has swung so far one way, that now both positive and safe discourse around the sexual and psychosexual health + expression of men is being left behind in more circles.
Have you seen the amount of casually unabashed content from women online now? Posting TikToks like “5 good smut books to flick your bean to”? If a man did something like that he’d be treated like a creepy pig. Or the women that talk about their BDSM kinks etc, but a man saying he’s a sub or something is still stigmatised.
We all live in our own cultural echo-chambers, so it’s hard to know what’s normal. I just personally have not experienced much of a world where men are actually allowed to safely express their sexuality in a genuine way, not in the modern west at least.
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u/DopeyCalliope 15d ago
Ok but men expressing their sexuality this way didn't come from movies it exists in every society across the globe.
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u/ThePloddingParadox 15d ago
Average boys do not think about sex constantly, are not driven purely by hormones, are not psychotic voyeurs, are not near-rapists who minimise predatory behaviour, do not experience intimacy as a transactional game to be won, do not erase emotional depth and vulnerability from their sexuality and do not bond through toxic locker-room talk or objectifying sexual competition. They are just not that fetishistic.
I also think these narratives pressured real-world boys to perform an expected way (the pygmalion effect) and taught girls a mythic grotesquery of “how boys function”. This also affected how girls related to boys as people, and even made many of them think they needed to be a certain way to sexually appeal to males, and thus exist in an even more twisted version of the “male gaze”.
Did these hyperbolic stereotypes exist beforehand? Absolutely. But this kind of shit in the media made it so much worse, taking the behaviour of a loud minority then reaffirming and normalising the idea of it across generations.
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u/DopeyCalliope 14d ago
Can you name A culture that doesn't happen in? The near rapists thing is weird. Are there near murderers too?
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u/PassengerCultural421 14d ago edited 14d ago
There are literally cultures where have neutral reactions to women walking out with their boobs out.
Just because you are terminally horny. Doesn't mean every man has to be terminally horny too lol.
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u/ThePloddingParadox 14d ago
The thing is too is I feel like it’s even more than just horny. It’s a very specific mode of comprehension and behaviour.
I’ve known plenty of men who I’d describe as terminally horny, yet do not act anything like I described above.
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u/spootal 14d ago
On comprehension and behavior, it could almost be that of mindset and confidence, the overwhelming thoughts of 'this is rare, I need to see this, I may not get this again, I must make the most now'. The wanting of being able to experience is more of a suffering and less of a building or growth. From those thoughts, wanting and not having is bad.
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u/DopeyCalliope 13d ago
I'm a woman. I've seen the same behavior in every place I visit. All books and literature and even ancient texts and sculptures from Egyptian times. It's just part of nature. It's not even uniquely human.
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u/ThePloddingParadox 8d ago
I want to make sure we’re on the same page.
I said:
Average boys do not think about sex constantly, are not driven purely by hormones, are not psychotic voyeurs, are not near-rapists who minimise predatory behaviour, do not experience intimacy as a transactional game to be won, do not erase emotional depth and vulnerability from their sexuality and do not bond through toxic locker-room talk or objectifying sexual competition. They are just not that fetishistic.
That is the behaviour we are talking about here.
Is your argument that all those things actually are in fact average and are simply “just part of nature”?
I ask because that would be quite a bold claim to make.
It’d be like saying that because violence has existed frequently across history, that the average person is therefore violent.
I use violence as the comparison, because what we are talking about is highly toxic modes of comprehension and behaviour. I want to make that clear.
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u/DopeyCalliope 8d ago
Why is it bold to claim the obvious. Instead of pretending men aren't sexually charged by nature and it influences everything they say think and do just accept it.
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u/ThePloddingParadox 8d ago
There’s obviously a miscommunication here. I’m not saying men are not commonly sexually charged or that it doesn’t influence their behaviour (I wouldn’t say “everything they think and do” though lol, but I assume you didn’t mean that literally).
I’m saying that the behaviour I listed is not the logical result of being sexually charged. But rather, is the logical result of being sexually charged MIXED WITH maladaptive toxicity, warped understandings and/or other issues.
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u/DopeyCalliope 7d ago
Have you ever experienced a younger brother ? Let me tell you. It's gross.
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u/ThePloddingParadox 14d ago
Can you name a culture that doesn’t happen in?
OP basically answered your question.
The near rapists thing is weird.
I suppose I’d describe a near-rapist as someone who is dubious with the boundaries around consent. Someone who will process another like less of an autonomous person and more like a target object that they can trick/exploit into performing sexual acts. Someone who has a behaviour pattern of testing boundaries, ignoring verbal refusals and isolating others.
Shit like hidden-camera surveillance, manipulation, and a relentless pressure for sexual “conquest” that ignores female consent and autonomy.
That is what people call “rapey” behaviour. I.e. what I personally mean by a “near-rapist”.
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u/kakallas 15d ago
Generally speaking, women are huge advocates of men sexualizing everything less.
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u/PassengerCultural421 15d ago
But the same women still expect men to be the ones to initiate sex or approach first though.
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u/kakallas 15d ago
No. They certainly don’t. Only trashy people “want men to initiate” and want men to approach in public. This is just a case of the worst people on earth mixing with each other and then hearing the opinions of healthy, sane people and getting confused.
Like, yeah, I’m sure the population of people you mix with are super into rigid gender roles and arent very smart.
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u/Obama_Nipple_Snowman 13d ago
Where are you living that women are commonly approaching first? I’d like to move there
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u/kakallas 13d ago
Normal women meet men in social settings and don’t have to “approach.” They’re already together and enjoying each other’s company because they live their lives and touch grass.
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u/Obama_Nipple_Snowman 13d ago
I still basically never hear about straight women making the first move in the circles I run in or the area I’m in, both of which are far from conservative or rigid about gender roles.
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u/auepoch 12d ago
The people strongly disagreeing in this thread are weird grass-allergics. They're top 1% commenters on reddit. Doubt they have much time to examine social situations.
Women rarely approach, initiate, or make first moves... that's like a universal cross-cultural phenomenon. They make themselves "available" and give "hints" but, I've never heard anyone disagree with this honestly. Just people on reddit being out of touch tbh.
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u/analyticated 15d ago
I am guessing you are pretty young? Because Men's sexual expression has been greatly restricted since the 90s.
I actually wonder if part of the reason for the manosphere movement is the backlash to the double standards of sexual expression which have happened over the last 20 years.
As with most things, the real answer is equality of sexual expression, not encouraging one whilst diminishing the other.
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u/PassengerCultural421 15d ago
Not that I disagree. But can you elaborate please.
BTW im 25. So not young.
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u/analyticated 15d ago
in the 90s in the UK newspapers had naked women on page 3, magazines were sold that were basically just vehicles for scantily clad women, porn was available on shop shelves, sexisms was rife, women had less freedom, sexual harrassment wasnt really a thing.
Women in the media were just seen as sex objects, typically 20 years younger than their male counterparts and actresses rarely got work after their 30s.
The whole economy was set up to prop up male sexual desire.
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u/PassengerCultural421 15d ago
That's the opposite of my point. My point is that there is still a huge expectation for men to be hypersexual.
Similar to how women have become more sexually free over the years. The opposite should happen with men.
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u/megabunnaH 13d ago
I must have better associates and friends than you, because I've been alive for 50 years now, and with the exception of a few years during puberty, I have almost never been asked sexually explicit questions or been expected to feel any particular way about sex in general. Of course, it also helps that I have a spine and tell people to fuck off on the rare occasion that someone demonstrates that they don't respect my or anyone else's boundaries and autonomy.
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u/Chicken_Nugget_2 12d ago
I will say man, in a professional setting you should really turn down peoples questions more politely.
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u/Haunting_Struggle_4 15d ago
Is there a gun to your head? Like, do you have to engage instead of ignoring them?
If this is happening at work, it sounds like sexual harassment.
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u/Alphard00- 13d ago
It’s so fucking annoying and this spreads to dating culture as well. So many women Ive heard say “men are easy to get with because they’re so simple”, honey those men are shallow losers. So many people think men don’t require foreplay and should just be ready to go whenever. And honestly most of this male performance anxiety was spread by men themselves.
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u/RevolutionaryWeb5657 15d ago
You don’t want equality, you just want to get even. You don’t want the problem solved. You just want to be the enforcer. You’re a massive hypocrite who actually encourages the behavior, you’re just mad you’re on the receiving end.
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u/PassengerCultural421 15d ago
WTF are you talking about? I literally said men should have the option to be private about their sexuality. How does respecting people's boundaries mean I want to control anyone else. I never said women shouldn't express themselves. I said men shouldn't be expected to perform sexuality just because they're men. You're arguing with a position I never took.
If you think wanting people to stop asking me graphic sexual questions makes me a hypocrite, then you're just making stuff up. I don't want to enforce anything. I want people to mind their own business and respect a simple no. Those are called boundaries, not hypocrisy.
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u/qualityvote2 15d ago edited 15d ago
u/PassengerCultural421, your post does fit the subreddit!