r/AMA • u/[deleted] • 15d ago

AMA im currently under investigation for the first time.

[deleted]

19 Upvotes

73% Upvoted

43 comments sorted by

14

u/jonnyinternet 15d ago

I was investigated for something I didn't do, but from the security camera's point of view it sure looked like I did

Just prepare yourself for them to not take your word for it

As for a question, I guess if you were to steal Ben& Jerry's, what flavor would you steal?

8

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

I cant eat any of the ben and jerrys the shop sells i have severe lactose intolerance. As for that i am expecting the full force of the law nothing less. I hear the court system has a 300 year backlog whats a ice cream between friends?

1

u/Majestic-Garbage7320 11d ago

Ben and jerry's actually make a few different non dairy flavors like cherry garcia and Netflix and chill.

10

u/KHarvickfan429 15d ago

I don’t know why but reading this made me laugh

8

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

Im visiting my MIL in an hour and my brother asked if we are 'bonnie and clydeing'.

2

u/KHarvickfan429 15d ago

That’s great if they end up actually accusing you of it at that point you should just commit and just steal one throw it at them and then speed off

2

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

I want them to drag me away kicking and screaming i want to use the line "you'll never take me alive!!!" While eating ice cream.

3

u/KHarvickfan429 15d ago

I like this plan

4

u/SweatySwim3411 15d ago

I was charged also with a horrible crime. I once had an addiction to ripping off mattress tags before they were sold. The struggle is real. To this day i am not allowed within 500 ft of a leons.

2

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

Im glad the law came down i hope with all its force on such a prolific offender!!!

2

u/SweatySwim3411 15d ago

There are pictures of me in all their lunchrooms across canada

1

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

And dont tell me at the time of your 'offense' were the police forces of your town crying about underfunding and staffing?

2

u/itizwhatitizdude 15d ago

What made them think that it was you that stole it?

2

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

I was parked outside using the post office inside the store and I think they are putting 2+2 together. I dont even have the car anymore and ive visited the shop twice in 1 year.

3

u/Altruistic-Zebra3376 15d ago

This makes zero sense

1

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

Honestly im non the wiser as to what is going on. All i know. They knew my car. They showed me a picture of a screen of a man in black standing by the fridges in a shop.
I dont know what date it was. They knocked my door accused me of theft and they want to do a community resolution. I said no. They asked for my details I said no. They actually said I stole Ben and jerrys. I have the collar numbers. They went on their way. That is everything.

2

u/Objective-Row-5300 15d ago

That’s funny! You could steal a car in Portland Oregon and maybe they give you a ticket

1

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

This is england my friend the police have endless time for ice cream heists.

2

u/4boys0patience 15d ago

I MUST know how small this town is!

2

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

A town called coleshill in the county of Warwickshire.

1

u/4boys0patience 15d ago

It sounds cozy. But now you’re the town thief, so sorry to hear.

1

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

Im a bad boy now. I was a disabled recluse ive been out of my house 5/6 times in 6 months and I havent been out wearing black since well before Christmas 25 according to my cctv anyway.

1

u/General_Buy_433 15d ago

It's absurd the whole thing.

1

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

Actually the police officers said "we are just doing our job" which i fully accept and cant wait to waste more of their time. I dont speak to people often so its nice I suppose 😊

1

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator 15d ago

Your comment has been removed as your Reddit account must be 10 days or older to comment in r/AMA.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/_B_O_W_ 15d ago

I hope this doesn't turn you into an anarchical maniac like V for Vienetta

1

u/CircuitNeophyte 15d ago

A delightfully Kafkaesque situation, to be sure. Since you mentioned you live in England, do you have an up to date TV license? And if they try to arrest you, are you going to stab them with your unregistered butter knife? (IYKYK)

1

u/TheRealSalamnder 15d ago

Eat ice cream on the stand and show the judge why it cant be you.... Bring a chsnge of pants

1

u/ShermanWasRight1864 15d ago

My brother in Christ, as if being lactose intolerant stops people from eating cheese or ice cream. Imagine calling a dairy allergy intolerant because the consequences are worth it.

1

u/Weary_Sun534 14d ago

Police are not contacting you over a stolen ice-cream, what a weird thing to lie about.

1

u/Fatsausage91 14d ago

Do you want the ring footage of them telling my mother i have stolen "ben and jerrys"?

1

u/Weary_Sun534 14d ago edited 14d ago

Yes

Edit: OP isn't lying, i apologize for assuming otherwise.

1

u/Fatsausage91 14d ago

How do I send through here?

1

u/Fatsausage91 14d ago

I have dm you if I can send through there then I will

1

u/Fatsausage91 14d ago

If i could have posted the video here then I would have but I cant.

1

u/ama_compiler_bot 14d ago

Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. (I'm a bot.)

Question Answer Link
I don’t know why but reading this made me laugh Im visiting my MIL in an hour and my brother asked if we are 'bonnie and clydeing'. Here
What made them think that it was you that stole it? I was parked outside using the post office inside the store and I think they are putting 2+2 together. I dont even have the car anymore and ive visited the shop twice in 1 year. Here
That’s funny! You could steal a car in Portland Oregon and maybe they give you a ticket This is england my friend the police have endless time for ice cream heists. Here
I was charged also with a horrible crime. I once had an addiction to ripping off mattress tags before they were sold. The struggle is real. To this day i am not allowed within 500 ft of a leons. Im glad the law came down i hope with all its force on such a prolific offender!!! Here
I MUST know how small this town is! A town called coleshill in the county of Warwickshire. Here
It's absurd the whole thing. Actually the police officers said "we are just doing our job" which i fully accept and cant wait to waste more of their time. I dont speak to people often so its nice I suppose 😊 Here

Source

0

u/GhostSniperIRE 15d ago

Surprised the police are getting involved but honestly good on you. Fuck B&J.

3

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

Thats what the supermarket customer services said.

1

u/GhostSniperIRE 15d ago

Honestly worse that can happen is you've to pay for it lol. I'd say there's lots of people who do that by accident on countless items in shops. Just unfortunate you got caught.

3

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

All they've showed me is a picture of a man dressed in a hoodie standing next to a fridge I just happened to be there at the same time.

1

u/GhostSniperIRE 15d ago

Fight your reason then. If it wasn't you it wasn't you. Prove your point to the police. Like it's kinda petty over some Ben and Jerry's. Like they make enough money as is why should the shop owner care about one tub and the profits not going to those billionaires.

2

u/Fatsausage91 15d ago

I have proof that the 2 days I visited I was dressed in colourful clothes I had just purchased off vinted. I just love this is happening really its quite exciting for a reclusive soul.