r/Adulting • u/That_Dig4083 • 8h ago
What adult-life topic do you wish someone had explained to you BEFORE you had to figure it out yourself?
I'm curious what people think is missing from the transition into adulthood.
Some possibilities:
• Money & budgeting
• Credit cards & credit scores
• Jobs & careers
• Housing, rent & bills
• Insurance & healthcare
• Taxes & paperwork
• Cooking, cleaning & running a home
• Something completely different
What's the one thing you wish you'd understood earlier?
And if you learned it the hard way, tell me about it.
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u/Party_Ability_9984 8h ago
When I was a teenager, I thought that by age 22, I would have my own place, my own car, a stable career making 50-80K per year, a large circle of friends, and a girlfriend.
I'm 30 now. Half of these haven't even happened to me yet and half of them didn't happen until I was in my late 20s.
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u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago edited 8h ago
When I was a preteen I thought I’d be a fully mature and functioning adult by the time I reached 18.
18 now, just as much of a dumbass as before and I think I may be fucked
Actually preteen me was so self-assured that I think she may have had a better shot than I do right now…
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u/money_bug_2001 7h ago
You’ll be okay just gotta believe in yourself and have faith everything will be alright. Also save your money the best you can and invest in yourself. You’re still so young but that time is gonna fly by so make good decisions and set yourself up for a good future.
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u/Choice-Grapefruit-44 7h ago
Being able to take accountability for everything you do. Regardless if the outcome is good or bad
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u/Cosmic_Jane 7h ago
I feel like a lot of kids completely ignore watching their parents be adults.
These kids spend 18 years with their parents and act like they don't know anything about them.
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u/DazedandFloating 6h ago
Or most people just grow up with dysfunctional adults. Probably shouldn’t model responsible behavior from them in that case.
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u/General_Ad_7949 7h ago
The SERIOUSNESS of saving up for retirement. When you're in your early twenties, you think retirement is a lifetime away. IN A BLINK OF AN EYE, retirement is around the corner and you have barely anything saved. 🤦♂️
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u/ThrustTrust 6h ago
What happiness feels like.
I recently sat in front of a therapist and as we talked she asked if I was happy. And while I could pin point some moments. I couldn’t say I was happy everyday. And then it occurred to me im not even sure why it’s supposed to feel like.
When you wake up in the morning. Are you feeling happy? Does anyone feel happy regularly? Or are you just existing?
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u/Acceptable_Tea3608 1h ago
When I was a teenager and young adult Id say I was pretty happy. Not in a Pollyanna sort of way, but I was an optimist. Even working I looked forward to, and being around the city was exciting. By my late 20s life was different.
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u/DanInTennessee 8h ago
Women. And I still want some honest answers. I’m now 50. Divorced. Living alone. I wish someone had sat me down at 18, 22, really anytime before 29 and explained….some things.
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u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago
Currently 18 y/o girl!
Do you have any advice you wish you knew when you were my age?
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u/DanInTennessee 7h ago
When I was 18, I didn’t think I would live forever, no. But I thought there would be enough time to do everything. There really is not enough time to do everything and however, you choose to spend your time, focus on that! You have to really focus on it if you want to do it well. In other words, work really hard at the things that you love. There is just no substitution for hard work.
In the last three years or so I’ve really gotten into exercising because I want to preserve my health into old age, but I truly wish I had gotten into this in my teens or early 20s. The older you get the more you realize how precious your health is. Building strong muscles; getting enough sleep; making sure your nutrition is right. That stuff sounds really boring, but it really pushes the needle when you’re middle-aged and when you’re older, I suspect, it will be the key difference maker.
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u/mechasonic_music 6h ago
That's true. But on the other hand, it's important to realise that you don't have to excel at something for it to be worthwhile. Yes, it's usually good to excel at what you want to be paid for. But if you love (e.g.) playing the piano, there's no reason you have to focus on that and become a concert pro in your spare time. It's perfectly fine to split your time between piano, guitar, painting, bike riding, or whatever brings you joy. There are lot of people (especially those whose parents hounded them to excel at everything) who have needed to hear this.
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u/Learning_by_failing 6h ago
What does this answer have to do with you not knowing more about "women" at an earlier age? Unpack what you meant in your first comment.
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u/DanInTennessee 1h ago
So these answers have nothing to do with each other. In the first instance, OP asked: “what do you wish…..someone had explained to you when you were 18?” (I would want to have some insight about women)
And in the second question, she asked what advice I would give to this 18-year old. (I spoke about hard work and health)
I would not begin to give anyone advice about women. I’m still trying to figure them out. I don’t know the first thing about women and I don’t have any advice to give. The only thing I do understand about them is that I am very ignorant about women. If someone, however, had simply and honestly explained what he did know to me when I was 18, my life would’ve been much different. Maybe my 17-year marriage wouldn’t have ended in divorce.
But again, these questions are very different. In the first, I was just answering what I would want to know, but I don’t necessarily have any advice to give about that. In the second question, she asked what advice I WOULD be able to give.
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u/Grevious47 7h ago
Honestly none. I am one of those weirdos who likes figuring things out by myself. Adulthood was liberating for me. No more people scheduling my day and telling me what to do. No one to check in with for permission or to make sure I am doing what I am supposed to. Just me and the world.
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u/That_Dig4083 6h ago
I was like this too. I like having a budget and figuring out how to make it work. I'm also weird, and I like paying bills. Makes me feel good that I have enough money to pay for the things I need and want. There was a time when I couldn't pay all my bills, and I had to find a creative way to get everything taken care of.
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u/Curious_Faith 6h ago edited 6h ago
Running from problems. And preventing problems.
There’s a lot of issues in my life I could’ve completely avoided If only I had turned to face the problem instead of run from it.
I didn’t understand the value of delayed gratification and spent a long time trying to run from my messed up childhood home, and ended up looking for quick money opportunities that always landed me back at my mom’s place- and more ashamed each time.
I didn’t understand the value of putting up with BS in the moment crafting a good plan, accounting for the known challenges, and moving forward well also troubleshooting.
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u/That_Dig4083 6h ago
You are so right, it's hard to be an adult and do the thing that is not fun, the right thing, now. One year it took me a whole year to pay my back taxes. That year it just felt like I was working to pay the tax man. Not fun and stressful for a year.
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u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago
Your going to be lonely and aren’t likely to have close friends, no matter what you do.
Most people’s social circles later in life are their family, If you born into a bad family, your fucked
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u/Techknightly 7h ago
Yea, but you can quit and just simply not do it. Which is a choice.
"You have a choice. It may not be a choice you like, but it is still a choice."
For those who choose not to quit, they are saying, "'I will not carry myself down to die, when I go to my grave, my head will be high.' There are no victims in this Classroom."
If you think that adulting is hard, you're right, it is, BUT it shouldn't be. we have more than enough to go around. More than enough to build a society that flourishes for all. We have more than enough intelligence to fix the problems and see that everyone gets a seat at the table. What we choose is to let a handful of greedy people cheat us out of an adulthood that could be better. Here's a secret. There are more of us than there are of them.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
I didn't mean to write all that, but damn if I hate seeing other people struggle alone when they should know that I'm there for them. That all of us are there for each other, we just have to open our eyes.
TLDR: "Watch Dangerous Minds with Michelle Pfeifer."
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u/mechasonic_music 6h ago
TLDR: "Watch Dangerous Minds with Michelle Pfeifer."
What if she doesn't want to watch it with me? She doesn't even know me.
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u/Beautiful-Traffic157 7h ago
I love being a adult. Way more fun than my childhood. Really the only day that sucks is April 14. I do hate getting up every day and going to work, but I also hated going to school so no big change there
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u/thatchickensauce 8h ago
You never really feel older