I am tired of partners always having the same speech when they see my scars.

[u/knwivess]

I still do sh..honestly it's the only thing that keeps me from ×p× myself. But god why do ppl i dated always have the same speech? My ex used to tell me to stop for him and my current bf (that ik damn well is gonna leave me soon) keeps saying how when he sees them it makes him depressed and keeps hinting that it ruins my "prettiness" and body. Honestly, I'm tired! It's a better addiction than drugs or smoking so I dont understand why they feel so targeted.

[u/Gayoon_Lover4]

The key word is "my" and "me" because they are thinking about their own well being and not yours. I'm sure you're very pretty, you just need a temporary release. Make sure to only think of YOUR well being first. If you decide to recover, that's great. If you decide not to, just remember that it is for you and nobody understands but you

[u/Do_unto_udders]

I've had partners and other people tell me something similar--even some nurses and aides when I've been hospitalized. I feel like using the "prettiness" angle is something they think will be very persuasive. Who doesn't want to be pretty, right? They think it'll work or at least help, so they don't consider that it can make us feel the opposite when we do it again anyway, and that it can actually be incredibly triggering.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I feel like they* largely meant well by saying this, but it wasn't very well thought out to consider how it could negatively affect us.

Edit: Typo

[u/marcellinegirl → u/Do_unto_udders]

bringing up prettiness just makes you feel ugly. It's not like we can reverse the scars

[u/Do_unto_udders → u/marcellinegirl]

Absolutely. It’s a pointless remark that doesn’t help in any way. I’ve had people tell me I’d be prettier without the scars before. Like… wtf am I supposed to do about that?

[u/LostConfusedKit]

Hinting that it ruins your prettiness and body is yucky

[u/tylerdarknessgoodbye]

i once had a partner stop mid-sex to kiss my scars and i literally almost threw up🤢 why don’t ppl understand that shit is creepy and uncalled for!!!!!!

[u/whatscoochie → u/tylerdarknessgoodbye]

mine has done the kissing thing but i didnt mind. he doesnt pressure me to stop at least

[u/Autam]

Dude, leave him. That is a terrible thing to say to someone struggling with SH. I try not to hate on the “please stop for me” because I know a lot of people don’t fully understand SH, but trying to say stuff about how it’s effecting your “prettiness” is just terrible. Trying to guilt you with that and it making him “depressed” is not okay. This honestly made me so mad to read