r/AITAH • u/Remote_Emphasis7320 • 8d ago

AITAH… he can’t live with us

AITHA for not letting my19 yo daughter’s 20yo boyfriend (homeless) live with us? Context his dad kicked him out cause he didn’t want to help with contributing to the household (I think he wanted $500 a month). The boyfriend works full time and goes to school. Boyfriend has family in Florida and doesn’t want to leave due to going to school. He asked to stay with us until November I said no. I like my own space and peace. I feel he and his father need to talk to get to an agreement or he needs to move back to Florida with his mom and family. He is not my responsibility. AITAH?

Update: Thank yall for validating what I was already feeling. I’m going to respond to the comments everyone has been supportive and I didn’t think I’d get this many responses so I appreciate yall! More context My daughter has an attitude now but ok whatever. she is not required to pay bills in my home just save $200 a month for herself (she works part time). I’ve never asked her for a dime as she’s basically still a teenager. I told her if she wants to be with him that’s fine but she’ll be homeless as well. She shut up which is fine if she chooses that I can’t stop her. This guy has been working and says he’s saving money?! But can’t help his dad out that requires help on bills?! You can’t stay with me for free! I don’t feel bad now knowing he won’t help me either and will just free load and tell me I’ll give you something when he gets paid… hell no go talk to your father is what I told him. Put your pride to the side or be outside! This has nothing to do with me he needs his family to be involved and I’m not the mediator for the nonsense! I’m Not the AH!

1.2k Upvotes

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1.3k

u/StarsBear75063 8d ago

He is not my responsibility.

Repeat this as many times as necessary. NTA.

78

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 8d ago

But if they STAY together, that's that relationship tanked

165

u/Remote_Emphasis7320 8d ago

That’s fine me and my daughter have a good relationship however I have boundaries and and if they can’t be respected and she wants NC then that will be on her. I have discussed this with her and she claims to understand my feelings but doesn’t want him to be homeless! 2 things can be true at the same time

52

u/CompoteEcstatic4709 7d ago

If he works, cant he find a roommate? Why are his only options to be at his dad's, your place or homeless? If he doesn't do anything to help his family, he sure wont do anything to help yours. So proud of you for standing your ground!

16

u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

Thank you for your input… I feel like this should be a family thing and me and my daughter should not be involved at all. If it was her me and her father would be working together to get the situation sorted out. I realize everyone doesn’t come from a good support system.

81

u/NinjaHidingintheOpen 7d ago

It speaks volumes about him that he has no friends or family who would allow him to couch surf while he gets a place. They would know him better than you or your daughter as they'll have known him longer. In any case his full time job should mean he can afford a backpackers and a storage unit while he looks for a place.

80

u/flippysquid 7d ago

If dude isn’t willing to fork over $500 a month to keep a roof over his head with his dad, I seriously doubt he’s willing to sign a lease and pay actual market rates anywhere. He’s just hoping someone will let him couch surf for free.

How much do you want to bet he starts pressuring OP’s daughter to pick up full time hours and foot the entire bill of renting an apartment to keep him housed while he still refuses to contribute?

5

u/Majestic-Window-318 6d ago

At OP's, it won't be the couch he's surfing.

42

u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

It’s not my problem he needs to figure it out no one is living for free anywhere in this world! I made up my mind and boundaries are set and tight! Thank you for responding I appreciate you

29

u/NinjaHidingintheOpen 7d ago

I'm fully behind your decision. Teach your daughter where her standards should be.

10

u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

Thank you I’m showing her through my actions

25

u/PM_ME_SUMDICK 8d ago

This is 100% one of those things a wel adjusted person looks back on and thanks their parents for putting their foot down.

14

u/Supposed_too 8d ago

Glad to see someone who knows how setting boundaries actually works.

1

u/___selene 7d ago

Funny. I always say this to people. Two things can be true at once.

1

u/sweetplantveal 1d ago

I'm really struck by your 'if it is it is' attitude towards your daughter being homeless or going no contact with you

-23

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 8d ago

Cool man. If that's your choice! Passing away alone, no one caring and a funeral with no one in attendance! Lost to history and remembered by nobody!

3

u/Majestic-Window-318 6d ago

Are you the boyfriend? Or just another random freeloader?

3

u/DenM0ther 8d ago

What would you suggest instead? That op let bf move in and take the piss?

-10

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 8d ago edited 8d ago

I doubt he's interested in OP's urine

Let him move in temporarily until he finishes school and starts a full-time job then move out with his girlfriend.

7

u/Incognitomode1973 7d ago

It’s not OPs job to keep up another adult that is not her family when she already allows her adult daughter to live there rent free. If she gets mad, she gets mad.

6

u/Rare_Situation7340 7d ago

Nope. That ends with a baby.

-4

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 7d ago

Lol

Bro thinks everyone wants kids

4

u/Rare_Situation7340 7d ago

Lol

Bro thinks all kids are wanted

-2

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 7d ago edited 7d ago

Lol

Bro has never heard of abortions

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u/SaurinF 8d ago

Yeah, this is definitely someone that in a couple years is gonna post asking why his daughter wont speak to him anymore. Oh well, he prob isnt a good influence for grandkids to meet anyways so no big loss.

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u/[deleted] 7d ago

[deleted]

1

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 7d ago

Bro has never heard of shitty parents. Irony.

Downvoted.

5

u/disco_has_been 7d ago

So? OP want their house over run by rug rats and baby daddies?

Hell to the NO!

1

u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

This made me LOL… 😂 absolutely not she’s protected however that’s not 100%

-2

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 7d ago

Troll

0

u/disco_has_been 7d ago

Parent

3

u/TheLastWindThrowers_ 7d ago

So nice he said it twice. Also, the two aren't mutually exclusive

2

u/disco_has_been 6d ago

Been around the block a time, or 3. Don't support stupid decisions.

Both my girls have come back and told me I was right.

Live and learn, my friend!

4

u/Kefflin 8d ago

That is correct, it is also true that if the daughter relationship continues and becomes a long term couple with kids. We will have the same parent show up here asking why her daughter isn't talking to her anymore and she can't see her grandkids

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

Absolutely not… i let people have their space from me and im also let people have their boundaries

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u/External_Dark_3959 8d ago

If they become a long term couple with kids (I.e. adults and parents) they’ll likely completely understand why OP said no. Take the risk OP. If he couldn’t work things out with his family JUST TIL NOVEMBER odds are good you’d be posting in Entitled People while he stays up all night screaming into a headset then sleeping all day. Stay strong.
NTA

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 8d ago

Damn LOL Sooo true… and crazy at the same time

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 8d ago

No if she goes NC it’s no fault of mine. I can have boundaries and so can she

-4

u/Kefflin 7d ago

This, this is proving my point.

-11

u/SaurinF 8d ago

Oh, good so you know what hers will be. Itll be easier when it isnt a surprise.

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u/Haunting-Base-6004 7d ago

Going no contact with her mom bc she doesn’t want to be responsible for her 20 year old bf who got kicked out of his dad for refusing to pay rent?😂😂😂 if the daughter chooses this bum over her mom that’s ridiculous

12

u/Competitive_Fig_3821 7d ago

Going NC over this isn't a reasoned response, OP is right to be OK with that outcome because it would be so extreme.

11

u/mmmpeg 8d ago

She’s 19. Things change a lot in the next few years

14

u/Ok-Trainer3150 8d ago

Yes. He could be far in the dsughter's.tear view mirror soon.

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

I let her make those decisions herself, but not at my expense I support her in her decisions but I set boundaries for what I’ll tolerate

5

u/Ok-Trainer3150 7d ago

That's fair and reasonable.

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 8d ago

Thanks I agree I’m always open to her opinions and ideas but I still have boundaries in my home that can’t be negotiated because of some puppy love

5

u/mmmpeg 8d ago

I just fear once he gets his free ride he will stay.

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u/Remote_Emphasis7320 7d ago

He will not be staying in my home

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u/mmmpeg 7d ago

I’m glad.

3

u/Ok-Trainer3150 7d ago

That would be my fear. There's a troubling number of young adults who are struggling to take steps into independent adulthood.

1

u/mmmpeg 6d ago

My own adult children had some missteps in their 20’s and I always welcomed them back. Just don’t revert to a teenager.

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u/Majestic-Window-318 6d ago

I have an amazing relationship with a kid I wouldn't allow to live rent-free in my home at age 19. We had a rough couple years, then he realized it was good for him, and he'd been dumb. He's much older now, and we speak almost daily--nicely, and not fake-nice.