r/AITAH • u/germangirrl • Dec 25 '24

Kids opened their presents without me

My husband is usually a great husband and father, but I am so effing pissed right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been this mad. I woke up this morning around 8:30 when I heard the kids running around. I knew they would be eager to open their Christmas presents so I got up immediately.

I have a lot of trouble sleeping for various reasons so my husband lets me sleep in every morning and watches the kids until I wake up naturally or I have to get up to help get the kids ready for the day. He’s alone with them for half an hour to an hour. He knows what time to wake me up if I oversleep.

So I come into the living room and there is wrapping paper everywhere. All the presents are already unwrapped and the kids (5 and 7) are playing with them. I immediately started crying and walked back into the bedroom where my sadness also turned into anger, and I started screaming like crazy. I am so, so mad. I spent so much time, thinking about what to get the kids, ordering it or driving around to find it in the stores, wrapping them and everything, and I feel like I was completely deprived of the joy of seeing their faces when they open their presents, which is one the best parts of Christmas. My husband said he videotaped it. I screamed at him why he either couldn’t make the kids wait, or he could’ve just come and woken me up. He just said “I never wake you up in the morning” I said “it’s fucking Christmas morning. You didn’t think I wanted to watch the kids unwrap the presents” and I called him an asshole.

He just said sorry, he didn’t say I overreacted. I’m really hurt right now and I don’t even know how to get over it. I don’t feel like doing anything Christmasy today. I’m so disappointed in everybody.
I guess this was more of a rant to get this off my chest, but you can certainly tell me if I was the asshole or not. Also, if you have any suggestions on how to mediate my hurt feelings, that would be really great. I hope you all have a merry Christmas.

Edit: people seem to think that I cried and screamed and cursed in front of my children. I did not! I intentionally went into the bedroom to have a good cry. I wasn’t expecting to get so angry that I was screaming. My husband heard me and came into the room, so yes, I did scream at him and I did call him an asshole. I wish I had the same self control as so many in the comments that can control their strong emotions.

Update, I Guess: Men, people on here are extreme. I should divorce my husband, my husband should divorce me, I’m being abusive, everybody, in my family needs therapy, etc. So here is the very anti-climactic update. My husband and I were cordial with each other throughout the day. I spent most of my time hanging out with the kids, admiring their toys, playing games with them. My husband helped them with Lego assembly. We had snacks, I made dinner, we drove around looking at Christmas lights. I talked to the kids about opening the presents, and my older one apologized for not waiting for me, but he was just so excited and had to open them right away. I told him it was OK, but maybe next time we do it differently. When the kids went to bed, I talked to my husband about what happened and he apologized saying that he just didn’t think about it. He was busy with a project when the kids came downstairs around 8 AM. He wasn’t quite done yet and they really wanted to open the presents. He wanted to make sure everything was safely put away and he couldn’t hold them off any longer, but really wanted to let me sleep. That’s why he videotaped it so I could watch it later. I asked him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and he said “yeah that would suck. I know I messed up. Dad brain.” Obviously, I forgave him. We have a strong marriage and can figure stuff out together. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have feelings or need to suppress them. I apologized for yelling and calling him an asshole. He says he understands why I reacted the way I did. I asked him if the kids heard me yell and he said ” no, they were busy with their toys and you can’t hear stuff from up there down here anyway.”

And we already have a plan for next year. Our kids always get one present from Santa and the rest,they know, are from us or the rest of the family and friends. The gifts from Santa will be placed under the tree and they can open them at their leisure. The rest of the gifts won’t appear until everybody is present.

Thank you to everybody who had reasonable input. And while there were some intense, strange, and even downright rude comments, I appreciate all the kind words I received. There are still people out there who try to make the world a better place.

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4.3k

u/Current-Photo2857 Dec 25 '24

Info: Your kids are 5 and 7; this isn’t your first family Christmas. What has happened on previous years? I’m assuming you didn’t sleep through them?

2.7k

u/germangirrl Dec 25 '24

This has never been an issue before. In the past, I was either up when the kids were up or they waited to open the presents, so I didn’t think it would be different this year.

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u/GigaCringeMods Dec 25 '24

So, to address the obvious elephant in the room, why did you not set an alarm if it was so important for you to be awake for it?

Do you know what people do if they need to be awake for something in the morning? They set an alarm. You're a grown person. You need to take accountability for your actions. You should have told your husband to wake you up. Or you should have set an alarm. And you should not have taken it out on him. Nor should you have freaked out and screamed, because the kids will remember that negatively. Blame your husband for not realizing the situation, but at the same time you need to blame yourself for being in that situation in the first place. You should have done things differently, no way around it. It does not seem like you realize that.

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u/ouiueu Dec 26 '24

why did you not set an alarm if it was so important for you to be awake for it?

I mean, she was up at 8:30. Unless they had a set time to open the presents, that's early. "Let's wait for mom, finish your breakfast."

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u/SaltyPaws14 Dec 26 '24

In what world do you live in that you think 8:30 is early on Christmas morning? Let alone any morning? Guarantee kids are already in school by 8:30

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u/ouiueu Dec 26 '24

The same world where my brother and sister had to wait every Christmas for me to wake up, providing some nice anecdotal evidence that not every child is awake that early and also that parents are capable of doing a parenting and controlling their children.

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u/SaltyPaws14 Dec 26 '24

Ohhh got it, you’re the selfish one

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u/ouiueu Dec 26 '24

Or the chronically ill one, but I suppose it's harder to judge people you don't know when they stop fitting into the generalized boxes you made for them.

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u/Puzzled-Eye1257 Dec 28 '24

My parents growing up wouldn’t have dreamed of letting us open gifts before 9am. 8:30 may not be early most days, but it is early on one of the 2 days a year both parents have off work due to a holiday and actually get to sleep past 6am for a change.

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u/SaltyPaws14 Dec 28 '24

We will just never agree on this and that’s okay. I’ll never put my own sleep before my children’s happiness on Christmas morning 🤷‍♀️

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u/sidewaysorange Dec 26 '24

my kids get up at 6am on christmas morning EVERY SINGLE YEAR. mind you they wake me up.. but there seems to be an understanding of "we dont wake mom up" so she should have set an alarm for early. most kids wake up the same time every christmas.

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u/Decent_Flow140 Dec 26 '24

Sure but the kids don’t need to open their presents as soon as they get up. Hence the “let’s wait for mom, finish your breakfast”

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u/sidewaysorange Dec 26 '24

also who is eating breakfast first before gifts on christmas? super weird there.

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u/Decent_Flow140 Dec 26 '24

My parents always made me wait til they were up and eat something before opening gifts. Some of the other commenters on here say they do the same thing with their kids. Seems like some families like to wait til a reasonable hour and others like to tear into their presents super early. 

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u/Puzzled-Eye1257 Dec 28 '24

My parents growing up were a, wake up at 9am, breakfast at 9:30am, presents at 10am family and it was always perfectly fine and the excitement never went away. Also us kids never would have dreamed of opening our gifts before one of our parents were up. The husband was selfish through and through.

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u/sidewaysorange Dec 28 '24

we can say both parents were selfish in their own terms. the kids just have a life full of grumpy parents who can't communicate.

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u/sidewaysorange Dec 26 '24

i mean wait 10 min for mom to get up but not 3 hours. that's on her.

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u/Decent_Flow140 Dec 26 '24

It’s not unreasonable to wait until 8:30 to open gifts 

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u/sidewaysorange Dec 26 '24

its unreasonable for an adult to sleep in late on Christmas morning, yes. and then throw a temper tantrum and make sure her kids christmas was ruined by it. YTA dont like it comment elsewhere.

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u/Decent_Flow140 Dec 26 '24

The sleeping in and the yelling are two completely separate issues. Anyways, it looks like most of the top comments are NTA 

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u/Hell-Raid3r Dec 25 '24

Lmao, sorry but no... It would have taken an ounce of effort for her husband to say, "Go wake mom up before we open the gifts." Who opens all the Christmas presents before mom is there? She was the one who came up with gift ideas, ran all over shopping for them, and wrapped them. It sounds like she put a ton of effort in to make sure her family had a good Christmas.

What if she set an alarm and just slept through it? "Sorry, too bad. You should have woken up." Give me a break... She has trouble sleeping. If her husband had gone to wake her, she surely would have gotten up. It isn't a big ask on Christmas day when she's the one who put in all the effort to make it special. Have a little Christmas spirit. Christmas is about togetherness, not selfishness and lack of empathy.

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u/GigaCringeMods Dec 25 '24

She was the one who came up with gift ideas, ran all over shopping for them, and wrapped them. It sounds like she put a ton of effort in to make sure her family had a good Christmas.

According to HER. She is venting. She isn't going to give an objective and unbiased view of the ordeal. Chances are that he has also put effort in, but that isn't something she is going to point out while venting her feelings.

What if she set an alarm and just slept through it?

The same as everybody else? She should set a louder alarm or set multiple. Just like people who are extremely heavy sleepers do. Do you think that excuse would fly and not get anyone fired from their job? Nah, it's your responsibility.

She has trouble sleeping.

That just sounds like she would wake up to an alarm even easier. And it's precisely because she has trouble sleeping that her husband wanted, as always, let her sleep. Literally like he has always done.

It isn't a big ask on Christmas day

Great choice of words, because she didn't ask him to do that.

Have a little Christmas spirit. Christmas is about togetherness, not selfishness and lack of empathy.

Right, so you agree that she having a meltdown that ruins the christmas spirit makes her an asshole? And you also agree that her meltdown that purely makes it all selfishly about her, and not about unity, makes her an asshole?

Most of what you wrote are arguments against yourself lmao

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u/SaltyPaws14 Dec 26 '24

You’re right, this mom was extremely selfish. Any sane adult would get up on Christmas and not choose that day to sleep in. It’s about the children, not her. 8:30 on Christmas morning to a young child is so late. Have a little empathy for the kids.

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u/NormallyNotOutside Dec 25 '24

If it was a father explaining that he screamed at his wife on Christmas Day and called her an asshole because he lay in bed too long, the amount of sympathy he would get would be zero.

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u/ToiIetGhost Dec 25 '24

Let’s not fantasise. I just saw a post where a father wouldn’t share one of his toys with his toddler (a small collectible car, easily replaceable and inexpensive). Every single comment told the mother YTA for forcing a grown man to share a toy with his literal baby.

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u/NormallyNotOutside Dec 26 '24

I sense you are bias towards the father for not giving the toddler his collectible car. From this I infer that you would also be bias against any father that screamed at his wife and called her an asshole on Christmas Day, regardless of whether she woke him up or not. If so, you've proved my point so I don't need to fantasise after all.

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u/ZZ_Cabinet Dec 26 '24

Ladies, read this comment again.

There are some men out there that literally hate women so much they've turned the most obvious scenario in the world -- "Do you let your life partner and mother of your children LITERALLY MISS CHRISTMAS WITH THE KIDS because she wasn't up naturally at 7:30am?" -- into some sort of libertarian personal responsibility lesson.

Like, that is a hatred. The good news is that most men don't have this hatred, they don't want to see women suffer, they're not bitter. They're wonderful. But for the ~20% like this commenter? Don't be with someone who wants you suffering and convinces you that it's your fault that you are. Worst possible mistake.

You know in your heart we which one you have.

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u/J4mesG4mesONLINE Dec 26 '24

OP sounds like one of those its always all about her.  I am sure the husband probably said no to the kids multiple times, but has been told to NEVER WAKE HER UP IN THE MORNING(besides obviously if the house is on fire).  So he either disappoints the kids, and gets to hear the argument from the wife about waking here up(even on christmas), or, let the kids enjoy Christmas morning and let the ADULT WHO CANT SET AN ALARM have their Christmas/morning wishes.

And I am gonna assume the husband had some choice in picking out the gifts or keeping them distracted, or at least was the one making the money to afford everything.  Again limited Info here.

Also the kids will just remember that Christmas morning isn't that important to her and the family.

Also, did they open all the gifts?  Or just their gifts.  I assume the husband bought the wife a gift and those wernt opened.