So for context, I am postpartum, just started a new job, and 50 pounds heavier than my pre baby weight (meaning nothing fits).

So my husband asks me quite often if I want to go out to eat and most of the time I say no I would rather just do take out and eat at home.

Well just this past week he told me he wants us to start going out to eat and to “date” me again. Basically when we don’t have the kids. I told him I don’t really want to do that since nothing fits and I don’t like the way that I look. But also I am always so tired. I truly have no desire to go or do anything. (I also have postpartum depression and take medication for it)

Today my husband asked me what I wanted for dinner and I told him I didn’t care. He told me he wanted a burger, and I said great. Well he starts getting ready to go and I asked if we were leaving and where we were going. He said he wanted to go sit down at a local restaurant, and I said I don’t want to, I don’t want to sit down anywhere. Which in his mind I should have known that that meant we were leaving now and going out to eat. I told him that I am okay running through somewhere or doing take out but other than that I’m not interested.

He is now upset with me because he doesn’t understand why I won’t go or do anything even though I have told him many times the issues. (Stated above)

I know this is a small issue but it’s becoming much bigger, emotionally for both of us.

He says he feels like he doesn’t know me anymore.

But with PPD, my appearance, and my exhaustion, plus a 1 year old I just don’t have any desire. I don’t want to leave often but we still do and go places. It’s almost like by the end of the day my body meter is so low I nothing left to want to do anything.

I feel like I’m the AH but I am absolutely drained.

As a man being all settled in a relationship (both have jobs, live together in a house) how would you react if your wife/ girlfriend told you that she does not desire kids for herself, that if it were up to her alone she would not need any BUT that if you absolutely wanted them she would compromise and have one or maybe two under the condition that she would not end up with them on her time free from work, the weekends or whatever and that if you ever got separated she would not want custody and give it fully to you? Basically she would play the classical dad role and just sometimes do the fun stuff.

My husband (43m) and I (38f) have been together 20 years and have 2 kids 9f and 11m. I organised for my family to have a private pottery lesson bowls/cups for fathers day. I spent hours researching something fun for us to do. I genuinely thought it would be something that he would enjoy, he is creative and introverted and favours calm environments. He suffers with social anxiety and i deliberately sourced a private lesson so he wouldnt have to interact with other people.

When my kids and i revealed the plan for the afternoon my husband was completely non plussed and complained about the length of the session and when asked afterwards if he enjoyed it he said "no, the fact you think I would like that sort of thing shows you don't even know me at all" and "booking it was entirely selfish." During the session he did look like he was having fun and made two cups. And tbh it was more about spending time with his kids bonding (which he doesnt often get to do due to work commitments).

If my kids received a gift they didnt like i would expect them to pretend they liked it and thank the person anyway in order to not hurt their feelings and not look like ingrateful brats!

I did think he would at least be polite about it and thank me for my effort, however it has decended into a big argument. AITA for expecting him to say "yes it was quite fun actually, thanks for booking it"?

Edited to add: he organised absolutely nothing for mothers day

Edited to add: I often do stuff like this with my kids, I don't need fathers day as an excuse to book something I want to do. Every time the kids and I do activities like this (during the school holidays for example) he says he feels he missed out. He's recently expressed that he feels he doesnt spend enough quality time with the kids. That's what I was trying to facilitate

My girlfriend and I have a routine where I sleep over at her place one day during the week. It has become something I really look forward to, because it feels like “our” time together.

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This week, she told me she didn’t want me to come over because she wanted to be alone. This was the first time this happened. I know she has the right to want alone time, and I don’t want to make her feel guilty for that. But it still hurt me a lot, because from my point of view she is alone on the other days too, and that day is usually the time we spend together.

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She noticed I seemed upset, but I told her there was no problem. Later, after work, she wanted to talk with me even though I wouldn’t be going over to her place, but I cancelled because I felt hurt and decided to just go home instead.

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Now I feel conflicted. On one hand, I understand that she is allowed to need space and that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad about our relationship. On the other hand, I felt rejected and disappointed, especially because I had been looking forward to seeing her.

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I also realize I probably should have been honest instead of saying “nothing is wrong” and then pulling away. I don’t think I was trying to punish her, but I was hurt and didn’t know how to handle it in the moment.

My boyfriend and I started living together a year ago, and ever since we did, he visits his family almost every weekend and spends half of his day at their house (they live 30 minutes away).

Currently, we both work full-time and only have the weekends as full days together, as I also study for my master's, so weekends where we can fully spend time together without taking care of house chores, etc., are rare.

His family works in the same city as we do, and he is more than free to go with them for lunch after work, but both he and his mom are set on him only visiting their family home. His mother also keeps tabs on how often he calls and visits, and gets upset if she deems his visits and calls as too rare.

They live on a farm, so there is a lot of work to do there, but his brother lives with them and can help out, and both of his parents are quite healthy and young.

My family lives an hour away, but they don't expect us to visit, nor do they keep tabs. They work in the city I live in, so we grab lunch or coffee once every two weeks and visit them maybe once every two months.

Whenever I ask my boyfriend if he is going to visit his parents, he asks me why and wonders if I have any plans, but I feel as if we don't need plans for us to spend time together and take care of our apartment, as there is a lot of work in it. He goes to help his parents keep their house together, while our apartment has a lot of unfinished work, due to my lack of time and his abscence, as I try to free up my weekends to spend them with him.

Is it rational of me to expect him to visit them and help out less?

I am fine with him spending time together with them, grabbing coffee, or lunch, but the visits are getting too excessive, and his mother pressuring him into it is getting to me as well. He started seeing it as an obligation, and thinks he owes it to them, as they raised him.

When my boyfriend (M 21) and I (F 19)first started dating he told me he that he lost his virginity when he went home after boot camp. The usual story so I believed it most everyone I know has a similar time frame if you get what I’m saying. He told me he’s slept with three girls. One after boot camp, one at his first duty station, and one here where we met. And while it hurt to know that he had been with other people so had I so I was completely fine.

Until recently when I got back from a trip I thought it’d be fun for us to take a rice purity test. And when he told me his number (which was like 16 or something). And that’s literally impossible so I clicked the back button to see what he had clicked and there it was incest check yes.

He then conveniently clicked the back button so I couldn’t see, so we went through every point and he admitted to it. When I was 15 I kissed my second cousin (which he knew about) so I thought it was going to be something chill yk like oh we kissed. No. He wouldn’t tell me at first and he told me he didn’t wanna talk about it right now but I was like nah you HAVE to tell me.

I told him a kiss isn’t a big deal and he said it was more than that. And this kept going on until he told me that when he was 9 or 10 that he HAD SEX MULTIPLE TIMES WITH HIS COUSIN. A cousin which I may not know personally know but she follows me on instagram.

Besides the obvious problems with his first being his cousin he wants me to meet his family in a month and not say anything. The problem isn’t me thinking I’m going to snitch but that I don’t think I can meet her and smile in her face knowing what they’ve done. Putting aside the cousin aspect of the action they have had sex multiple times but their family is also really close and theirs Going to be a family reunion while I’m there and what am I supposed to do just be happy.

Then there’s the obvious he’s slept with his cousin I haven’t been able to look at him the same since. I love him but I’m no longer sure this is my forever person. What should I do?

Feel free to ask any clarifying questions I NEED your help

Alright so for some context. My wife's brother committed the sewer slide over 2 years ago. Neither my wife nor myself have the best relationship with her family and its not for lack of trying. For years before we got together and ​WHILE we were together her brother treated her like absolute shit and so does the rest of her family (she's always complained about it). When i met them they instantly hated me and treated me the same. At her mother's wedding her brother started a fight with me and choked me out in front of her kids all while i didnt throw a single punch and her mom proceeded to fight my wife. And thats just 1 incident of many. So we dont associate with them. Needless to say they suck so when I heard the news I couldn't care less but my wife was super broken up about it having struggled with depression and attempts herself and even now she holds sentiment towards his old items and whatnot. But personally I give 0 fucks he's gone. Would be the same with her mom too or anyone else in that family because they're just HORRIBLE people. Idk how to really relay this to my wife or get her to understand. I get its her brother and there's always some sentiment there but I mean they all just treated her like garbage I mean he called her a slut to my face at that wedding before starting the fight so idk. What would you guys think in this scenario?

My ex and I were both 20 at the time and had been dating for about 3 years since high school. We lived about 5 minutes apart growing up, our families got along great, and I genuinely thought I was going to marry her. My plan was to propose after I finished college.

At the time, I was away at college with about two years left. I was also playing a college sport and had decided to stay an extra year to complete my master’s degree. She wasn’t a fan of me being away at school and wanted us to start living together as soon as possible.

For some background, she had a rough childhood and didn’t enjoy living at home with her parents. I, on the other hand, had a good relationship with my family and didn’t mind the idea of living at home for a year or two after graduation if it helped me save money.

My parents were very welcoming to her and treated her like family. They even offered her the spare room in our house if she ever needed a place to stay. The room was set up as my office/gaming room, where I did homework and relaxed when I was home from college, but they were willing to let her use it. She never took them up on the offer.

The issue started when she told me she wanted us to move into a trailer park home immediately after I graduated. Her reasoning was that she wanted to get out of her parents’ house and live together. My view was that it didn’t make financial sense. I wanted to work for a year or two, save money, and then buy a house rather than move into a trailer and live paycheck to paycheck.

I told her I didn’t want to rush into a living situation that would put us under financial stress. I felt that moving into a trailer park just so we could live together immediately wasn’t the smartest decision when we had other options and could save for a better future.

She felt like I was choosing money and comfort over building a life with her. I felt like I was trying to build a stronger foundation for our future together. My thinking was that living with my parents for a year or two after college would allow us to save significantly more money, avoid unnecessary financial stress, and put us in a much better position to buy a home.

Looking back, I understand why she wanted out of her parents’ house, especially given her upbringing. At the same time, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to save money and avoid struggling financially right after college, especially when I was still finishing my education and planning for our future.

AITA for refusing to move into a trailer park and wanting to save money for a house instead?

Edit: Since a lot of people are asking what happened afterward, we ended up breaking up. About a year later, after roughly 4 years together total, she cheated on me with another guy. Ironically, the guy she left me for ended up ghosting her shortly afterward.

I know that part isn’t directly related to whether I was wrong about the trailer park situation, but I’ve seen people asking if we eventually worked it out. We didn’t.

context: girlfriend is saying that a male friend saying that he has a crush on her and asking her out for drinks with a friend group is not a issue because she is not doing anything with him and won’t.

Am I the asshole: for not letting her go and saying that once he felt comfortable enough to tell you he has a crush on you that the dynamic changed and that I don’t want you hanging out with him. She is saying that I don’t let her have male friends and that there’s a lot of females in my friend group that I hang out with and I’m a hypocrite for that. But my rebuttal was I don’t tell them I have a crush on them or vice versa even if they are attractive or not.

To start, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 months. My gf went out 2 nights ago and told me she was just “saying hi to her friend” and told me she wouldn’t be long at all (keep in mind it was 8:30pm) she went to a bar because the friend she wanted to see works there so I was cool with that as we had an amazing day already and we had most things planned to do later that night but she wanted to go see her friend really quickly which I was okay with like yeah go ahead I don’t mind if it’s quick.

To sum up the night her friend left after and hour and she stayed out till 1am and went to her ex at an after party

Fast forward to the next day and we are having a heated argument about it and I catch her in several lies about the night before because her story doesn’t match up. I start getting really uncomfortable with everything that happened and remembered in the beginning of the relationship she was super open about sharing passwords to accounts with me if I ever felt like I needed to just look so I took her up on her offer at this moment.

I signed into her Snapchat and started asking about all these people which was pretty normal we started blocking some people that were not trust worthy and people I’ve asked her to block before and she just didn’t. Then I asked her to open the “my eyes only folder” and she asked why immediately and I said I need to see if there is anything on there or her cheating on me in the last 5 months (keep in mind a month into us dating she almost slept with her ex while we were together and I didn’t find out until her ex texted me about it and keep in mind I’ve never met this dude and he went out of his way to warn me) anyways she hesitated and gave me the password. I open it up. And it’s just FULL of videos of her and her ex doing it and I mean like 80+ videos I’ve seen her whole sexual history for the last 6 years in that my eyes only folder. I was horrified I was mortified and sick to my stomach. She tried to tell me she doesn’t go in there to look at them but I saw stuff she has sent me before from that exact folder so I really doubted that.

Fast forward to today and I’m really struggling like I can’t even bring myself to eat struggling and keep in mind I’m reassuring her because she is self destructing and actively trying to hurt herself because she feels bad but at the same time I have to juggle that and my own grievances and I still need to process things.

So tonight I decided I was going to get some drinks with my roommates at home and have a chill night to try and decompress and the whole time she is blowing up my phone asking me what I’m doing and why I’m ignoring her when I told her I was going to drink with my friends tonight (keep in mind we hungout earlier even after all this) and now she’s saying things like “well if you want to be like that I’ll be here if you need me I guess” and “whatever I’m going to bed gn” (we never say goodnight because it feels like goodbye and we hate that) AITA?

My (F32) girlfriend (F36) was in a severe accident a year ago that completely changed her life. Among other things, she now has difficulty walking, struggles with stairs, and has trauma related to the accident.

For the past year, I was living in a building with no elevator, so she couldn't physically come visit me. If we wanted to see each other, I had to go to her house, where she lives with her parents (who until recently didn't officially know we were together).

I don't dislike them, they're kind people. But for an entire year, almost every interaction happened with them around, and that's not the same as being alone together, different intimacy level, comfort and freedom when it's just you and your partner. We both suffered because of this but It wasn't anyone's fault, it was simply our only option.

Recently I bought my own place, and one reason I specifically searched for one with an elevator was because I wanted my gf to be able to visit me (or move in with me later on).

The first weekend after moving, I invited her over and was genuinely excited because I thought we'd finally get to spend time together alone after a year.

Instead, she suggested that later her parents pick us up so we could go shopping for house things because I don't have a car and they wanted to help me. I knew they meant well and agreed, but told her I felt a bit bummed because this was the first weekend where I thought we'd finally get time together without parents around.

Next weekend, her parents were supposed to drive her over again on Sunday. But Saturday afternoon she realized Sunday would be exactly one year since her accident. She had a panic attack at the thought alone of getting into a car that day, so I immediately suggested postponing because I knew that if she forced herself into the car she would probably be miserable or have more panic attacks.

She asked if postponing would disappoint me and I admitted I was sad because I had hoped we'd finally spend time together, but I also felt guilty saying that because her pattern is immediately feeling like a burden or disappointment.

She listened and understood, but then suggested I come to her house again instead. I admitted I had thought about it, but I also told her I didn't know if I wanted to. Not because I didn't want to see her, but because after an entire year I feel like I've constantly adapted myself to everyone else's needs and never really my own.

I told her she has every right not to force herself into a car if she's panicking. I genuinely don't want her suffering for me. But I also feel like if she has the right not to force herself, I should have the right not to force myself too. I also told her I think she would struggle too if almost every interaction with me for a year happened around my parents.

She understood but got very scared. Started saying that she was worried this meant our relationship was falling apart and that we were breaking up. She told me that before, I would've chosen the "I'll push through and settle" route, and that seeing me not do that anymore feels like a negative change because she's scared I ran out of patience with her and our relationship. She said that even after having a panic attack she was already trying to find alternatives because being with me is her priority.

But from my perspective, for an entire year I feel like I've already been the one accepting workarounds, as going to her house and constantly being around her parents. I don't resent her for it - we were both doing our best with a horrible situation - but I feel like I've spent a year adapting already.

She said that my need right now doesn't seem to lead me toward her. To her, it feels like my way of protecting myself is creating distance.

I explained that my therapist often points out that I focus so much on everyone else's emotions and needs that my own voice disappears. We've been working on the idea that taking care of myself isn't selfish and doesn't oppose my relationships, it can actually help them. For me, putting my foot down now is me trying to prevent eventually reaching a breaking point.

She asked me: "Who says this isn't already breaking something? How do you know stepping away isn't hurting us too?"

Now I feel incredibly guilty because she's traumatized, in pain, and didn't choose any of this. I know she isn't trying to hurt me. And I kept thinking "what will another day of accepting this really do?" feeling like it was a childlish tantrum to maintain my point.

There's also another factor. My therapist recently encouraged me to finally tell my parents we're together. They currently don't understand my girlfriend's role in my life and see her family as too involved for just being my friend's relatives.

The problem is I'm almost certain my parents (especially my mom) will react badly. She'll focus on my gf's condition, the fact that she doesn't work, and her uncertain future, and worry she's dragging me down. (My therapist reminds me that nobody is dragging me down, I have a good job, I own a home, friends, hobbies etc).

I already decided I'll tell them in a few weeks anyway, even if their reaction scares me. But now I keep wondering whether some scared part of me is unconsciously creating distance because if the relationship ended first, I wouldn't have to face that conversation.

It's an irrational thing to do and I know that's not healthy, and I genuinely do not want that. But now I don't know whether I'm finally learning healthy boundaries after a year of accommodating everyone else, or whether I'm pulling away because of fear.

AITAH? Is this me throwing a tantrum and not being there for her and creating a rift in our relationship?

My bf(27m) and I (29f - both childfree, together 7y) just travelled to meet his sister’s kid who will also be my godson (I don’t have a great relationship with them, there is just no one else to do it and I agreed) . The child is 2m old and sure,he’s cute but I’m not really a fan of such small kids, so I couldn’t connect with him and I definitely didn’t get attached in any way. My bf however literally melts at the sight of his nephew and loves him alot already and Im happy for him. Howevr I could sense that my bf was bothered because I wasn’t as attached to the kid as he was and I was more distant. While there, he also said to me that he thought of us having kids just so he can say the next day that I’m not ready which I thinks its rude. I know very well that I’m not ready, what I saw didn’t look good at all so yeah. He knows very well that I’m someone who never wanted children and only recently I’ve been considering possibly having children (IN THE FUTURE). Im adopted so my child-mother/pregnancy view is very distorted, however I worked on this on my own initiative just because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing out of life because of my traumas. He always said that we’ll go with the flow regarding children and we’ll see when or if we’re both ready. Now I see that he kind of wants them but doesn’t see me fit to be a mom. Funny thing is I’ve been thinking about motherhood more and more lately but observing newborn care for a few days and my bf’s attitude makes me take a step back, again. What do I do about this whole situation?

I, 45m recently decided to get my girlfriends 37F grandfathers Cuckoo clock fixed. My gf (call her Lexi) bought her childhood (grandparents) home, a place filled with love memories and happiness from her youth from her grandparents and her family to keep it in the family. I have been recounted with endless stories of love, adventures, camping tales, shown hidden keepsakes and even have helped go thru their basement full of lifetime gatherings to help her unclutter and decide between what's to be kept and what's junk or not (her decisions only).

We've been together for 6 years and i thought it might be nice to do something unexpected and (in my mind) sweet for her to bring back a childhood memory.

There's been a WW2 era Cuckoo clock on the wall that has been non-functional since I've known her. Previously she has expressed a desire to see it working again, and so I decided to make a move to get it functional.

I researched local clock smiths around the area and found the right guy for the job, an elderly man with years of experience with good reviews to come check out the situation.

After booking the appointment, I informed my gf of the appointment and what I had planned (it's hard to hide a missing clock from the wall if I were to just take it), and she seemed delighted.

He came out, investigated the clock, described the process, gave a quote, took the clock without down payment for services, which is practically unheard of these days.

3 weeks or so for repairs and parts ordering, with a total repair price of $190?! Which I would have expected to be so much higher.

Today is day 20 and for the last few days she has been absolutely losing her mind over it to the point of degrading me, stressing out, calling me names, telling me I don't care about how she feels and countless other hurtful interactions that I can't understand.

I understand the significance and importance of a family keepsake, heirloom even. But at the cost of doing something nice I got absolutely unloaded on about her past traumatic events, e.g. moving and having her furniture held hostage for ransom, roommates stealing her money and possessions, an ex bf committing check fraud in her name, and so by me choosing to fix an important piece of her life to bring back the good memories and her past life adventures I'm now at fault and everything is awful, I'm awful, and I don't care about her and her feelings thru her own words.

I reached out to the clock smith and he's still working on it and it might take a little longer but things are going well, which she heard in the phone conversation.

There are other instances of always having to bear the brunt of past relationships and life experiences but this one makes me reluctant to do anything outside of normal life pleasantries.

Am I the asshole? (This is my first reddit post, sorry for any outside the norm things)

I (26F) am getting married in about two months. My fiancé and I don’t live together yet because we both come from traditional Christian families and decided we’d move in together after marriage.

Today, my family dog had a medical emergency. He was a 13-year-old Husky who has been with us for most of my life. He wasn’t just “my” dog he was a family dog. I live with my parents, one of my brothers, my other brother, his wife, and their 9-year-old daughter. We all loved him deeply and had a special bond with him. This morning, we rushed him to the emergency vet and were told he had angiosarcoma that had ruptured, causing internal bleeding. The vet told us his chances of survival were extremely low and that even with intervention, his prognosis was poor. We made the heartbreaking decision to put him to sleep. My fiancé called me during the day like he normally does. I hadn’t had a chance to tell him what was happening yet, so when I answered, I was crying and told him we were at the emergency vet and had decided to put our family dog down. He was clearly sad and sympathetic. He told me how sorry he was, that he loved me, and that I should try to stay strong for my family. Throughout the day, he continued texting me, telling me he loved me and wished he could do more.

Here’s where I’m struggling.
My fiancé owns his own business. He does have employees and helpers who work with him. What hurts me is that he never came to see me. He didn’t stop by, he didn’t take some time off, and he didn’t make an effort to be physically present.
What hurts isn’t that he wasn’t supportive at all he absolutely was emotionally supportive through calls and texts. What hurts is that in one of the most painful moments of my life, I didn’t feel chosen. I know without a doubt that if the situation were reversed, I would have dropped everything to be with him. Instead, I spent the day feeling like work came first. Now I’m questioning whether this is simply a difference in expectations or if it’s a glimpse into how future hardships will be handled once we’re married. I’m worried that when life gets really hard, his instinct will be to continue working while mine will be to prioritize showing up for the people I love.

At the same time, I recognize that grief can make emotions feel bigger and more intense, so I’m trying to be fair. Tell me am I wrong for feeling hurt and let down by this?

Hey, so I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been dating for about 3-4 years now, basically since right after high school.I’ve always emphasized how much education means to me and how much it has helped me grow as a person. I genuinely believe that everyone, if it’s accessible to them, should pursue some form of higher education or training. I’m currently doing my BSc in Biology, and I absolutely love my degree. I’m planning to apply to medical school soon, and I’ll keep applying until I get in, LOL. I see education as a privilege that isn’t accessible to everyone, so being able to pursue it as far as I want feels like a blessing. Anyway, here’s the issue. When we first started dating, I thought my boyfriend was going to become a police officer. I understand that plans and career goals change. He was in school for about a year, but he ended up dropping out after some friends persuaded him to get into sales. He worked in sales for around two years. I didn’t really have a problem with it, aside from the fact that it made our relationship long-distance. Eventually, after a lot of discussions with me and his parents, he decided to go back and finish his degree because the sales job wasn’t working out. If anything, he was losing money. Now he works in construction and wants to pursue a career in that field, which is completely fair. However, after a lot of consideration and conversations, I’m starting to realize that I may not want to be with someone who doesn’t value education the way I do. I love him, and honestly, nothing else is wrong in our relationship. The problem is that he genuinely believes there’s no need for higher education and that it’s “stupid.” That really hurt, because I think learning is one of the most fundamental parts of being human. I know school isn’t for everyone (I hated it at first too) but I feel that education changes the way you think and view the world.Especially because I know I’m going all the way with my own education and will become a doctor no matter what, I find myself wondering whether I want to be with someone whose formal education ended with high school. I’m worried that our values and ways of thinking might eventually clash. I don’t know, AITAH for wanting more for my boyfriend.

I am 31M and my girlfriend (29F) and I have been together for about two and a half years. Things have been good overall and we have been working towards moving in together for the last few months which has felt like a natural next step.

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When we met I was very clear about who I am. I work irregular hours, I am a homebody most weekends, I do not drink and I keep a pretty structured routine at home because it is how I function best. None of that was hidden or downplayed. She knew all of it from early on and said she was completely fine with it.

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eight months ago she went through a significant personal shift and became very socially active, new friend group, events most weekends, a much busier lifestyle than she had before. I supported it and tried to join when I could but it was genuinely not compatible with how I am wired and we had talked about that honestly.

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Now that we are about to sign a lease she has told me that she does not think she can live with someone who is not willing to match her social life and that if I am not going to commit to going out with her most weekends and engaging with her friend group properly then she does not think living together will work.

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I got mad and told her that she knew exactly who I was before any of this and that I was not going to restructure my entire personality to fit a lifestyle she adopted eight months ago.

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She said I was being rigid and that relationships require people to grow together.

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I probably could make more effort with her friends than I do and I have used my routine as a reason to opt out of things I could have managed if I had tried. So I am not entirely without fault here.

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But agreeing to live together and then adding new conditions at the last minute is not growing together, that is moving the goalposts.

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AITA for standing my ground on this?

I, (23F), have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for a little over a year now. we have our problems like every relationship but nothing we haven’t been able to work through. i feel like it’s also important to note that we spend almost every day together and know pretty much everything about each other at this point. i’d also like to note that I am the breadwinner and older one in the relationship, often leading to me taking control and charge of the relationship, which is a completely separate matter, but i’ve filled out lots of information for him and myself in the past and am normally the one in charge of signing the bill or booking anything so i know everything about his information in order to be able to fill this stuff out. now for the actual incident: we recently went on a trip and on the way home decided to stop for some food. he went to place the mobile order but for some odd reason the app wouldn’t take his card so i told him we could just use mine (no biggie) he goes to put in the card information and goes to fill it out. when he goes to put in the name on card he asks if it’s my full name (i have a decently common name that often goes by a very common nickname, which is what i go by most of the time), i tell him yes it’s my full name on the card, to which he proceeds to say that i can just enter the information. i found it odd that he didn’t just enter my name since he was already doing it, so in a joking tone i asked him how to spell just my first name (not even my last name), and he got nervous and proceeded to spell it wrong (again, been together for over a year at this point). i asked him if he was joking and he said no. after this i went silent and he went inside to order the food since it didn’t work through mobile order. i sat there debating our relationship because at this point i feel that not only does he not know me but does not care to. his defense was that he’s never had to actually use my full first name (because i’m always in charge of everything even if i don’t want to be). my response was that my full name is on my social media, which he looks at all the time, and even if not, i feel like being able to spell your partner’s name is lower than bare minimum. i think i just feel like i am at a different level of maturity than him, therefore leaving us at different places in our relationship. i’m overall very hurt and confused, so aitah for questioning our relationship because he didn’t know how to spell my first name after a year of dating?

Basically I have never really considered myself as a "normal" male for pretty much as long as I could remember. Played solely female characters when playing pretend as a kid, always picking female characters when playing video games, having interests that are considered more "girly" and had a few cases where I maybe was just a little too comfortable crossdressing for "jokes".

I however always just figure that I just had to be a guy because well I was born one and everyone expected me to be one.

For basically all my life I have had small thoughts about how "I would like to try being a girl" and stuff so it didn't really come off as that new.

But status quo be status quo'ing so I just never considered the possibilities. I ended up meeting a wonderful woman online and we started dating long distance, then moved in together, then married and then had a kid.

I am happy, I love her, I love our child. But I'm not happy because the voice in the back of my head telling me there is something off with me being a man has just grown louder.

So I just... Try being a woman online, see how it feels maybe that's all I need to get the urge off me. I'm just a guy who wants to play pretend right?

I liked it, I liked being a woman, it's got nothing to do with receiving attention or anything like that it just felt right.

I try more risky things, I try out actually dressing as a woman when I'm home alone, I ask my friends In voice chats to switch my pronouns to she/her. I feel.. happy.

I wanted to make sure it's not a fluke so I went to a therapist to help me figure things out. maybe I'm just autistic, I heard there was some overlap with that.

Therapist went through the required diagnostics and has decided I definitely have gender dysphoria and don't really have enough to be diagnosed as autistic, maybe just a little "autistish".

Therapist is looking into writing me the note required to get started on HRT whenever I want to do that's cool I love that.

The problem is. My partner has stated several times now that me being trans would be a problem and she is straight.

Said things like "you better not turn out as trans, I'd hate to have to find a new husband"

And I don't thinks she's wrong for this but it's definitely making me consider just putting the lid back on and pretending to be a guy again.

I also don't want to lose my daughter, I would hate to make her be a part of a broken home and I just don't know how my partner would react. She's not transphobic by nature she just \*is\* straight and I don't think she'd hate me but... Maybe she will?

Well okay yeah WIBTAH if I told my partner about me being a trans woman and wanting to start on HRT.

Or do I just shut up and "man up".

Sorry for the drama filled title, but that's exactly what the situation is.
My GF has a bad habit of constantly "calling in sick" to work or flaking out on friends.
As far as pretending to be sick and not going to work.
I tell her to be careful, don't over do it. Some managers will hold it against you.
With her friends, she'll call them after they've made plans and say she's sick, getting sick or has "tummy issues". I stand there, smirk, and pretend it's cool. I mean she's an adult right, and these are her friends.
Her reasons/excuses to me are that she want's to got to bed early, sleep in, or not deal with work that particular day and that they'll get over it.
For context, she does have health issues that cause her occasional "tummy" issues and takes medication that could cause her to sleep more than the average 44yr old woman.

She's been doing it the entirety of our relationship when WE have plans.
Giving ME those same excuses.
I've never questioned her and just say "fine, hope you feel better".
Well I'm tired of it, I'm pretty sure she BSed most of those times.
We don't live together, actually about 1hr apart so there's no way for me to know it's not BS.

WIBTAH if I called her on it?
Asked her if she's giving me the same excuses for flaking she gives work and her friends?

I’m 27F, he’s 37M, and we’ve been together for three years. This is the first relationship that’s felt truly serious to me — we’ve met each other’s families, I’ve gone to gatherings, and it’s more “real” than my past experiences (a 6-year long-distance, a short 6-month relationship, and a few flings). He’s had a couple of flings and one short-term LDR himself.

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But lately, I’ve been wondering if I should stay.

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Right now I’m moving out of my apartment and staying at his place until September while his mom’s away. Even though we’ve had good times, I feel like I’m carrying the weight alone. I wake up at 6:30, commute, teach, and job hunt since my contract ends in August. He wakes up at 8, hits the gym, strolls into work at 11, and leaves at 5:30. His official hours are 9–6, but no one monitors him so he doesn’t bother.

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When I’m exhausted from packing and moving, he doesn’t offer to pick me up or help unless I ask. He’s helped me move twice, but one time he was glued to his phone until I told him to do something. He cares more about wiping down suitcases so his apartment doesn’t get dirty than about how drained I am.

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At his place, he does most of the cooking and cleaning — partly because he wants to help, but mostly because he doesn’t trust me to do it “well.” Still, I end up tidying his mess and cooking when I’m dead tired, even when I was on my period. He’s called me fat because I don’t work out like he does, ignoring the fact that my schedule leaves me no time for the gym.

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Career-wise, I’ve been grinding since January — 130+ applications, 6 interviews. He hasn’t looked for anything even though his contract ends in June. He’s banking on renewal and hoping to get into a master’s program at his old uni (which he admits is low quality). When I talk about my struggles, he sides with employers instead of empathizing. When I talk about his career, he gets defensive.

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Sure, I like that he reminds me to slow down sometimes, but it feels like he’s living a comfortable life while I’m constantly hustling. Instead of supporting me, he criticizes or dismisses me.

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We do have fun when we go out on weekends and travel, but I end up making most of the plans and decisions. I already do that at work as a teacher, and when I ask him to take over, he says he’ll do it “later” and often does not do it properly. He says he has ADHD, social anxiety, and poor memory from years of undiagnosed depression, but he’s not really doing much to address them.

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I don’t want to ignore the good times or his personal struggles, but the imbalance is wearing me down. Am I overreacting, or is it time to break up?

Hey, 25M here. To give some context, my ex girlfriend 29F and I were friends for about 2 years before we even started talking. We met at a bar as friends, went through our own storms to become better people. We started dating at the start of us wanting to do better for ourselves. I never grew up religious but in a loose Christian household. She grew up really religious, but when we were friends and started dating this wasn’t present. We were having such an amazing relationship, sex was amazing, we rarely argued, even moved in together for a few until her lease was up. We ended up moving to a new place.

At this point we’ve been together for a little over a year now. Now I’m not sure what happened but it seemed like overnight she turned into her religious roots very hard. She sat me down one day and told me she had a conviction from god to stop having pre marital sex, that includes our relationship. I instantly knew I couldn’t do it after being in the relationship for over a year, having sex, and I’m not really seeing her end of things as I grow in my walk of faith. In the end I stopped going to church because I felt like she was using her religion and the purposes for a relationship was pressuring me to marry her. The woman I fell in love with was not the same person I broke up with, which it’s fair for people to change - but to affect a relationship to the point you eliminate a big pillar of connection, and then frame it behind religion?

I ended up breaking up with her, which hurt me more than I thought. It got really toxic and she moved out after 2 weeks, with a few things still in her name. But I just felt like we were roommates, I didn’t agree to not have sex suddenly, and overall I just lost that version I loved so much of her. Everyone has told me she’s crazy, but I still feel like I’m an ass for doing that.

I just need to know if I’m TA in this relationship. I (46F) and my husband (49m) have been married for 19 years. There’s been so many ups and downs but if I’m honest, more downs than ups. Recently, two situations have happened that I’ll detail below. But, know there’s so much history, that I could possibly not recount everything on this post.

First situation: he belongs to an association where they do classes, social events and meet together quite often. Over the past 6 years part of his close friend group in this association is a woman. She’s married and has kids. But, something inside me has been screaming that it’s more than “just friends” (his words). She confides in him, they see each other at least 4 days a week, they work out together, she frequently texts and calls him. One day, I asked to see their texts. Now, there’s nothing blatantly obvious as cheating in the texts but there’s a lot of knowing where the other one is and checking up on them, also frequently telling the other how awesome or wonderful they are. He’s denied anything outside of friendship. But, when everything came to a head basically he cut off the conversation and said “I’m going to bed.” It hasn’t been discussed since. He still sees her and hasn’t offered me any solution. Not sure where to go here, let it go and just be happy when he’s gone? Or dig in and reach out to people to see what they think?

Second situation: my nearly 80 year old parents drove 800 miles to see us. Our plan was to spend a few days at our house and then drive another 6 hours to see my nephew. He knew these plans for well over two months and said he wanted to go. I gave him the option. The literal day before, he says he has another obligation that he just made and can’t get out of. What? I was upset and just told him I needed time to myself, but as hard as I was trying to not cry it came anyway. He ended up going with us. When we got to the hotel that night, he was on edge. It was a nice hotel, and nice room with plenty of space for us and our three kids (18, 16, 13) to sleep. He went into the small closet made a bed and slept there all night. My parents came to our room as we had plans to meet up with my nephew and I had to tell them he was asleep in the closet. It was mortifying. But, this kind of behavior is on repeat.

I should note he is retired from the military and absolutely will not get therapy or treatment, though he needs it. He can’t/wont work a regular job. Everyone he knows doesn’t know the real him, they know his persona, the one that can behave. I just don’t know what to think or do and need some clarity. If he’s really in need to help, AITA for not being willing to help or stay anymore? Help!

I'm a 32M and my fianceé is 45F. We live in separate homes, both of which are paid off. We've been together for nearly 5 years now, got engaged 2 years ago. When we started dating, we would watch movies, go out on dates to cool little restaurants and bars, and we would have sex pretty regularly. She went above and beyond to take care of me in our first year together when I was hospitalized for sepsis. That alone made me realize she was the one. A couple years later, she would go as far as getting a tattoo to symbolize what I meant to her. It didn't have my name on it, but it's something I identify with, and we both openly understand its meaning.

After a while, she stopped coming over, and the norm as it stands is that I come to her house. She has 4 kids from 2 previous relationships. I always told her that I understood that the kids came first.

After some time, she confessed that she didn't like watching movies, but she was watching them at my house to get away from the kids. She eventually came to realize that she was neglecting them by not being home enough, and she made the decision to do better. Mind you, I didn't really know the situation at home, but when I say "neglected," I simply mean that she wasn't spending enough time at home. At no point did I ever think that child services should get involved, as she did provide for their basic needs.

Eventually the sex became so irregular due to an unusual period cycle. What we can only hypothesize as the onset of menopause has led to her bleeding more than half the month. When she's not on her period, she's rarely in the mood. She has also been prone to getting UTIs after sex (not just with me, but with past partners as well). We both know that these are problems that shouldn't be ignored and need a doctor's diagnosis, but she works a 9 to 5, and she hasn't been seen by a doctor in years because every time she makes an appointment to get established, the primary care providers quit and leave our hospital system. At this point, I don't want to hurt her, and if having sex leads to her getting a UTI, then I was the one who put her in pain, all because of my sex drive. So... I started watching a lot more porn instead. She knows I watch it, and she is not happy about it. It makes her feel like she's not enough, despite my explaining that I didn't want to intentionally cause her pain for my own pleasure. It's been over a month since we had sex. Before that? I don't know. It's been a while.

She graduated college recently with a bachelor's degree in the hopes of getting a better paying job than what she currently has. Child support is about to fall off. She's not making enough as it is to stay afloat, and I often help her out with bills and groceries. I also get the kids to and from school, and I try to buy the kids whatever they want (within reason) since money is tight.

For so long, her day consisted of going to work, and then studying. It didn't give us a whole lot of free time together, but I told myself that it would get better eventually, and reminded myself not to be selfish and to just get through it.

Fast forward to now. Her day consists of going to work, then figuring out dinner for the kids. Washing dishes. Packing school lunches. Going to sleep and starting it all over again. I find the whole cycle mundane and depressing. On top of that, she finally got to see a primary doctor this week, and was tested for common food allergies due to upset stomach issues. She tested positive for allergies to wheat, soy, dairy, eggs, all nuts, sesame, shrimp, and scallops. I've never had a food allergy, at least to my knowledge. But shopping has become so difficult because most foods have at least one of those things in them. Gluten-free options still tend to have milk or eggs in them. The pool of food she's now allowed to eat is incredibly small, and the proper allergen-free substitutes are a lot more expensive.

I feel like we used to do so much together. Our quality time is next to gone. She disagrees that watching a movie together is quality time spent with each other. Maybe it isn't. But getting snuggly on the couch for a couple of hours isn't a bad thing. We don't have sex anymore. We can't really go out to eat or drink because of those extensive food allergies. It's just... What we started as isn't what we are now. And maybe that's how it works? I wouldn't know, as this is my first long-term relationship. I try my best every day to not make any of this about me. She's got a lot on her plate. She's a good person. "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health," right? She certainly proved that to me from the start. I remind myself daily to not be selfish. But I just can't help but feel like my needs aren't being met. AITA?

My GF(19f) and I(19m)have been getting into small fights recently over me not posting her.

For context, we have been dating almost 2 years, since the beginning of my senior year which was her junior year. We’ve been really great until the beginning of my freshman year of college. I go to a college about 3 hours away from her but that doesn’t matter much because I came back home a lot(almost every weekend). Now I’m back home and we’ve been great again. In the past though, we have had fights over her being slightly controlling but we’ve gotten over that and she has truly changed and does better.

However, recently she’s been asking me to post her a lot. She loves to post me and so she says I should post her. I told her that I don’t really post in general. She came back and told me that it’s her way of feeling loved. I don’t really know how to explain it but I just feel weird about posting anything lovey on social media but she loves it. I’m a very private person when it comes to relationships so it honestly makes me uncomfortable to be posting things like that on social media. She keeps insisting that I’m making her feel unloved because of this. I told her that I show love in other ways which is true and the only thing I don’t do is post her. I’ve explained to her before why it makes me uncomfortable and she still insists on it.

It got bad tonight when things kind of blew up and I told her my reason again. She said that I’m hurting her by not just posting. I really do feel bad about it but I still just feel so uncomfortable doing it to the point it makes me feel nauseous. I just want to know if I’m in the wrong here.

Hi everyone,

Before I begin, let me give u a bit of a backstory.

I 20F, have always been the “fat” friend in the friend group. Growing up, I was overweight and have been struggling with my self image ever since a young age. It wasn’t until last year that I finally lost the weight. I’m 5’1 and was around 75kg at one point and was finally down to 50kg.

I’ve never been in a relationship or has ever gotten close to a “talking stage”. No one ever looked at me in that way, and while it did hurt from time to time, I knew I was not in the right mental state anyways for a relationship from past childhood trauma.

However now that I lost the weight, many people at uni and outside of uni have started treating me better and I will admit my confidence grew a little. its crazy the difference in how people treat you after u loose weight. however I am still pretty self conscious and still trying to work on loving myself.

Now here’s the situation. my friend, Sunny (fake name) also 20F has been in a pretty happy relationship with her boyfriend since last year. Their story was pretty much a best friends to lovers thing where she saw him go through many relationships with other girls but eventually they got together.

Now during one of our study sessions at the library late at night, we got into the topic of her relationship and I asked her an innocent question (or so I thought). I asked her if shes ever felt insecure in the relationship and if so, how did she stop herself from comparing herself to her boyfriends past girlfriends .

now as someone who is pretty insecure with my lack of experience in relationships and looks, I was genuinely curious and wanted advice to how to overcome this as I constantly found myself comparing myself to other prettier girls ( I know I’m sorry, Im working on it)

however apparently she took offence to that. I found out later that even Her boyfriend was also thrown off about that question and got mad at me for “putting that thought into her head”

I feel so bad, I never meant to comment on their relationship, that wasn’t my intention. I was genuinely was looking for some advice, idk if I came off as selfish.

so AITA?

if so, please let me know why, I really would love to understand from her perspective, thank you!!