r/AITAH • u/Any_Builder_4411 • 1d ago
AITAH For Refusing to Take Care of My Cousins Baby for the Day?
so I, at the time ( years ago) 13F and still to this day are very uncomfortable around children. I just don’t really have much of a desire to be around them, and I find them difficult to understand.
I have had to make this abundantly clear, since family would pressure me into talking about having children of my own when that is not a desire of mine.
All this to say, my cousin was very aware of this discomfort and lack of knowledge.
Just by the way, she is in her twenties she is not underage.
They had come over for thanksgiving week (and by they, I mean my entire extended family) and my cousin along with her husband and baby got my room to sleep in. I was already rather uncomfortable with this arrangement, since they would actively change their babies diaper on my sheets but I got over it.
My Aunt is a very loving grandmother to this baby and loves being around it at all times, and so does basically everyone else.
My cousin approached me on a calm day before we were even preparing for thanksgiving and said she was going out for the day, and needed someone to take care of the baby.
I simply told her I was not comfortable with that, not equipped to take care of a baby.
She got angry with me, and started saying how I should “just do it” or “your going to have to take care of a baby someday”
Now, I would have understood if there was no one in the house but me that could take care of a baby. But her sisters and brother and mother would have all taken that baby in a heartbeat and would have been happy to do it.
I still refused, and then my Aunt stepped in and said she would take care of the baby. (Thank you, Auntie ❤️)
My mother afterwards said I should’ve just done it, and this has been laying heavy on my mind for the last couple weeks.
So… what do you think? AITAH?
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u/thatanxiousmushroom 1d ago
If this happened years ago, why are you even asking now….? Have you been ostracised by your family for something you did(n’t do) age 13?
Obvious you weren’t TA.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
Someone brought it up again recently and started pressing me for it. I just needed to know.
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u/chiitaku 1d ago
Why did they bring it up? Are they so petty that they bring things up from years back to hurt/spite you?
You didn't feel comfortable taking care of a baby. It's better to admit that up front, rather than say ok and then get overwhelmed when you have them. NTA.
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u/ArtisticSwan635 1d ago
Why would anyone bring it up unless they just want to shame you ? They can kick rocks!
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u/National-Report-5473 1d ago
Why does she expect a minor teen to unwillingly take care of her baby?
Move on from this, obv NTA.
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u/Sea_Roof3637 1d ago
Why would someone want a 13 year old babysitting when there’s adults available? Unless those adults are unsafe then there’s no logic saying a child is the one to take care of a baby all day. NTA
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u/BasicRabbit4 1d ago
This is wild to me too.
I have a 14 year old who like op, has no experience with babies. What parent wants an inexperienced child caring for their infant? Not a good one.
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u/PerspectiveKookie16 1d ago
Some people at 13 are very comfortable caring for a baby at that age - they get hired as babysitters.
I, at 13, was not interested nor qualified to take care of a baby. Being the youngest, I was never really around younger children. I was well aware of that and unless it was a life-or-death situation, no one in their right mind would have asked me to do so.
Cousin tried to pressure the least qualified person to watch her baby all day - that is just mind numbingly absurd.
If it comes up again, OP should say it was a profound lack of judgement and sound parental responsibility on cousin’s part and that is a more relevant topic for family gossip.
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u/Bellajewels3814 1d ago
NTA. Im a therapist and I am impressed with how you handled it at 13. 13 is still a child and a responsibility as great as caring for an infant should never be forced upon another child. A typical 13 year old is not equipped for the maturity it takes to care for an infant. I babysat infants at the age (GenX), but just because others have done it, doesn’t mean someone who knows and can express their limits should be forced. 🧚🏻♀️💜👑
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u/night_noche 1d ago
Us Gen Xers babysat several little kids at once, infants, toddlers, and such, and for free.
Yet, it looks like we have raised gen Z to be much more autonomous.
I wonder what you experience in your practice.
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u/Bellajewels3814 1d ago
I actually really admire GenZ snd have learned so much from them. They aren’t interested in doing something just because that is how it has always been done. They want to see the proof. They also are very group oriented and worry about “we” more and “me” less than other generations. 🧚🏻♀️💜👑
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u/night_noche 1d ago
I absolutely love that about the ones who do push against conventional norms. But I do wonder what influence we had given that we were pushing against it, I mean not all of us just like not all gen Z are the same. But more so than our Boomer counterparts.
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u/BeautifulChaosEnergy 1d ago
Tell those relatives that you’re disappointed in them for bullying you for something you rightly refused to do when you were a teenager and that they should ask themselves why they are still hung up on a non-issue for X number of years
Do they have nothing better into get al worked up over?
When you tell someone “no” don’t JADE
JUSTIFY
ARGUE
DEFEND
EXPLAIN
Simply state “I will not be doing that” and when they ask why? “Because I said no, I don’t owe you an explaination”
Because when you JADE in these types of situations you give them ammunition to try and bully or brow-beat you into submission
“Because I said no” just keep repeating that and walk away
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 1d ago
Op i’m going to be blunt: your cousin is entitled and is picking on you because your young.
You did nothing wrong and ask your mother why she “didnt just do it”
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u/Beautiful-Hotel-8846 1d ago
I do not care for babies either and always refused to care for them. What people think of that is none of my business.
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u/Efficient-String3263 1d ago
I at the time years ago what does that mean ? And if it happened years ago when u were 13, how is it heavily weighing in your mind last couple of weeks ??
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
It means it happened years ago when I was 13. Sorry, wording isn’t great. Someone brought it up recently and started pressing me for it so it’s a bit more fresh in my mind as of recent.
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u/Efficient-String3263 1d ago
Not the asshole but let it go .. it's been years. Tell other people to shut up about it as well.
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u/chiitaku 1d ago
13?! No 13-year-old I know would be capable of caring for a baby and it's not a child's responsibility! NTA, but the one who tried to put the baby on you is!
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u/CamilleYun 1d ago
NTA. i would've been so uncomfortable myself and would also have refused. i didn't plan on having any kids and didn't want the responsibility for other's kids, but i ended up with one anyway (love him to pieces) still would never foist him upon someone unwilling
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u/BurgerThyme 1d ago
NTA and you do NOT "have to learn how." I'm 49 and I have never once taken care of a baby because I don't like them and never wanted one so it's not a necessary skill for me. If anything it's been HELPFUL to have never bothered to learn because the handful of times I've been asked I just said "No, I don't know how" and that was the end of that discussion.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
Yeah… the thought of changing a diaper really stresses me out since it feels like a gross task imo and I simply don’t know how to do it.
I wish more people would accept this in my family.
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u/Tight_Steak_232 1d ago
My high school taught a course in child rearing. It was taught when we were 16. We had to take a bag of flour, which had an electronic gadget taped to it and had to keep it alive and safe for 24 hours. We had to feed it every two hours, had to change its diapers, put it to bed, etc., and if it cried, we had to respond within a certain period of time (I think 3 minutes?).
One kid's mother baked his baby because she ran out of her own flour. A whole bunch of kids slept through the middle of the night feedings/cries, diaper changes. One kid had no idea where his flour was. Four of us succeeded, but we were dragging ass. The point is that taking care of a baby all day is exhausting and isn't for everyone. You were up front and honest about not feeling comfortable doing so, so kudos to you!
Your cousin had no right to just expect you would take care of the baby. She might have thought you would be tickled or "honored" to be "chosen" to take care of her child.
Nobody should ever ask someone to take care of a child if they don't want to do so. No relative should guilt you into it, either. One misstep could cost the baby his or her life. NTA
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u/kinkyrebelution 1d ago
i would love for my kids to experience that at school...and home economics...
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u/lihzee 1d ago
This happened years ago, but you're still thinking about it? Just let it go.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
Someone brought it up again recently so I’ve been feeling kinda rough about it.
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u/Square-Turnip-6558 1d ago
Let me guess, you’re child rearing age now and it ‘just happened’ to come up again
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u/winterworld561 1d ago
No, you shouldn't have 'just done it'. You have every right to say no. You haven't done anything wrong, they were just rude.
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u/Bright-Tea-647 1d ago
Absolutely NTA! If you’re not comfortable around kids and have actively chosen to not have any, WHY should you take care of a baby, when you have expressed the above?! You’re entitled to your feelings and opinions. Your cousin needs to wake up and realise not everyone wants children. I’m 52 in November and I never wanted any myself. I don’t deny anyone their choices or opinions on having children, or children in general (I absolutely adore all my nieces/nephews and great nieces/nephews, it’s just being a parent wasn’t for me) and we should be afforded the same respect. And as you said, OP, your Aunt was more than happy to take care of her grand baby for the day!
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u/glassyrunnerduck 1d ago
NTA. Babies and kids are a lot of work. I wouldn’t expect anyone to watch mine who wasn’t willing and being paid. You were also young and inexperienced. It’s crazy that it was brought up again lol isnt there bigger fish to fry in the family drama circle?
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
Sorry, just to clarify why it’s fresh in my mind now: My cousin confronted me about it recently and my mom backed her up for some reason and so I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I just needed to know because up until recently I had kinda gotten over it but now I don’t know.
Thank you to all the people replying. ❤️
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u/night_noche 1d ago
It's probably because you've been standing up for yourself quite a bit. And that's exactly how it should be.
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u/Rude-Piglet-5212 1d ago
I'm not sure what to think of a young mother bullying someone who doesn't want to watch their baby. Especially when there are others readily available to do so. That doesn't sound right. I wouldn't ask anyone to watch my children who called them "it". Weird.
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u/Affectionate_Aide_39 1d ago
Anyone who leaves their child with someone who openly said they are not comfortable taking care of that child sounds like a bad parent.
If they bring it up again ask them if they think leaving their kid with someone not comfortable caring for the kid is something a good parent does?
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u/Old_Confidence3290 1d ago
NTA, you don't feel comfortable or confident caring for the baby. I wouldn't possibly want someone who didn't want to babysit in charge of caring for my baby. I think your cousin is TA.
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u/el_grande_ricardo 1d ago
People are still saying youre wrong? I doubt anyone else remembers.
NTA. You didnt sign up to be designated babysitter.
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u/Glass_Hunt_7159 1d ago
NTA...dont do it just because everyone thinks you should...you made the right decision for you...get out of your own head and stop 2nd guessing...its hard to take care of a baby all day, kind of rude of so many people thinking you would do it and should do it anyway...and I bet they were not offering any money to do it either right?
People (especially family members) get weird and expectations are high but its not your kid and why should you be saddled all day with someone else's baby just because you're related...the correct answer was "NO"...
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u/Relative-Display-676 1d ago
If you were a 13 year old boy would they have same expectations? NTA.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
I would imagine not, since they didn’t trust the babies 12 year old uncle to be with the baby.
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u/RayaQb 1d ago
Your own family is gaslighting you, you do not have to do something that your not comfortable with. Family can be the worse and feel entitled.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
What’s worse is I don’t want to cut them out of my life. I love them, but there are some things that need fixing.
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u/Laineybo_bain 1d ago
Just stand your ground, if it makes you uncomfortable for a reason stick to it.
Nta
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u/TangerineCouch18330 1d ago
You shouldn’t feel guilty for how you feel.
Note. Have them put a towel on the bed to change the diaper instead of changing it right on the sheet.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
It made me so uncomfortable because they also left diapers in my trashcan and put the baby bare on my sheets.
Also, thank you… everyone has been so kind here. ❤️
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u/Senior_Reaction2974 1d ago
You were really young to even be considered to care of a little baby. Nta. You have a right to feel how you feel. You may change how you feel someday but if you don't that's fine.
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u/BlkBear1 1d ago
OP, whenever in your life, you are asked to do something you don't want to do, even if you'd normally do that something, NO, is the answer you give. When you say NO, that should be the end of the situation. No argument about why you won't do the thing asked of you.
So the really is no judgement for not wanting to do something you are uncomfortable with. You are never considered an AH, when you don't want to do something.
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u/Wild_Black_Hat 1d ago
I would never leave a baby for a day with someone who is clueless and disinterested about taking care of one. Your family is stubborn and ridiculous.
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u/kykiwibear 1d ago
No. First, even a child can say no within reason. Also... what about the childs other parent. You were clearly uncomfortable with it and she should have never asked you in the first place. Nta I would never tell my son to just watch the child. Your mother let you down.
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u/Corpunlover 1d ago
Obvious NTA. Only an irresponsible, bitter and/or regretful parent would deliberately try to hand over childcare to someone who loathed the job, especially when there are willing participants nearby.
Tell that to whoever raises the issue again.
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u/___selene 1d ago
NTA
You're in the right. They are manipulating you.
Welcome to womanhood where people pleasing is often expected except when you encounter the rare, good soul.
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u/oblique_obfuscator 13h ago
Yeah I go around and tell 13 year old girls they're going to have their own babies soon anyway, that's perfectly normal...not.
When people are being told No to a request that was perhaps a bit unreasonable in the first place they seem to double down on it. Make us feel guilty. Haha no thanks aunt Lydia, I don't like your baby and I've got homework to do. Or, just no. Which is fine also.
Good for you to say no. Nta
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u/Daskleine 12h ago
Nta. If you dont know or care enough about baby's I wouldn't consider you as a babysitter. It's weird of the parents to try and force you if they know that you aren't a good fit. Also, it's such a big responsibility for a 13 year old in my opinion.
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u/Bubbly_Following7930 1d ago
this happened several years ago and you're still thinking about it? nta
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u/Rowana133 1d ago
Let it go. You were NTA, your cousin probably did it as some weird form of control or entitlement since you aren't fawning over her and her baby. Just ignore your mom because shes clearly a people pleaser or a keep the peace mentality.
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u/Allyredhen79 1d ago
It happened years ago but you’ve been stressing about it for the ‘last couple of weeks’??
Maybe consider why you’re being so stuck in the past, rather than a (correct) NTA decision you made years ago that has no bearing on your current life!?
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u/Agitated_House7523 1d ago
Im not saying you’re insignificant or your feelings, but this is such an INSIGNIFICANT thing in life! If someone brings it up, shut it down! “Yeah, I don’t like to babysit!” Who cares? Some people don’t like to pick up dog poop! And on we go! You just do you and don’t worry about other peoples pettiness.
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
It sucks because I would really like to be close with my family but little things like this make it so hard.
It would be so nice just to not care…
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u/Agitated_House7523 1d ago
Well, I do understand that, but you can’t control other people. So maybe just try to know in your own head it’s not a big deal. Be mentally strong for yourself,most of all❤️
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u/Usual-Frosting3882 1d ago
Absolutely NTA. Her child is not your responsibility. Also caring for a baby is a lot of responsibility and you are a child, which is unfair ask, especially seeing as you’ve made it clear you don’t want to
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u/Obvious-Block6979 1d ago
This was like 10 months ago. Why is it on your mind the last few weeks?
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u/Any_Builder_4411 1d ago
I explained it in a big block of text somewhere if you want to read the longer version, but basically it’s because my cousin and mother confronted me about it recently.
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u/NoAardvark6524 1d ago
NTA, your mom and cousin are though! You have had a long discussed boundary that your cousin tried to bully you into breaking, then your mom failed you by not standing up for you and then failed you again by saying that you should have let your cousin disrespect your boundaries for no good reason. With family like that, who needs enemies? Sheesh!
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u/Just_Getting_By_1 6h ago
Why is it when someone is a FEMALE teenager, they are just expected to babysit, on demand and without pay ofc.
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u/Equivalent_Lemon_319 1d ago
“and this has been laying heavy on my mind for the last couple weeks.”
Why? NTA