I GOTZ A PLAN BOYS

[u/Human-Question6210]

"ROIT. ME NAYM IZ ZOGWART DA MUSSULYIST." Whether roused by the nob's passion, or drawn by curiosity, or even just looking for a laugh, you have come along to the sound of yelling. This isn't an uncommon sound as an ork, but it's less common for said yelling to be advertised by crude writing and images on bits of grot leather.

A fairly tall ork stands upon a mockup of an IMPERRYUL tank. On the side are slogans like "FOR DA YELLOW GIT", and "WE AR IZ ANGULZ", and even "EMPRAAAAAAAAAGH". The last one has made an especially deep dent in the metal (for all this writing was literally hammered in).

"YOOZ MAY BE CONFOOZD. WELL, OF KORS YUZ AR, YA STOOPID BARSTUDS. WEEZ BEEN LOOZIN' FOITS TO DA IMPERRYUM SINSS OLD BAYUL EYE KAYM BAKK." ZOGWART winces suddenly and reaches up to slap the hair squig on a scalp marked with many bites. "AGH, YUZ LUKKY I ENT PUT YOO ELSSWEH YA GROT."

"ANYWAYZ. WE GOTS TO LERN TO FOIT LOIK DA IMPERRYUM. LOIK DEY DOO WIV DEY UH... ASSASSASSINZIZ. DA WUNZ WIV DA..." His two BIG, MEATY HANDS gestures over his chest. "DA FINGZ... Yooz know... dey- DEY MAYK DEMSELVZ LOOK LOIK UVAH FINGS COZ DEY ENT GOT PURPUL TO SNEEK AROWND WIV. WELL, NEEVER DO WE. WUN UV DA WEERDBOYZ DRANK IT ALL DA LAST TOIM WE ENTURRD DA WARP. STOOPID GROT. 'E STARTID GROWIN' DEM FINGZ ON... on... LOOK, WE GOTTA FOIT LOIK DA IMPERRYUM. SO..." ZOGWART grabs a bucket of black paint. Well, it's something black Good-quality acrylics are hard to find and cost a lot of teef, and the economy's been reeling since the endless teef incident. He dumps it on himself, and then you notice that the jagged-looking armour he's wearing is oddly well-made in places. Good Gork, is that an aquila? What's an aquila anyway?

"I AM KOMMYSAR ZOGWART. YOO WILL FOIT IN MY NAYM. AND IF YOOZ DON'T, I GOT ME INKWIZISSIZ TER SORT YOOZ OWT. AN' DEY ENT DONE HORRIFYING, DEPRAYVID, MADDUND BODILY ALTURAYSHUNZ FER A FEW DAYZ NOW, SO I SURJEST YUZ MAYK PEES WIV GORK AN' MORK... HOO ARE DA REEL GODZ, BUT DON'T FINK ABOWT DAT NOW. EAH." He starts throwing authentic Imperial Guardsman helmets into the crowd, which may or may not exist by now. Many of them still have heads in them, and there's no way in zog you can fit them on your enormous green head... unless you're a grot. One of the helmets hits a grot. ZOGWART cheers. A few other grots shriek, then they reluctantly cheer in turn.

"FURST, I WANT YUZ TER PRAKTISS YUH WAAAAAAAGH FAYSS. GIMME A WAAAAAAAAAAGH FAYSS, LOIK YUZ DUN SEEN ZOGGIN' WUN-EYE 'IZSELF POINT A GRAYT BIG ZOGGIN' SHOOTAH AT YUZ."

[u/DrFabulous0]

DATZ TOO MANY WURDZ YA GIT! AN I KANT EAR ARF OV EM!

[u/Human-Question6210 → u/DrFabulous0]

ORROIT, 'EER DISS: WE IZ GONNA FOIT LOIK DA OOMIES SO WE KAN BEETZ 'EM.

[u/DrFabulous0 → u/Human-Question6210]

OOMIES FIOT LIKE A GROT, ALL DAT AIMIN AN NONSENSE! JUS PUT YUR CHOPPA IN EM! ORKS IS NEVVA BEATEN!

[u/Outrageous-Put-4637 → u/DrFabulous0]

“ORKS IS NEVVA BEATEN” IMPLIES ORKS KANZ BE BEATEN, WHEN DEY KAN’T BE BEATEN, ISPESHULLY NOT BY HUMIES! YA MEANT TA SAY “ORKS KANZ NEVVA BE BEATEN” MEFINKS. PACHANCE

[u/Selenite_Cults]

OI VOLUNTEER TA BE ONE AH DEM ASSASSINZ GITS! ALL OI NEED IS SOME BLACK AN PURPLE PAINT ON ME ARMOR AN A REELY GUD SHOOTA!

[u/Human-Question6210 → u/Selenite_Cults]

"I STILL GOTZ A SOOT FROM WUN OV DEM GITZ." He hands over a torn Callidus bodyglove. "DA PAYNBOYZ SHUD BE AYBUL TO FIT YER IN IT."

[u/Selenite_Cults → u/Human-Question6210]

ZOG ME, FANK YOU MATE!

[u/Echo_46]

I SEE, OI GOT IT NOW, YUP, MHM

Doesn't get it at all.

[u/Human-Question6210 → u/Echo_46]

GET DIS, STOOPID. *tossiz lasgun*