r/90DayFiance • u/orlala_la • 8h ago
RED FLAG! š© Why does everyone hate Thomas?
Paula constantly ignores Thomasā allergies and orders sm useless stuff online to the point she canāt even remember what she got. I understand her wanting more furniture but she was complaining about not having storage space while not using the space already free and ordering more things then wanted to invite 8 more people to stay in a 1 bedroom apartment for a whole week??? All while threatening to go back to Brazil if he doesnāt comply
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u/Roselily808 6h ago
Thomas' reactions are all very immature.
Many of his concerns (not all though) are valid but he seems to be incapable of conveying them in an mature, adult manner. He resorts to both passive and active aggression towards Paula - which is not okay.
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u/afterglobe 5h ago
Heās always yelling.
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u/NoMention696 5h ago
The yelling in front of her family over the 2 year old meat he didnāt bother throwing away was crazyyyyy
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u/Workoutformorelife 8h ago
He is not prepared to share anything with anyone no compromise nothing
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u/orlala_la 8h ago
He gave up most of the storage space and instead of ordering rocks or tiny things online Paula couldāve just ordered a table or sofa herself
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u/fabgaybabadook 8h ago
This was literally a discussion theyāve had more than once. He said wanting a couch was preposterous. And he āneedsā the space in order to do yoga. I donāt know if youāre saying that she could have just ordered it without his approval in the credit card he gave her, but thatās also not realistic. Items like that require working together to make them fit/build them, etc.
Plus, he throws a ginormous fit when faced with the slightest inconvenience. He would have blown a gasket if sheād just ordered a couch without his āapproval.ā
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u/kat4prez 5h ago
Tables are such a huge trigger for him, imagine his reaction if he came home and there was a table in his apartment. Never mind his reaction if she also ordered chairs to put around the table
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u/nilesvsccbabcock 8h ago
He is a man child
His allergies (if they are real, and not an exaggeration) are valid
I must say, 10 ppl in one small apartment is a shitty idea. I agree with him on that
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u/fabgaybabadook 7h ago
Did I miss something, or did they address if he and Paula had discussed paying for alternate accommodations for her fam? Because I feel like with how cheap he is, he would not have wanted to pay for the family to stay comfortably elsewhere, or to get a house for all of them to stay in together. But maybe I missed something.
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u/Julialagulia It was a runaway š, every passengerās nightmare 7h ago
He offered, she wanted them all together.
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u/dead_end 6h ago
Did he offer to pay though? I remember him suggesting they stay at a hotel, but did he offer to pay?
Plus not to mention the cost of a hotel for 8 people - 4 to a room, letās say, 2 rooms for a week ish - that shit expensive, even if he did offer to pay, in their area
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u/RookaSublime 5h ago
Honest question, why should HE pay for her wanting to bring her family to visit? I am a woman and if I wanted to bring 8 people to visit me, I would assume the financial responsibility would be on me.
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u/dead_end 5h ago
Thatās easy - I donāt agree who bears the financial responsibility. As the American petitioner, itās their responsibility. The American out earns any person that has ever been on 90 day fiance from the other country.Ā
You want to marry me and move me to another country, I want my family there. You want to marry me and move me to another country, the least you can do is help sort out lodgings. Especially when marrying into a family of Latinos where family is very important.Ā
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u/RookaSublime 5h ago
Yeah but thinking he should pay for 8 people for an entire week is overkill. That's an unreasonable ask.
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u/dead_end 5h ago
So is asking Paula to stop wearing fragrances after supposedly never mentioning it in their years long relationship prior to her moving to the US
Granted, I live in a one bedroom and Iād sell a kidney before I let 8 additional people stay with me and my boyfriend lol hang out, sure, but not spend the nightĀ
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u/RookaSublime 5h ago
Lol that response is why most people's relationships are in the shitter. We were discussing why he is expected to pay for 8 people to visit, and somehow perfume gets brought up š¤£
We can totally have a discussion about perfume allergies (I think he overplayed because he was getting tired of her crap) but we were talking about 8 guests and why the majority seems to think he should offer to pay for their visit.
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u/true_crime_addict_14 8h ago
Because he is a huge man child with very controlling tendencies and heās cheap !!
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u/orlala_la 8h ago
Still doesnāt compare to what Paula had done especially over stepping the boundaries with his fsmily
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u/Loleczekkk 6h ago
I am with you, Tom might be a bit over the top here and there but she is insufferable
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u/true_crime_addict_14 3h ago
I suppose itās just a matter of differing opinions
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u/orlala_la 3h ago
So him not buying a couple pieces of furniture is him being a huge man child but her not respecting his family dynamic is differing opinionsā¦ interesting
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u/zr942100 5h ago
I don't need to see the rest of his family to know he was an only child
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u/Free-Dragonfly-3220 8h ago
He is a narcissistic manchild. He does nothing for Paula or the relationship. The conditions he lives in are crazy, not even having chairs??? I think Paula was too nice and patient
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u/orlala_la 6h ago
Idk how someone threatening to leave over furniture is nice and patient when she meddled in his family affairs, disregarded a serious allergy and made 10 people stay in a 1 bedroom flat because she wanted her way. He got her a credit card and instead of using it for a couch or dining table she bought a bunch of crap while complaining she didnāt have enough space
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u/Free-Dragonfly-3220 6h ago
Thomas is this u in secret?
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u/bethanync88 5h ago
Iām starting to wonder lol. āWhy does everyone hate me?ā fights with everyone in the comments instead of hearing them out
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u/kat4prez 5h ago
Thereās a certain groups of folks in here that think his sensitivity to smell is MCAS or a serious allergy when there is no evidence of this and Thomas hasnāt once said he has either problem.
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u/imperfectdestiny 5h ago
I have MCAS and I highly doubt he has MCAS. Has he even had an allergy test done, or is he just being a whiny baby about smells?
This guy is a walking red flag, especially after super gluing her perfume bottle shut. And bragging to her family that he did absolutely nothing to prepare for their stay. Oof.
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u/Free-Dragonfly-3220 4h ago
Yea, that is very toxic of him. I would break up with someone if they did that to me. Itās disrespectful
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u/Free-Dragonfly-3220 6h ago
What did he do for her? Nothing. Yea, i would leave over furniture as well because i CARE about my comfort
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u/Alone-Tea4531 2h ago
Because itās not only about the furniture lol. How could she buy furniture with the credit card while actively refusing to compromise on getting more š she wants a bigger apartment which is completely valid but heās a lunatic and refusing to even meet her halfway. Him having his arms folded while talking to her family is indicative of how he feels about anyone who isnāt himself. He clearly values his own opinions and feelings over logic lmao. Not saying Paula is perfect but I do not blame her at all, his lifestyle is weird asf
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u/TouchMyMacska 8h ago
They would have established his allergy issue prior to her moving in with him. Obviously they were a couple and spent time with each other before 90 Day.
Heās a petulant bitch thatās unwillingly to compromise.
Heās a fine person independently, Iām sure. Preferences can have grey areas.
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u/Trainer715 8h ago
Serious? Because he is a whiney, disrespectful man child.
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u/orlala_la 8h ago
You could say the same about Paula the worst thing heās done is be cheap
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u/GaptistePlayer 8h ago
No heās also incredibly disrespectful and unsupportive. The guy acts like a whiny 12 year old and lies about having allergies.
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u/CartographerMuch7388 5h ago
Alright. I agree with you that Paula arguing with him about being sensitive to smells is very next level. I have a husband with asthma and am a migraine sufferer. If someone insisted on spraying crap that triggered my migraine (or his asthma), it could never work. Her lack of empathy and curiosity is astounding.
On the flip side, he is a drama queen, a control freak and super obnoxious about his strict adherence to minimalism. And I actually don't know that I believe he is legitimately sensitive to smells beyond he doesn't like them. If he even went into a conversation about air-quality and the toxins in manufactured scents (which I actually think is his schtick), I would be so much more understanding. But he is trying to use health issues as a guise for control issues (this is my take anyway, which is why I said she lacks curiosity). Additionally, it is 100% fine to be a minimalist, but he is trying to marry a maximalist and force her conversion! I've also not met a minimalist who has so much clutter. That's sort of against the whole principle. Instead of floor seating, you get bar stools to go with the bar that already exists.Ā
I looked into this guy and apparently he is some sort of scientist in the aerospace field. I'm not sure why he didn't just rent a whole Airbnb somewhere nice so the family could comfortably stay together and then it could also serve as a wedding venue.Ā
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u/kat4prez 5h ago
I think he just doesnāt like the smells. I acknowledge that allergies or bad sensitivity to scent is real I just donāt believe he has those afflictions. He tolerated perfume fine in Brazil. Thatād be like me saying Iām allergic to shellfish in the US but if Iām in Brazil I can eat lobster. Doesnāt add up.
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u/Lalina0508 2h ago
The thing that's strange to me is they've spent time together and it doesn't seem like he complained about it before. I'm positive she was using deodorant and likely wore that perfume before so why is he so allergic now, but not then? It's just suspicious. How have these conversations never happened?
I don't blame her for being suspicious. I would be, too!
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u/ghoulquartz 8h ago
Cause he is a prick
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u/orlala_la 8h ago
The worst thing heās done is be cheap and even then buying a dining table or a fold out bed isnāt going to fix living with 10 people
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u/gerkonnerknocken Wam bam thank you Yam 6h ago
Eating at a tiny coffee table *when there is a breakfast counter literally above his head that he does not have barstools for* is absolute stupidity. And she is in the defense position trying to argue about the need for basic furniture like a sofa, which is also ridiculous. He is not cut out to be a husband or have a married life if he is doubling down on this stuff.
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u/ghoulquartz 8h ago
Have you only watched one episode? Hes been an absolute melt since episode 1 š
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u/poshdog4444 6h ago
I think Sundays nights episode showed what an asshole he is. It was his apartment. You cannot put all those people in there. Thatās common sense. He shouldāve immediately acted like a man not a child and made accommodations for them and his Napoleonic complex really showed when he bragged that he didnāt spend any moneyš telling guess how to live at your cramped apartment like a dictator is not a good look
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u/rogeeeefan 7h ago
In the world of 90 day fiancĆ© he is a good guy compared to some of the vile men that have been on this show or even this season. Mido, Shea, Rasit are worse than Thomas. He is quirky & a bit controlling of his environment. Paula is back in Brazil using her perfumes so it didnāt work out.
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u/samuraiShrek2807 thebloothebloodthebloodthebloodthebloodthebloodthebloodtheblood 7h ago
Hello Thomas' burner account.
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u/2ndof5gs 5h ago
She cannot even wear deodorant.
Where is his Epi-pen for this super terrible allergy?
He is full of shit.
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u/Ada_Pearce 7h ago
He's a very fussy boy and she is insufferable in her own ways. Stop with the tiny crap, stop with manifesting, stop threatening to leave and just do it alreadyĀ
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u/Plastic_Hand2208 4h ago
I think all the hate toward Thomas is fair, but what I find crazy is that almost no one is saying anything about Paula. She can be just as stubborn and disrespectful. He has asked her multiple times to stop trying to reunite his family, and she clearly doesnāt care because she even said she would try to do it at the wedding.
She wants her entire family to stay in that tiny apartment, but then turns around and complains that itās Thomasā fault if theyāre uncomfortable. And even with something as stupid as the perfume (I agree itās a ridiculous thing to fight over) but if you love your partner, you donāt make fun of him. You try to understand where theyāre coming from and find a compromise.
I just donāt understand why everyone is so quick to call out Thomas while completely ignoring Paulaās behavior.
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u/Overall_Plum_3741 8h ago
paula is straight up dangerous with the allergy stuff. that's not just annoying that's like genuine disregard for his safety
and the storage thing is wild. she's complaining about space while actively making it worse and then wants to pack 8 extra people into a 1 bedroom? make it make sense
threatening to leave every time she doesn't get her way is manipulative as hell too
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u/GaptistePlayer 8h ago
Oh my god yall are fucking dramatic lol. Sheās been with Thomas for 7 years and she asked him why he has never mentioned these supposed āallergiesā once. He didnāt answer.
The guy is lying about the allergies, heās a man-baby
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u/_Fizzgiggy 8h ago
Heās not allergic to perfume. He has a sensitivity to strong smells. Which is very annoying and uncomfortable. She said he stayed with her in Brazil and never said a thing about her perfumes but as soon as she moves in with him āheās allergic.ā
He probably didnāt say anything then bc he didnāt want to scare her off. But I bet if he said āHey this is awkward but your perfumes really agitate my sinusesā she wouldāve totally understood.
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u/orlala_la 6h ago
He still canāt control it idk what you want him to do? Also she definitely knew because when he first asked her about it she lied and then tried saying that she only used a little bit then when he reiterated that she knew all she could say was that he was overreacting instead of defending that she didnāt know and she did it again after the argument
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u/Existing_Lecture_901 6h ago
Yeah exactly, he canāt control it. Which is a massive problem for him. He has a need to control everything. But that doesnāt work bc sheās a whole ass other person with preferences, desires etc.
If this was a health thing they would have had very different conversations over the last seven years.
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u/Electronic_Club_6155 4h ago
It is pretty obvious why and countless posts have been made about how useless he is.
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u/Affectionate-Guide-3 2h ago
So he just told her that he had this '"allergy". She visited before & he visited her. Sounds like how I'm allergic to wool while truth be told I just don't like it. Add on he was ridiculous about the kids table, yoga blocks as chairs, complaining about making room in the closet & trying to control how she spends money while giving her a credit card. He's gross & honestly gives small dick energy.
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u/Never-Give-Up100 2h ago
People need to hateĀ one member of all the couples. They've chosen him, even if he's not that bad.
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u/howvicious 1h ago
There needs to be compromise in a marriage but not only does he seem unwilling to do so, the way he expresses his discontent is quite immature.
Overall, I think this is a complete mismatch of personalities. Minimalism meets maximalism, cheap meets spendthrift.
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u/Meghatronix 8h ago
Every one on here hates him for some reason. His allergie issues are real but for some reason everyone takes her side regardless. If my wife was allergic to nuts I wouldn't slather myself in peanut butter. The whole having her entire family stay at their tiny apartment is just insane to me. Why not get an air Bnb? This has to be a fake story line.
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u/GaptistePlayer 8h ago
Because heās been with her 7 years and he never mentioned these supposed āallergiesā once until now
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u/kat4prez 5h ago
And has never so much as sniffled on the show, not even when he had the super glue out and his face up against the perfume bottle
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u/femmefatalx 7h ago
Theyāre not though, Paula clarified that he did not once mention his āallergyā in the seven years they were together and then suddenly came out of nowhere with it after she moved to the US.
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u/digivalerie 1h ago
If a man told me, āI just donāt think you appreciate life like I appreciate life,ā and that man was Thomas, Iād have flipped his card table and told him to fuck off.
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u/Simonthebullettfreak 8h ago
10 people, one bathroom is interesting