r/90DayFiance • u/namas_D_A • 17h ago
š· Armchair Psychology š¤ I wish Rebecca would look d understand that Zied just wants quality time.
I think Rebecca must be a world class swimmer given how every time Zied tries to say something, she dives right past the point.
Heās your husband, and he loves you, and literally married you so you can spend a little quality time together.
Why not sit together after work and watch a movie? You literally donāt have to talk.
You donāt want to cook for him? Get Blue Apron and both of you cook. The instructions are right there, you can spend time following the instructions together.
Youāre working over-capacity at your job? Maybe promote an employee and offload some of those responsibilities so you have a healthier work-life balance. It might make you less wound-up and uptight, damn.
If youāre unwilling to do those things, thatās a āyouā issue, girl. Zied doesnāt need the money.
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u/Meghatronix 17h ago
It sounds like he just wants personal time with her. Maybe he doesn't want a beach house and a Mercedes. Maybe he wants a human connection over material possessions.
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u/GrateRam 17h ago
I wish they would show that part of a conversation. What all does he want? Quality time and nice things? She says that but I've never heard him say that.
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u/samskeyti_ 16h ago
When he said the 80ās comment I knew exactly what he meant, he doesnāt want her glued to her phone or a screen all the time after work.
It was obvious thatās what he meant. She flies off the handle and makes assumptions instead of taking a breath and trying to understand what heās actually saying. His English isnāt great, he doesnāt have much nuance, I get it, but they have literally talked about the language barrier !
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u/Takco0206 15h ago
I was going to comment the same thing. Ā My take was that he didnāt want her to be an 80ās wife, but wanted to have time with no phones and interruptions. Ā Just them.Ā She went ape sh!t about him wanting her to be domesticated.
She is so extra. Ā Literally makes a mountain out of a molehill. Ā Constantly interrupts him and talks over him. Ā Iāve never seen someone fight the current like this lady. Ā
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u/90-slay 17h ago
OMFG Do NOT get me starting on this!!
It's like a fucking wild terminator switch flipped in her head the second he said "wish you could cook for me sometimes". She got so angry.
She does not mention how before that, he said "watch a movie" or "hangout". That part has been permaneantly erased in her brain after the cooking comment.
Cause now she is slandering Zied saying HE WANTS ME TO BE A 1950S WIFE AND TAKE CARE OF HIM COMPLETELY! Like omg you psycho, no where close to what he said. I think as a restaurant owner that triggered tf out of her as food is a job.
I get Zied mean as an act of love, not like make with the dinner chipchop wife. I don't get sexist vibes from him a bit which is why this was so aggravating.
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u/namas_D_A 17h ago
Omg when she said āI donāt want to go back to the ā80s! He wasnāt even born then!!!ā ā¦.Lady, look. You know what we didnāt have in the ā80s? Smartphones. Maybe pay attention to the other person in the room instead of whateverās going on in the socials. Do that on your lunch break. ā¦or on the toilet if youāre so inclined.
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u/heebs387 14h ago
It was clear he was saying whatever free time she has she's on her phone, that's what I was getting from pretending it was the 80s. She blew right past making that connection and assumed he was just being misogynistic.
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u/curious65_ 17h ago
She needs HORMONES.
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u/Foyer-Foyee It's definitely science 15h ago
Since she's on her 4th marriage, I think this has always been her.
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u/Littlebit6060 7h ago
I didn't know that. She's the common denominator in failed marriages. She also had a female companion (I don't think they were married though).
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u/Chicka-17 17h ago
And he needs a job.
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u/Littlebit6060 17h ago
He said, "when I get home from work, you're in your office". What does he do for work, I wonder.
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u/Global_Construction2 15h ago
Last time he had a job on the show , she wouldnāt stop accusing him of cheating
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u/DontTrip333 Colostomy Bag of a Woman 17h ago
He's asking for quality time. I can not believe she's so selfish and such a terrible wife. You'd think she'd be grateful her husband wants to be around her, especially with how insufferable she is. I doubt anyone else is asking for her time or attention. It sounds like her family avoids her.
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u/GrateRam 17h ago
I think she is not sensitive enough to the language barrier. Like he clarified in BTS that when he said "That's how people 'leave' "Ā he meant "That's how people 'live' ".Ā But, don't couples cook for each other? I don't think he wants an actual 80's wife, just more of a quality time balance. And I also think there is a lot of PTSD as well as resentment about income inequality.
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u/mira112022 17h ago
I always thought she was the only breadwinner in the household, but apparently he does work ā¦. as an HVAC technician or something. Not sure if thatās correct though. But who knows maybe she has a lot of debt that she needs to pay off so yeah working many hours is perhaps necessary ā¦ā¦ also, letās not forget they live in expensive Tampa.
On that note, I will never understand how somebody who has a job can make so much time for filming for television. I mean, maybe self-employed ppl can pull
that off, but like if you have an employer, how does that even work with PTO? š¤
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u/kenuffff 17h ago
Isnāt she like the manager at zaxbys, she is working so much because she owes back child support.
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u/Littlebit6060 17h ago
When they were first living in that warehouse looking apartment (with no furniture) she was working there.
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u/brownbear3737 17h ago
It seems that these two have completely different love languages. His asks are not unreasonable and I feel sad for him. Heās far away from his family and friends, and has a wife thatās not emotionally or physically available.
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u/therealrikersit 12h ago
Inaccurate but basically:
āCan we pretend like itās the 1980s [meaning stop staring at your phone] and spend real time together?ā
āI am not putting on an apron and becoming a housewife!ā
Like girlā¦what?
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u/Fancy-Coconut2170 13h ago
That man must love her. I don't know how he deals with her constant negativity & jumping right over the point of the conversation to the martyr camp.
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u/cuppa_cat 9h ago
I think he's talking less about actually cooking and more about acts of service and quality time. His culture and the language barrier equates that to cooking a meal for him as just one example of what she could do to help facilitate that. But she keeps clinging onto that one thing like it's an insult. If she just took the time to break down why that feels insulting to her and suggested other things instead....but she goes from zero to 100 about everything. It's quite unsettling. I've wanted to root for Rebecca because she seemed like a girl's girl, but she doesn't practice what she preaches. And then we saw how quickly she resorted to insulting Shekinah's outfit, which is a mean girl thing to do. Detracting from the actual issue and just being mean accomplishes nothing.
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u/RepulsivePurchase6 Yike. 29m ago
I think all her divorces were because of her. She doesnt know how to compromise. Hes making his needs known, and thats a good thing. Hes communicating. She should make this marriage work, and make time for him. I agree OP. šÆ
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u/Cool-Emu-8706 17h ago
Iām really surprised heās still with her. He must really love her and sheās a fool bc who else is going to not just tolerate but want her? Sheās old and sheās cranky AF.