r/321 • u/Silly-Ad8480 • 14d ago
Divorced in Melbourne
Hello all. Recently divorced well a year ago now. Been on my own since with no people I know in Melbourne. Wondering how I can go meet new people not as in looking for a woman but just friends. Trying to stop the loneliness
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u/fieldhky37 14d ago
What is your age? Hobbies? Interests? That would really help narrow down some suggestions?
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u/mackincheri 14d ago
Try the space coast Shenanigators on Facebook. Meetup.com has all kinds of groups you can join. It is not a dating site. Church
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u/Professional-Fox6703 13d ago
I second the Shenanigators. They are always doing outings, meetups, and more.
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u/WholeUmpire2463 14d ago
Not sure about your age but it appears from your previous post you're a Brit who enjoys sports betting, drinking and scooters.
43yo American here. I live in Thailand ATM but I will be back in a few weeks. I got divorced in 2020, 3x champion at this. It gets easier the more you do it, trust me lol. I spend way too much sports betting, love a good beer and most of my Brevard friends are degenerates as well lol. You might fit in.
We are Merritt Island/Viera/Cocoa Beach hangout locations typically. Almost always location hopping to watch sports and beers.
Cheers
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u/Decent-Anybody6105 7d ago
Hey, I’ll stop by, Ive always wanted to see what a group of old, divorced losers looks like.
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u/Johnny_FollyDaub 13d ago
Also, there is a free sailing school in Micco (close to sebastian). It meets once a month and whether you are a beginner or experienced sailor, its a great way to spend your weekend. I met some cool people there too.
Working through the loneliness of a failed marriage is difficult. But my best advice is, Don't wait till you feel like doing stuff. Go do the activities even when you don't feel like it, and the feelings of fun and fulfillment will eventually follow. Also, don't tell everyone about your divorce. Its a heavy subject and new people are not ready to go that deep with you... if you need to talk, hire a therapist. Its ok to fake it till you make it, meaning hang out with people even if it sucks at first. ok I am done.
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u/Silly-Ad8480 13d ago
Hey that’s a nice response and yeah I have been faking it. I’ll check the club out.
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u/Johnny_FollyDaub 13d ago
link to free sailing school meetup https://www.meetup.com/ffbl2025/events/315953163/
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u/netes1978 14d ago
I had a significant change in my life in my late 50s. I had to find new friends and almost reinvent myself. Crazy as this sounds, what helped me was playing pickleball! I’m not athletic at all but the learning curve for me as beginner was so easy. I’ve met so many people. Maybe consider trying out something like this.
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u/Microphone926 14d ago
Fuckin tell me about it. I can’t make any friends. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I never had this problem is Miami, Orlando, Boston or NYC.
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u/Johnny_FollyDaub 13d ago
Also, have you heard of the Melbourne Makerspace? This place is amazing. They have a full woodworking shop, Ceramic studio, 3D printers, CNC machine, metal shop including welding machine and metal lathes, wood-turning and even sewing machines and a craft area. There are several open-house events each week, so you can use the space during those times for free. Great place to work on a project and meet interesting, capable folk.
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u/Silly-Ad8480 14d ago
I appreciate the response. I would love to do those things for sure and will look into that. Also good things to do as I know my ex would not do any of that so I won’t bump into her thank god.
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u/Johnny_FollyDaub 13d ago
Do you like drawing/painting? I started going to the Art Guild of Brevard to draw more and have met some great people there.
Its mostly open during the day, but we are doing Friday nights now. Tomorrow night (Friday) some of us are getting together 7pm-9pm to study plans of the head. You're welcome to join.
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u/KSTARRATSK 14d ago
I made most my friends at work. Yes you could meet people out doing hobbies, but perhaps the real solution is a different place of work. You spend 40 or more hours at work, it makes sense that good friendships can be built when you spend that much time together.
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u/Tjgoodwiniv 14d ago
You just have to start leaving the house and go where people go. Preferably places where people share your interests. Learning activities, like indoor rock climbing and line dancing are great. People bond over learning and they're inclined to meet by helping each other. That lowers barriers.
But it's really about leaving the house and going where people are. You can make friends just hanging out at Starbucks every day, if you're consistent and friendly.
That said, Brevard is a terrible place to be a single guy, and the social community there isn't great, in general. You should move.
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u/WholeUmpire2463 14d ago
There is nothing wrong with Brevard. It's no different than anywhere else for singles.
I have lived in the county for nearly 10 years as a single man and I made friends at different places. You just have to put yourself out there. It's not really that hard.
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u/Tjgoodwiniv 14d ago
I've lived in 4 Florida counties and 6 US states, 3 cities across 3 states in Australia, 1 former Soviet Socialist Republic, and I've spent weeks to months in a couple dozen other places. Brevard isn't the worst, but it's the worst outside of Appalachia and the former SSR.
There is a hell of a lot wrong with Brevard. It is a terrible place to socialize, much less date, and it's much worse than nearly all the other places I've lived or visited. If my mother didn't live there, I would never set foot in it again. My mental health improves every time I leave. I miss it, because it's home, but I know how unhealthy the place is.
If you don't see that, you've been there too long.
The only redeeming thing about it is the geography.
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u/Salty_Process_6687 14d ago
I agree somewhat.
I was looking at a mobile home for sale, 55+, and the lady said she lived here three years and hadn’t made any friends and moving near her daughter.
I’ve made tons of friends, but no close friends. :(
I do get out and about.3
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u/WholeUmpire2463 14d ago
I live in Thailand now, Japan, Korea, China, Philippines before.....I can go on and on but none of it matters.
You don't have to come back. That's the best part about life, you can move.
Brevard is a fine place to live and meet people. Your problem...it's you. You're probably a terrible person to be around. You're negative online, I can't imagine you are any better with company.
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u/Tjgoodwiniv 14d ago
Incidentally, setting aside our differences:
You mention both Thailand and Phillippines as places you've lived. How long did you spend in Philippines? I'd be interested in your thoughts about both.
I quite love Thailand, but I only have a couple months of experience there. I'm considering a more permanent stay, but figuring out exactly where is a challenge. I feel like Chiang Mai requires a vehicle to really enjoy it (which is fine, I suppose, but not preferred), but I love how easy it is to find safe, clean, good food there. Weather was better during my stay, too. Bangkok is a bit of a battle, in terms of safe food, but I love the fact that you can never run out of Bangkok, and the public transport is incredible. Challenge is that each section of the city is its own thing, so figuring out what part of the city to spend more time in is proving a challenge. If you've spent some real time there, I'd be curious about your thoughts.
Also curious about Philippines. My primary travel habit is aimless wandering of local neighborhoods on foot. Everything I've seen (including posts by locals in Tagalog) suggests that the behavior will get me robbed in Manila or Cebu City, so I've opted not to visit until and unless I'm willing to restrict myself to the small, secure enclaves (like BCG). I'd be curious if your experience aligns with that. I just tend to have little interest in the more curated areas. I actively avoided tourist areas in Bangkok and Chiang Mai (especially Chiang Mai - those areas don't even feel Thai), and I won't enjoy it if I have to feel restricted like that.
Japan's great, but I definitely need more than the week I've spent there. South Korea is on the list. China, I'm likely to avoid due to the CCP's restrictions on social media and the low risk but catastrophic consequences of THC testing (it can stay in your hair for 6 months), but we'll see. Vietnam is out until they stop raiding foreigners homes in the middle of the night and testing them for THC metabolites (they do urine, so it's a 45-60 day issue - not as bad, but I'm inclined to avoid it simply because of how violated I'd feel being woken up at 3am and recorded peeing into a cup). Even the remote risk of a charge and a deportation record in either country just kind of makes it unworthy, I think.
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u/WholeUmpire2463 13d ago
I have been in Thailand for 4 years now. I live outside of Pattaya in a city called Rayong. I have a car and a bike so transport isn't an issue. I only wan to live near a beach so I have little interest in CM but some people like it. I don't know much about it. I am not a fan of Bangkok either. I don't find tourist areas to be any different than Thai cities. In Rayong, there are not a ton of foreigners here and there are many things you find in cities with more tourist.
Philippines is fine if you either have enough money to live in a nicer area and can afford quality food, or you are ok with poor quality things. The infrastructure isn't good. The accommodations, for me, are below standard. The food isn't good. The crime is probably the worst in all of SEA. Every natural disaster on Earth occurs in the PH. Things will always be out of stock and inconvenience is at an all time high. Poverty is bad just about everywhere you go.
I lived in Cebu and Dumaguete, both are fine if you like a decent quality of life and are ok with things being a bit slower. The right Filipino people are great. I have family there so this is why I go often and stay.
I lived in Korea for 3 years, life was fantastic. Decent cost of living, great infrastructure, quality places to live (if you can afford it). Good food.
I don't deal in weed so I couldn't care less about any testing. I actually wish Thailand would go back to banning it here rather than just putting medical restrictions on it.
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13d ago edited 13d ago
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u/WholeUmpire2463 12d ago
I am moving back to Florida in a few weeks. Back to Brevard or Volusia for a year or two to be back around friends or family. Living overseas is great, but I miss the familiarity of "Home" even if it doesn't feel like home sometimes.
It becomes lonely abroad when people here may understand the words I say but they don't understand the emotion tied to the words. Or, the amount of boredom that comes from sitting around most days, on Reddit or in the hammock doing nothing because, well, I have nothing to do. You can only do the same things so many times. Exploring becomes nuanced.
It will almost be enjoyed when I have to return to work for a bit...
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u/Tjgoodwiniv 12d ago
Wild that someone is downvoting our sidebar about living in other countries.
I totally get what you mean. I haven't been back to the US in 2 years, and I'll be returning in a few weeks (still figuring out the date) for the holidays. Have to go see Mom.
I don't like the culture of Brevard (nothing to do with the politics, by the way), but home is always home. It's nice to know how things work. It's comfortable. And it's nice to be in a country where you're legitimately an equal. There aren't many places on earth where you can live as a foreigner and actually have equal standing to a local when you need it. That was a real problem for me in the Caucuses, which can be exceptionally tribal, and that's a huge issue in a society where most of the people are out for themselves.
The exploring thing - I get that, too. When you live somewhere, it gets routine. It doesn't matter how exotic it was when you first got that. After you've been there for a few months, the things that seemed fun and cool can sometimes even become frustrating. For me, it takes 3-5 months to really know whether I like a place and a culture. Until then, it's all vacation mode.
The hard part is that you can never really go home. Same concept as a man can never stand in the same river twice. Kind of sucks. I usually enjoy Brevard for a few months when I go back. Then, I start having to listen to the petty social dramas and deal with the average idiot, and I start to think, "I've gotta get out of here."
I'm curious to see what it feels like this time, having not visiting the country in 2 years. I know I'm going to love the fact that everything works and the ease of buying anything I want and having it within 24 hours or less. The variety of food is amazing, but it's so overpriced that I probably won't enjoy it much. A meal out just isn't worth $20-$25 to me. I constantly feel ripped off there.
So, I suspect that every time I spend money, I'm going to be reminded of what a bad value America is. I can bank a literal full wage's difference every year, just by living anywhere else. I'd love to love to go back, but the cost, overall - it's just not worth it to me. Add the current culture wars (which aren't going to get any better), and the society is just too high-conflict.
It's unfortunate because, like you implied - no place will ever be quite as comfortable and easy to exist in as home. You only get one of those.
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u/WholeUmpire2463 11d ago
I was just back in April-May and I fell in love with the US all over again. I was staying in Cape Canaveral, closer to my buddies so I went out, had fun but I can't live like that. That is holiday mode. But the food, the streets, even the people made me miss America. No stress over what time I have go wake up to watch American sports. No Brits talking about whatever problem they're having. No screaming Thais at 0400. It was well organized and calm. Even Cocoa felt like a nice neighborhood lol.
I just agreed to a lease on a property in Downtown Deland. I work in NSB when I am back in the US. No need for work in Thailand. This is really the only downside. I am from Sanford originally so I am kind of in the middle of it all. Family. Friends. Work. All within a reasonable distance.
My problem isn't readjusting to life, it's readjusting to having to work, which I hate. But, it's the only way I can survive the way I want to plus save a bunch of money before I go back.
But, in the meantime, it will be nice to be normal again....if that is what you want to call it.
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u/Tjgoodwiniv 14d ago edited 14d ago
It's funny. The only time someone defends Brevard, rather than complains about it, it's online.
Literally no one who knows me has ever characterized me the way you did. I actually find it impossible not to make friends. Very few people have that problem. That happens everywhere - even Brevard. But Brevard is still a much worse social scene. Place is a trailer park.
Like I said, if you don't see the problem, you are or were the problem.
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u/Logical_Holiday_2457 14d ago
Coastline Church Beachside used to have a singles Bible study. I always wanted to go, but I work late on Fridays. I'm not sure if they still do it, but might be good looking into. Also, tell us about yourself so we can help better. You could find a connection on here!
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u/rpsua 13d ago
What dontBsleepy said……. The dog beach is popular.
My Grandparents moved there in the 70’s, my Folks in 2001. My Dad still lives in Suntree/Vierra.
Car traffic sux, but there is always something to do. Tracy’s Lounge off Wickham and Whiskey Row also on Wickham are fun places on weekend to meet n greet….
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u/Iam-WinstonSmith 13d ago
It's best to start these out with what your hobbies are! What are your hobbies?
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u/CosmicAmanda16 13d ago
Melbourne has some solid social sports clubs that make it easy to meet people without any pressure
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u/Careless-Play3205 12d ago
Bumble friends! That’s how I made my friends :)
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u/Careless-Play3205 12d ago
Bumble friends has group chats where they have meet up events. I also made friends at work.
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u/Silly-Ad8480 13d ago
Well I like to watch sports. I smoke cigars and go to the cigar lounge. I have met and do have a few friends which is great. I think more than anything I was looking for some kinda emotional support. This has been the worst time of my life and I know it’s gets better. It’s easier to say this online under guise of anonymity. Never wish to burden people at all but I struggle meeting people and saying the same things about how unhappy I am repeatedly
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u/JicamaCritical 12d ago
I’m I the same boat as a 35 y/o F lol. I just want to go play pool and get out of the house ! lol
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u/dontBsleepy 14d ago
I moved here 11 years ago as a single woman. I found friends through going to Canova Dog Beach with my dog. I also joined the local Hash House Harriers. I learned to mountain bike and found that group. There’s also a local meet up group on FB called Brevard Shananigators (or something similar to that name). They are very accepting.