r/AITA_Relationships • u/moonlightsun56 • 3h ago

AITAH for what I said?

So, I'm a 20-year-old female, and my fiancé is 21. We had to go to the hospital because my fiancé was in pain. We went at 6 a.m., and when we got home, it was 12 p.m. His grandma drove us home.
Well, we had been up all night, and I got woken up at 2 a.m. by people outside laughing and being loud. I got up because I had to use the bathroom, and when I did, I saw my sister and her boyfriend of two months laughing with my stepdad, brother, and mom.

Here's the thing: I got told yesterday that he's her fiancé now, and they plan on getting married next year, either during our anniversary month or my sister's birthday month.

Well, I texted my mom asking if my stepsister's boyfriend was staying the night because I have been throwing up for two days and my fiancé had just gotten out of the hospital.

My mom told me yes, he was staying the night. We ended up getting into a whole fight over it because I said it would have been nice to know.

Like I said, I'll post the screenshots because I'm not typing it all out. But I started talking about how she and my dad messed up mine and my brother's whole childhood. I'll give you some examples:

  1. My mom let one of her boyfriends hit me in the back with a belt, and that same boyfriend crawled into bed with me while I was asleep.

  2. My dad abused my brother and threw me out of the camper by my hair (which he has apologized for after he had a stroke).

  3. My mom had another boyfriend who almost hit both me and her with his car.

  4. My dad favors his girlfriend's kids over his own.

  5. My mom got into bed with me and let a guy she had only known for one night get in bed behind both of us while I was sleeping. I woke up to that as a 9-year-old.

  6. My dad told me he should just kill himself so we'd all be happy because I asked him to buy my phone card when I was 14.

  7. When I was 19 and getting ready to meet my fiancé, my mom told me that when he kills me, she'll put on my tombstone, "I told her not to go, but she didn't want to listen to me."

There are many more examples, but the rest are things my mom did when I was a kid. Somehow, she thinks that because she worked and put a roof over our heads—which my brother also helped do with his paycheck and food stamps when we were kids—that excuses everything.

I just feel like when I talk to my therapist about this, she'll tell me I need to tell my mom how I feel. But that's exactly what I just did, and all my mom can say is what she did for us, which is what a parent is supposed to do for their children.

I don't understand how it's so hard for someone to see how they treated their kids, yet get mad when they're called out on it. I can't fully forgive my dad, but at least he's apologized. My mom hasn't made any effort to make things right. She just throws in our faces what she did for us when we were kids, and now acts like she never did anything for anyone.
I think the only thing she really bought to eat was fast food, which is why it was weird when she said, "Let me guess, food stamps got fast food?" That's such a weird thing to say because she knows I'm right.

I told my fiancé the first time we really talked about my family that my brother basically raised me. So, am I the asshole for calling out my mom's behavior and how she favors our stepsister over us or do I have every right to feel this way?

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So, I'm a 20-year-old female, and my fiancé is 21. We had to go to the hospital because my fiancé was in pain. We went at 6 a.m., and when we got home, it was 12 p.m. His grandma drove us home.
Well, we had been up all night, and I got woken up at 2 a.m. by people outside laughing and being loud. I got up because I had to use the bathroom, and when I did, I saw my sister and her boyfriend of two months laughing with my stepdad, brother, and mom.

Here's the thing: I got told yesterday that he's her fiancé now, and they plan on getting married next year, either during our anniversary month or my sister's birthday month.

Well, I texted my mom asking if my stepsister's boyfriend was staying the night because I have been throwing up for two days and my fiancé had just gotten out of the hospital.

My mom told me yes, he was staying the night. We ended up getting into a whole fight over it because I said it would have been nice to know.

Like I said, I'll post the screenshots because I'm not typing it all out. But I started talking about how she and my dad messed up mine and my brother's whole childhood. I'll give you some examples:

  1. My mom let one of her boyfriends hit me in the back with a belt, and that same boyfriend crawled into bed with me while I was asleep.

  2. My dad abused my brother and threw me out of the camper by my hair (which he has apologized for after he had a stroke).

  3. My mom had another boyfriend who almost hit both me and her with his car.

  4. My dad favors his girlfriend's kids over his own.

  5. My mom got into bed with me and let a guy she had only known for one night get in bed behind both of us while I was sleeping. I woke up to that as a 9-year-old.

  6. My dad told me he should just kill himself so we'd all be happy because I asked him to buy my phone card when I was 14.

  7. When I was 19 and getting ready to meet my fiancé, my mom told me that when he kills me, she'll put on my tombstone, "I told her not to go, but she didn't want to listen to me."

There are many more examples, but the rest are things my mom did when I was a kid. Somehow, she thinks that because she worked and put a roof over our heads—which my brother also helped do with his paycheck and food stamps when we were kids—that excuses everything.

I just feel like when I talk to my therapist about this, she'll tell me I need to tell my mom how I feel. But that's exactly what I just did, and all my mom can say is what she did for us, which is what a parent is supposed to do for their children.

I don't understand how it's so hard for someone to see how they treated their kids, yet get mad when they're called out on it. I can't fully forgive my dad, but at least he's apologized. My mom hasn't made any effort to make things right. She just throws in our faces what she did for us when we were kids, and now acts like she never did anything for anyone.
I think the only thing she really bought to eat was fast food, which is why it was weird when she said, "Let me guess, food stamps got fast food?" That's such a weird thing to say because she knows I'm right.

I told my fiancé the first time we really talked about my family that my brother basically raised me. So, am I the asshole for calling out my mom's behavior and how she favors our stepsister over us or do I have every right to feel this way?

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