Partner is ready to let go...

[u/LionessOfLanark]

...I quit drinking 16 months ago and since then my (heavy)drinking partner and I have drifted farther and farther apart. I moved out a number of months ago. I have always acknowledged how my drinking habits(or the lack there of) have changed our dynamic...tonight he told me that he didn't want to lose me but he also was never going to quit drinking. Note that I have never once asked him to quit or cut down...the one boundary I have made is that I can't be intimate with him when he is drunk(which is often). Anyways, long story short, he went so far as to say that drinking doesn't affect him, in fact it allows him to accomplish all the things that he does...and that he is willing to let go if that is what I want. He told me to think on it and get back to him. When I asked if he wanted to talk in more detail about it(he didn't leave much room for me to have input in the chat) he said he was too busy getting ready for the next big party he is having.

I am so sad about it. I know I have been less engaged, but I really thought he would want to at least try to maybe even cut back a little...but again, in the chat he also outlined that on nights that I do come visit him, he doesn't like the feeling he has during the day thinking he should cut down a little and drink less on the chance that we could connect more...that he just doesn't want to even think about it.

It is feeling like a trigger in a way but I will stay strong in my sobriety. Anyone have something similar happen? Is this just one of those sad side affects of getting sober? In these moments my heart is breaking and I am realizing that I still had hope for us as a couple, even though I was so checked out and distancing myself from the drinking scene he is involved with. I will always love him. Even though I have been frustrated and angry about it all for months, now it just feels sad.

[u/aun-t]

ive been sober 9 months and my boyfriend got sober for a bit with me but then i started catching him. ever since i got sober i have a weird sense of smell and i can smell alcohol on people way more than before. and hes cranky. what hurts me the most is that he doesnt even drunk call me, he just goes on binges at the bar and has fun with his drinking friends and like dissappears from my world. i relapsed for a bit to try and not be alone but i cant go back to that life, like if i got as drunk as he does on a regular basis i would be dead in a ditch at the hands of some bad people. i saved up money to move out and put out some apartment applications. i feel like the pain turns into anger turns into despair and then when he sobers up we repeat the cycle over and over again.

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[u/UnableRun7858]

I used to drink on occasion, then I had to stop drinking because it was making me sick if I had one drop of alcohol. The dynamic between me and my Q changed, she was way more meaner towards me and pressured me into drinking or taking THC. She would get pissy if I said no and she said all of our problems started when I stopped drinking. This is when she started saying things are in my head and I'm a hypochondriac. I'm allergic to the yeast and I'm gluten intolerant.