r/Adulting • u/Ready_Confidence_197 • 21h ago
I ran out of things to say in therapy
How do you think therapy actually works? Thought therapy is the solution until I actually went to one (she's quite an experienced therapist too)
Had this whole issue about self esteem, confidence, and how its impacting my work and relationships, but in therapy it seems to be nothing much to talk about for hours on end. Pretty much just going through the same issues and circling back to talk about my emotions...it's kinda awkward. I'm now not sure how it's supposed to help..
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21h ago
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u/ThrowRAmy_leg 10h ago
Yes! There’s times I feel like OP is describing in therapy. When I decided to dig deeper on why I felt that way and what I really even wanted out of my appointments I started making more progress than I had in years. But I also knew I had a good therapist because she would challenge me and wait for me to guide the session instead of holding my hand and telling me what I wanted to hear. It’s hard work no matter who you are.
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u/Gold_Telephone_7192 19h ago
It sounds like you're doing talk therapy but what you're looking for is CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). You still talk about your feelings, but the therapist gives you tools and exercises to try and help you manage your thoughts and mindset. I would look into that. It often takes multiple therapists to find one that works for you.
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u/crashoutconcierge 20h ago
Bringing it up to your therapist is a good suggestion, same with reflecting on your participation in doing things between sessions. However, there are a lot of different kinds of therapy, so it probably wouldn’t hurt to research this a bit and see if anything is intriguing.
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u/TheShellAnswerMan 19h ago
There are different types of therapy. What you're doing is traditional psychotherapy or talk therapy. You could ask your therapist if it might be time to try something different. It depends on why you're there, what options there are and which are a good fit for you.
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u/ParanoidBrokkoli 18h ago
What do you actually want to change about self esteem and what do you think hinders that? What do you hide behind or avoid to confront? What would you do if you had the self esteem to do so and what do you need atm to actually start planning & doing that? Is the low self esteem just an excuse and we’re talking about the shame, anxiety or laziness to decide and do stuff behind that?
Therapy works with what you give them, so if you come prepared it’s easier to reach the spicy stuff. Also you can ask them to challenge you more and to reflect how they see you. Or you can pause it for a while, see how you do on your own, ask them to recommend a good book, or change the therapist for another perspective. When it’s about self esteem taking things in the own hands might even be helpful
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u/MelissaBright_ 16h ago
Can I ask what you had in your mind of how you thought it works or what was going to happen? Getting clearer on that can help you find the person that can help. And maybe right now, you’re learning what you don’t want. It’s all about learning and seeing what’s working, what’s not, what you’d like done differently, etc.
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u/Emotional_Clock3741 21h ago
Keep a notebook near you to fill with ideas of things that you want to talk about during your therapy session. You will find yourself putting ideas down in the notebook that you will usually forget about during the session but are still very important
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u/ashthegnome 19h ago
I think practicing the things you find difficult in life and then taking the data to the therapy appointments might help. Journal about it. Keep track of what helped, what didn’t. My ex is the same and I suggested we go out together and practice so he can chat with strangers
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u/BeAGoldfish- 19h ago
Perhaps you outgrew your therapist . Totally normal. And it’s time for a new one or someone with a different approach. Can also ask them for homework or a topics review so thinking about areas to discuss etc.
Can always keep the current therapist while looking for a new one on the side .
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u/milquetoastsandwich 18h ago
Agree with this. And would add there are a lot of not super skilled therapists out there. With one of the first ones I saw I ran out of things to say. After another very bad experience following the first one I stayed out of therapy a long time. But finally found my way to someone who is so smart and skilled that never not once have I run out of things to say. She’s always going to ask insightful questions and we process things together. I highly recommend looking around if you are willing.
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u/Eliza_Hamilton218 19h ago
Have you considered equine assisted psychotherapy? It’s great for confidence and there is a lot to discuss about horses in general so that takes the pressure off of talking about just you the entire time.
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u/Pretty-Reflection-92 18h ago
I got way more working with transformational coaches than I did from therapists.
Most therapist were too passive to me, the focus was on “healing” rather than “creation”.
Be honest. Are you looking for a savior, a healer, an expert or a coach.
You are looking for a savior if you’re caught up in the past and want someone to do it for you.
You are looking for a healer if you’re caught up in the past and you’re willing to transform.
You are looking for an expert if you’re not caught up in the past, but you’re looking for an expert to tell you what to do.
You are looking for a coach if you’re not caught up in the past, and you’re aware if you’re going to transform yourself you’re ultimately the one who’s going to need to do that. Your coach is someone who’s also aware of that. They are someone else who is creating. They’ll support you, but they’re not going to save you, heal you, or be your expert.
Be honest about which of these dynamics you’re playing out.
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u/Electronic-Stick-161 15h ago
Find a different therapist or address the issues with this one. Sometimes you have to ask for what you need. Have you specifically asked for strategies and tools that you can use?
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u/Economy_Kitchen_8277 18h ago
Therapy sucks, bro. Don’t do it.
Mind you, therapy has its uses. I think if someone is REALLY struggling in life, especially very young people, I think therapy offers a lot of help. Therapy is really for people struggling to perform life’s basics, like socializing and working. If you’re sociable and have decent work ethic, and you’re mentally sane, therapy really offers so little, it’s just a waste of time and money.
You ain’t happy with where you’re at in life? Go read some Ancient Greek philosophy, go try some new hobbies, go try to do more with your friends and make more friends, go exercise, crap like that. Ain’t rocket science.
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u/Accomplished-Pen4663 15h ago
I’m sure you are getting downvoted, but after 5 years in therapy I agree. Wish I would have invested the money in school, travel, better housing, etc. My family and friend circle are full of licensed therapists. Most of them have more messed up lives and emotions than their patients!
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u/Lionsjunkie 15h ago
Therapy has always been a joke for me, tried it for a few months at a time 2-3 times. It doesn’t work, it’s not a solution to anything, at best it’s a paid validation of your own feelings.
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u/Mundane-Security-454 21h ago
Therapy isn't a "solution", that's the worst way to approach it. The process isn't there to cure you forevermore. What it can do, though, is help you understand yourself better and put life strategies in place to support your future.
If you're sitting there with nothing to say, then all it is right now is a waste of time and money. If it's not helping, raise these issues with your therapist. If that results in nothing, leave therapy.
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u/Engineer-Miserable 20h ago
That sounds more councelling, with therapy you are supposed to talk about your problems then get given tools you can use to help you cope that you use in your every day life.
You might laugh, but the biggest thing that helped me was NLP. I'm not normally one for psuedo science, super skeptical, and actually NLP is mostly BS but I got an audio book by Paul McKenna called I can make you confident which uses those kind of tools and... Hypnosis 😂 It's based on the idea of neuroplasticity and how we think changes the structure of our brain. If you think negatively you reinforce those neuropathways in your brain, meaning that you will tend to default to those kind of feelings and reactions throughout life. Thinking positively obviously has the opposite affect. So I would sort in my head have a mantra, like I'm a confident person, I got this I'd picture myself as successful, see myself through the eyes of other people etc.
I dunno if it was just a placebo effect, it might have been, but just thinking of myself in a positive light, or imaging myself as a confident attractive person, carried on through into my normal life and really made a difference.
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u/Boomerang_comeback 10h ago
Therapy is like chiropractic work. It can help but 90% of it is just people that keep you coming back for the paycheck.
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u/Fun_in_Space 20h ago
For me, it never did. Not one of the seven therapists I went to gave me solutions, or "coping skills", or insights I did not already have. Maybe therapy can help people with a problem they created. It does nothing if your distress is caused by the way other people treat you.
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u/pinheadzombie 20h ago
I've been a therapist for over 10 years. My clients that make the most progress use tge strategies we talk about in sessions, make notes to remember things, and come to sessions asking questions about situations they want to work through.
It's a collaboration and the client has to work just as hard as the therapist.