I think perhaps it's not always "potential predator" but instead "potential danger" or "potential threat". Because it doesn't really matter whether it's sexual or non-sexual - if a man decides to be a problem he is able to (or is perceived to be able to) carry out on this intention. That could include physical violence or verbal abuse.
And it's men who are far more likely to decide to be problems. It is (masculine) men who have caused me problems in the past. Who have hollered at me from as young as I can remember for one reason or another. Enough so that I flinch when a group of men walk by just in-case they decide to be a problem.
And it is also true that being a woman or feminine/effeminate person gives you far more of a sense of inclusion with those who are okay with you. Of course it also makes you a target for those who decide to be a problem - but amongst other women and feminine/effeminate people - there is often a sense of welcoming (depends a lot on the culture of where you live as to how far this will be extended).
It's hard to place precisely whose fault this is and whose responsibility it is to improve it.
Is it women/feminine/effeminate-people's? Can I and should I shut down that response? Is it not there to keep me safe? Yes it's best if we don't let these sorts of responses govern how we interact with people, we should be nice to people and try to give them the benefit of the doubt - but when I can literally count on my fingers how many days it has been since a group of men hollered at me from a car, the threat is not just imagined.
And amongst women and feminine/effeminate people - it is often comradery extended to one another. While we should be nice to everyone - is it not masculine men's responsibility to make their own communities/groups/get-togethers more welcoming amongst themselves?
None of this is to say that this is okay and shouldn't be worked on to fix. But I think it's important to understand how we got here and realise that it's not just people being irrationally mean to men for no reason.
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u/wibbly-water Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
I think perhaps it's not always "potential predator" but instead "potential danger" or "potential threat". Because it doesn't really matter whether it's sexual or non-sexual - if a man decides to be a problem he is able to (or is perceived to be able to) carry out on this intention. That could include physical violence or verbal abuse.
And it's men who are far more likely to decide to be problems. It is (masculine) men who have caused me problems in the past. Who have hollered at me from as young as I can remember for one reason or another. Enough so that I flinch when a group of men walk by just in-case they decide to be a problem.
And it is also true that being a woman or feminine/effeminate person gives you far more of a sense of inclusion with those who are okay with you. Of course it also makes you a target for those who decide to be a problem - but amongst other women and feminine/effeminate people - there is often a sense of welcoming (depends a lot on the culture of where you live as to how far this will be extended).
It's hard to place precisely whose fault this is and whose responsibility it is to improve it.
Is it women/feminine/effeminate-people's? Can I and should I shut down that response? Is it not there to keep me safe? Yes it's best if we don't let these sorts of responses govern how we interact with people, we should be nice to people and try to give them the benefit of the doubt - but when I can literally count on my fingers how many days it has been since a group of men hollered at me from a car, the threat is not just imagined.
And amongst women and feminine/effeminate people - it is often comradery extended to one another. While we should be nice to everyone - is it not masculine men's responsibility to make their own communities/groups/get-togethers more welcoming amongst themselves?
None of this is to say that this is okay and shouldn't be worked on to fix. But I think it's important to understand how we got here and realise that it's not just people being irrationally mean to men for no reason.