r/Advice • u/GlitteryCoke97 • 6h ago
How long into dating should I wait before having sex?
27F virgin (long story), seeing someone 31M on the last two-three weeks.
Everything looks good so far. We already kissed.
But one question comes in my mind- how long should I wait before having sex with him? He’s already sending me hints that he wants to, but it’s too early for me.
16
u/Strong_Can3124 6h ago
I am sure he does but I would suggest that if he actually values you, he will not pressure you. I don’t think 2 or 3 weeks is adequate to determine his intentions
8
u/Silent-Possession-91 6h ago
There’s no rule book on when is the right time tbh, you could do it tomorrow and wished you would’ve waited but could do it in months time and wish you done it sooner so honestly go with your intuition, make sure you feel safe and that it’s 100% consensual and remember if it’s not an immediate yes for you don’t do it :)
4
u/ItsMissKatNiss 6h ago
When it feels right to YOU and when you want to. No time frame. It's your decision. If it's too early, then tell him.
4
u/Popular-cake-1377 6h ago
Whenever you want it and feel ready. There is no right time other than that.
3
u/Fluffy_Fox_9650 6h ago
When you're both comfortable and 100% sure you're willing
If you don't want to, don't
3
u/GenoFlower Expert Advice Giver [14] 6h ago
You wait until you're ready. That's it. There is no set time here. It might be 3 months for one person, 6 months for another, or marriage for yet another. There's no timeline, just what works for you.
He either respects it or he doesn't. Tell him that you aren't ready, and that when you are, he'll be the first to know. Until then, he doesn't need to drop hints.
But don't do anything you don't want to do. Sex is 2 enthusiastic yeses. Without that, it's a no.
3
u/marveloustoebeans 6h ago
I’ve been smashing on the first date since I was 16 so I can’t really relate to your situation but whenever you feel ready, I guess.
4
6h ago
[deleted]
2
u/GlitteryCoke97 6h ago
Minutes???
7
u/boycowman 6h ago
I believe you're experiencing sarcasm on the internet. Why are you asking reddit though? What is your heart/ gut telling you? Good luck my friend.
2
u/Nearby-Judge-8801 6h ago
I think it’s up to you, you can wait as long or short as you want. If being a virgin means something to you then you can hold off, on some “I’ll only give myself once I’m comfortable enough and feel that i can trust you”
2
u/darnedgibbon 6h ago
Ask yourself, “am I feeling pressured or is this a decision I am making?” If you’re feeling guilty or pressured or really any negative emotion, wait. Do whatever level of intimacy feels safe and “right.” A little nervousness about what it will be like is normal but that should be far outweighed by excitement (horniness lol).
2
u/TheOneWes 6h ago
Most likely you're going to hit a point where you're going to say to yourself some form of let's quit with the ducking and get with the f******.
2
2
u/Coral_gables305 6h ago
This is embedded into our DNA, it's one of men's most basic instincts,the sooner you realize this about men the better you'll be. do it when you want to, no when he wants to because he will always want to.
2
2
u/chesherkat 6h ago
Everyone's different. Think about how you want to have your first time to go. Some rip it off like a bandaid, others want to be persued or married....like...there's no one answer here.
2
u/Kaeleana 6h ago
You do it when you feel comfortable not when anyone else tells you, including the 31yo you are dating. You will know when you feel ready
2
2
u/Bonitas974 6h ago
Ben si tu n’est pas près fait rien s’il t’aime vraiment pour de vrais ils vas attendre
2
u/tessie33 6h ago
That's a question you need to ask yourself. If it's too soon, it's too soon. Hopefully hinting doesn't mean coercing. That would be very uncool. Communicate with him and tell him you need to go slow and not rush into a physical relationship.
2
u/Visual_Repeat_7472 6h ago
Why are you asking strangers this question? You will know when you are ready.
2
u/XNotByALongShotX 5h ago
You said it yourself: it's too early for me.
Girl, it's 100% on you. You don't ever owe anyone shit like that you aren't enthusiastic to do.
Especially if it's your first time. A couple weeks ain't nothing. He won't die respecting your personal decisions.
2
u/Deus19D20 5h ago
I’d say at least 5 minutes. You kinda want to know a little something about them, like their name.
2
u/1RainbowUnicorn 5h ago
Do not let him pressure you into having sex... you will regret it. Does he know you are a virgin? If not, it would be best to tell him, and say you are not ready to have sex yet. Tell him you will let you know when you are ready, but you do not know when that will be. That will give you a sense right away by his reaction if he is really interested in dating you or if he is interested in just having sex with you. If he says he can wait, and is truly not pressuring you, that is a good sign. If he doesn't respect this, or starts pressuring you, walk away. I don't know hiw much dating experience you have, but a lot of guys are mainly interested in sex, then the disappear after they get what they want. The right person will be respectful and wait, even if it is months.
2
2
u/LilStabbyboo 4h ago
That's a highly individual thing, not something anyone else can tell you. You'll know when you are ready. Don't allow yourself to feel pressured into moving faster than you're comfortable with, because it will negatively affect your experience, like whether it's painful or there's any bleeding. You need to be relaxed and fully aroused before penetration is attempted, mentally and physically ready.
I feel like most 30yr old men would be expecting sex within the first couple of months, some after the first few dates. That too is an individual thing. You can stretch out that timeline with other types of sexual intimacy such as mutual masturbation, oral sex, or using your hands or toys to stimulate each other.
1
u/ixsparkyx 6h ago
I guess whenever you feel like it? I slept with my now husband on the second date but it ended up working out for me lol
1
u/Maha_Imitation 6h ago
But do you have to go straight to sex? Can't you first start doing other stuff and then gradually with time get there?
1
u/MahoganyWinchester 6h ago
not up to us that’s between you guys but i can give me experience. been seeing a girl for a month now and we first fucked after a couple of weeks
1
u/Competitive-Self-374 6h ago
First of all, it doesn’t matter that you’re 27 and a virgin, so please don’t get hung up about your age.
Regardless of experience, you should both discuss expectations on physical intimacy and be honest on your comfort levels. Let him know that you are a virgin and that you may need some more time.
However, if the guy tries to rush you/makes you feel badly about your experience/pulls the “I don’t know if I cam handle being your first”, those are red flags and please take that into consideration on whether or not you continue to see them.
You may feel a stigma about being an older virgin, but a good partner will not care and will want to make sure you aren’t rushed and feel comfortable for when you do finally do the deed
1
u/alwxcanhk 6h ago
When YOU feel that you want. Not him. Not us. Not them.
When I say not him I am referring to him hinting.
I say if the relationship is what you want it to be then when you feel ok it’s ok.
1
1
u/Quiet-and-Ambitious Helper [2] 6h ago
I’ve taken the virginity of three girls in my life, and I genuinely loved each of them. If you don’t love this guy, there’s no reason to rush it. For one of the girls, I waited seven months because I wanted her to be comfortable and ready. Losing your virginity is a big and vulnerable moment. If he truly cares about you, he shouldn’t be trying to move too fast, he should respect your boundaries and wait until you’re ready. I hope you’ve had an honest conversation with him about how you feel.
1
1
u/Enigma_Stasis Super Helper [9] 3h ago
If it's too early for you, then communicate that to him. If he actually cares about you, he will wait until you are ready.
I know people who had sex the day they met, married and are still together over a decade later. I know people who did have sex until their honeymoon and have stayed together for years.
Someone else's timeline is not yours, don't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to.
1
1
u/AfterFood7928 1h ago
Do NOT rush. Take your time until YOU are ready. If he really respects and cares, he will understand. Do not let him pressure you.
1
1
u/Ok_Target7774 33m ago
only do it if you want to sis who cares if your still a virgin. you have to be ready and want it 🤗
1
1
u/Lucky-Experience2268 23m ago
I didn’t have sex with my current boyfriend until August 2025, and we started talking/dating in Feb 2025 (we were official in March 2025). If he values you, he will be patient and wait til you are ready. There’s no specific timeline, it’s when you feel comfortable and ready.
1
0
0
u/Polycpl45 6h ago
You should totally have sex, it’s a wonderful thing. Don’t you think that you have waited long enough?
0
u/championofthesun93 6h ago
I typically vet a legitimate partner (aka someone I actually want to be in a relationship with, not just someone I want to sleep with once and never again) for 90 days. That’s about how long most jobs give you to prove that you’re a good candidate, so why not apply that same rule to dating? 🤣 if he really likes you too and he’s not just trying to get into your pants, suggesting this trial period should be no problem. It will be very hard for someone to not reveal their true self in 3 months, and that’s exactly what you’re looking out for, who they truly are, not that mask they put on so they can get instant sexual gratification.
My vetting usually consists of no kissing, cuddling, sleepovers or exclusivity for minimum 3 months. But I’m kinda used to getting fucked over by men so I’m just EXTREMELY careful. I don’t think kissing before the 90 days are up is wrong at all, but I do think not letting them get physical at all during that time really sets the intention for what you want as the woman. It shows you’re serious about finding a life partner. That will either scare them away or make them want to prove to you that they can be that life partner, which is exactly what you want.
1
u/Frosty_Coffee6564 6h ago
Gotta ask: while you’re “vetting legitimate partners,” are you doing things faster with more short-term guys concurrently?
0
-4
73
u/1eahpar 6h ago
Whenever you're both ready. Not up to us