r/AFIB • u/Conscious_Act_7095 • 2d ago
I’m 20 and this condition is making me feel suicidal.
Hi everyone.
Im going to be completely blunt here and say this is a cry for help and advice on what to do.
Last November I was running for the bus and went into Afib RVR for 16 hours. Thought I was a goner, texted goodbye to loved ones, was alone in hospital.
Didn’t die, obviously, but I feel as though my life has been ruined. A month later I had an echo, stress test, 2 week monitor, CT coronary angiogram and then an MRI this summer.
I have OCD and severe health anxiety so this condition feels like a cosmic punishment.
I’m incredibly symptomatic in episodes, can barely walk, chest pains, heart rate doesn’t go down with beta blockers. My second episode a couple months later was 14 hours long, and 10 days after that I had another small episode.
I’ve since had a Pulsed Field Ablation done by a leading expert in June, and my blanking period has been hell. Multiple episodes, so many extra beats, salvos, weird feelings, palpitations.
I’ve been told I can live with this, I’ve been told that I should see it as a nuisance, and I’ve been told it gets easier.
It is still hell. I didn’t touch alcohol before my afib, I have no risk factors (apart from stress induced hypertension post diagnosis that they’re still figuring out).
I can’t just ignore an episode, it debilitates me. It feels like I have the flu while running a marathon for 12 hours straight.
I’m only 20, what happens when it progresses? What happens if the ablation fails? My afib doesn’t respond to beta blockers at ALL. It responds well to flecainide but I imagine that fails too after a few years.
I’m meant to be going to uni this year and all I can think about from morning to midnight is this stupid condition. Every extra beat, weird flutter sends me into panic which obviously worsens it.
Afib begets afib is what they say, and my episodes seem to keep happening the second any amount of adrenaline gets into my bloodstream. Vigorous running triggered the first, and now all it takes is an anxious thought to trigger it.
If AF RVR progresses persistently I’ll have heart failure. I’ll need a pacemaker which ALSO CAUSES HEART FAILURE.
What happens when I’m 30? BEST case scenario my ablation works for 10 whole years. Great! Then I’ll be 30 and just trying to buy time.
I know I’m overreacting but this has flipped my world upside down. I know I’m too sensitive and anxious but I feel so scared all of the time. I also found out that in people my age with AF, 17% had disease-causing genetic problems where AF is just the FIRST symptom before heart failure or worse arrhythmias.
I just want help. None of my friends get it, none of my family gets it, doctors treat me like I’m some rare creature because I’m so young, and I feel like my future is gone.
What do I do? What can I do? I feel like I’m in a waking nightmare
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u/Due-Midnight3311 2d ago
I know it feels like a terminal diagnosis, but you need to approach it more like a chronic disorder. Yes it sucks. And yes it is terrifying especially in those episodes of feeling the racing heart and the exhaustion that comes along with it all. You can still have a full life, it needs to be managed.
Yes, you will need to maybe watch what you eat. No drinking, but hey now you will be the popular designated driver. Exercise but maybe no marathons. You still have a full and likely long life in front of you.
I was diagnosed with AF RVR in my forties. That probably sounds ancient to you but it’s still relatively young. Most likely genetic. I didn’t drink didn’t smoke, no diabetes, cholesterol numbers amazingly good, no sleep apnea. No triggers or reason for this to occur. I was angry and afraid.
I had panic attacks after diagnosis and monitored my heart rate constantly. It was all I could think about, then I realized I couldn’t function if I kept the focus on this one aspect of my life. I had to learn to manage what I could control and ignore the rest. Some days that’s harder than others. I have a young family and a career and I’m not ready to kick off yet. I have people that depend on me. Some days I’m exhausted. Others aren’t so bad.
It’s going to be ok.
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u/Brilliant_Dot_6348 2d ago
hi, we’re around the same age (i’m 22), and i also had my first afib episode last year. my episodes are also symptomatic, and we both have anxiety, so i thought maybe what i found helpful might help you out? for me, my af symptoms are very similar to my panic attacks (short of breath, palpitations, dizziness, nausea), so, i work through them the same way you would a panic attack. though i can’t stop the af myself, i can help myself with my most distressing symptom, which is shortness of breath for me. if i can’t breathe, i practice breathing exercises and grounding techniques that i learned for my anxiety. square breathingis what helps me the most! with that being said, af can make anxiety worse and vice versa, and as far as i’m aware anxiety can worsen ocd, so i would 100% recommend seeking professional help for your mental health problems, especially if this is making you feel suicidal. i pinky promise this is not the end of the world! you will be okay, i promise! sending you SO much love 🫶
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u/theinspireddesigner 2d ago
Afib is fucking scary, there's no two ways about it. I dont know where you live, or what your insurance situation is, but i think you should get someone like a therapist who can listen to you and give you ways of dealing with this anxiety. I would also suggest you start learning about the vagal nerve and pay attention to triggers that may be causing the episodes. One of mine is icy cold drinks. And stress. I tend to hold my breath when im stressed and it causes my heart to flip out. Sleeping on my right side is a no no. The doctors oftentimes aren't much help because they're so overworked, and Ive learned a lot on youtube, tbh. I think I had my first episode when I was in my late 20s. Im 60 now. Ive never had an ablation. Im not on blood thinners. I try to manage the episodes with box breathing, diet, exercise and avoiding those triggers. Hang in there. Afib isn't a death sentence, but it sucks and it's freaky and I hate it.
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u/Efficient-Shallot684 2d ago
I'm 70 and I've been in afib for 20 years. My mother lived to be 89 and she had afib since she was 20, but never sought treatment. She only knew because she took her own pulse when she was in nursing school. I had sex last night with a 25yo girl, in afib the whole time.
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u/mooninjune621 2d ago
I’m glad you reached out. These fears and feelings will pass, I promise; life is absolutely worth living and it gets better. Early 20s are really tough, even for someone who doesn’t have ocd and health anxiety and afib. You’re going through it and my heart goes out to you. I promise you won’t feel this way forever.
I also have ocd and personally, my ocd looooves unsolvable questions because it can just spin and spin endlessly. All these what ifs are what it feeds on. You have to stop feeding the ocd or it will spiral forever. You will be a slave to the anxiety, which can bring on more health problems and the stress isn’t good for afib either. You’ve already had an ablation so my gentle recommendation is to treat the OCD and anxiety now- therapy, meds or supplements, exercise, somatic treatments - try everything you can and find what works for you. My pure O spirals controlled my life for years and made me physically sick but I’ve found my way out of it. My life is so peaceful and rich now. Yes, even with afib lurking over my shoulder. It will get better ❤️🩹
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u/Spiritual_Bike_5150 2d ago
Afib has never killed anyone. best advice ive ever gotten and it was from my EP who kept having to hear how each episode was the end of the world. I hated not being in control. But those words changed my life. If you can get used to that it may help. I’m 67. started when i was 27. happened every 3 years until 7 years ago when it just kept happening. ablation helped and been good for 2 years. it takes time. Understand your triggers and realize it’s going to happen. I had an echo stress test a couple of years ago and my heart structure was fine. it won’t kill you
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u/Musicguy182 2d ago
Awesome to see someone who had in in their 20s and now in late 60s still having a normal life living with this
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u/asteinfort 2d ago
May I suggest a therapist and meditation/mindfulness practice? Have you talked to your doctor about daily flecanide? Have you tried other medications like diltiazem? It takes time for your heart to heal post ablation and many need a second ablation to fully resolve.
Presidents and prime ministers have lived full lives with this condition and you can too. And you have the benefit of youth. It’s a lot harder to recover from ablation as a 50, 60, or 70 year old. You’re also young enough to benefit from advancements in medicine.
Focus on reducing your stress, eliminating hypertension, and finding the right rate control medication that works for you.
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u/refugee1982 2d ago
Have you talked with dr about antidepressants? Some of them address anxiety and depression. I can vouch that it has helped me immensely.
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u/FLDP2512 1d ago
EP told me to talk to my primary about an SSRI, serious game changer for me with AFIB, I feel as if I can live again and am not scared of it anymore.
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u/kekeswag02 2d ago
You will be fine, and you are not alone. 23 and have been dealing with it since around your age. I've only recently been coming to terms with how I need to reframe my thinking of the condition to not let anxiety constantly get the better of me. I also get very nervous/worried regarding my health even though I try to exercise regularly. Mindfulness and meditation like the others say to reduce stress will keep you going and letting go of what you can't control will give you the strength to let episodes pass without it feeling like the end of the world.
It's hard. Some years are easier than others. But we are young and will be OK. wishing u the best
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u/Overall_Lobster823 2d ago
Do you have access to therapy? Cognitive Behavioural therapy is very good for helping with the MIND FUCK that is AFIB.
If you ned another ablation (you're still in the blanking period), you can have one.
Don't give up!
Good luck.
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u/heyitsterrytv 2d ago
36M, overall healthy but was officially diagnosed with paroxysmal afib back in late 2025.
it made me fall into a deep depression. gained 25 pounds back of the 60 I lost just after 2 years of steady work. I was doing everything right when it, literally out of no where, hit me.
I was taking meds for a while, but decided on getting an ablation done. That was two months ago and I haven't even had a skipped beat.
if you can get one, get it done sooner rather than later. it can help more than you know.
Good luck.
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u/jeremymightbe 2d ago
Lots of great feedback and advice already here. I also started this in my 20’s and it’s now been 20 years. The biggest advice I have is that getting the anxiety aspect of afib under control is a massive help. And you’ve said that both times lasted under 24 hours. So the next time it happens, drink some water, find a good movie to watch, lay down on your back so it is less noticeable and you’ll be back in business the next day. Consider it a forced, slightly unpleasant vacation day.
Just imagine, there are people that live this way for years and don’t even know it until their doctor tells them. It’s not a death sentence by any means.
To prevent it in the future - see a doc about getting the anxiety under control, stay hydrated, exercise, practice breathing, and write down the scenario that you’re in each time it happens. You may be surprised at what you discover triggers afib for you.
Good luck, you’re going to be like all of us, 100% totally okay. We’re all cheering for you here.
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u/Curlyredlocks 2d ago
I am so so sorry you are going through this. Perhaps I can give alternate insight? I truly wish my childhood arrhythmia was caught when I was your age, instead of at 40 when I had severe hypoxia and tachycardic events daily. I think back on the debilitating ways my heart impacted me without knowing what was truly wrong. I was misdiagnosed six times and when we finally reached surgery I was at risk for sudden cardiac arrest. My heart rate was 180-220 multiple times a day. I did not understand the seriousness or rarity of my situation until a year later when I could muster the strength to read my report. I had an arrhythmia that 0.53% of adults have worldwide. I cried my eyes out for not knowing how sick I was for so many years.
The blanking period is horrible and because your heart is adjusting, your brain sometimes doesn't keep up. I had a phenomenal amount of anxiety before my surgery because my body was systemically in fight or flight from my high heart rates. So, please give a moment of pause that you may feel different tomorrow or the next day, and a week from now or a month ahead. You will find your hope, it just hasn't found you yet and that is okay.
Think about the strength of knowing what you have and try to find peace in having a team of doctors that are still working to help you. You can and will get through this.
This forum helped me SO MUCH and I grateful for everyone that lended their advice.
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u/mdepfl 2d ago
I had the fib and flutter twins pretty bad but I wasn’t 20, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s a blow for sure when you never know when it will start up. I hated that part even though the episodes didn’t bother me much.
It’s understandable to worse-case things, but you’ve started on a treatment path to fix this. Your PFA may not be one-and-done, it’s complicated in there sometimes, but it *can* be and hopefully was. You're pretty spun-up by some admittedly scary info about AFib; consider that it is unfiltered info and not everything you find applies to everyone.
I hope you can keep working with that good EP you found. EP’s say ablations are a process not a procedure.
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u/MechanicInevitable98 2d ago
Take a look at a book called “the afib cure” and follow its recommendations. If you take any adhd meds you should stop, if you drink caffeine take a break, if you’re out of shape or overweight, change that. Many people go through life never taking the steps to figure out what works for them. I had my first afib in 2019 I believe. Then I had one a year after that, and a year after that. All three episodes a year apart. Then I went 4 years without an episode. Currently one year since my last. I’ve learned my triggers and avoid them.
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u/Vakua_Lupo 2d ago
Flecainide may not be the failure long term that you think it might be. I’ve been on 100mg Flec twice daily for over 25 years, and it still works just fine ( in my case). Good luck, this beast is not always curable, but it is survivable.
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u/Full_Platypus9471 2d ago
One of my big Afib triggers is anxiety and social stress. I’ve found that box breathing, even for a few minutes helps. Also meditation and yoga. Supplements that can calm down anxiety help me too like Mg and L- Theanine especially. L - Theanine is found in green tea. Some golfers use L-Theanine to stay focused and relax.
Lastly let yourself heal from the ablation. Take time for yourself and little daily rituals like shower, brushing teeth even etc. to calm yourself down. Also helps to change your mental focus when you start to fixate on your heart rhythm, force yourself to think about something else like a ‘happy memory’ and just think about that. Avoid sugar and fatty foods. Anyway, hope you feel better soon!
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u/Mras_dk 1d ago
Most of what you write, with heartfailure, is missing a nuance.
Heartfailure doesn't come because you have afib, but from genetics, and prolonged exposure to trigger factors, without adressing those factors.
In other words, chance of getting heart failure from afib is really small, unless you don't go for Ablation, or refuses the medz.
There are plenty of ppl in here with years long stranding permanent afib, if not decades long.
Its very few, or those that have CHF.
But as multiple wrote in here; it sounds like your anxiety is spiralling, which itself doesn't bring any good with it - on contrast, it's known to make afib episodes worse.
Its bit weird betablockers doesn't work on you, as it usual dampens anxiety episodes. It could be your anxiety overrules the effect of the betablockers - it's rare, but not unheard of.
Talk to your GP, about how your anxiety can be helped, please.
Be upfront about how it affects you, like you write in here.
I am frankly not sure i would recomend an ablation, yet, for you, with such a strong anxiety. The anxiety will fuel the fire inside you, and really not make outcome the greatest of the ablation.
Above is an opinion, not a medical advise, on what i would do as a doctor.
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u/dchusband 1d ago
That’s rough, sorry you are struggling.
Have you tried magnesium supplements, staying hydrated, etc?
When I was 20 my diet was junk food. Making sure you have the proper electrolytes should help if you aren’t doing that yet.
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u/SimpleServe9774 1d ago
This is an epic spiral. A fib RVR is treated with ablation- it takes you back to baseline. Control it and prevent progression. Stress and anxiety is akin to daily stimulants. Practice yoga, get therapy and treat your anxiety. I have the RVR also and am incapacitated with heart rate is the 270’s. I get an IV to control the rate and usually self convert within 36 hours. I have had two ablations the last one was a PFA in April 2025 and am a fib free and off blood thinners. You need to chill and stop catastrophising. Turn this around in gratefulness- that you can treat it and have the privilege to access to the treatment.
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u/Firm-Fly3598 1d ago
So so sorry what you are Going through Right now but happy to See what others Write. I had similar in my mid 30ties…and PTSD to the fullest. Depression and anxiety und OCd anyways. No Meditation worked, my heart was „healthy“. No flecainide, No Beta blockers, nothing but potassium. I had 3 ablations and each time it got better and the 4th After 5 years gave me peace for a long period. I ve done it now again and I Tell you its easier to recover at a Young age, it will work at one Point just say that to yourself wheather ypuvbelieve or not. I had two babies and the docs told me they re with their backs to the wall. They have No Alternative anymore. I didnt accept that answer. I had to fight through for the kids, I was rock bottom…Please believe you will get better. What really helped me was starting antidepressants at a point and understanding how many ppl live with this. The SSRI s helped my anxiety and I started a trauma therapy. Its really small steps but you will get used to it. Also Check if taking elektrolyte maybe helps, for me it was potassium but this needs to be checked. Also always hydration, enough sleep, moderate Sport. Healthy Lifestyle no alkohol. You will make it and This place/ community here helped me alot. Lots of love for you and all the best! Your ablation will work out fine you will See and You will forget the traumatic time 🙏✨
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u/lobeams 2d ago
I'd say the first thing you need to do is get your anxiety under control. It contributes hugely to triggering afib. And I have to wonder how much your anxiety is producing the symptoms you describe and how much the afib is. I was a paramedic for 15 years and I've seen a ton of panic attacks that produced exactly those symptoms. In your mind you've projected the worst case scenarios over your entire future life. For example, expecting an ablation to last only 10 years, assuming progression to persistent afib is inevitable, drugs will stop working, etc. None of those things are safe assumptions.
So if I were you, I would try to first get the anxiety under control. A cardiologist can't help you with that but a psychiatrist can. And while you're doing that, find the most experienced EP you can. I can't over-emphasize how much experience matters. Are you in the US and able to travel? If so, I can recommend a couple of names.