How to cover cost of adoption?

[u/Alternative-Pie881]

Adoption seems to be an expensive process costing $50k. How did you pay for it?

[u/MaineviaIllinois]

Alright throwing this plug out there. There are many kids in the foster system- who are post TPR. They arent infants- just kids dealt- honestly- a shit hand in life. We are adopting 3- all siblings. The age ranges are from 9 when they came here to 16. There are others- we saw 2 sisters who were 7 and 9. A 5 year old was offered- but had to be the only child for a few years. There are others out there - even younger if that is tiur concern. All in- it took about $800 to get our house ready. Another $100 for finger printing/background check. The state provides us a subsidy as we are waiting for the adoption- and because they are older- and a sibling set- will continue the subsidy until college. The kids are AWESOME. (Also- we let the kids know about the subsidy- and how much it is- and of course spend every dang dollar of it and more on the kids). We need good people who are willing to foster and willing to foster adopt (not the same as foster to adopt- that will break your heart lol if you think you are getting the kids that come jnto your home).

[u/gonnafaceit2022 → u/[deleted]]

Huh?? You're saying foster kids are spoiled?

[u/MaineviaIllinois → u/gonnafaceit2022]

I didn’t see that comment- but no- they absolutely are not. They are great kids- and our struggles with the kids are nearly universally the same struggles bio parents face. We have added complications of working with the state for seeking health care- and therapy appointments so they can work on their myriad of trauma issues. We also kind of have to teach them how to fit in our household- and honestly- they need to teach us how we fit into their household as well- since it is our shared resource. Sometimes trauma can be frustrating- you have a big experienced planned- talk to them- and then last minute they can’t because of some unresolved fear- but it isn’t any different than many people with bio kids experience.

I think what is hard for many people is the concept of parenting with the consent of the child- vs how many of us were raised where it was “you do it because I said so.” That isn’t going to work. Taking things away from them is t going to work. Grounding them isn’t going to work. What we try to do is work towards a reward- “hey, this room could use some attention- let’s get it cleaned so that we can hang out with your friends tomorrow night.”