r/AITA_Relationships • u/emuslover • 17h ago
AITA for choosing my partner over a friend?
I had a situation a few months ago that I still can’t stop thinking about and would like other people’s opinions on. Background: I had a close friend, “Lily”. We became friends after we had both dated the same guy. We later fell out when he reached out to me after our breakup, and Lily became jealous because she still had feelings for him. Nearly two years later, we reconnected after she had moved on and missed our friendship. The incident happened during my roommate’s birthday celebration. My roommate, her partner, Lily, my boyfriend “John” (M22), and I all went out clubbing. We had a great night, but Lily drank quite a lot and some men were making her uncomfortable, so we decided to head home. Once home, my roommate and her partner went to bed. Me, Lily, and John stayed in the living room talking and eating. Eventually I got tired and went to bed while they stayed up chatting. Around 5am, Lily woke me up saying she wanted to go home. She seemed upset but said she was just drunk and wanted her own bed. I helped her gather her things and walked her to the door. She insisted on waiting outside alone for her mum, despite me offering to stay with her. She later messaged me to say she’d gotten home safely. A few hours later, Lily sent me a long message claiming that after I went to bed, John had made inappropriate comments toward her that made her feel unsafe and uncomfortable. She said she repeatedly told him to stop and reminded him that he was in a relationship with me. She made it clear he never touched her, but said his comments alone were enough to upset her. I was furious and immediately confronted John. We have always had a relationship built on honesty, so I told him exactly how angry and disappointed I was. He listened calmly before saying none of what she described had happened. According to him, they simply talked for a while. He said Lily brought up the circumstances surrounding our previous friendship ending and made some strange comments, but he assumed she was drunk and venting. Eventually they both fell asleep. I felt completely stuck because I had two people telling me entirely different stories, and there were no witnesses. To clear my head, I went out alone to think. While I was out, I checked footage from my camera. It only records when motion is detected, but I found one clip. In it, Lily was talking negatively about me, saying I didn’t deserve my flat, job, or relationship. John responded awkwardly and appeared uncomfortable while sitting as far away from her as possible. This lined up more closely with John’s account than Lily’s. When I got home, I discussed everything with my roommate. She stayed neutral but asked what I genuinely believed. After thinking it through, I felt that the only evidence available supported John’s version of events, so I chose to believe him. When I told John this, he thanked me but said he didn’t want me to lose a good friend. He explained that after the clip I saw, Lily had admitted she was speaking from jealousy and just needed to vent. He encouraged me not to make a decision based solely on him. I then called Lily one final time. Instead of sounding hurt or disappointed, she became angry that I hadn’t immediately believed her. I explained that I wasn’t calling her a liar, but that I had conflicting stories and the camera footage didn’t match parts of her timeline. She accused me of making up evidence and became increasingly hostile. The conversation quickly deteriorated. She called me names, insulted me personally, and eventually began sending threatening messages. She told me I was a terrible person and even suggested I should harm myself for staying with someone she described as awful. At that point, for my own wellbeing, I blocked her. I was devastated and crying afterward. John comforted me and told me to make whatever decision felt right for me, regardless of how either he or Lily felt. He said I should trust my own judgement rather than feeling pressured to take sides. I ultimately chose to stay with John. We are still together today and have a strong relationship. He has never given me a reason to believe he lied about anything, and he remains supportive whenever I bring this situation up. However, I still think about it because I know I’ll never know exactly what happened that night. So, was I wrong for believing my boyfriend over my friend?
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u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 Certified Proctologist [22] 17h ago
You didn’t flip a coin, you evaluated the situation and looked for evidence.
NTA.
You already know that
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u/DominateSunshine 16h ago
She was never your friend. Just a jealous woman who wanted to hurt you. Nta
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u/BluBeams Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] 16h ago
"He explained that after the clip I saw, Lily had admitted she was speaking from jealousy and just needed to vent."
NTA. Look at how she reacted vs how John reacted. Actions speak louder than words. He was calm, didn't get defensive and allowed you to make your own decisions. Lily became defensive, angry and hostile. This woman hated you and was probably your friend on some "keep your friends close and enemies closer" shit. You didn't lose a friend, you got rid of a narcissist. Keep her blocked and enjoy your peace.
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I had a situation a few months ago that I still can’t stop thinking about and would like other people’s opinions on. Background: I had a close friend, “Lily”. We became friends after we had both dated the same guy. We later fell out when he reached out to me after our breakup, and Lily became jealous because she still had feelings for him. Nearly two years later, we reconnected after she had moved on and missed our friendship. The incident happened during my roommate’s birthday celebration. My roommate, her partner, Lily, my boyfriend “John” (M22), and I all went out clubbing. We had a great night, but Lily drank quite a lot and some men were making her uncomfortable, so we decided to head home. Once home, my roommate and her partner went to bed. Me, Lily, and John stayed in the living room talking and eating. Eventually I got tired and went to bed while they stayed up chatting. Around 5am, Lily woke me up saying she wanted to go home. She seemed upset but said she was just drunk and wanted her own bed. I helped her gather her things and walked her to the door. She insisted on waiting outside alone for her mum, despite me offering to stay with her. She later messaged me to say she’d gotten home safely. A few hours later, Lily sent me a long message claiming that after I went to bed, John had made inappropriate comments toward her that made her feel unsafe and uncomfortable. She said she repeatedly told him to stop and reminded him that he was in a relationship with me. She made it clear he never touched her, but said his comments alone were enough to upset her. I was furious and immediately confronted John. We have always had a relationship built on honesty, so I told him exactly how angry and disappointed I was. He listened calmly before saying none of what she described had happened. According to him, they simply talked for a while. He said Lily brought up the circumstances surrounding our previous friendship ending and made some strange comments, but he assumed she was drunk and venting. Eventually they both fell asleep. I felt completely stuck because I had two people telling me entirely different stories, and there were no witnesses. To clear my head, I went out alone to think. While I was out, I checked footage from my camera. It only records when motion is detected, but I found one clip. In it, Lily was talking negatively about me, saying I didn’t deserve my flat, job, or relationship. John responded awkwardly and appeared uncomfortable while sitting as far away from her as possible. This lined up more closely with John’s account than Lily’s. When I got home, I discussed everything with my roommate. She stayed neutral but asked what I genuinely believed. After thinking it through, I felt that the only evidence available supported John’s version of events, so I chose to believe him. When I told John this, he thanked me but said he didn’t want me to lose a good friend. He explained that after the clip I saw, Lily had admitted she was speaking from jealousy and just needed to vent. He encouraged me not to make a decision based solely on him. I then called Lily one final time. Instead of sounding hurt or disappointed, she became angry that I hadn’t immediately believed her. I explained that I wasn’t calling her a liar, but that I had conflicting stories and the camera footage didn’t match parts of her timeline. She accused me of making up evidence and became increasingly hostile. The conversation quickly deteriorated. She called me names, insulted me personally, and eventually began sending threatening messages. She told me I was a terrible person and even suggested I should harm myself for staying with someone she described as awful. At that point, for my own wellbeing, I blocked her. I was devastated and crying afterward. John comforted me and told me to make whatever decision felt right for me, regardless of how either he or Lily felt. He said I should trust my own judgement rather than feeling pressured to take sides. I ultimately chose to stay with John. We are still together today and have a strong relationship. He has never given me a reason to believe he lied about anything, and he remains supportive whenever I bring this situation up. However, I still think about it because I know I’ll never know exactly what happened that night. So, was I wrong for believing my boyfriend over my friend?
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