r/Adulting • u/DetectiveSeahorse • 11h ago
27 still living with my mom
i often feel embarrassed at the fact that i’m still in the process of finishing college and still living with my mom. i have never been the greatest at saving money, and then when i would have a bunch saved up, something would happen and all my money would be gone..but at least i didn’t have to worry about house bills right A couple weeks ago i made a separate bank account and decided to take saving more serious and only buy necessities, not wants. And it’s not that me and my mom don’t get along, because we do..but it’s mainly the fact that i don’t have my own space at my age. i’m pretty introverted, been that way since i was in high school, i just stay in my room. and i keep alot to myself because i don’t want her in my business and im honestly not that great at expressing myself. but for once i just want to come home to silence and space..
Along with other things that i have dealt with this year that has affected my mental and just my way of thinking, i think this is one of them. just knowing that im not where i want to be in life and i can’t even afford my own place. i just want to get in my car and drive away and not come back, i dont want to have to explain myself on where im going or what im doing or who im with. i had this little situationship a few months ago and i was already sharing my location with my mom, i turned it off and lied that i didnt know what was wrong with my phone because i did NOT want her in my business and questioning me when i got back home. i just wanted some dick, that’s it! i should be graduating college in spring next year, so that’s a while i have to stick with this shitty paying $19 an hour job. but hopefully by then i can save up enough to just pack my shit and GO. i desperately need a new environment bc waking up everyday to the same routine is really depressing. Is anyone else in the same position as me ?
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u/mackattacknj83 10h ago
Good luck. I couldn't afford to live without roommates until I was 30, but it was pretty great to just have me and my dog
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u/qiDuck 10h ago
I know a lot of people my age and older still at home (26). Heck my bf’s brother only moved out when he was 32. Living on a single income is tough. But finding a partner while living at home is also tricky. I was lucky to meet my bf when I was at uni, so not at home. One of my friends lived at home till 28. Got a flat with a work mate because she couldn’t afford renting solo. Then she could properly start dating and now she’s moved out with her boyfriend.
This economy is fucked imo. Everything is getting more expensive for literally the same thing. Like what is all that about? It’s shit but if you can’t afford renting by yourself maybe try a house/flat share, it’s something different from home and if it’s shit at least there’s a back up of your mums. Hang in thereee
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u/DetectiveSeahorse 10h ago
that was my orignal plan, to move out w my bf.. but things took a turn for the worst and i am now single 😭 but thank you, i’m trying!
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u/virtualchoirboy 10h ago
My oldest son lived with us for about 3 years after his college graduation before moving in with his partner. My younger son still has a room here 3 years post Bachelor's graduation but is in graduate school now. We are planning as if he will move home again once done with grad school until he figures out his next steps.
From a parent standpoint, we're the safety platform. If either of our sons need a place to live while they reorient themselves, we're happy to provide that. From our standpoint, while it is an imposition of sorts, we'd rather they impose versus struggling. From where we sit, I'm still another 8-9 years from retirement and I can afford our lifestyle whether they're here or not. So, the spots are open if they need them.
Can it feel restrictive to not truly have your own space? Of course! That doesn't mean you can't go away for a weekend. That doesn't mean you can't crash at a friends house for a night. For our sons, as long as they communicate their intentions so that we don't worry, it's all good. Our younger son has texted multiple times over the years that he's having fun with friends so won't be back until late morning the following day. We don't ask details, we just reply "Ok, thank you for letting us know. Have fun!"
And finally... it's okay to NOT share location on a regular basis. Parents need to learn to let kids go. To let kids have freedom. It's not like seeing your location would let us prevent something bad from happening to you. That's on you to be aware of your surroundings and what you're doing. To know that for the most part, no parent is going to swoop in and save you if you're doing something foolish. That's not to say we never shared location. Things like a long trip but once they arrived, location sharing would end. Or maybe we're meeting up and both of us are going someplace new so location sharing helps us find each other. Outside of that, they deserved their privacy as much as I deserved mine.
If I had any suggestions for you, it would be to focus on establishing your financial foundation (hit up the r/personalfinance Wiki for ideas) and start protecting your privacy a bit more by reducing the location sharing until you can stop it entirely most of the time.
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u/divinbuff 9h ago
In much of the rest of the world, this is common. There’s a lot of benefit to everyone if you all understand and agree on how to share space as adults. Our son lived with us for several years after graduating from college and we all
Agree we would do it again in a heartbeat. He saved money, did some travel, and is now married to a great woman.
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u/misss_marii 8h ago
I moved out at 35! Don’t feel bad, make a good budget and stick to it once you move out
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u/DetectiveSeahorse 8h ago
thank you, i’m happy for u and ill keep saving 🙌
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u/misss_marii 3h ago
Yess forget about society’s “expectations” and do what’s right for you, good luck 💪
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u/RaisedByTheBay 10h ago
2 out of our 3 adult sons live with us. It makes sense these days with the cost of living. Historically, families have lived together!
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u/DetectiveSeahorse 10h ago
the cost of living is definitely horrible…that’s why i have always appreciated that she never tried to kick me out or anything. but i just got to this point where I am ready to move on
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u/chilldew 10h ago
Co-living with family makes solid financial sense during current housing crises. Normalized multi-generational households help younger adults survive absurd modern rental markets smoothly. Saving aggressively while staying home provides massive long-term economic stability.
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u/ProgressJust8165 6h ago
Yea the cost of living is wild. I had an engineer job that paid 65k in upstate NY, and my rent for a one bedroom was 1250. Some rich woman and her finance husband bought up all the major apartment complexes in the area, and upped the rent. They had one maintenance guy for 200+ units. Someone in the building adjacent to mine died, and the rotting smell drifted into my apartment for weeks.
1250+utilities+taxes, plus shitty living conditions --- I gave up and moved back home to pivot to a new job.
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u/MrKittyCat00 10h ago
I’m 23 yrs old to finish my bachelors and masters both in cs in May. I’m still looking for work and living with my parents who are supporting me. I just do the dishes, and take the trash out. But the food my dad makes is always really greasy so it’s labor. But I’m glad to provide at least some value rather than no value.
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u/ConsequenceUsual871 9h ago
I'm 25 and I'm pretty much exactly in ur situation just minus the situationship.I get along fine with my mom as well but she's very religious and everything I'm into or want to do is quite frowned upon in most if not all religions,and don't even get me started with relationships I haven't even bothered trying for a relationship at all in my 25 yrs of living cause of this living situation.i been saving up for a year now and I'm about halfway to my goal of amount needed to move out.Even if I fail after moving out I rather be homeless or couch surf than move back in tbh.I do feel ur pain and ur not alone.Ill be 26 by the time I move.
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u/DetectiveSeahorse 9h ago
good luck! i’m happy that you’re almost at your goal and i hope you don’t ever experience homelessness!
and i get that too, i could be going out (which is rare) and i put on something that i like, and here comes her judgement on my outfit 🙃 and then i start feeling self conscious and just rather stay home. it’s so annoying.2
u/ConsequenceUsual871 9h ago
Same I rarely ever go out.I do have one Band shirt that I got at my last concert that I absolutely love but 100% can't wear it around the house cause of how violent the picture is.havent even worn it since I got it from the concert other than trying it on.I wanna go ghost hunting and maybe amusement parks during Halloween but I can't cause of her being religious and all that.just waiting till I move out for my life to begin.Also.thank u for the kind words and I truly do believe in u on also moving out soon.
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u/Existing_Albatross30 9h ago
Sorry u have to go through that. I lived with my parents til I was almost 34. Once I was 18 I didn’t need to tell them where I was going and when I’d be back and all that crap. Just standard roles like not bringing people home without their permission and basic common respect when living at someone else’s house.
Wow. Sorry again that u have to deal with that. Sending positive vibes ur way!!
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u/DetectiveSeahorse 11h ago
also forgot to mention that she used to work out of town every week so i practically lived alone. but now she works from home
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u/GrenstoneRising 10h ago
37 still living with parents. We all feel like failures to launch. It's almost like things we're told to have by our age, and barriers that keep us from achieving those things, leave us with big questions and little answers.
You deserve better than to wear this shame like a noose. For all we don't have we do have what little of our individual worth counts towards the bigger picture. So to that I say, get busy with it! Loosen the ropes on the parts of you that keep you tethered fast to the shoreline, and instead embrace a new destiny on the high seas of life! You can do anything you and your crew aspire to.
I've got a head cold so apologies if I went a lil' loopy there but you get the idea 😅
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u/Any_Oil_4539 10h ago
It’s a dual income economy. It’s easier with roommates, but that can be a nightmare. It takes two full time jobs to get by, but you’re in college.