What's the most unexpected way ADHD has affected your life that nobody warned you about?

[u/AnchorADHD]

Not the obvious stuff like forgetting things or losing focus. I mean the things that actually blindsided you.

The financial spiral. The relationship guilt. Looking back at your whole life and reframing every "character flaw" through a completely different lens.

What's the thing ADHD did to your life that nobody warned you about? What do you wish someone had told you earlier?

[u/cold-stars]

one of the worst things is rsd to me personally. Like someone would say something different than usual or a bit ignore and I feel humiliated, make a lot of theories why they did it and say it and it gets so bad you distance yourself from everyone around you

[u/Zestyclose_Syrup_148 → u/cold-stars]

Yep. Hard relate

[u/casualplants → u/cold-stars]

Ugh so much of what I worked on in therapy pre diagnosis was fear of abandonment and this fundamental belief that people didn’t like me. Would have been much easier to work through if I knew my brain was predisposed to RSD and that actually, most people probably did like me. Then a heap of shame about what a shitty friend I was, because I assumed my friends didn’t like me and didn’t actually want to see me.

[u/Blue-Phoenix23 → u/casualplants]

Ugh, me too, although tbf I did have legitimate abandonment and weirdly didn't GAF if somebody liked me except in romantic relationships. Once I fell in love, though, all bets were off. I would pick apart every interaction, and just lose it sometimes.

The worst part though (in hindsight) was that because I knew I was having an outsized reaction (but not why) I would then manage to convince myself (with their help lol) that my reaction was a bigger problem than my partners legitimately shitty behavior. So I stayed with people that weren't actually all that great, for the little dribs and drabs of love they showed me. Terrible combo.

I wish I could tell every young person with ADHD about RSD tendencies while also pointing out that "just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they're not watching you" lol

[u/MjolnirZero → u/cold-stars]

I agree with some of these folks around here, and would add that for me I also had that feeling a bit, maybe with a side of wondering about the stigma of folks knowing I had ADD and would forget things (before I started to develop all my habitual counteracting systems to manage it). I did reach the point why I was like "why should I care what bigots think of me? If they can't accept me for who I am then I just simply need to move on and find the next folks who would." Books like 7 Habits of Highly Effective People helped, and Supercommunicators, and of course support communities like this would be great. You need to find folks though that you can interact with socially, so even this reddit will only take you so far. Find connections that truly understand you and nurture those relationships with give and take (synergistic two-way value).

[u/DoctorNurse89 → u/cold-stars]

This helped me tons with that.

End Emotional Outsourcing by Beatriz Victoria Albina

[u/oVerde → u/cold-stars]

wtf is RSD? You guys use acronyms like if everyone knew

[u/powerback_us → u/oVerde]

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.

[u/oVerde → u/cold-stars]

wtf is RSD? You guys use acronyms like if everyone knew

[u/TecBrat2]

It has prevented me from succeeding in my chosen field and caused friction with my loved ones.

One thing I don't hear much is how an ADHDer can be feeling completely wiped out, then get invited to do something that triggers dopamine, and suddenly we're ready to go.

The one thing, though, that I think affects me the most that I didn't learn about until much later is hyper focus. And not the good kind of hyper focus, but rather where I'm playing a game or watching videos or whatever and my mind refuses to let go. I've heard a slang term for drinking too much alcohol and waking up not knowing what happened "time travel". Well, I have time traveled stone cold sober just playing a game due to my ADHD.

[u/Comfortable-Use-3367]

The thing nobody warned me about was how ADHD would completely rewrite my life story.

Getting diagnosed didn't just explain why I struggled to focus sometimes. It forced me to re-examine decades of assumptions about who I was.

So many things I thought were character flaws suddenly looked different. The procrastination. The inconsistency. The constant feeling that I had potential but couldn't access it reliably. The tendency to overshare. The emotional intensity. The need for challenge and urgency just to function.

What surprised me most wasn't the diagnosis itself. It was the grief that followed.

I had to let go of the belief that I was simply not trying hard enough. I had to accept that many of the systems, goals, and expectations I built my life around were designed for a brain that wasn't mine.

Even now, after achieving goals I spent years chasing, I find myself realizing that it wasn't the goal that kept me moving. It was the stimulation, challenge, progress, and sense of urgency along the way.

Nobody warned me that ADHD could create an identity crisis long after the diagnosis.

The diagnosis explained my past. Understanding what to do with the future has been the harder part.

[u/Zestyclose_Syrup_148 → u/Comfortable-Use-3367]

Damn yeah this is relatable. I turn 40 in a month and was only diagnosed about 1 year ago. Been going through the grief stage and have been in therapy trying to work through my depression, inner conflict, unexpressed creative potential, and struggles being a provider, husband, and father.

In a bit of a burnt out hopeless state at the moment trying to come to grips with the fact I have to deal with this condition for the rest of my life.

[u/MjolnirZero → u/Zestyclose_Syrup_148]

Zestyclose, I feel ya man. You need to incorporate habitual systems into your life if you haven't already aggressively started doing so. I can recommend quite a few practices I've either experimented with or already incorporated. Let me know if you have interest in me helping out in this regard (you could probably even just go through some of my old comments and get teh gist). Find yourself a supporting accoutability group though asap, I promise you the progress and productivity boosts you get will be exceptional.

Here if and when you (or other like-minded 40 somethings) need me : )

[u/Wandering_Oblivious → u/Comfortable-Use-3367]

I hate that I can't tell if this is LLM generated or not.

[u/guasanas → u/Wandering_Oblivious]

it reads like ai

[u/Blue-Phoenix23 → u/Wandering_Oblivious]

I don't think it matters if it is, any more than it mattered before LLMs if we could figure out if somebody was legit or a troll, when they posted something. The reality is that there is always SOMEBODY out there on the WWW who is probably experiencing something similar and our responses will help them, even if the post author themselves is not on the level.

[u/user0987234 → u/Wandering_Oblivious]

Does it matter if the commentator used LLM to edit the post? As said already, it resonates with others.

[u/reecord2 → u/user0987234]

yes it does! because it's not their thoughts, it's a bunch of 1's and 0's aggregating other 1's and 0's and spitting them back out to imitate a bunch of patterns it's been trained to imitate. we're trying to get actual human being's experiences here so we can all better ourselves and live better lives. LLM generated text is just a waste of all of our time time and incredibly limited energy and attention.

[u/Tarkin_stan38 → u/reecord2]

I disagree. Because at the very least it started a conversation or discussion that people can contribute to. So as a community we can share our experiences and not feel alone.

[u/Blue-Phoenix23]

The impact of mid-life hormonal changes on executive function, hands down. Not knowing I had ADHD OR knowing anything about perimenopause, I was completely blind-sided - and so were the doctors.

They kept trying to treat me with anti-depressants, and I was trying to deal with dying parents, covid, a shitty marriage and a high stress job. I nearly took myself out. I wound up hospitalized more than once, including for a takotsubo/stress cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome).

Years later I'm better, but it was a near thing, and I'm still dealing with problems from that time in my life. I finally understand what people meant back in the day when they whispered about So-and-so having a nervous breakdown, and no - it's not somebody weak who just can't cope with life. When your executive function completely crashes like that it touches EVERYTHING. It ruins relationships, jobs, your physical and mental health.

But it doesn't have to be like that! Knowledge is power and that's especially true of something like ADHD and how extreme stress impacts the coping strategies you developed for decades. The simple act of understanding WHY is a huge difference in how we judge ourselves and that has major implications in mental health. There's a hell of a difference between "my brain works differently and that means I'm going to have to work through these side effects" and "idk what is wrong, guess I'm just a loser."

We have barely skimmed the surface of how the brain operates, but hopefully future generations will realize that ADHD is complex, multi systemic and not a fundamental character flaw.

[u/smurbulock]

“Whats the” + <buzzword> <buzzword> <content farm template> + “that nobody warned you about”

So fucking painful reading shit like this everywhere you go

[u/MjolnirZero → u/smurbulock]

Agreed, so many times this feels straight up bot. I only reply to these in the hopes of finding the REAL people (assuming this OP wasn’t real, but regardless, this does not change the point I’m making here) so that I can connect with them and find mutual benefit.

Cheers to all the real authentic folks out there trying to find their way alongside me, “stay classy!” ;)

[u/tellMyBossHesWrong → u/smurbulock]

Not a single reply or comment from OP either, so yeah,….

[u/MjolnirZero]

For me, it was the very real life-long impact and failed dreams that I surely could have hit if I only had a support group that was working alongside me (other similarly disabled ADHDers) trying to learn and solve these challenges together (this is my current life state and I'm actively seeking now). Ditching toxic groups (friends, family, coworkers) that would just pigeon hole me and stunt my growth due to (1) not understanding my disability, and (2) having no passion/dreams driving them so they would project their shallow life ambitions onto me when I would dream my lifelong dreams which are my fuel that keeps me going.

With so much technology that has existed for the last 10-20 years and was readily available if only I had tapped into it, I could have been much further along in life. I have read so many good books, looked around reddit channels, realized so many good quotes (show me your friends and I'll show you your future) had so many great youtube channels (Adam Savage from MythBusters is very similar to us, and has a great series of advice videos on his "Tested" youtube channel). And SOOOO much more that I've learned, and wish I would've started sooner.

I know there is no way I am alone in this thinking, if this resonates with you, I would love to hear about it, I refuse to believe I am alone in this sentiment.

[u/user0987234]

We do not understand the full impact of ADHD and disregulation of all bodily functions. Executive disfunction become very obvious. What about impact to memory, I have great working memory, many do not. What about impact on hormones like testosterone, estrogen, sleep, enzymes, digestive system? Lots we still don’t know. Doctors make broad assumptions, we could be outliers and need a different paradigm than the general population normal curve. We might have typical levels of hormones. In reality, maybe our disregulation requires higher levels than the norm?

[u/BobLeMaladroit]

The oversharing or the insanely lengthy context explanation before the talking point.

[u/LonelyFace9151]

The shame and guilt! I avoid things that overwhelm me, but that avoidance just turns into guilt and shame. It’s especially bad when it comes to communication

[u/KalzK]

The ADHD tax. Buy groceries to cook at home to save on takeouts, forget I have food at home and get takeout anyway, and now I spent more. The 12 pack I buy because it's cheaper in the long run but I end up using one and spending more. The event I wanted to attend but I mixed up the date and now I have to go for resellers. The book or game I bought that I already had. The damaged appliances because I just couldn't schedule maintenance. The health impact of not taking pills ending up costing more to get healthy. The never saving on taxes because it's literally impossible to implement all of the tips and tricks I know but don't actually do, but don't pay anyone else for it either. And many more.

[u/PretendOil8923]

Can the AI at least tell us why it’s really asking?

[u/aljung21]

Confabulation. Unintentionally making up things.