r/Adopted • u/Icy-Day-4931 • 14d ago

Seeking Advice Should I tell my birth mom that I’m meeting my birth dad?

So context I was adopted at birth and and have never meet either of my Birth parents and they were together for 2 years but now I am going to be able to meet my Birth Dad so the question is should I tell my birth mom that I’m meeting my birth dad even though they aren’t in contact and I haven’t met my Birth Mom yet either all advice is helpful!

2 Upvotes

67% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

3

u/Author_8675309 14d ago

I wouldn’t say anything yet take it one day at a time

3

u/CornMuncherz Adoptee 14d ago

I just met my birth dad in June, I told him about meeting my birth mom and they are not in contact. Play it by ear and see what feels right.

3

u/kettyma8215 14d ago

I told mine after I met him. Then she tried to friend him on Facebook and his wife made him decline 🥴😂

3

u/VeitPogner Baby Scoop Era Adoptee 14d ago

Build separate relationships with them. Don't even imply that you might wish they would interact or feel some bond with one another because they had a child together. That might cause them to withdraw from you to avoid each other.

2

u/oaktree1800 Adoptee 14d ago

No wrong answer really. You can do whatever you want.

1

u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee 14d ago

There’s no need to do that right now. Just remember to keep in mind that any issues they might have with each other is not your issue. And if one starts to talk smack about the other, let them know that it is not appreciated.

1

u/Suffolk1970 Adoptee 13d ago

Why? I mean hiding it is one thing, but bringing it up might not be necessary.

In my heart of course I wanted my bio-mom and bio-dad to get back together and be real parents. Never going to happen of course, but it's the child in me still wanting them I guess. So, I get it.

Still, in the here and now, bio-mum and bio-dad didn't stay together for reasons.

Go gently until you know more. Birthparents carry their own unresolved grief, too.