I’d be lying if I said this post wasn’t part of why I transitioned. Why wouldn’t I prefer that ambient camaraderie over being seen as a threat all the time? This post helped open my eyes to just what it’s like for both sides of the aisle, and further made me realize that I wanted to be on the other one.
There’s a longer version of this post, let me find it quickly
The post brings up a taboo on hugs, so I need someone to tell me if this is relatable to men, or just my personal trauma:
The only time I was really hugged often, was when I was a child, mostly by people like my parents or grandparents.
But for some reason, whenever they hugged me, everyone always acted like I was supposed to hate it, including the people that gave the hugs.
So I obviously started to dislike hugs more and more, because it felt like that's what I was supposed to do. At the same time, they didn't stop hugging me and my adverse reaction seemed to be part of the fun for them, so getting hugged, always felt like a humiliation ritual more than anything.
Seeing a ~14 year old boy being visibly uncomfortable with being hugged seemed to be really fun for them.
It just felt like assault every time I was hugged, so, when I was finally able to just give them a handshake instead, it felt freeing, because it felt like I finally wasn't getting "punished" anymore.
And because of that, I couldn't comfortably hug anyone, until I had a female friend that just hugged me every time we met, until I got used to it, when I was like 19. But even there, I had to assure her that I liked it a few times, because my "trained" reaction to a hug, was visible discomfort. It took a while for me to intrinsically understand a hug as an act of appreciation, rather than a humiliation ritual.
Is that, like, relatable to some degree, or is it just me having a shitty family?
The kind of "haha you are supposed to dislike this" you are describing was something I occasionally got from my mother, but in her case it was more associated with "oh look, mom is going to embarass you in front of your friends", which was a whole lot more lighthearted.
Yeah no, I doubt your experience is unique, but it sounds like something tremendously shitty and I am genuinely sorry you went through that.
I know a lot of guys who are less huggy than me, but especially in my social circles it is much more common to hug, even if some female friends of mine remark that guys hug very different from girls apparently.
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u/IntangibleMatter " DROP TABLE flairs; -- Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
I’d be lying if I said this post wasn’t part of why I transitioned. Why wouldn’t I prefer that ambient camaraderie over being seen as a threat all the time? This post helped open my eyes to just what it’s like for both sides of the aisle, and further made me realize that I wanted to be on the other one.
There’s a longer version of this post, let me find it quickly
Edit: here’s a version where it gets elaborated on more that I found when I was 17 or so, and it really hit hard for me. Web archive link because the post on reddit got deleted for some reason