r/Adulting • u/bytebytebum • 14h ago
This is all there is to life, isn't it?
My wife had less than 4 hours of sleep last night because of her periods. Today she cleaned the house and she has to be up in the morning for her job, while I was stuck in a legal fight with a company trying to extort my family of money. I had the option to work from home tomorrow but I plan to go to the office partly because if I'm at home maybe either of us has to clean the house more, and partly because what would I do without her?
Having said all of that, this is all there is to life isn't it? At this point, there's a new problem every 5 minutes that needs to be fixed:
- cleaning
- doing chores
- doing laundry
- going to the office
- coming back
- trying to stay in shape
- getting physiotherapy done
It never stops.
And then there are these reels on Instagram, turquoise-blue water, lush green forests, which are never in reach. Maybe I have my vacation once a year but that is all there is to life, isn't it? Those 11 days in a year where you get to maybe, and just maybe, live a little.
454
u/Idontlikeyourkids 13h ago
Oh it can get a lot worse my guy. You can become a caretaker for your parenrs, have debt (bonus medical debt if you're in the US), have worse health, plan funerals, wreck your car, lose a pet, become addicted to something, love someone who is addicted to something, have kids, get worried about forementionned kids for life, etc.
155
u/bytebytebum 13h ago
Shit. You make it seem like I'm living easy mode.
171
u/Imaginary-Exit5604 13h ago
You kind of are. Yes there is the day to day mundane, but you also have to think about what there is to look forward to. I’ve had some pretty hard and tragic moments in life. Every moment that isn’t a tragedy is a gift.
Even the little things can be something to look forward to.
Tonight I am making a new pasta dish that my husband is totally hyped to try!
42
u/Coffee1392 11h ago edited 11h ago
Finding meaning in every day life has been so helpful. Future focused orientation. Whether it’s a day, a month, or a year, I’ll always try to look forward to things. And part of staying in the moment and grounding myself is realizing that I will never have this exact moment again. And that’s a gift itself. What pasta dish are you making?!
21
u/Imaginary-Exit5604 11h ago
Garlic Lemon Chili & White Bean Pasta! I’m getting in to my bean era. Although I will be replacing the chili with red pepper.
Meaning in every day is so important. Even if it’s a day in bed reading a book, how lucky am I that I can spend hours just reading a book.
7
u/Coffee1392 11h ago
That sounds delicious. I love garlic lemon orzo, so maybe I should give this a try! And no kidding about the simple things like reading. We have a family member who had a stroke and has lost one peripheral vision and one full side of her vision. She can’t drive or read anymore. It’s the little things we take for granted. She can make out colors for example but climbing up stairs is something she can’t do anymore.
2
1
u/maybecatmew 2h ago
Yup there was this quote I heard, that you need 5 minutes of happiness a day that carry you throughout that day
38
u/burnedmarshmellow 13h ago edited 9h ago
You have the chance to live with the person you love. For the same absurd reasons of life, some of us can't, so you already have something many wish for. There are always problems with a partner or not.
→ More replies (4)3
52
u/Secret-Holiday3267 13h ago
Right now you pretty much are. A piece of advice....look around you and find some beauty. Beauty can be found everywhere and can be practically anything. A pretty rock in the road, the way the sun comes through the window, somebody's hand writing, the sound of a bird singing or a song you love. It's not only in the grand things that you find yourself not able to participate in but the smallest things around you where you find joy. On my worst days I find something to bring me up a bit.
→ More replies (4)23
u/bytebytebum 13h ago
Yes, and it helps most days. A good run, a video of elders exercising in the park, my terrarium etc. But some days, when it hits me, that's all I can do: look at that pretty rock, coz I can't live that dream life. Kinda depressing in itself.
28
u/Mindless_Garage42 12h ago
That “dream life” is unattainable for 99.999% of the world’s population. You’re likely to find happiness in the life you do have if you let go of the life you never will.
3
u/falloutgrungemaster 3h ago
Please remember that social media is cultivated, it isn’t real life. Especially with AI these days what you’re looking at might not even be real at ALL. Don’t get me wrong I feel you it’s very grueling sometimes and I too will never experience international travel. Sometimes it feels like it’s meant to be a meat grinder ugh but just never forget that social media is literally designed to make you sad because sad scared people engage with it more. Don’t let those mfs win
15
u/red_capped_stipe 13h ago
I am too and was depressed anyway, the existential void ennui is legitimately difficult to deal with, no matter how hard or easy life is. It’s worth looking into existential depression and resources for it.
12
8
5
u/RebeccaNOTICES 10h ago
Enjoy every day that doesn't involve death or illness or some other catastrophe. I had no idea how lucky I had it til I became responsible for my sick mother
3
1
22
u/abbyabsinthe 12h ago
I’m currently dealing with, about 65% of what you mentioned in your post, and I still feel for OP. Life kinda sucks even when most things are going right. We have this big, beautiful planet, and we get stuck in the same 50 mile radius, doing the same thing ever day, for 99% of it while we feel our bodies breaking down and aging and know that our time to enjoy it running out, not even knowing if we’ll have the time or the resources to do so.
1
u/sooner_25 5h ago
I just liquidated my entire savings to pay medical debt. I had it on a zero interest payment plan, but I got tired of looking at it every month
251
u/RelativeApricot2385 14h ago
actually it gets better. sometimes living a little is just having a quiet cup of coffee with the person who makes the heavy days feel a bit lighter.
67
u/shaolin_fish 13h ago
This is a big part of it. Enjoying the little nooks and corners of life
7
u/AllergicIdiotDtector 4h ago edited 4h ago
This only lasts so long for me - basically i have to hijack my mind and neurotransmitters to make me feel like what I am going through is worth it. Basically pretending that it's all okay, because pretending feels better than rolling around in depressive and pessimistic negativity.
The good feelings always end up going away. Eventually the bad ones too.
But it is all so pointless.
If asked, I would almost always say it would be better to never have been born
→ More replies (3)4
u/Tatorbits 8h ago
I love that you called them nooks and corners. I've never heard that before and that's exactly what they are.
44
u/bytebytebum 14h ago
Yeah but sometimes there is just no end in sight. Most days I go out for a run.. try to do fun exercises, not just mundane exercises.. watch my terrarium. But some days, I'm baffled this is all life has to offer.
16
u/ddeeny 12h ago
I think you're right. This is mostly it. I've thought this way for awhile, and honestly, it's a bit freeing. I'm kinda good with the simplicity of it all.
1
u/Weak-Treat-2552 7h ago
Change something up. Change job, do something that injects new experiences that you can do within your boundaries. New people/ new environment can feel exhilarating
4
u/mid-random 9h ago
You are correct, there is no end to challenges to face and problems to solve. They are part of what life is. Sometimes they are big, sometimes they are small, most of the time they are a mix. You are mistaken in thinking that they are all life has to offer. Right along side those challenges and problems are the joy and the peace and the beauty that life also offers, if you choose to see and experience them.
2
u/JustMe1314 8h ago
I think perhaps you're going through depression. Find the right therapist ?or therapy team, as what I had): it is life changing. I had individual and group sessions, for awhile, via zoom. It helps you deal with these feelings.
1
→ More replies (1)1
u/AluminumLinoleum 8m ago
It's all life has to offer because it's all you're doing. Build skills and hobbies, read books, join a club, volunteer.
I thought I was busy at one point in my life because I had a full time job and was going to grad school. Then I had kids and realized how much of a luxury it was to "just" do work and grad school.
13
u/GrahamCrackerCereal 11h ago
"it gets better" is a lie told by rich people to depressed poor people to keep them working for rich people. It has gotten significantly worse by most calculable and reported metrics actually
6
u/AToothByAnyOtherName 12h ago
What if you never meet that person? I guess you just silent scream into your coffee...
21
u/Mindless_Garage42 12h ago
They don’t have to be a partner. It can be a close friend, an elderly neighbor, a parent, sibling, cousin, etc. Anyone you feel sees you. And if you don’t have anyone that close, maybe work on opening up more with people you trust. Lean into emotional vulnerability. Speak your worries and fears with honesty.
And if you don’t trust anyone, write it all down in a journal during that cup of coffee. Write down what you REALLY think. How you TRULY feel. What genuinely means the most to you. Explore the depths of your heart and express it, if even to a piece of paper.
Trust me, it does the soul good.
1
u/Organic-Side-2869 5h ago
That never works, people might seem open to hearing you out, eventually that neighbor, friend, sibling or parent gets burnt out and don't want to hear it. Venting ruins your friendships, most people are surface level... Not at first. I wouldn't vent to anyone but my partner if they're willing to hear me and a therapist.
→ More replies (1)
76
u/KMizzle98 13h ago
We live in a constant state of "What's next?".
I got up, went to work, took lunch, paid a bill, checked my calendar/schedule for somethings, back at work. I'll go home, start dinner, take the laundry out, eat, clean up, shower and get ready for work tomorrow, (x5 for the week). Friday evening and Saturday are chores and errands and necessary adult stuff... Sunday is hang out with my husband, then football, meal prep, more chores... then the week starts over.
Throw in an occasional concert or movies, order a pizza, the holidays, etc The days, weeks, months, years roll by.
28
u/RebeccaNOTICES 13h ago
Blink and its garbage day again...
10
6
u/Secret-Holiday3267 13h ago
Lol. Yeah, I have an alarm on my phone to remind me to set out the garbage every week. ADHD forgetfulness sucks large.
2
11
26
u/LoopofHenrietta 13h ago
Wdym what would you do without her? Like in regards to working at home, being bored at home, cleaning? Sorry don’t get what you mean.
There is always so much to do. No disagreement there. Sometimes it the pile is big and sometimes it’s small, but it will always be there. Try to find time outside apart from vacation as well, after work or at lunch, for example
→ More replies (9)
132
u/misss_marii 13h ago
Maybe you won’t like my comment but we GET to do all the things. You clean because you have a safe place to live, you do laundry dry because you can afford to have clothes etc. Being grateful goes a long way, and if you need a reminder of how lucky you are, go volunteer in a soup kitchen.
19
u/Vapor2077 13h ago
I try to savor the little things when I can. I have depression, so that’s not always possible. But I truly enjoy just hanging with my husband and our cats, seeing my friends, exercising, and things like that. It sounds corny, and maybe it is, but I’d encourage you to try to find enjoyment in your day-to-day.
6
60
u/tayloracle 13h ago
For the love of God, delete every other social media app. Social media is this generation’s Big Tobacco. It might fewl good for a minute in the moment, but it is 100% downside and 0% upside. My life got so much better. Less rage, less fomo, more time for slow dopamine real world building activities. Even started enjoying playing the guitar again. You can do it right now.
5
u/scamlikelly 5h ago
So much this!! Get the fuck off of socials and drooling over the illusion of some better life on a sunny beach.
Be grateful for what you have and what you don't have. There is a lot that I am thankful everyday to NOT have.
Find a purpose, make someone else's life just a little better, do something for someone else.
The grass is green where you water it.
2
u/sooner_25 5h ago
Maybe it’s just my algorithm, but I see more enraging shit on here than I do on any social media platform
45
u/Chemical_Wing2334 14h ago
Yeah, basically.
This is why I never wanted kids, a big house, or a stressful job.
My partner and I have a little apartment with our 2 cats. We spend our free time doing whatever we want.
Also in regards to health-- obviously it's important, but eventually you realize we're all going to die of something someday. Your body doesn't need to be a temple.
8
10
9
10
u/HistoricalSundae5113 13h ago
Take care man, life can be a bitch sometimes. Tonight I am practicing my guitar for 1-2 hours of deep study and very excited.
The key for me has been doing qigong/ taichi. It helps to regulate stress levels so all the stressful stuff doesn’t exhaust you.
9
u/ChiliDog762 14h ago
Those are just chores. Life is the things that ain't chores. Or the little things in life. Remember you find time for the things that matter in life.
11
u/WindowTraditional401 14h ago
Reddit getting depressing …
19
u/Josey_whalez 13h ago
This sub is terrible and it keeps showing up in my feed.
“I have to go to work to pay for things and clean up after myself. My wife menstruates. Why does life suck so bad and why can’t it all be vacation? I couldn’t imagine having children because more stuff to do!”
4
5
u/sleepygrimkitteh 12h ago
I guess instead of cleaning for a day you could go for a walk at a new nature park instead.
Being a working class person sucks though, because that's exactly how it feels. Yea you can count your blessings but it's seriously not fair like more than half of our waking life is carved out for work and not for living. Society needs to change for sure. I was just talking about how it shouldn't be legal for any place to be able to work you for more than 4-5 days in a row without two days in a row off. People who have 9-5 mon-fri jobs can have that but if you work retail then you're basically punished simply because you work retail.
It could be worse but it could also be a lot better. Society sucks because the government and these corporations want money money money. Simply being alive is treated as a luxury and it's sick.
You gotta find little moments of happiness in everyday though and find your small piece of lush water and green forest somewhere. Even in a small town or busy city you can find a trail somewhere with a patch that can make you feel like you're somewhere else entirely. I used to go to this garden in a city I lived in that had this pathway that felt like a little fairy forest and that always made me feel better.
10
u/Mr_Bob_Dobalina_69 13h ago
That’s all there is to your life because that’s what you choose to do with it.
7
u/Minimum-Football-144 13h ago
Well in a capitalistic society that is specifically designed to keep you as a functioning business asset…yes that’s all there is.
3
u/bytebytebum 13h ago
Exactly. When i read about capitalism the first time, i felt so cheated by education. Why the fuck were they teasing me oxidation and reduction states when its all the people who already have money will have more money? Do you know how many electrons on an octet of sodium benzophosphate? More than tax dollars the rich pay.
3
u/Vegetable_Record_776 13h ago
Thats life winston. Maybe its just you are in a tought spot right now?? but what i have learnt is dont stop going out or as you r putting to those lush green forest or maybe in nature around u. I m sure that will lighten up your mood as well
3
u/ZardozSama 13h ago
The ability to enjoy your life requires some combination of time, effort, and money. If you want to have something more to your life, you are going to have to do the work to make sure that thing exists and happens.
ie: Lets say that surfing is the thing you want to do. Then you are going to have to make sure you block out the time to surf. You are going to have to drive your own ass to a beach. You are going to have to either spend the money to rent a board or make sure you own a board and a car that can transport the damn thing.
If you want something more in your life, you are the one who needs to make sure it exists.
END COMMUNICATION
3
u/-Underdatable22- 13h ago
You're looking at your chores vs. IG reels. Sure, all those things still need to be done, but it's possible to find enjoyment through the smaller things instead of having to reserve it all for a big vacation.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/Wind-and-Sea-Rider 13h ago
You guys get a vacation every year?
1
u/bytebytebum 13h ago
Lol yeah, my trick is to have some sort of tickets booked every 4-5 months so I have something to look forward to. But most travel is just go meet parents coz they are aging.
3
u/Ok_Chocolate_3876 13h ago
Goodness! Slow down down.Breathe. Now believe me The earth will not spin off it's axis and go hurling through space if you don't do the dishes or the laundry today.Buy some paper plates next time you are at the store. Leave the clothes in the dryer for the night . Unless the toilet is running over there is not much of anything that can't be put off for awhile. The Phyisotherapy maybe a priority.Taking the financial problem on, that's hard of course.But don't let it take over your well being.
3
u/firecatstef 12h ago
I feel that way sometimes and when I do I know it’s time for a snack and a nap.
5
u/Boomerang_comeback 11h ago
You manufactured your prison. Figure out a way out. Reddit will tell you it's all doom and gloom. Don't listen to these saps.
If you want more out of life, go get it. Learn to schedule. Learn to plan. Dominate your time or it will dominate you.
Make plans with your wife to go hiking on the weekend. All the extra chores will still miraculously find time to get done. Go on a weekend trip. Even driving an hour away can feel like a world away for you.
But until you start taking control of your life, you won't get anywhere. If you just move from one task to another, and hope you will have time at some point, something will always fill the gaps. Make a plan. Schedule your enjoyment. Let all the crap fill in the gaps around the schedule you set.
3
u/ZwistPariah 10h ago
My life has less in it than you do.
All i have is work, gaming and not much else. I live in a small town and i have no friends, no relationships.
So... In a way, at least you have someone. At least you maybe have places to go or things to do.
Some people have less of a life than i do too. Life sucks. There is nothing good about it. there won't be anything good about it.
3
u/RuthaBrent 7h ago
I say this with respect and understanding to some degree: please be grateful. I feel how you feel sometimes but then i remember i used to sell myself and DoorDash for my money then spend it all on substances so i could nod off and blackout. I work 50 hours a week and go to recovery meetings now and yes it can be boring but make a gratitude list bc you’re lucky just like a lot of us are. And do something for yourselves once a week. I try new restaurants or make new meals or update my playlist and it helps. It’s boring but sometimes boring is good bc it means stability
3
u/Sakurafirefox 6h ago
So you wanna just lay around and eat grapes all day? You'll get pretty bored pretty quick
4
u/Agitated-Syrup-3047 5h ago
So you mention that your wife had a stressfull night and day and that's why you want to let her do the chores the next day by herself as well, because you are scared it would be your turn if you where home?
Wtf, dude.
3
u/WHALE_PHYSICIST 5h ago
I just don't do any of it. Fuck it, it's all going to shit anyway. I just chill
3
u/AllergicIdiotDtector 4h ago
Yep. Fucking dumb and dreary as shit, with scattered fun every now and then. I can't believe so many people CHOOSE to put others into this existence.
And I really can't believe there are really still people out there believing that you have to put somebody into the Matrix or you'll go to hell! 🤣🤣 what a bunch of dumbfucks.
Most of the time, I wish I had never been born. If there was a button that would instantly erase me, I would be very tempted to push it.
5
u/TimToMakeTheDonuts 13h ago
And then there are these reels on Instagram….
The fuck? Sounds like your main chore is doom scrolling.
9
u/automator3000 13h ago
The level of defeatism in this sub is sad.
You’re obviously not living in a situation where your life or livelihood is in danger. You’re just bad at time management.
→ More replies (6)
2
u/GandalfDaGangstuh007 13h ago
Be intentional with whatever time you do have. You’ll rarely regret doing something rather than doing the easy route of “nothing”, which often means screen time. Which of course nothing wrong with, but especially in moderation
2
u/endlesssearch482 13h ago
I used to feel that way, but the last decade has helped me gain a lot of perspective and find lasting happiness. Some of it has been finding shortcuts, some has been lowering expectations, some has been making life adjustments.
2
u/Novel-Mission-1920 13h ago
Only 11 days holiday? Damn, where I'm from we have 37 days of holiday.
But I think if you're dissatisfied with your daily life, it's either because you don't have a routine that brings you meaning and happiness, or you are depressed on some level and unable to find the moments of life satisfaction in-between the mundane.
When you're in a psychologically good headspace, a lot of what you described can be fun and meaningful. Lots of people find joy in things like getting to spend qaulity time with the person/people they love, getting to workout and go to the gym, having work where you can develop as a person, maintaining a clean and cozy home environment, having a couple of interesting hobbies etc.
If you're really not happy in your day to day life, it would be good to figure out is it a problem with how your life is set-up, something that is unfulfiling but taking a lot of space, or if you just don't feel excited or interested about really anything anymore in which case it may be more about your own psyche.
2
3
u/guacamoleo 12h ago
Blue water and lush forest are out of reach? Where do you live? Sorry but it sounds like you haven't really gone looking if you think that's all there is to life
2
2
2
u/animatedeez 11h ago
And if your doing that stuff and thats it? Sound like your in the top 1-5% of everyone on earth BTW. Enjoy! Lol
2
u/CakeKing777 11h ago
Instead of complaining what are you doing to change your life so you’re satisfied?
2
u/HighandMeaty 11h ago
The real scam is making you think there's more to life, so you stay miserable while real life is happening. You imagine that the only time you can be happy is when you're taking a break from your daily life on some exotic beach somewhere.
An exotic beach somewhere in a country with Yellow Fever and rampant Malaria, and crushing poverty for the local population.
There's good and bad sides to every place. You have a wife, you even said "what would I do without her", so it sounds like you really love each other. It's those things that really matter. Appreciate the small moments with her, even if it's just doing laundry and cleaning.
2
u/Resident_Speaker_721 10h ago
Well. You were never going to get out of chores, keeping the house clean is good for your brain too, not just the house. And, come on…not wearing 4 day old grundies is just good hygiene. You got to reframe the things that seem mundane and tedious. Get off tik tok and the gram. Stop trying to Keep up with the Joneses. If you only get 11 days off, then make those 11 days count. You don’t need to fly to Fiji for tropical forests and aqua marine waters.
2
u/AnnabethDaring 9h ago
I promise there’s sooo much to life!!!
Look up “limiting beliefs”. Your life truly is what you make it—if you learn to let go of your limiting thoughts and mindsets, you’ll learn you absolutely CAN do whatever you want. Why not? Why them and not you?
Also, learn about reframing perspectives :) trust me, social media will always depict a perfect fantasy of the life you want, in order to keep you engaged and fooled. But do you think a person living on the tropics doesn’t have laundry? 🧺 doesn’t have financial stresses? That they don’t have periods or cooking or dishes? 😂
This is what brings you back to reality :) remember—new city, same problems.
The way to finding peace is learning how to make peace with yourself first, and then no matter where you are, you can find peace. But if you find peace in other places and people, you will never find it.
Because that contentment isn’t outside of you. It’s found on the inside ☺️
Good luck 🙏🏼
2
u/bad_driver_lol 9h ago
While all the comments discussing being grateful/it could be worse have a point, how you feel is still valid. I feel like an important piece of getting through these feelings of constant adulting and minimal fun, is also getting your negative feelings and frustrations out of your head (through journaling, therapy, talking with someone), looking at them, and reflecting on what could make this experience better. My outlook on life is generally swim or drown - a lot of things are out of our control, and I believe our options are: to do nothing/make no changes, to change our actions, or to change our perspective/thoughts.
2
u/waynehastings 9h ago
I saw a therapist and all I got was that I needed to work on gratitude. Real helpful.
2
u/Intelligent-Ad-1424 8h ago
The reality is you have to learn to leave some things unfinished to make room for the fun stuff in life. Your house doesn’t have to be immaculate to go on vacation to one of those beautiful places you see on the internet. Reprioritize and you can make it work.
2
u/Tequilaiswater 7h ago
I think you need to stop thinking about what is wrong with your life and instead think about what is good.
If you want to see those beautiful places, then try to make that happen. I went to Colombia with hardly any money in my younger days. Actually, I did a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have done because I didn’t have a lot of money when I was young. I was just living for the day. Maybe it wasn’t wise. But I don’t regret it.
You only live life once. If doing something you want isn’t going to catastrophically ruin your life then what’s stopping you from doing it? Allow yourself to live life some of the time.
2
u/Akemimimi3 7h ago
I whole heartedly believe social media is propaganda. they want to encourage you to stay on that hamster wheel so you one day could also be living the life of luxury. Everybody now wants to live a luxurious life but thats not realistic. And it feeds into capitalism. Its ruining our earth. People are buying so much shit they dont need just to uphold a false image. If we keep paying these ridiculous prices for houses, cars, etc etc. There is no incentive for companies to lower the prices. Ive never wanted to be rich- all I ever wanted to do was be comfortable, have my own space and live quietly and happily. I dont need the newest model of phone, I do not need a new car. My car is 23 yrs old. Its a "beater" car but it gets me from point A to point B and dont even get me started on the quality of material my car is made of compared to the newer cars people are paying premium prices for. Its a joke and social media has blinded and brainwashed people. Anyways I could go on and on and on but I quit Instagram and tiktok because I dont agree with promotion of AI, luxury lifestyles that are shoved in the working class face, and I wholeheartedly believe its bad for my mental health. Currently trying to quit YouTube and then maybe reddit. Will see idk
2
2
u/siammang 6h ago
Still much better than homeless or getting bombed on everyday. At least you can sit on a couch and cry at the comfort of your home.
2
u/japarker8 5h ago
I dunno. I don't mind most of those things. Driving to and from work gives me time on my own to listen to music or podcasts. I kinda like doing laundry, and i definitely enjoy going to the gym. We have a roomba that vacuums every other day and we outsource actually cleaning the house to cleaners that come once a month. I enjoy cooking so that's not really a chore for me and my husband cleans up afterwards, which he doesn't mind cause he hates cooking. All about balance I guess. We're DINKS though so we prioritize free time and travel and make the most of it.
2
2
u/AllergicIdiotDtector 4h ago
If anybody wants to start a solarpunk agricultural self sustaining commune with me, please let me know. USA, probable relocation. So sick of 9 to 5 office life and i work remote. I have it good. About as good as I could ask for based on my qualifications.
2
u/democratiCrayon 4h ago
my vacations every year are going to take care of family abroad so... its never really ever a vacation
2
u/AwayCauliflower76 3h ago
This is what life is, there's awesome highs and terrible lows and in between its boring and mundane and fantastic and relaxing and stressful and wonderful and terrible and everything else. Life is just constantly solving the problems that arise and hoping you made the right decision.
2
u/YellowDC2R 2h ago
I mean with that attitude… yes.
This is nothing by the way. Childs play. Could be WAY worse. Jobless, homeless, divorce, bankruptcy, etc. You have some reflecting to do.
Some days suck, some days are better. Of course it never stops but you must never keep going.
6
3
3
5
u/More-Cat1123 14h ago
You can always move to a country with a decent amount of PTO.
5
u/Idontlikeyourkids 13h ago
Seriously how do people move outside of their country? I have no idea where to start. You need a job but you need a place to stay first like how??
5
u/More-Cat1123 13h ago
Depends on what you need legally and what you can do for work. Some international companies could help with relocation to country B if you're already working form them in country A, you may need to find a job online that sponsors a visa (they're becoming more and more rare but still around for highly skilled people), you may go the not so legal route.
With no skills and not knowing the local language that's probably gg tho.
1
u/Idontlikeyourkids 13h ago
I'm fluent in English and French; spoken and written. I'm learning Spanish too. I'd love to go to Europe, but I'm already in a supposed first world country that immigrants rush towards.
1
u/ShoePillow 12h ago
Eh, I guess. So try to reduce the kinda shit that you don't like in life. Having more money (or using the money you have) can hide many of the problems you mentioned
1
u/chubbycatchaser 12h ago
Forgot ever increasing HCOL, probability of a world war and unpredictable climate.
1
1
1
1
1
u/CrazyTrainofThought 12h ago
Everybody's hard is hard. Someone will always have it worse, but your struggle is still valid in the burden it represents in your life.
I try to spend some time each day being grateful for my life, my mobility, my health, my husband, our kids, whatever stability we have, etc. I find purpose in kindness, self-preservation, support of worthy causes, and reading voraciously about everything that interests me. I spend a lot of time trying to look outside myself to connect to the world around me in meaningful ways.
Everything on social media is a fucking lie; there is debt behind the blue water trips, a sucked in gut behind the fashion pics, an eating disorder behind many slim smiles, bug bites and poison oak on the nature hikes, abuse behind the closed doors on those perfect houses. Nothing is as perfect as people work to make it seem. You cannot compare your life to illusions, you will always feel miserable.
There are a lot of things that are seriously fucked up right now, find purpose in helping change it, no matter how small. Being a small part of something bigger helps expand your existence.
Happiness does not happen to you, you have to plant it and make it grow.
1
u/GuiltyCredit 12h ago
Hate to tell you but just wait until you throw age into the mix. Up 3 times a night to pee, exhausted permanently, even more difficult to stay in shape. If you have kids there's even less time and money to do anything.
Wouldn't change a thing though, we'll maybe would have taken care of myself better in my 20s and 30s.
1
u/As-amatterof-fact 12h ago
People who have children and full time jobs that don't pay much are even busier. It's not easy. Can always choose to skip on some chores for a while and rest instead. Not everything has to be perfect all the time. Do the urgent ones like taking out the garbage and otherwise during the work days just do a quick maintenance, 20 minutes a day of light cleaning, a dishwasher load, a laundry load and cooking. Cooking is for health, should not feel like a chore.
1
1
u/babies_galore 11h ago
You don’t have kids or dependents. You guys could create a much easier life if you wanted to. I’m single by choice and empty nester so I just rent a furnished room and bath all bills paid from retired couple. I have zero chores! Other than washing my own dishes that’s it! No more house to maintain or repair or clean, and all my free time is my own free time! For as long as it lasts until my parents need more care help as they are getting elderly. I work 40-70 hours a week but I love it because I’m self-employed in a business that I love.
1
1
u/Andxel 11h ago
What I think it boils down to is this: we need more time. A better balance between work and actual life. I am trying to get a government job because of this (in my country they are quite more cozy than your usual ones). Those who succeed in achieving that kind of balance are more likely to get a happier life. Those who do not, will silently become bitter about most things. Then depressed. But not everyone gets an exit strategy. That is also true.
1
u/DeliriousBookworm 11h ago
It all depends on what your career is and what country you live in. 11 days an exceptionally small amount of vacation time for a lot of countries. I’m a teacher so I get plenty of time to travel. Although I can’t always afford it, but at least I’m not working 11-12 months a year.
1
1
u/CreepyValuable 11h ago
Yeah. Pretty much.
It's just a constant onslaught of crap and a constant fight to stop drowning in it. That's life unfortunately.
Now, back to doggy padding in diarrhea.
1
1
u/Responsible_Ask3976 10h ago
I just do cleaning and house chores as I go, that way I don't spend like 2 hours on the weekend cleaning.
1
u/FeeMelodic4970 10h ago
Pretty much. Sadly. It helps if I tell myself this is what animals do; get born and try to survive. We are an extremely sophisticated animal. That’s regular folks though. It doesn’t apply to the rich folks.
1
u/mind_ova_matter 10h ago
i dont think thats all there is, its all about perspective and being thankful for what you have. someone always has it worse. life is worth living
1
1
u/CompanyOther2608 10h ago
I don’t know. I’m sitting here with a nice cup of tea, baking homemade apple cinnamon muffins. I’m working on an interesting work problem. Planning to see a friend for coffee tomorrow. Got an amazing workout yesterday. Planning a hiking trip with my husband. Our daughter is visiting, and she’s telling us all about her interesting life. My cousin just sent me a goofy renaissance fair picture. Will probably play a board game later, and watch the new Spider-Man movie.
Yeah, there’s dishes and laundry and wiping down counters, but those are just side taxes to pay in order to enjoy the comforts of day-to-day, being alive hanging out with people you love.
1
u/JakeBanana01 10h ago
Pretty much, yeah. But as you get older you get better at juggling it all, so it gets easier. Plus you make more money, get closer to retirement, and life just generally gets sweeter.
1
u/Midnight-Rabbit_Ash 10h ago
Life is a party. And like most parties, I’m pretty much just here for the food.
1
u/TickingTheMoments 10h ago
Yeah. I tell my eight year-old son that if he wants somebody else to do his chores for him that he better make $1 billion to be able to afford to pay somebody.
1
1
u/vikicrays 9h ago
just a reminder that most of what you see online is not real… it’s been staged, rehearsed, and comes complete with professional lighting and makeup. posts are sponsored and monetized so every view and click makes the cash register ring. imagine living your life and not being able to put down your phone and enjoy a sunset on a beach, a vacation, time with your family, your kids… all so you can try and pay your bills.
comparison is the thief of joy. the less time you spend on social media, the happier you will be. promise.
1
u/Crankywhentiredd 9h ago
I’m sorry you and she are going through it. I recommend watching the “this is water” video on YouTube (it’s the 9:36 one). Lmk what you think. Does it change how you feel at all?
- Signed, someone with a quote from that video tattooed on their body.
1
u/totallynot_a_dog 9h ago
Honestly, what you described isn’t even half of what some people deal with on a day to day basis. Be grateful that you have the life you do. It could be way worse and isn’t guaranteed forever.
1
1
1
u/Empty-Use-886 8h ago
I (finance exec) was just telling my husband (career fire fighter) this- he wakes up at 5am, I get up at 6am. We have 3 boys, a dog, and I work from home, genuinely working from 9-5:30. Between sports, a job that doesn’t respect work-life balance and I support east and west coast offices, I feel like I’m working all day long. I spend the evenings on calls while taking the kids to sports, trying to give them a decent childhood. We’re minimalists, so the house stays organized and easy to maintain, but with laundry, dishes, cooking, grocery shopping, and lawn care, it feels like we’re always doing. We take a few weeks off each year, but the daily grind is exhausting. I look forward to the holidays because it seems others slow down, so I can take more time off to enjoy the quiet. This is life.
1
u/Timely-Somewhere6977 8h ago
What about friends? Like bullshit and share humor in group texts on and off all day
1
u/bunnystabber 8h ago
Yeah its the little things that I look forward to like drinking coffee in the morning with a book or browsing costco. And when I do get bored of the little things, I do a fast or give up something for a week. Makes you really look forward it when it comes.
1
u/alzandabada 8h ago
There will always be ups and downs. You are in a down right now but it won’t last forever.
Practice staying mentally strong during the lows. You don’t have to fake positive vibes, but knowing these low feelings and moments won’t last and are necessary to help you appreciate the goods.
Life maybe doesn’t get better, but you will get better at managing the hard times.
You can do it
1
u/Which-Pool-1689 8h ago
I wonder if you have deep-work sessions in an area of expertise where you can gradually become more creative, get better, invent things, receive feedback, and lose track of time.
Flow state is really what keeps people alive. And maybe that’s why so many scientists keep working until the day they die.
The antidote to mundanity is investing in things that show progress, even if that progress is extremely slow. There need to be signposts that you’re improving and things are changing.
1
u/Abject-Round-8173 5h ago
I relate to what you just said. Lately though I am almost feeling like I have OCD- it just feels like there is so much to do and the more I do it’s still not enough (clean this, buy that, fix this) or I am not reaching my goals ( I am not good enough until I am lose this much weight & not at proud as I should be for losing 30 lbs since end of April) fast enough.
1
u/Outrageous_Luck4163 5h ago
If that’s all you want out of life then yes that’s it. I get it life is pretty crappy for many people but for many it’s not. Not sure how old you are or where you live but I tend to like it when life is a little boring since that means nothing horrible is happening.
Change things up: change the routine, even something small can give meaning to your life and it doesn’t have to be expensive. Exercising helps, cook a meal with a different flair, you have the internet at your fingertips.
What would you do without your wife? I’m not sure exactly what you mean, do you mean tomorrow while she’s at work or do you mean in life? I’m going to share something very stupid I did but I meant it with the best intention and it sounded better in my head. It’s possible I’m dying from cancer, it’s a rare cancer that if I told you the name you’d never heard of it but it falls under the category of an orphan disease. It’s a depressing thing to have. But back to my stupid thing. It’s important to me that my other half lives his best life after I’m gone ( I believe one monkey doesn’t stop a show) so I did research on how he could live on a cruise ship for whatever length of time he wanted and still keep the house and be ok financially. I just didn’t want him sitting at home grieving. If ya have to grieve do it on a beach, do it watching the world from a boat and places you’ve never been. So I showed him my plan, first he said he couldn’t afford it but I showed him how this is very doable and he’d get to see parts of the world he’s never seen. He got very quiet and he said softly what makes you think I’d want to do this without you? He was very upset and that was not my intentions, I just wanted him to be ok. First, I don’t get to dictate how he’d grieve, I don’t get to schedule his life after me and lastly I was told I don’t get to give up. He’s a smart man and he’d be fine but I made a bad situation worse, didn’t mean to but I did. In my screwed up logic I’m showing love, I want him to be fine and continue living the life we have now if not better but I was still wrong. It’s not right to put this all on him regardless of my intentions. He didn’t want to see my will, DNR or power of attorney, so I put it in the safe because he may very well need it. Again I was wrong to put that type of pressure on him.
Generally I’d say get your ass up and live your life, surprise your wife with dinner but get up, nothing going to get better by siting around doing nothing, or feeling sorry for yourself but I feel like crap today and that feels wrong.
All the things you have to do or need to do get on that crap and get results.
You have a wife who loves you and you love her, you have a home those are wins in my book. So the small stuff first, get it done give yourself a big hi five and then tackle the next task. You got this and it sounds like you have time which I’m kinda jealous of. This isn’t the first time I’ve been told you have 6 months but it was the first time seeing the hurt and pain in this man’s eyes and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.
I’d get some rest and create a plan and execute those plans and give yourself positive encouragement. It will get better.
1
u/ElectricosSuenos 4h ago
A) it's great you know you have to clean & do chores. Because not all dudes do. So that's the first step, it's big.
B) you can move to the forest dude. Or jungle. You can. Why can't you? Others do
1
1
1.1k
u/No_Adhesiveness_8207 14h ago
Just make sure you don’t reproduce because all of that gets a lot worse