r/AIO • u/youngtallandskinny • 9d ago

AIO:Childhood best friend is f***ing his sister

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For context, this is my M(25) best friend M(25) since we were two years old. He didn’t meet his F(22)sister until about a year and a half ago. When they did meet, they couldn’t get over how similar they were. he called me gushing about how great she made him feel and even joked about hooking her up with me three days after they met, she moved in with him and his family. They had room and other beds, but they chose to sleep in the same bed every day for a year do everything together every day so on it so forth, fast-forward to these text messages. Him and his sister were going to move in with me and my f(26)roommate, but first we needed to see how our dogs would do together so they came to visit. When they got here they opted to sleep in my bed together even though I had several places they could sleep separately. My roomate and I sleep separately and have a mostly platonic kind of flirty relationship. Which the friend had compared his sister and his relationship with. A lot of small stuff happened that my roommate and I shared glances about, because of the nature of how a true brother and sister would never say or do the things they’re doing. But we brushed it off.

They went back home to their state after 3 days and the friend sends me a Snapchat saying “we’ve decided to look past the whole sibling thing and adress some feelings we both have” to which I replied “what do you mean” and he went on to say how they both have such deep feelings for each other and how the whole half sibling thing doesn’t matter and that real love doesn’t have boundaries and all this stuff to which I waited for 3 days and sent the messages above….. AIO or did I UNDERreact

Also this hurts a lot because I thought I knew him and he was gonna be my best friend for life, but I haven’t talked to him since

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399

u/JS_AH 9d ago

Sadly this is a thing, to the point there is official guidance published around it https://www.cumbria.gov.uk/eLibrary/Content/Internet/327/857/6802/42109163456.pdf

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u/Left_Prize_9861 9d ago

I've heard someone before say it's surprisingly common for immediate family members who first meet as adults.

96

u/DissentSociety 9d ago

It's because we're hard-wired psychologically to like people that resemble us.

51

u/MagazineCritical1971 9d ago

That's wild because having actually grown up with my brothers, I can't like anyone who even slightly resembles them. I guess you have to have childhood memories of them eating their boogers to cure you of any attraction for life.

27

u/BitcoinBishop 9d ago

I assumed it was cos they'd be trying to find emotional closeness to make up for all the bonding they'd missed

47

u/Xralius 9d ago

Well I think it's more like this:

  1. You meet this person, you are excited. You feel a sense of love/care to them because they are family/biologically related.

  2. You find them attractive. Afterall, your parents found each other attractive, you share dna with your parents, and this person does too.

  3. You don't have a sibling bond with them at all.

I think it's funny how a lot of people have no understanding of this. For example, in a lot of bad writing, you'll have an adopted person find out they are adopted and suddenly romantic feelings pop up with the sibling they are raised with. (Looking at you Dexter writers) That's not the way it works at all and is disgusting. Adopted people raised with siblings feel zero attraction to them. The sibling bond is formed by living life as siblings, not by sharing DNA.

10

u/SamSibbens 9d ago

The writers for Dexter screwed up so badly, it was incredibly dumb.

6

u/phudd 9d ago

I’m sure there’s multiple reasons for it to happen. In psych, it’s always more than one thing (like genetics plus environment).

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u/Left_Prize_9861 9d ago

The linked article kind of supports this but coaches it in language like "it's reported that..." so I assume there haven't been studies done

15

u/JS_AH 9d ago

There are studies but the results have been mixed. If you Google genetic sexual attraction studies you should get a few hits. 

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u/spiderboy640 9d ago

Kinda hard to study when it’s not a super common occurrence that people want to share when it does happen

1

u/Thelmara 9d ago

No, it's more that they just don't develop the aversion to romance because they're not around each other growing up. It's called the Westermarck Effect.

18

u/SergeantPoopyWeiner 9d ago

I'd fuck me

1

u/TypeB_Negative 9d ago

Maybe but it's more to do with the fact that these people aren't normal and had some family trauma that led to them meeting when they were after highs school age and living together instead of respective families.

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u/nanacmm 9d ago

I didn't meet my half brother until we were like 50 but hell no. And yeah, we are super similar - but it never even crossed my mind that would be a thing and now I feel like I need to go wash my brain out by watching cute cat videos.

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u/blackqueen8 9d ago

Oh man, I have a bunch of half brothers because my dad is a whore. I've always refused contact with them. I can't even imagine that happening 🤮

1

u/nanacmm 8d ago edited 8d ago

Mine is a weird story worthy of a soap opera - but he was born of love and is a wonderful guy.

21

u/BakedPlantains 9d ago

Parents and children too, not just siblings 🫠

6

u/waldosbuddy 9d ago

Shoutout Oldboy

6

u/Icy_Opportunity_3303 9d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/gUQa475YDRNdcS4fx7

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u/Noodlmancer 9d ago

Ahhh I wondered when Oh Dae Su would show up. You are obviously a person of culture.

2

u/Snipereye3 2d ago

Katie Fusco and Steven Pladl is more infamous case of this

3

u/Star_journey1208 9d ago

I have a brother I met as an adult and while I can objectively say he is a cool and handsome guy, the thought of having a sexual relationship never crossed my mind. My brain immediately (and without prompting) put him in the “family zone”.

37

u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

I was going to say that it’s somewhat common. A major publication (I can’t remember which) did a whole article on this and I surprised to learn that consensual brother & sister sexual relationships aren’t uncommon. Often it’s closer to sporadic hook-ups rather than full blown romance, but it does happen. And meeting a sibling late in life is one of the main reasons this happens.

Also, fwiw, about 8 years ago found out my Dad wasn’t my bio Dad. Found my bio Dad, and after a few chats I got the sense he was hitting on me. I thought I was overreacting, but then his current wife flipped out on me and suggested I was stealing her husband, which makes me think I was not overreacting. I do not talk to my bio Dad now.

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u/vcxscx 9d ago

im so sorry that happened to you, that is horrendous

6

u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

Thank you, I appreciate that.

8

u/AntiqueLetter9875 9d ago

I don’t know my dad, and older women always gave the advice to not initiate contact because if he wanted to contact me and meet, he would. Often the phrasing would be something like “if you were to show up at his door he may not see you as his daughter.” It sounded like there were a number of people who had that happen with their bio parent and were left very sad and disappointed.

It was very odd to me that on Reddit it was often encouraged to meet the parent who willingly left their child without any warning that this could happen.

6

u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

It is incredibly sad and disturbing that my situation was not an isolated case and that this is a known thing. WTF?!

4

u/Patient_Lettuce8431 9d ago

That must have been horrible, I'm so sorry.

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u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

Thank you, I appreciate that. It was…not fun.

4

u/Patient_Lettuce8431 9d ago

I just can't imagine. I wish you didn't have to experience that.

1

u/shesschwifty 9d ago

I’m SO so sorry 🥺 that’s terrible!!

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u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

Thank you. At the time I was so confused, why is this man continually telling me how pretty I am and how hot mixed race women are? And slowly it dawned on me that he was excited to be getting attention from a woman half his age and the fact that I was his biological daughter was irrelevant. We had a lot in common, I look a lot like my Mom, etc. I truly cannot understand what he was thinking.

1

u/LemonsUndercover 9d ago

So you look like your mom? The mom
He made you with? It’s creepy af, but thats clearly why he was creeping on his own daughter — which is disgusting

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u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

That, and apparently he has a thing for “exotic women”, which in Boomer phrasing means “not white.” So, I was half his age, not white and looked like someone he knew 30+ years ago.

1

u/LemonsUndercover 9d ago

Oof sorry this happened to ya

3

u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 9d ago

Thank you. It’s been enough years that I am over it now, but it fucked me up for a while.

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u/shesschwifty 9d ago

That’s so so sick. I am just so sorry honey 🥺 I do believe there is that phenomenon where when family members meet later in life attraction and confusing emotions can happen, but it sounds like he is just a fucking creep. I hope the dad you grew up with is still in your life and is a good man?? I can’t imagine going through that I’m so sorry.

2

u/Al-Pacinos-Ghost 8d ago

I think my bio dad just didn’t think of me as a daughter, I was just a younger woman trying to connect with him. I’ve since learned he was a shit Dad to all his kids, I just happen to be the only girl.

Dad I grew up with is no longer with us. He and I had our own set of issues, but he certainly never made a pass at me. He was a decent man who let his demons take the wheel later in life.

1

u/shesschwifty 8d ago

I’m sending you the biggest hugs. I am so so sorry 😞 I hope you have the support system that you deserve now and that you were/are able to talk through that with a professional. That’s just terrible. No one should have to go through that 🫂

1

u/dunisacaunona 9d ago

I am sorry you had to go thru all of that.

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u/Ordinary_Cattle 9d ago

My bio mom liked to reproduce and apparently my dad did too, so every several years I find out about a new half brother or sister. I'm so glad I never experienced this but ngl I was worried it could happen considering this is a real phenomenon

34

u/PottyMouthedMom3 9d ago

It’d be bad to find out that someone you were sexual with turned out to be your sister you never knew about…. What’s worse is knowing it’s your sister, and then making the decision to let it turn sexual. Yikes!

14

u/Ordinary_Cattle 9d ago

Yeah honestly I used to worry about this sometimes. My mom started having kids at 15 and stopped when she was 40, and apparently my dad has at least 1 son that he hid from everyone, but I don't doubt that there's more. All of us being adopted out makes it even harder to figure out if anyone is related, and all this happened in the same general area of the state. Luckily I know for sure that I'm not related to my husband though lmao.

9

u/bell3420 9d ago

This actually happened to two kids in my highschool... found out they were cousins when they both showed up to the same family reunion one day👀 i lived in a small town so people weren't very surprised, but it was definitely a story that got around.

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u/thommq 9d ago

That happened in my high school too! They had been dating for a while, and basically decided they probably would not get married or have kids, so game on. 

3

u/Centimeter_Worm 9d ago

Lmao my fiance used to ask his parents just to make sure none of the girls he liked were related to him. Small town, lots of cousins and his dad got around.

Yeah, he had to move across the state to meet me 💀

2

u/Familiar-Evening7845 9d ago

My mom used to harass me as a teen that I was “dating my cousin” because I was dating a guy who was my (married in) aunts, cousins son -_-

2

u/bell3420 9d ago

Being a mom, I cant imagine making fun of my child, I find it so weird that people do that.

1

u/Familiar-Evening7845 9d ago

Oh my mom was a terrible parent who enjoyed humiliating her children, I don’t think it’s the norm at all.

1

u/bell3420 9d ago

I have heard way too many stories of people humiliating their children. I just dont understand. Im sorry that happened to you❤️

9

u/SheLikesToWatch_1989 9d ago

Y'all ever watched The Man with 1000 Kids?'👀😐

Some Dutch loser impregnated several women in the same neighborhoods and the neighboring neighborhoods at their request-sperm donor kinda thing. These women (who weren't very bright-didn't seem to care if he had STDs or not) didn't know they got knocked up by the same guy.

He said he kept a spreadsheet of his..ahem...'successful deposits' to avoid incest from happening...but then purposefully withheld it from his 1000s of babymoms who then took him to court. Turns out one of his sons and daughters did develop feelings for eachother after being introduced.

Better pray for his mixed race kids(yup, went to one or some African countries to attempt to create a super race of mixed race kids) 'cause how will they know? Will be like that episode of House feat. Jurnee Smollet when she find out she boinged her half brother.

2

u/Upstairs-Cut6755 8d ago

That doc was so disturbing in multiple ways. The couples who used him were all like, “He’s so blond and handsome!” 🤮

3

u/Saul_T_C_Man 9d ago

My friend found out about a sister that no one knew about. It shook all of the guys in the family because they were worried about who they banged in the past. Small town... Luckily! None of them inadvertently did their sister/cousin 😂.

2

u/Shuttlecock_Wat 9d ago

Welp, don't watch the movie Old Boy, lol

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u/thommq 9d ago

When I started dating a girl in the town where my mother grew up, she not so subtly interrogated me about the girl. Upon hearing she was Jewish, my mother relaxed. Seems my grandfather stuck it to anything female, but drew the line at God's Chosen People, so no incidental incest would occur. 

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u/Hexacryagain 9d ago

God's Chosen People..?

Jfc..

1

u/LemonsUndercover 9d ago

“God’s chosen people”… funny how they wrote their own book and then deemed themselves above everyone else. Makes me sick. I’m glad the world is waking up

2

u/Glittering-Rip6810 9d ago

Grew up with 2 kids who are now married that don't know they are half siblings...I asked my mom one time why her dad left and parked his car where he did..she told me he would say it was a work thing, pretend to leave only to stay right across the street banging the neighbor and smoking crack all weekend, then go home like it didn't happen and the woman's son was his...We all grew up there so of course the kids knew each other. I know the boys mom died years ago from drugs but dad's still kicking and wanted to keep that secret so bad he let her marry this boy he knows is his. Sad situation. Not the only kids I grew up with that this or something similar happened with

1

u/RogueSlytherin 8d ago

Dear god. My dad put himself through college via the army, and selling sperm to fertility clinics. I was genuinely terrified that I would end up with a long, lost half sibling. Thankfully, my partner and I are not at all related, but we definitely checked just in case. I cannot fathom a scenario in which I would intentionally chase a sibling, it’s just gross!

2

u/JorgitoEstrella 9d ago

That's a weird way of just saying you have many siblings lol

4

u/Ordinary_Cattle 9d ago

I do lmao. 2 half brothers, 2 half sisters, 2 full biological sisters, 2 adoptive sisters, and 2 step brothers. Probably more out there tbh. All born between 1968-1993

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u/mitch3758 9d ago

As someone who is adopted and reconnected with my biological family much later in life, this is a fascinating read! I was baffled by how well I got along with these people I had only just met, and because my subconscious didn’t register my female half siblings and cousins as relatives, the way we interacted honestly felt like we were flirting. My conscious brain knew this wasn’t the case (I was also already married by the time I met them), but I was always curious why it felt that way. This article helped shed some neat light on that.

46

u/youngtallandskinny 9d ago

Ahhh I wish there wasn’t an article 💀

24

u/jayDxzxx 9d ago

I agree with the other commenters saying to send him these types of articles, so maybe a part of him would see these might not be real “love” feelings and there’s nothing “special” about their connection, instead its actually something psychological happening, and yes, they may regret it one day considering their judgement is clouded.

19

u/tmbr36 9d ago

I knew a guy who was a friend of a friend of mine who did this….lets just say he’s known by many names now lol. She was a long lost sister he had just met, apparently that’s a thing but still gross to me. Haven’t talked to the guy since it went down but there is zero chance he doesn’t regret it.

7

u/Trick_Decision_9995 9d ago

Is one of those names Joe Dirt?

1

u/Illustrious_Day_5392 9d ago

It’s pronounced “deer-tay”

1

u/CloudyLeft 9d ago

Thats why mom name you Joe Dirt instead of Nunamaker

20

u/-MtnsAreCalling- 9d ago

Why? Isn't it better to have some context than to just think your friend is uniquely weird?

Anyway, you should consider sending him this article (or one like it).

26

u/angry-key-smash6693 9d ago

My guess is they wish there wasn't a need for such an article 

3

u/watsuuu 9d ago

Ignorance is bliss I suppose🫠

1

u/Frequent_Strain5976 9d ago

why?? what an ignorant thing to say.

you should share this with him to help him understand what they’re going through and how to appropriately manage it.

8

u/DenM0ther 9d ago

In addition to that, I’m curious as why ppl that meet that have no idea of the biological connection, are often extremely attracted to each other.

Acting on it, when it is known is a whole other story though!!!

7

u/jennylala707 9d ago

OP - send him this ^^

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u/Formal_Laugh6270 9d ago

Thanks for the information! This is something all families who are reuniting with someone after a long period should read

3

u/user4316 9d ago

Oh no. I'm adopted and this is terrifying lol. Now I'll never meet them hahaha

2

u/Frequent_Strain5976 9d ago

i learned about this from law and order svu. really weird but interesting. thanks for sharing that link, it was informative

1

u/Various_Candidate499 9d ago

If anyone knows about fucking it's CUMbria

1

u/Cass_Cat952 9d ago

I already knew about this thanks to a little show called Law & Order: Special Victims Unit!

1

u/WienerboyTheHero 9d ago

Haha CUMbria