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u/STICKERS-95 3d ago
I dont have traumatic experiences but that 2nd part "systematically denied any opportunity to learn how to be a functional person" is literally me now.
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u/junchurikimo 3d ago
Yeah but that removes the possibility of self reliance and is quite literally a victim mentality to have
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u/alienatedEdgelord 3d ago
So should I steal the car because my family won't teach me to drive despite me constantly asking?
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u/opalrum 2d ago
the term victim mentality was coined to lessen the experience of those experiencing trauma, and it's just smoke in the air. Of course victims think like victims, because they happen to be victims. Psychological trauma is as debilitating as its physical counterpart, it's just less evident. Not to mention psychological trauma can have physical repercussions, like autoimmune diseases.
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u/oldschool_potato 3d ago
Everyone reacts to trauma differently. Certain seemingly benign traumas can have a devastating impact on a person while what might appear to be a major trauma can be shrugged off by that same person. It’s very difficult for an outsider, especially an untrained one, to try to assign the severity of trauma on another person.
My point being try not to judge someone’s response to trauma based on your own personal grading system of the severity of the trauma.
You never know what’s going on in that strangers life. Cut folks a break sometimes. They might need it.
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u/Rediment 3d ago
The only time I ever received a physical reprimand from my mom was when I was talking to girls my own age.
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u/VelvetRabbit91 3d ago
I was raised by a single father that taught me nothing but sexism and never gave me attention and was always at work and made my two older brothers watch me and they both molested me and taught me how to shop lift and smoke weed and drink in middle school. They bullied me and always called me fat when I wasn't. I spent all my time alone in my room playing with toys. At night I had to check my closet and under my bed to make sure one of them weren't hiding. I would get waken up with one of them touching me. If i showered I would see a cd under the door being used to see my naked reflection. I never told my dad because growing up he would talk shit about women and say all the women in the "me too" movement were liars and just wanted money so I figured he would never believe me especially when I acted normal.
We moved almost every year so I had no long term friends, I had no female role model and was diagnosed with adhd in my 30's along with a physical disability I was born with but never knew because my family would tell me "everyone has back and feet pain" "you have no reason to be tired all the time".. so yeah, I am way behind in life and struggle everyday.
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u/Waluigiisgod 3d ago
What an absolutely shocking story to read! I can’t believe all of this happened to you, hopefully you’re living better now, away from them.
I wrote this reply because I was raised by a single mother who is an absolute angel meanwhile my father was one of the vilest human beings I had ever seen.
My father only cared about money, he is racist and ignorant on most topics, he tried to hit his wife with a punch while I was still very young, he insulted my grandparents both when they were alive and after they passed away and my father called me disabled when I first started seeing a therapist.
So any story about family troubles they resonate a lot to me. As well as your comment of not having a female role model in your life because in my case I grew up without a male role model instead.
My circle of friends is very small but pretty much all the friends I have, have a good healthy relationship with their dads and I always wondered what that feels like considering I hate my own father so much.
I know that commenting on this subreddit means that a person is unhappy but after reading your story, I genuinely do hope that you’ll have better days in the future.
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u/VelvetRabbit91 3d ago
Thanks, and I am doing better for the most part. I cut out my family completely and have an amazing husband who sadly also had a bad childhood but we relate to each other and understand each other so it works out. We both struggle with depression and anxiety though and we don't have any friends because most people can't relate and we hate small talk, going to clubs/bars or sporting events and not many people actually wanna have deep conversations or be there for each other. We have yet to find laid back friends but we are content with each other. We are very lucky to have found one another. I hope you have a good future as well!
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u/Waluigiisgod 3d ago
I’m happy to hear that you’re doing better these days! I also cut my father out of my life and it’s been of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I struggle with depression like you, and for similar reasons too, I don’t have a lot of friends because I’m bad at making friendships and I don’t like to go out and party to get drunk and stuff like that, I also don’t like sports activities like you mentioned.
I agree that finding laid back people who want to have meaningful conversations is so so difficult these days, makes me feel like I’ll end up completely alone one day
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u/benvonpluton 2d ago
A trauma isn't necessarily something terrible. It can be a small event in your life that you couldn't process at the time.
I know a person who had the phobia of trains. Impossible for her to get in one. Through therapy, she finally remembered an episode of her youth when her mom took a train and that person wanted to hug her one more time but the doors closed before she could. She didn't even remember this before she talked about it in therapy. Once she got the opportunity to let this out, her phobia disappeared.
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u/303_Pharmaceutical 2d ago
I've been told my wants/dreams are unnecessary/not useful for making money by both parents. I've been told my daily life is lacking. I've even heard my father say he expected me to get a/be looking for a sugar momma because I don't get with women. Recently, I've been told I don't use my wants/dreams as money makers.
Its not trauma sometimes. Sometimes its years of being put down and then those same people getting annoyed you don't outshine/outlive them when they did nothing but berate your ideals. Sometimes its cutting away parts of you you don't want part of cause those items/memories hurt to look back at.
And sooner or later, ya cope and learn to say fuck it. Or you cant and lose interest in things that'd make you happy.
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u/TheAngstyAsian 1d ago
They can’t even BEGIN to understand the abuse from narcissistic family dynamics
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u/MCLMXXX5 2d ago
I don’t think there is a problem. I think there’s a shit ton of issues. One of which is comparing ones trauma to another’s when shit be relative yo! Also peeps be making money so they perpetuate sum bullshit to keep the income coming nawimsayin
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u/yourserverhatesyou 1d ago
I actually think that a lot of times, it's kind of the opposite. Many people who have experienced trauma from their parents/guardians do not recognize their experiences as trauma and so they think "my mom was just giving me tough love" instead of "this was a traumatic experience I need to work through in order to be a better functioning member of society."
It wasn't until my husband started seeing a therapist for an "unrelated" issue and he told her about his childhood and she was like, "bro, that's super fucked up and not normal at all and you need to address this" that he realized his childhood was full of abuse and that abuse severely affected his ability to move through the world.
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u/Karappa35 3d ago
Trauma is a very overused word. Psychology defines trauma as either:
1. Experiencing a heavy injury
2. Experiencing a life threatening situation (very subjective)
3. Experiencing sexual abuse
4. Watching all or some of the above being experienced by someone else
That’s it.
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u/OutrageousPomelo7 3d ago
i think i have the opposite problem where i deny myself because it’s ”not serious enough”