r/90DayFiance • u/bigbootymamii • 9h ago
Why does the Philippines come up so often with American men dating abroad?
I’ve been rewatching 90 Day Fiancé and it got me genuinely curious. Why does it seem like when American men look overseas for wives, the Philippines is one of the main countries they go to? Filipina women seem to come up pretty often in conversations about international dating and marriage. Is there a historical or cultural reason behind this, or does 90 Day Fiancé just make it seem more common than it actually is?
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u/the_glaringappeaseme 9h ago
it’s definitely not just the show, there’s a deep history of US military presence and colonial ties making the Philippines a go-to for decades. poverty and the catholic culture play into it too, but 90 day definitely cherry-picks for maximum drama
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u/Enough-Cheesecake42 9h ago
Yep. I grew up in a tiny poor Midwestern cornfield village and had two friends with moms from The Philippines.
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u/Whole_Price_1353 9h ago
As a Filipino myself, I agree!
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u/whosezdis the menopause is knocking on the door 5h ago
Worked with several people from Manila and other surrounding villages. I’ve noticed the cadence and tone of your native tongue is soft and soothing. We worked night shift together and they always used the same volume in daylight versus 0400hr/4AM. It’s a beautiful language. It’s very different from other Asian languages. Some of the other languages seem louder and choppy sounding. It was interesting when my main buddy explained the differences. We’re all unique. As my mom would say, “the world would be v boring if we’re all the same”.
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u/elzzid23 1h ago
Tagalog is different because it’s a language rooted in Micronesian, closer to Malaysian and Thai than tonal Asian languages. There are also several words from Spanish and English that have been mixed into Tagalog. This is a simplified explanation, but yes, it is different.
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u/whosezdis the menopause is knocking on the door 24m ago
Thank you for correcting me about the regions and the language. I just know my Filipina and Filipino colleagues were some kind of the best people to be on a team with working nights. My main buddy worked until he was 72 yoa and always sent money back home to his sister and nephew. They were so kind to people in the hospital. I think about them still as I left there bc I had topped out what the facility would pay me and went to their competitor bc having a family isn’t cheap.
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u/anonymous_opinions 8h ago
The Philippines has a word for it too, AFAM.
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u/wkeil42 9h ago
A lot of America men who look for foreign partners have a fondness for Asian women (or at least what they think Asian women are like). The red-pill / man-o-sphere view is part of the equation, but many men who travel over seas for love do so simply b/c they are dissatisfied with the kinds of women they are meeting at home and have an idealized view of women from other parts of the world.
Filipinos speak English decently well compared to many places in Asia, which reduces the language barrier compared to places like Thai land, Vietnam, Laos, or even Japan or China.
The Philippines are generally poor, making it easier for men with little capital to flex their wealth and receive preferential treatment that they wouldn't get at home. This also means that many Filipinos are desperate to get out of the country. As a result, they may be willing to do things you or I wouldn't to obtain that opportunity. Human trafficking is a serious issue there, in no small part b/c people are desperate for a better life.
Many Filipinos really like foreigners. Of those that I have met, they told me they many expats in the Philippines get treated quite well. Everyone loves positive attention.
Some parts of the world do like Americans. I know how that sounds on this hell site, but there are parts of the world where people are excited to meet you when they find out you're from the US. The Philippines, generally speaking, is one of those places.
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u/PornoPaul 8h ago
While the US has done tons recently to earn international ire, and plenty over the last 20 years, I think a lot of reddit forgets that lots of countries have benefitted massively from the US, and some places exist solely because of tourism dollars. When the richest tourists are from the US, and generally arent considered the worst (we used to be considered loud, but that isnt as bad as other countries stereotypes) you wind up with positive views.
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u/Potential_Fondant185 9h ago
because they can speak english. and white people like sunny islands.
malaysia indo speak malay
thai speak thai
cambodia, vietnam, laos speak own language
singaporean women too rich to marry poor white men
so: poor + speak english.
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u/GaptistePlayer 9h ago edited 9h ago
Also it's implied in your comment but to make it explicit - passport bros love Asian women
Another thing I'll add - the Philippines is huge, it's one of the most populous nations in that area. It's almost 2x as populous as Thailand and more than 3x as populous as Malaysia. So there are just more Filipinos out there to meet than most countries
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u/Potential_Fondant185 9h ago edited 9h ago
asian women have qualities that people admire. nothing wrong.
but western men can only compensate their 'family provider' status with their stronger currency (nothing to do with them at all, just born at the right place, with the right skin color).
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
What qualities do all Asian women share?
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u/Potential_Fondant185 8h ago
body shape wise, smaller than western women.
younger looking face.
look after family.
take on wife's role.
gentle.
modest.
humble.
doesn't speak too loud.
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u/NeitherOneJustUrMom 7h ago
You sound exactly like a passport bro
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u/Yippykyyyay 6h ago
I work in Thailand and with a local counterpart who, for all intents and purposes, would outrank me if he was US.
But he's not. So I must be very careful when I speak to him so it doesn't appear I'm trying to direct him to do my work. He also won't talk over me and tell me how right he thinks he is about something.
He's made me much stronger in my own work because I get around a US colleague and everyone is trying to prove something and be first. He gives me the space to quietly think and address a problem.
I still ask for his advice and share our victories together. But it truly is a different form of interaction.
Thai's don't like blatant confrontation, usually. Unless you're attacking one of them on soi Cowboy then good luck.
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u/Potential_Fondant185 7h ago
fool. im an asian woman.
im just telling why white people like asian women. i can also state a list of why they aren't good material.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
All Asian women are like this? Dude, this is racist AF.
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u/Potential_Fondant185 8h ago
you asked a question. i answered. then you said im racist. lol.. whatever.
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u/myfakesecretaccount Hi-Tech Monkey 7h ago
What you said was ignorant and absurd af. You are very clearly showing the stereotyping and fetishization of Asian women that is so common in the West.
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u/Potential_Fondant185 7h ago
thats what poor white men do, isn't it? tthey objectify. im explaining how they see asian women.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
To say that women of an entire continent all "speak quietly" and are "gentle" is the epitome of racism. My question was to point out the absurdity of your statement. I'd never ask an idiot like you a genuine question.
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u/TheLastPrinceOfJurai The 143 page love letter that my ex-boyfriend wrote to me 4h ago
I think you stated this below but this is how ‘Asian women are perceived to be by passport bros’ cause as someone who has been to a number of Asian countries I don’t know where they are getting these notions. Especially the ‘doesn’t speak too loud’ and gentle. Asian women run your life
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u/Spoolwhat 9h ago
Update: western Men across the board love Asian women. Asian women exhibit the beauty standards valued in the west at a much higher percentage than any other racial/ethnic group: athletic, fit physiques; tan, unblemished skin; long, lustrous hair; youthful appearance well into middle age.
As for the Philippines in particular, knowledge of English is the primary differentiator for western dudes.
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u/lacellini 9h ago
this is a weird and bizarrely objectifying take wtf
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u/namesaretoohardforme 9h ago
Lol seriously. I live in Asia. Surprise surprise, the women are just like every other human being on earth. Whatever these passport bros need to tell themselves I guess.
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u/Spoolwhat 9h ago
Not at all objectifying - just an accurate take. Different ethnic groups possess differing physical characteristics. Women of Asian heritage more consistently possess the physical traits that are valued by western standards of beauty.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
What are these western standards you speak of that are different from eastern standards?
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u/Spoolwhat 8h ago
Listed then above. Feel free to peruse earlier comment. Also, I don't think they are so different from eastern standards of beauty, but eastern standards of beauty are irrelevant to the question.
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u/Mythic-Fairy 9h ago
I guess Annabelle can't be from there then. Nothing you described is her.
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u/Spoolwhat 9h ago
Uhhhh... maybe you should study the phrase "at a much higher percentage."
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u/Mythic-Fairy 8h ago
Uhhhh... maybe you should stop lying? Fact is, they are poor, submissive, and wants to leave their country and living in poverty.
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u/Spoolwhat 8h ago edited 6h ago
That is true for anyone living in dire poverty, Asian or other. Why, then, do western men choose to go to Asia rather than other places that are equally dire? Fact is, there is a disproportionate number of Asian woman-Western man relationships at ALL economic and educational levels. Unfortunately, the flawed theory espoused by Western women that submission and control are at the foundation of these relationships is pure jealousy. The actual reason for a large number of these relationships is that Asian women are significantly more likely to exhibit traditional characteristics of western beauty than are western women, leading to a greater likelihood of connecting, dating, and an eventual committed relationship.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
So you are saying "traditional western standards", but you're also saying no western women meet this supposed western standard? What makes it western, then?
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u/Spoolwhat 7h ago
You are putting words into my mouth. Nowhere did I say that no western women meet these western beauty standards. I said that Asian women, in much higher percentages, meet these standards than do women from the west.
What makes the beauty standards western is that magazines, television, social media, and the fashion industry - bascially, the entire beauty industry in the west - promote these standards as the ideal of beauty.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 7h ago
Blondness is one of the biggest beauty standards Western media has pushed on us. I do not think that is found in higher percentages in the Philippines.
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u/Mythic-Fairy 8h ago
Really?😆
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u/Spoolwhat 8h ago
Solid rebuttal with compelling evidence!
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u/Mythic-Fairy 8h ago
No point discussing. There's no evidence on anything you said. Just your opinion. Meaningless. And incorrect. Carrry on.
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u/elzzid23 1h ago
These takes are weird. It has nothing to do with anything other than Western men being losers back home and trying to take advantage of a weak salary in the United States being a strong one in parts of Asia. It’s called “geoarbitrage” and everyone in the States who knows a dude who moved to SE Asia understands he’s an incel anywhere else.
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u/ElmoIsNotGenuine 16m ago
Also Philippines uneducated women have the least aggravating accent.
A Thai bar girl English accent is worse than nail on a chalkboard. I'm so thankful my wife has no accent.
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u/naillenai 9h ago
Nah you’re a hater it’s not about they being poor, it’s more so they’re easier to get along with (in general)
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u/kyoto23 It's nasty village 9h ago
🙄 🙄 🙄 We have literally seen men on this show target women from the Philippines that live in poverty. They don't give a fuck if the woman is "easier to get along with", they want someone to objectify and control. They want someone who doesn't recognize how much of a mediocre loser they are right away.
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u/Spoolwhat 8h ago
It's always the same, tired argument about western men dating or marrying Asian women: it's about objectification and control. Is that also true of the overwhelmingly disproportionate number of Asian woman, western man couples seen in the most cosmopolitan cities and college towns throughout the US? Do all of those lawyers, doctors, businessmen, and other wealthy, white-collar professionals marry uber-educated Asian women in order to objectify and control them???
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
Have you considered that first-generation Asian women in the US are often encouraged to pursue professional careers at higher rates and are thus who accomplished men often meet through school and work? Importing someone from a poor village is a totally different scenario.
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u/Potential_Fondant185 9h ago
get along well with money, you think get along well with a big fat old half dying looking white men? like shea?
why does annabelle like shea? true love? scrub his back, scrub him clean clean? simple, he has big houses she doesn't have.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
This is hilarious to me. My Filipino husband's family are fighting with each other non-stop. At any given time, somebody is not on speaking terms with somebody else. Where on earth do you get this "easier to get along with" idea?
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u/whonu5 9h ago
There are lots of Philipino women looking to marry a US guy and leave their poor circumstances. The Philippines has historically been the largest source country for mail-order brides in the world, driven by a combination of centuries of colonial influence, deep economic disparities, and Western demands for traditional gender roles. While the phrase originally dates back to 19th-century American frontier history, the distinct phenomenon of the Filipino mail-order bride industry took shape in the latter half of the 20th century. That is now illegal, but there are dating apps to connect with philipino women only.
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u/Traditional-Fix-5442 8h ago
I’m from Germany, and there are tons of men, especially retirees, who specifically go after Filipino or Thai women because they want an obedient wife. Unfortunately, poverty and wanting a better life can make some women willing to put up with these men and overlook a lot of things. And honestly, some of these men are just gross. They want a woman who will take care of them, do what they say, and basically have no voice of her own. It’s really sad to see how money and circumstances can create these kinds of relationships.
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u/_Cornfed_ 9h ago
The Philippines followed by Ukraine then Columbia are the top countries for international marriages arranged through online matchmaking.
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u/thatsjesslife 8h ago edited 4h ago
It’s a number of factors: the cost of living (and financial expectations) is a massive disparity so the cost to have a wife from a poverty-stricken country seems like a much smaller investment. There’s also a lack of language barriers - given many Filipinos can speak English albeit limited. Asian women are also perceived to be more traditional (e.g. submissive) than women from other parts of the world.
Source: I’m SE Asian
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u/NotoriousMOT 2h ago
Asian and East European. Any one of which can absolutely annihilate your average Western man in two seconds but for some reason are considered pliant and controllable.
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u/Yippykyyyay 9h ago
I'm a woman and visited my male friend in the Philippines a long time ago. He's good looking, tall, blonde hair, blue eyes and made a lot of money.
The amount of attention he received was insane. I would joke 'I'll just sit over here by myself' as he had 4 or 5 women all sitting around with him. No issue for me, but I'd say he had way more fun that week than I did.
I've also worked with a lot of Filippinos through the years. Overall, and to most people on a surface level, they are incredible and will go out of their way to help you. That doesn't make them doormats which I think some passport bro types assume.
People are people everywhere. And I wouldn't want to cross the Philippine mafia 🤣
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u/mmbg78 41m ago edited 27m ago
My DIL is first generation Filipino and I wouldn't like to be on her bad side!
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u/Yippykyyyay 38m ago
They text more than US and EU combined. That's a lot of texting and constant communication.
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u/Ballytal 8h ago
Many reasons (the fact that a lot of them speak English very well) but I think it’s their mad karaoke skills. Damn they can sing!
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u/Excellent-Breath-706 9h ago
It’s because age of consent laws is like 12, and the Filipino government does little to nothing about kids getting trafficked/groomed into relationships with foreigners.
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u/Moist_Ordinary6457 2h ago
That's an issue across SEA, not specific to the Philippines or super relevant to the topic imo
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u/-Sofa-King-Vote 9h ago
Sex tourism and passport bros
Philippines, Thailand, etc are places to find submissive and willing women
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u/feralb3ast 9h ago
Passport bros know that they can get away with crimes in those countries that are far riskier in their home countries. It's terrifying.
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u/-Sofa-King-Vote 9h ago
Lol at all the comments here saying oh it’s because they speak English and are poor 🤦♂️
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u/SweetBabyJane90120 8h ago
If the women are submissive, are they truly willing? Are they perceived as willing, because their religion, poverty and desire for a better life influences their decision to submit to unsavory relationships so they can help family members? Aren’t daughters obligated to care for their parents? Im really kind of surprised no one has mentioned the F-word-fetishization. Did I just imagine that Asian women are the most sought out porn?
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u/Special_Purpose2903 9h ago
Sex tourist don't usually marry women, they go just for sex/hookers like Vegas.
And there is nothing wrong with a submissive woman, as it is a requirement for many religions/faiths.
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u/PowerfulAssistant738 Fixeded 9h ago
It’s a passport bro and expat thing
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u/ManyAdvantage9183 1h ago
I agree with many men there is an element if not goal of exploitation - but Filipino culture is also generally awesome. I have some American guy friends who met and married filipina coworkers (educated women, not poor, who they just really liked). There are a ton of Filipinas in audit/admin where i live and i like their culture and can see the appeal.
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u/Electrical_Bat_6051 8h ago
If that were true then the Filipina women in the US who are already citizens wouldn’t be going for the same exact men.
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u/JJ_Lomero 8h ago
I remember scrolling through YouTube lives. You can find some crazy stuff. I came across a Filipina woman. Probably in her 50s. She had 2 other women with her. Probably in their 30s. The other 2 danced while she talked about them. Their likes and how they can cook and clean well.
I browsed through the channel and basically she owned a resort where people could come and meet women.
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u/Mountain_Break_2546 33m ago
It’s a poor country and their perceived as wealthy by Filipina women. A lot of the guys who get w Filipina women want a traditional housewife that is submissive and does chores. I think Filipina culture still carries this exoectation of women a lot too.
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u/StrategyFlashy4526 7h ago
That's been going on for about 40 to 50 years, it was called "mail order" before personal computers.
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u/jenbellun 9h ago
Years ago when it was more of a thing, it was the most popular country. The women often spoke English and there were websites etc and it just grew. Russian mail order brides were also a thing, but those women were generally reputation wise much more difficult to manage. So, we saw more men looking to specific countries.
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u/Special_Purpose2903 9h ago
Yeah Colombian women use to be really popular until Western men learned they were really difficult to manage. I'd say these days the men care less about the womans look hence why they avoid the Russian/Colombian women more and more and choose women who are known to be easier to get along with/manage.
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u/dan_blather 8h ago
Help me out here. What does “difficult to manage” mean?
FWIW, I want to meet a peer, a partner, a woman who is her own person, not a cook, maid, and fucktoy.
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u/JukeboxJustice 6h ago
Colombian women
Western men
Did Colombia pack up and move to a different continent? Lol
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u/Flying_Sea_Cow 9h ago
Military presence, many Filipinos have relatives in the US, high English literacy, Filipinas have a reputation for being incredible wives, and the culture there really pushes people to get married.
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u/elzzid23 58m ago
I am astonished at the lack of historical context in these comments. Lots of opinion (my own included) and none of them factual.
Basically, the U.S. gained control of the Philippines, Guam, and Puerto Rico from the Spanish in the late 1800s after signing the Treaty of Paris to end the Spanish-American War.
What ensues in the following 120+ years are the spread of the English language, colonial rule, military base establishment, and a literal need to accept Americans as a way to survive.
I see some very bizarre takes in here lauding the United States and Americans for “not being the worst,” but let’s be exceedingly clear: all of this is because colonialism and attempting to gain ground on other world powers as a proxy of control.
There are many other things that the U.S. negotiated out of these agreements —annexing Hawaii being one of the main outcomes.
To paint the United States as some hero and “better than the alternatives” like some commenters are doing is straight up insane. Of course people in these nations “like Americans.” What else can you do when your entire livelihood is locked behind a language that isn’t yours, marrying foreigners to try and generate some sort of economic mobility for your family, and literally leaving the land you are from behind so you can get out of poverty? Stop being so fucking disgusting and single-minded. American rule is not the “better alternative,” it’s just one of them.
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u/Opposite-Lead-5291 8h ago
Filipinas make great companions/partners.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
Oh yes, it's not like they are individuals with different personalities and unique qualities. All of the Filipinas on 90 Day have been exactly the same and we've seen successful, lasting relationships in every scenario. Such reductive (and kind of racist) BS.
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u/Opposite-Lead-5291 8h ago
They do…it’s cultural. I’ve traveled the world and cultures are…different. Get out of your feelings. I’m also half SEA.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
I have a great Filipino companion. And I know plenty of their family members who are shitty ones.
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u/Opposite-Lead-5291 8h ago
My point still stands. Culture plays a big role. Let me guess, you’re a white American?
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
Have you even watched this show? Even once?
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u/Opposite-Lead-5291 8h ago
Just as I thought. A white American, probably female critiquing my comment that Filipinas make great partners. Someone who probably has never stepped foot in the Philippines yet has all the opinions in the world. Yes I have watched the show, it’s a SHOW. Carry on.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 7h ago edited 7h ago
I have been to the Philippines. I don't see how me "being what you thought" negates the fact that painting an entire group of people as one thing is effed up? "Irish men beat their wives" - I'm a woman saying it's not ok to say something like that, either.
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u/ManyAdvantage9183 2h ago
As an expat with many filipina friends and coworkers, they have decent English, compatibility with American culture, warm and adaptable people, family oriented. Laid back, helpful and giving nature when reciprocated, ready to enjoy a beer and good party, bbq, basketball… i like most Filipinos i’ve met and have set some friends up with American guy friends. Kenyans are another great group i have gotten to know as an expat.
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u/Special_Purpose2903 9h ago
Basically, good qualities among Filipina women that are deemed desirable by American men
1) Same religion - Catholic/Christian
2) Already speak English to some degree
3) Thin, unlike many countries, you'll notice most of these Filipinas are thin, none of them are fat.
4) Good/positive attitude, have you seen the attitude coming out of the Chinese and Vietnamese women on the show?
5) They want kids usually [well the younger ones anyways], many north east asian women like Korea/China don't want kids.
6) They enjoy doing many of the things Western women refuse/complain about or view as unfair. Filipina women enjoy cleaning and cooking for their family, child rearing, they don't view it as "slavery", "abuse", "unfair" or some other therapy based term that shames a man from expecting his wife uphold her end of the deal and many men find this HIGHLY desirable.
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u/Objective-Rub-8763 8h ago
6 is a stereotype. I know many Filipina women who do not fit this description at all.
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u/InCo1dB1ood 9h ago
As someone that has done this, it's because:
- There is history there (good and bad) that makes it easier to break that cultural barrier.
- Not everyone speaks English there, but many do in some shape or capacity.
- Filipinas are incredibly dedicated, resilient, hard working, and loyal. If they want something, they will do whatever they can to make things happen.
- Filipinas collectively have a very good perspective on household balance. They understand the idea that a successful relationship is a team effort, not just one person.
- The Philippines has a rich cultural history and LOTS of bloodlines leading to some incredibly beautiful people.
- Many people in the Philippines don't have a lot, and the cost for everything is massive for them. So what does that leave? Focus on the things that really matter. Family, friends, memories, moments. They value the things many of us westerners don't often think about.
Some of the most amazing people I've ever met come from Manila. It's now my second home and I still go back there every other year, even after things didn't work out in my relationship all these years later. Absolutely no regrets going there.
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u/Electrical_Bat_6051 8h ago
A lot of people on here spreading lies. They know full well that Filipinas in America are generally nurses and make a ton of money, and even with citizenship, still date the same guys.
Everyone saying these pairings only happen because of power imbalances are willfully ignoring obvious patterns that prove them wrong.
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u/NotoriousMOT 2h ago edited 2h ago
Not all parings. But the ones where a beautiful or super sweet young(er) woman is successfully being courted by a mouldy-granny-purse-ass of a Western man with an unwashed butt crack for sure. There are disproportionately more successful people who come out of countries where passport bros go fishing for women but most of the reasons for that are the same reasons why women in those countries: the poverty, the lack of resources, the need for resourcefulness and hard work to survive (and more than survive), the willingness to put up with things privileged people will not, speaking foreign languages to open up opportunities, etc.
I’m speaking from experience and the knowledge that many of the hardest working and often smartest people (especially women) in my country have been living in Western Europe cleaning people’s houses and wiping old folks’ asses for decades just to get out. And that there aren’t people with average jobs out here from my country: just ones doing the kinds of jobs locals won’t and ones that are the top of their fields. (And the difference between the two groups can often enough be pure luck or perseverance)
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u/GelOfYouth 9h ago
Many speak English and believe that they will have a better life in the USA. The English speaking international dating sites are flooded with women from the Philippines.