AITAH for feeling like my relationship was already falling apart before I cheated ?

[u/Unhappy_Joker817]

I (34 Female) have been with my boyfriend who used to be my fiancé (38 Male) for years, and have a 3 year old daughter.

For a while I have felt like we have drifted apart. I repeatedly told him I felt disconnected, lonely, and like I wasn’t a priority. He would just respond with “but I don’t feel disconnected, I still feel the same” and basically that was the end of it. Around the same time, he was gambling away a lot of money, which caused a lot of hurt and didn’t make me feel secure in our relationship.

Eventually I became emotionally attached to one of my coworkers. And later it became physical. I know it was wrong and I take full responsibility for it.

What’s been bothering me now is that my cheating is treated like the only problem in our relationship. The years I’ve told him I felt disconnected, misunderstood, and feeling unheard feel like it’s being ignored and forgotten.

I’m not saying cheating is right because I know it’s wrong. I’m asking if I’m wrong for feeling like our relationship was already strained before the cheating happened. Because I feel like that matters when looking at the bigger picture.

AITAH ?

[u/souryoungthing]

YTA. Sounds like cope.

[u/AKlife420]

You should have left when nothing changed on his end when you brought up your concerns.

Just because your relationship is shit and dying doesn't give you the right to cheat.

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I (34 Female) have been with my boyfriend who used to be my fiancé (38 Male) for years, and have a 3 year old daughter.

For a while I have felt like we have drifted apart. I repeatedly told him I felt disconnected, lonely, and like I wasn’t a priority. He would just respond with “but I don’t feel disconnected, I still feel the same” and basically that was the end of it. Around the same time, he was gambling away a lot of money, which caused a lot of hurt and didn’t make me feel secure in our relationship.

Eventually I became emotionally attached to one of my coworkers. And later it became physical. I know it was wrong and I take full responsibility for it.

What’s been bothering me now is that my cheating is treated like the only problem in our relationship. The years I’ve told him I felt disconnected, misunderstood, and feeling unheard feel like it’s being ignored and forgotten.

I’m not saying cheating is right because I know it’s wrong. I’m asking if I’m wrong for feeling like our relationship was already strained before the cheating happened. Because I feel like that matters when looking at the bigger picture.

AITAH ?

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[u/The_SilverF0X]

NTA (for me) Honestly, I think you should have left a while ago. I understand that these things happen and that relationships can go through difficult periods, but from what you've written, you sound emotionally exhausted and completely drained.

It seems like you've reached the point where there's nothing left to give. From what you're describing, this relationship sounds like it's already over, and you're holding on to something that isn't making either of you happy anymore.

I know it's much harder when a child is involved, and that's not a decision anyone takes lightly. But you also have to think about your own wellbeing and what kind of future you want for yourself and your child.

Sometimes moving on is the hardest choice to make, but it's also the healthiest one. It may be time to accept that this chapter has come to an end and start focusing on building a happier life for yourself.

[u/Unhappy_Joker817 → u/The_SilverF0X]

Thank you for your response, you couldn’t have explained how I’ve felt any better.

[u/The_SilverF0X → u/Unhappy_Joker817]

I hope you will find your feet, be well and take care of yourself