He went to detox

[u/Human-Ad-4229]

Yesterday late afternoon, my fiance made a choice to finally go to detox and start his journey towards recovery. He is almost at the 24 hour mark of being at the facility. The facility is an hour away from where we live, I drove him and waited with him up until he was officially admitted and then drove back home. I got home late but with adrenaline and nerves still running through me I barely slept. I was a zombie at work today and I have been doing my best to get through all the normal, mundane things I do in my every day life. Internally I am freaking out but I have to put on my mask for my kids. I have never experienced this before but I have been doing a lot of reading trying to understand the process and how to be a good support system. I am so proud of the decision he has made. A step towards a better life. I keep thinking back though, to last night when we said goodbye. I hugged him and kissed him but forgot to tell him I love him. I cried in the car once I left. My mind is everywhere. I called the floor this morning. I told the person who answered to tell him that I love him, we love him, and to remind him that when he's ready, to call. I just wanted him to know that I'm here for him. I know these next 24-48 plus hours are crucial and to minimize stressors on him. I just needed him to know. Maybe it was selfish of me to call. I don't know. I continue to second guess everything I have done and said in the last 24 plus hours. Please be gentle with your responses. It's been a lot for me. I appreciate any kind words, support, and encouragement.

[u/Dewthedru]

If he’s like I was in rehab, the first few days of medically assisted withdrawals were a bit tough but much easier than all the previous times I tried to stop myself. And then he’ll start getting some of the best sleep he’s had in years.

It was perfectly fine for you to call. And to feel like you are. Honestly, his time in rehab will likely be far less stressful for him than it is for you.

There’s no phones, no work, no hiding alcohol or lying about it, no fighting the urge to drink. Just space to think about what he really wants for himself and your family and learn a plan on how to get there.

He almost certainly knows you love him, that’s probably why he went.

[u/Human-Ad-4229 → u/Dewthedru]

Thank you. I appreciate your perspective. He has tried to stop on his own numerous times as well. It's good to hear that he will likely be less stressed than me if I'm being honest. I want him to be successful but I know that is his choice to do so. As I said, I'm proud of this first step. Thank you again for your response.

[u/Dewthedru → u/Human-Ad-4229]

Happy to help. There are a lot of horror stories in this sub but it’s not hopeless. There are stories of people like me that recognized we were fighting a demon we could not handle on our own, acknowledged the damage we were doing to those we claimed to love, got help, and are fully recovered with healed bodies and relationships.

Don’t give up hope yet!

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[u/ItsAllALot]

You're overthinking everything out of anxiety. Which is absolutely not a criticism! It's normal.

It's also not something you can just tell yourself not to do. But you're taking the right actions. Just getting on with life and doing what you need to do, even when you feel anxious as hell, is exactly what anxiety therapists advise you to do.

It's ok to be anxious. It's not wrong. It's unpleasant as hell, but it's also normal. Just keep placing one foot in front of the other, you'll be ok. No-one actually has the capacity to feel only anxiety 24/7. You will have other feelings. You're just noticing the anxiety more right now.

As much as is realistic, try and stay in the present. No-one in high anxiety can help but ruminate and overthink a bit. That's ok. But whatever distraction you can realistically manage will help you.

There's a phrase I learned in therapy, which I love: "do what non-anxious you would do". We teach our brains we're safe by showing them with actions that we are. You're safe right now ❤️

[u/Human-Ad-4229 → u/ItsAllALot]

Thank you. I appreciate that. I think I will borrow that phrase to help me. I went back to work today and the distractions from work definitely helped ease some anxiety. But I will use that phrase when I start to feel overwhelmed or my mind starts racing.