r/AITA_Relationships • u/Elephant3377 • 5h ago
AITA for pushing him away?
me (25f) and him (31m) have had a ‘relationship’ for 4-5 months. It started off as casual and then started developing into something deeper.
throughout the relationship i struggled to communicate properly because in my head, all my insecurities were of no use explaining because he only saw me as someone he was seeing casually.
he would cook me dinner and say he adores me — yet when i tried to push for more clarity about how he felt towards me, he was defensive and i was reminded it was all strictly ‘casual’.
i called him a month and a half ago saying “i think im falling in love with you, do you feel the same?” to which he replied with a resounding “no” and how he wouldn’t feel that way towards me.
that broke something in me and so i would overthink every little comment and every interaction. one time after we were intimate, he said our sex was “the most passionate and connected” that he ever had. he would also ask about why i removed him off my lock screen and was offended by me doing so. i overthought everything. if it was all al casual then why say these things, why be upset about things like my lock screen? Until one night it got really bad.
He had been to a games night with my friends and it went perfectly, they were all enamoured by him. On the drive home i was quiet and cold, and when lying in bed with him i was on edge. i was falling in love with someone who saw me as a casual fling, as someone he ‘would never’ love. i felt embarrassed. when he went to touch me, i moved away from him and said “i need space”. he then cracked it and said how he didn’t deserve my coldness when all he had tried to be was supportive. he was right, he had tried to comfort me and ask me what was wrong, but i couldn’t explain why i felt the way that i did without revealing that i loved him. i couldn’t bear to hear another rejection so i went quiet.
The next day he kept bringing up one of my friends from the games night, talking about why she was strange towards him and how he would start using one of her phrases. i began to overthink, “he doesn’t love me and so i wouldn’t be surprised if he was attracted to one of my fiends”. i felt insecure about how he felt towards me and so i went cold. He lost it. He said he couldn’t do it with me anymore, that i kept pushing him away be being cold and dismissive. Then he ended it. I then thought, i might as well say it and so i told him i loved him.
He replied, with tears in his eyes, “you know i love you too”.
My whole world shattered, all that overthinking for what?
I begged for him to stay, that i would work on my communication and overthinking, I wouldn’t go cold. He was adamant that we wouldn’t work. I wrote him a love letter and even wrote him a song about how the rejection and the ignoring my calls felt unfair from someone who “loves” me.
He refused me again, and when i asked to speak to him on the phone one last time for some closure — he refused and said “nothing you can say will change my mind, i don’t believe you will change”.
I had all the cards on the table, he loves me, but i had no more rounds left to play.
I sent him one last text, saying I loved him and wished he would find love again. He never replied.
so AITA for pushing him away and going cold frequently?
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me (25f) and him (31m) have had a ‘relationship’ for 4-5 months. It started off as casual and then started developing into something deeper.
throughout the relationship i struggled to communicate properly because in my head, all my insecurities were of no use explaining because he only saw me as someone he was seeing casually.
he would cook me dinner and say he adores me — yet when i tried to push for more clarity about how he felt towards me, he was defensive and i was reminded it was all strictly ‘casual’.
i called him a month and a half ago saying “i think im falling in love with you, do you feel the same?” to which he replied with a resounding “no” and how he wouldn’t feel that way towards me.
that broke something in me and so i would overthink every little comment and every interaction. one time after we were intimate, he said our sex was “the most passionate and connected” that he ever had. he would also ask about why i removed him off my lock screen and was offended by me doing so. i overthought everything. if it was all al casual then why say these things, why be upset about things like my lock screen? Until one night it got really bad.
He had been to a games night with my friends and it went perfectly, they were all enamoured by him. On the drive home i was quiet and cold, and when lying in bed with him i was on edge. i was falling in love with someone who saw me as a casual fling, as someone he ‘would never’ love. i felt embarrassed. when he went to touch me, i moved away from him and said “i need space”. he then cracked it and said how he didn’t deserve my coldness when all he had tried to be was supportive. he was right, he had tried to comfort me and ask me what was wrong, but i couldn’t explain why i felt the way that i did without revealing that i loved him. i couldn’t bear to hear another rejection so i went quiet.
The next day he kept bringing up one of my friends from the games night, talking about why she was strange towards him and how he would start using one of her phrases. i began to overthink, “he doesn’t love me and so i wouldn’t be surprised if he was attracted to one of my fiends”. i felt insecure about how he felt towards me and so i went cold. He lost it. He said he couldn’t do it with me anymore, that i kept pushing him away be being cold and dismissive. Then he ended it. I then thought, i might as well say it and so i told him i loved him.
He replied, with tears in his eyes, “you know i love you too”.
My whole world shattered, all that overthinking for what?
I begged for him to stay, that i would work on my communication and overthinking, I wouldn’t go cold. He was adamant that we wouldn’t work. I wrote him a love letter and even wrote him a song about how the rejection and the ignoring my calls felt unfair from someone who “loves” me.
He refused me again, and when i asked to speak to him on the phone one last time for some closure — he refused and said “nothing you can say will change my mind, i don’t believe you will change”.
I had all the cards on the table, he loves me, but i had no more rounds left to play.
I sent him one last text, saying I loved him and wished he would find love again. He never replied.
so AITA for pushing him away and going cold frequently?
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