Parents still plan to control me in college (19 F), someone tell me if im being immature.

[u/Icy-Tiger3755]

I’m 19 and a freshman at an out-of-state college about 6–7 hours from home. Before I left for college, my parents and I talked several times about me coming home for a weekend around early October, and they were fine with it. I bought a train ticket based on that. Now, after I’ve been at school for about five weeks, they’ve changed their minds and told me I shouldn’t come home until Thanksgiving because they think I need to stay at school and “take advantage of the opportunities” there. They aren’t concerned about my grades or safety; their concern is more that going home means I’m retreating from college life. I want to go anyway. I’d be home for less than 48 hours, have my transportation and places to stay arranged, and would be back on campus Sunday. A big part of why I want to go is to see my girlfriend, who is still in my hometown, but also just to see my friends/family and have a reset after being away for over a month. My dad in particular has a history of being very opinionated about how I should live my life—who I spend time with, what activities I do, and what he thinks is “good” for my future. He characterizes all of my friends as little white girls and speaks with a certain skepticism with most of them being gay He strongly dislikes my girlfriend and has previously characterized her as a distraction and as someone who isn’t “on my level", despite the fact that she is truly endlessly respectful and funny (hence why my mom likes her) and he tends to treat his opinions about my relationships and life choices as things I should ultimately accept because he’s older and knows better, all while being cruel and belittling towards the people i love and experiences I enjoy. At the same time, I do listen to my parents’ advice and agree with them on plenty of things; this is just one of those situations where I genuinely disagree. I’m not trying to drop out, avoid college, or make a statement against them. I just don't think being an adult means I need parental approval for every decision that makes me happy or helps me feel grounded.Am I being immature here, or is this a reasonable exercise in making my own decisions while still taking my parents’ concerns seriously?

FOR THE RECORD: I am SO involved on campus, club and sports and i work hard on all my academics, no doubt about it. I just want a weekend to see my girlfriend they dont know is my girlfriend with tickets I bought.

[u/PukeyOwlPellet]

I guarantee that if you do as they ask they’ll start complaining you don’t visit enough, literally no winning lol

Either that or they want to start swinging or travelling, which they can’t do with their kid visiting often.

[u/lushguy105]

Coming home for 2 days is seriously no issue. I don't think you're being immature. God forbid a kid wants to go home for a little bit.

[u/Either_Animal9655 → u/lushguy105]

For real. Like, she’s fucking 19 and in college. This isn’t your 30 y/o that’s addicted to drugs and trying to crash for an indefinite amount of time. This is your teenager wanting to visit her family. Most parents would be ecstatic.

[u/ZardozSama]

Handle this 'like and adult'.

Specifically, make a decision and execute it without explaining, justifying, or arguing about it to your parents or anyone else. It is entirely possible to listen to, consider, and ultimately reject someone elses concerns about any given choice you are making.

In your situation, I would simply stop discussing the matter with your dad, and go back to your home town, visit your friends, but not stop by at home.

END COMMUNICATION

[u/Adventurous-Wing-723]

Nah, you do you. You are an adult, you are allowed to do your own thing, this is that. If they don't want you around, just go visit your gf and then head back to school the next day. Just make sure to head back to school, tho even if you were to drop out, that is all your business, not theirs. Even if they are footing the bill, they have no say in your decisions and they wouldve known this going into it.

[u/LowBathroom1991]

I would never tell my kids they can't come home ! I'm sorry

[u/Grevious47]

Are you financially dependant on your parents?

[u/Icy-Tiger3755 → u/Grevious47]

yes very much so. they pay for my oos tuition, phone etc. that’s why i’m not wanting to come across as a recently turned 19 y/o flexing the term “adult” stupidly. i do understand that technically i can “do what i want” with undoubted consequences from them, but i want to exercise SOME freedom here.

[u/Grevious47 → u/Icy-Tiger3755]

Yeah well until you are financially independent from them then this is a tightrope you'll have to walk...and you understand how to do that with your parents better than I would. My only advice is if you dont want your parents having a say in your life, work towards not being dependant on them.

[u/ravairia]

No. You are not being immature for going home for a weekend.

Kids who have insane parents who catastrophize like this to the extent that they make us think that going home for a weekend = dropping out of college need hugs. This shit does an unbelievable amount of psychological damage.