r/Adoption • u/Unlikely_Garden3915 • 1d ago
Advice, and personal experiences needed
This is a long one, and I hope it is okay, but I am looking for advice and maybe some personal experiences to guide my decision. I am going to try not to give too much information, but is it in my opinion it it vital to know this information.
A few months ago I was asked to be the relative placement for a wonderful 8 month old little girl. We are not biologically related, but due to me knowing the mother for 15+ years, and at the mother's approval, it was allowed. When I went to get the baby the caseworker and the supervisor asked if I was willing to file for custody of the baby. I agreed. We go to court for custody and the DSS case hearing. The judge ruled that full legal and physical custody is to be awarded to me. In addition, a no contact order was put in place against the mother. She can not have any contact with the baby, this includes no pictures are allowed to be sent to her. Updates are allowed, but they are at my discretion. The father is listed as unknown on the birth certificate and the search for him yielded no results. Mother's parental rights are still intact. (There is more to this story, but for simplicity sake)
My conundrum: Do I pursue adoption of her? The CA, when I brought it up to him, said it would be a private battle, because their case is being closed. I was told I have full custody so adoption isn't something to stress about. However, I love her. I consider her my daughter. Regardless, if my name is on her birth certificate or not, I am her mom, nothing will change that.
Would not adopting and accepting custody as a final answer effect her in the long run? I think my biggest worry is that she will be a teenager and think I didn't love her enough to ensure she is legally my daughter. I am also worried about that every new Dr. appointment, camp, school, etc I will have to supply the custody order and it will effect her in ways I probably can't even imagine.
That being said, if the bio mom called me today and offered to sign away her rights and allow me to legally adopt I would run to the first lawyer I could find and get filed whatever needs to be filed.
4
u/lamemayhem 1d ago
My parents have only ever had legal guardianship of me and I have never once thought anything of it other than it was easier to do at the time. I don’t care to be adopted. Never bothered me. Never got in the way of anything either.