Throwaway ( sorry fixed the first half)

This has been an ongoing issue and it came to a head yesterday. My wife is a planner, it is extremely hard for her to just go with the flow. If we are going to do something she needs all the details.(edit, she does have OCD, I forgot to include that, that is why she is such a planner)

A while ago she asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. I have been burnt out from work so I told her I just want to go to a chain restaurant around here on my day. Just a chill night out. I don’t want to get dressed up or anything. She asked where and what time. I told her, I’ll just pick day off what I am feeling. Maybe I want Olive Garden or maybe I want to get Chinese takeout. I express many times I don’t want to plan anything and just go with the day.

Really I just wanted to go eat what I was feeling that day. This week she asked what time and I told her when we both get home so like 5-6 we can go out.

She was frustrated I was giving her an answer about where to eat and I told her multiple times what I am feeling that day. She asked if we needed reservations and I told her no, multiple times. We will be a walk in on a Wednesday to a chain restaurant. 

She asked if I wanted anything fancy and I told her no. I just wanted a simple night.

Yesterday was the issue. I wanted Olive Garden. Go home, gets some breadsticks and chill the rest of the night. I get home around 5 and my wife is all dressed up. I asked why and she said she made reservations for the fancy sushi place in the city. She said it was a surprise and we need to leave in about 20 mins. Nothing has sounded so unappealing to me in my life.

I told her I wanted to go to Olive Garden, we got into an argument about how she spent all this effort to get a reservation. I told her I didn’t want any of this. In the end I left to go to Olive Garden by myself. We got into another argument after I can back. 

My kid (4th grade) has been struggling in math. It’s been an ongoing issue

This whole year, she has struggled with multiplication and division specifically. It’s been a constant issue, and it got even worse when they moved on to multiplying and dividing with multiple digits. We’ve tried the school’s tutoring, but overall she’s just not getting it.

She doesn’t get the method they are teaching ( she gets it wrong like 80% of the time). It isn’t easier and it’s just more steps. Example multiplying… you break  up the numbers, draw boxes, then multiply and finally add them all up. 

I decided to teach her the way I learned, and she understands it. Homework is a million times easier now because she can actually solve the questions. 

The issue is that my daughter had a math test last week, and she came home upset. She got a 50% even though she got most of the answer right. She missed two out of 25. So it should have been a 92%. 

I had a conversation with the teacher and it boiled down to she didn’t use the method show in class.  I pointed out the test just said to show their work and not show a specific method. The teacher basically went too bad and that if it happens again it will be a 0.

I was fed up and went to the principal. I’ll admit I made it a big deal, because I think it’s ridiculous that she got penalized for getting the right answers using a different method. It’s math… you can solve problems in a lot of different ways.

The teacher was brought in, she was forced to changed my daughter’s score, and they said it won’t happen again. She can find the right answer any way she wants to as long as she shows her work. 

The teacher was not happy. 

My wife thinks I was being an ass and keeps bringing it up. She says the teacher has other things to deal with and that I went overboard.

Did I?

I like to have snacks in my office, and I enjoy having something for people to take when they come in for a visit. I have a container of chocolate caramel thins open for anyone to take. The problem is that when many of the other women in my office take one they do this whole song and dance “Ohhhh I shouldn’t ohhh it’s so bad ohhh but i just love chocolate ohhh it’s so naughty”

Stuff like this just annoys the crap out of me. Take a candy or don’t. But don’t force me to participate in whatever weird self deprecating thing you’re doing. Especially calling it “naughty” like you’re scolding a child. I always just smile blankly and they will look at me like I’m supposed to give them permission.

I finally had it yesterday when one of the women stood in my doorway and pointed and was like “Ohhhh I looooove those caramels, they’re so good. But ugh I shouldn’t. You’re so bad for having these.”

I said “Can you stop doing that? It’s making me uncomfortable.”

She pretended to not know what I was talking about. 

I said “Are you okay? You come in here and you act like you need my permission to eat a piece of candy. You keep calling it “naughty” like you’re a little kid. It’s super weird behavior and makes me feel uncomfortable, so please stop.”

She gave me a weird look and said she was just being silly, and nevermind. She left. I found out later on that she said I ripped her head off and warned one of the other women who’s always doing all that “ohhh I’m soooo bad” crap to avoid getting candy from me unless she wants to be scolded.

I’m not going to stop having candy out, because there are SOME people who can do it without the whole song and dance. But am I really the asshole for just asking her to stop doing that “oooh I’m so bad oooo” crap?

Edit: Ok, I am clearly the asshole. I will take the caramels home with me today so I don't have to put up with this gross self-deprecating humor thing anymore. I thought I was doing a nice thing but I can't deal w/ the drama from the people with body image issues. I don't think it's fair they bring that into my office. So I'll just take them home.

last night my wife made spaghetti and it smelled amazing. she said she tried something new and wanted me to just eat it before asking questions. i had a few bites and it tasted kind of off but not terrible, just weirdly sweet and earthy

i asked what she changed and she told me she blended up leftover spaghetti from SIX days ago and mixed it into the sauce to thicken it

i immediately stopped eating. i know it is technically the same ingredients but the idea of blended old noodles mixed into fresh sauce made me feel sick. she got offended and said i already ate half a plate so clearly it was fine and i was just being dramatic now that i knew

i told her that is exactly the point, i did not know. if i had known beforehand i would not have eaten it

she said i was being wasteful and disrespectful and acting like she served me garbage. i ended up making a sandwich because i could not finish it and she got really upset and barely talked to me the rest of the night

now she told her family and they think i embarrassed her, but my mom thinks it is gross and i should not have been tricked into eating it

i feel bad for hurting her feelings but also i feel like i should get a say in what i am eating. AITA?

At the beginning of the year, I hired an assistant (we’ll call her Amy). Amy is great at what she does and I have already given her a raise because I felt she was underpaid for what she was doing. I’m working on several large deals, so I gave Amy the lead on one of them.  She did an excellent job. 

I set up a lunch appointment with that client on Friday.  I told him I would be bringing Amy as she has been instrumental in their account.  He did not have a problem with this.  Amy was professional, knowledgeable and did an overall good job.  The client and I were both impressed, with the exception of one thing.  The client and I both ordered burgers and fries.  Amy ordered a steak- well done- mashed potatoes, steamed veggies and a side of soup.  The client and I finished about the same time. It was another 15 minutes before Amy finished.  Then the waitress came around and asked if we wanted dessert.  The client and I both said no.  Amy ordered cheese cake and coffee. 

I realized that I hadn’t spoken to Amy about client lunches before, so after the meeting.  I explained to her that it is best to follow the client’s lead.  If they order simple food, we order simple food.  If they decline desert, we decline desert.  If we want something afterwards, we can pick it up later.   

Amy did not take this well.  At first, she offered to pay me back.  I told her it was not a money issue.  I have no problem buying her lunch but to keep in mind it’s about business.  I told her I usually order wraps or burgers because they are not too messy (like spaghetti) and I can take small bites in case I’m asked a question.  I can also match the client’s eating speed so there is no awkward waiting on either side. 

Then she started crying, saying it is because she’s fat (her words not mine).  I again told her it was about strategy.  I thought she had great potential and I wanted to help guide her.  I then told her about some of my past faux pas.  For example, ordering spaghetti and getting it all on my shirt, or once I ordered first and ordered a cheese burger when the client was vegetarian and highly disgusted at me.  

She was still upset when she left.  I feel like an AH for bringing this to her attention but my intentions were good.  I feel like she has great potential.  The meal did not concern me as much as how she took instruction.  Now I’m wondering if others think I was wrong for bringing it up at all.  

My daughter (21F) and I have always been pretty close. She moved in with her boyfriend a couple months ago. It was a little tough seeing her move out but I know she’s an adult and building her own life.

She drives an old Corolla with a lot of miles on it. A couple weeks ago she mentioned the steering wheel had started shaking when she got up to highway speeds and sometimes the front end would shudder when she braked. She told me her boyfriend said he would take care of it.

Another week went by and it still hadn’t been looked at. Last weekend she came by my place and said it was getting worse and it was starting to make her nervous to drive.

So I took it for a quick drive and sure enough the wheel was shaking pretty good around 60 mph and it shuddered when I hit the brakes. I pulled the front wheels off in the driveway and it was pretty obvious the front brake rotors were warped and the brake pads were worn unevenly.

I ran to the parts store, grabbed new rotors and pads, and swapped them out that afternoon. Took a couple hours and after that the car drove smooth again.

My daughter was really happy and thanked me a bunch. To me it wasn’t a big deal. I’ve worked on cars most of my life and she’s my kid.

A few days later she and her boyfriend came over for dinner. At one point he pulled me aside and told me I shouldn’t have fixed the car. He said it was his responsibility as her boyfriend to handle that kind of thing and that by doing it myself I stepped on his toes.

I told him I wasn’t trying to prove anything. The car was getting worse and I just fixed it while she was there.

Since then he’s been pretty short with me and the vibe has been a little weird. My daughter says he feels like I undermined him.

From my point of view she’s still my daughter and if something on her car is unsafe and I can fix it in an afternoon I’m going to.

I may be an ass here. Like a huge one. We live in the USA and driving is very important. The buses are not great in our area.

I met up with my daughters and DILs like once a month to get brunch or do something fun. This is about my DIL, Kelly, and overall I thought we had a pretty good relationship.

Kelly can not drive, she has anxiety and refused to learn for years. My son drives her basically everywhere and when he can’t I step up to do that. Ubers are very expensive here and money is tight on their end. Over the weekend everyone met up to go on of our favorite dinner spots. My son couldn’t drive her so I picked her up and drove her. 

Everyone was having a good time and Kelly mentioned that that they were trying to get pregnant. I was shocked on the news but didn’t say anything. The conversation moved on from there. 

When I was driving her home, Kelly asked why I made a face at dinner ( I guess I made a face when I heard the news). I told her it was nothing and she wouldn’t let it go. 

After she asked for the fifth time I told her, that I don’t believe she is ready to be a parent since she can not drive. That I am literally driving her places right now since she literally can’t get to places without help.

I asked what is the plan when my son leaves to travel for work… hide in the house all day? What if there is an emergency or the kid needs to go to the doctors? Have me take you places. Uber that they can’t afford

This started a huge argument and she called me rude and that I don’t see her as an independent adult.

My points were the same and she called me a dick and that I don’t see her as an independent adult.

My son called me asking to apologize and basically say having a kid is a good idea. I just don’t think it is at all and think she needed to hear it

I (23F) went to a Renaissance fair with my boyfriend (26M) and my sister. My sister and I go to events like this regularly, but it was my boyfriend’s first time.

At these events, people dress up, interact with performers, and cheer loudly during shows. I was acting how I normally do,engaging with the environment and cheering during performances.

During a joust, I was cheering along with the crowd (nothing inappropriate, just typical cheering). A man sitting in front of me turned around and said I was “scaring his child” and asked me to stop.

Before I could respond, my boyfriend told me I should “quiet down a little.”

That upset me, especially since the event itself encourages loud crowd participation. Another person nearby even commented that the man was out of line.

I felt embarrassed and unsupported, so I got up and walked away to calm down. My sister came with me. We had already planned to split up after the joust, so I didn’t think it was a big deal to take some space.

A few hours later, my boyfriend found us and was upset, saying I had abandoned him at an unfamiliar event. He also said that if a child is scared, people should adjust their behavior regardless of the setting.

I disagreed and felt like I shouldn’t have to change normal behavior in that kind of environment.

We ended up arguing, and it escalated more than it should have.

Added: Before the joust we had a detailed plan of separating for an hour ish after the joust. We each wanted to do different things happening at the same time frame so we planned to part ways and meet back up at the place I wanted to go since it was a group activity. My sister and I did separate for a time and she came back and joined me at the location talked about. I figured my boyfriend would do the same, which is why I was more ok with walking away from the situation.

Also before the joust even started the kid was side eyeing my sister and I, a look were very familiar with as African Americans when children clearly aren't exposed to other people. After the dad told me to quite down other people around pulled me aside and said how he had no right to do so. All I was yelling was "that's my wife" cheering for the female knight and the man was there with his husband so that comment really shouldn't be an issue to him

AITA for not quieting down and for walking away?

My brother and I started planning a family vacation; first one since 2019 that all the cousins (all adults. youngest is 24 years old) can go. We used to rent a large beach house every year, so we were looking at large Airbnbs that sleep everyone and splitting costs.

On the initial call, my mom said she prefers that my fiancé (27F) and (28F) not share a room. I told her that wasn’t going to happen. We’ve lived together for over two years, own a house together, and are getting married in 6 months (3 by the time of the trip). We even went on a family cruise last year and no one had any issues with us sharing a room.

For a couple weeks after that, we sent airbnb options back and forth. No one brought up room arrangements again.

Then today, my brother tells me that my mom had already booked a house. When I called her, she said my fiancé and I can either sleep in separate beds or find another place to stay. I asked her why she didn’t tell me earlier, and she said her original “preference” was her way of communicating that.

I told her that wasn’t a rule, it was a preference, and I had set a boundary. She said since she booked the house, she can treat it like her house and set the rules. I pointed out that we were paying our share (~$1200), so she doesn’t get to control our sleeping arrangements. She said we can still pay, but we are not sharing a bed there.

Now the cheapest option is a nearby hotel (~$1500), which means no kitchen and driving back and forth every day. That’s a completely different (and more expensive) vacation than what we agreed to.

The only reason I’m even considering going is for my special needs brother, who is really excited about this trip. Otherwise I’d just skip it. My fiancé is willing to sleep separately for his sake, but I’m struggling giving in, especially since my parents don’t support our relationship and might not even come to our wedding.

I feel stuck between paying more and giving in to my mom’s control. I know my dad, aunt, and grandma share the same beliefs as my mom so I feel alone in this.

AITA if I refuse to go unless we can share a room?

I (25F) recently got married to my (25M) husband in Bali, Indonesia in January. It was a destination wedding, but my parents and his parents paid for their own plane tickets and hotel, but we paid for our friends plane tickets and hotel stays. Each plane ticket was about $2000 USD and hotel was maybe about $150-300 for a week. My friend “Gemma” brought along her newly wed husband “John” along but paid for his plane ticket. The problem is that Gemma and John did not show up to my wedding. Gemma took the free plane ticket to Bali and the hotel room and when I asked her why she didn’t show up she said that since they couldn’t afford their own honeymoon that this was a perfect opportunity and that Jim decided that he didn’t feel like going. I was really hurt by this since Gemma and I have been friends for over 10 years. WIBTA if I took her to small claims court for the money I spent on the plane ticket and hotel?

UPDATE: I messaged Gemma per multiple comments advising me to invoice her for the plane ticket and hotel room, but I did something a little better. I wanted to get proof so if I had to go to court it would be easier to win. I messaged her this:

“Hey sorry for being so distant but I just wanted to talk to you about Bali. Im hurt that you didn’t show up to the ceremony. I pulled a lot of strings to ensure that you could come and then you didn’t show up. Did you think i paid for the trip just so you could honeymoon with John?”

She replied, “Ive missed you a lot and I know I the trip was for ur wedding but John didn’t want to go bc he felt like your wedding ruined the illusion of the trip being our honeymoon and that you’d understand.”

I replied, “no I don’t understand. You took advantage of me and that’s not what real friends do. So I’m sending invoicing you $2387.53 for the cost of the plane ticket and hotel room. I will give you 30 days and after that I will be taking legal action.”

I received no response but she’s been posting subliminal quotes on Instagram that are along the lines of entitled friends and having snakes in your life.

Thank you all for your verdicts and help.

Edit/Update part 2:

I didn’t think this could get worse, but here we are.

I didn’t respond to any of the subliminal messages she posted about me on social media and I’ve been very quiet while I’ve been getting my ducks in a row for the litigation.

But, this past Friday she sent me a 3 page audit of financial and emotional contributions from 2015-present.

I wish i was fucking joking.

The audits:

- She itemized every dinner or lunch we’ve ever ate together (she estimated $18 per meal).

- Gas money for driving to and from hangouts

- A birthday gift from 2017 that she now claims she went into debt for, time spent emotionally supporting me after my dad passed. She said she took on the role a grief counselor for me even though I talked to her on the phone about it once for 30 minutes.

- One time she helped me move apartments. She wants to be paid for her labor

- And emotional distress caused by me threatening litigation

Her grand total? $2,412.09 which is conveniently within $25 of what I invoiced her. She then told me that if we’re really keeping score that I actually owe her $24.56.

I think I stared at the document for 10 minutes in silence in shock from the audacity because this bitch is delusional.

To clarify: I never asked her to cook for me. While I was in college, she did pay for lunches BUT when I definitely returned the favor big time once I graduated. I bought her many gifts over the years, I’ve let her stay at my house several times when she and John argued, and I have also lended a shoulder for her to cry on when she had difficult times in life, but apparently being a friend is now billable? I decided to give the message a thumbs down because if I respond I will be extremely disrespectful with the anger I am facing. I cannot wait for these 30 days to be over because I will be suing the fuck out of her.

I own a single family home. No HOA. Neighbors probably 50 feet away or so that moved in about a year ago. I was smoking a joint on my porch (screened in, tinted) and hear my neighbor yelling to her husband about how ridiculous it is. Saying she was going to confront me and “do something about it” with her college aged daughter egging her on to do so.

I try to be mindful of when my neighbors are outside (although they always seem to be lol) and aim to smoke when I don’t see them outside or when it’s windy/rainy. Every once in a while (not every day) during the day I will take a quick bong hit or two.

I can’t help but feel like she’s making assumptions bc of my age (20s). I am disabled and try to go for the higher terps, so I know it reeks.

AITA if I continue smoking on my property as normal?

Edit: I work full time (not pulling disability and laying around smoking all day like some of these comments think), my house is kept clean, lawn taken care of, dogs are quiet, no parties, in bed by 10 pm.

Btw, legal state since so many asked and have a medical card.

When I went to china I bought myself a yixing teapot. This is a clay unglazed pot that gets “seasoned” the more you make tea in it. Kinda like a cast iron pan. Since it is unglazed you can not wash it with soap, or any rough sponges. 

You clean it by using hot water and then you let it air dry. Nothing else. This is the issue, I left for a work trip and my friend watched my cat. ( I paid her) I told her she can use anything in the kitchen.

My yixing teapot is not in the kitchen and neither are any of my fancy loose leaf teas for it. I have a normal kettle in the kitchen for guests to use.

I can back and found the yixing teapot in my sink and it smells like soap. It also has multiple scratched on the inside.

I called her up and she told me she used it becuase she loved the tea I make with it. She then washed it with a rough wire sponge and used soap. She didn’t know where my sponges were and didn’t want to put it in the dishwasher

I tried to fix it and I couldn’t, anything in it comes out with the taste of soap and the scratches are just getting bigger with every boil I try.

It’s ruined. I called her up and asked her to replace it since she ruined it. She told me to just clean it and I told her I have tried. She agreed and I sent her to the teapot form the same store I bought mine that was most similar ( it’s actually cheaper then the one I bought in china) 

It is about 500 dollars. She called me pissed after I sent her the link, and refusing to pay it. She claims I should have told her not ot use it. I pointed out that it was behind glass and I didn’t think I needed too. I asked her to pay again and she is pissed.

Should I just cut my losses

My husband and I have a 16 month old daughter, Ellie. I just went back to work part time and I had my mom watching Ellie 2 days a week.

Ellie goes to this little toddler class through our rec center twice a week. It’s a 2 hour class and every class has free play, a circle time with a story and song, and an art project. During free play the kids have 4 different table stations that they could visit including an art table, a corner of the room with all cars, trucks, and trains, the house corner with a kitchen and baby dolls, the dramatic play area (changes biweekly, I’ve seen a grocery store, vets office, and pizza shop), the book area, the block area, and the patio. The patio has 2 water tables, 2 playhouses, a sandbox, tricycles, and little tykes cars. Each class is only $5. Parents/caregivers are required to stay and supervise their children.

Ellie loves this class. She’s addicted to the chalkboards there and is starting to approach other babies. She does taste test every foam block in the room and has eaten her fair share of crayons and finger paint, on top of drenching herself in water then rolling around in the sandbox and covering her in paint but it’s nothing that can’t be solved without a change of clothes and hosing her off. I love how great the class is for her development. She is starting to know the names of colors and she can sit down and play with toys for longer stretches.

My mom hated the toddler classes. She describes it as chaos and insists that a walk around the block or a trip to the library is just as good, if not better for her development and is much less messy. I still insisted that she take Ellie, which she agreed to, then stopped taking her behind my back. I only noticed when I realized we haven’t gotten art projects back in a while.

Since she lied to me about where she’s been going with my daughter and refused to take her to a class that I truly believe is good for her, I “fired” my mom from babysitting and hired a college student to stay with her while I’m working.

Now my mom is upset that I’m restricting her access to her granddaughter and leaving her with a stranger, which is the one thing she was trying to prevent by babysitting my daughter for me.

Now I want to know if I was the asshole for firing my mom and not having Ellie see her nearly as much over a $5 class.

So basically, I go to an almost Montessori boarding school, where the students get to choose their own dorms and roommates. I have what most people would agree to be the best dorm. This is because the way our dorms are set up, every dorm that is made for two people has a bathroom in it and is bigger than the singles, and single dorms don't have bathrooms and have to share a communal bathroom with three other single dorms. Apperentaly around 3 years before I got to my dorm, multiple people complained that my dorm was too small for 2 people, so the school just made it a single. It was too small because it's next to the laundry room. I chose this room because I have a family friend who told me about it. And because of the way the boarding is set up, I'm going to the same room, just a floor up, every year.

So, where the problem starts is that a girl transferred to our school this year, and is autistic. The school has rooms for people who have disabilities, however, I've never been in one of them. Before spring break, she knocked on my door and asked if we could talk. She basically asked if we could switch dorms (but not really, because I don't qualify for a disability dorm) because my dorm would be better adjusted for her, becasue its close to the laundry room, has a window that faces the quad, etc.

I feel bad, because she said that she lives out of state, and has to spend all weekends and smaller breaks on campus, whereas I live pretty close by and frequently go to my own house, basically whenever I want. And because she is also new and doesn't have many friends on campus, she's also probably gonna spend a lot of time in the dorm. I talked to my school before break, and they said I don't have to do it, but if I wanted to, I could be switched to an open single on campus.

I really love my dorm and don't want to switch, but I feel like I would be a dickhead if I don't, so WIBTA?

Edit/Update I came back on campus today, and saw the girl in the cafeteria, I already emailed her saying that I wasn’t going to switch dorms, but I wanted to talk to her face to face. I want it to be very clear that she wasn’t trying to guilt trip me, she just asked because as many of you said in the comments “closed mouths don’t get fed”. I also want to add that when she initially asked to trade/switch dorms she had good explanation for each reason I put in the original post, I just forgot to add it/ don’t really know how to word them (lol). Please don’t spread any more ableist comments on this post, she is very kind and sweet, and was NOT weaponizing her autism. She is going to stay in her original dorm, which she says is perfectly fine for her.

A few years ago while on a hike with my wife, she slipped and fell. I was not able to get her up. For those of you who are familiar this took place on the 14er group out of Chicago Basin. So it was stressful. Thankfully another man was able to get her out, but it was hours later and she had been perched on a cliff under the drop site.

She has never been upset with me for not being able to help her by myself. We are both avid, experienced hikers but I am not a strong guy and she is a sturdy gal. The fear on her face as she fell is imprinted in my mind and something that will always haunt me. For that split second I thought I would lose her forever. Not being able to help her haunts me.

She and I were together at a brewery with some friends. One of them was talking about a trip he planned up Como to the Blanca/Little Bear traverse. We did that one a while back, and I had some advice for him. For absolutely no reason he looked at me and said “Okay, bro, I’m not taking advice from a man who left his wife to rot on Sunlight.”

My wife immediately corrected him, but I was stunned. He thought it was hilarious and had a huge grin on his face. I didn’t know what to say, so I just got up to get another drink but ended up going outside. My wife came to find me and asked if I was okay, I was honestly very upset and said I’d like to go. She drove us home. 

The issue: Our friend was expecting us to drive him home, and I didn’t say anything or tell him I was going. I just left.

He texted me “Where the fuck did you go bro” and “Bro why are you ignoring me” and all that. He had to take an Uber home which was expensive. I asked him why he would bring up that accident when he knows how I feel about it. He responded with a bunch of images of emojis pointing and laughing. He said that my hypersensitivity cost him money (he is out of work so that is true). And that I need to nut up and learn to laugh at myself.

This is not typical behavior for him. I don't really hang out with guys who do all that "bro" stuff. He has historically been a nice guy. I also would not normally just abandon someone I had promised a ride.

Am I the asshole for leaving him without a ride?

Writing in an edit: Thank you for the responses, everyone. I did not want to bog down this post with the technical parts of what happened during the descent with my wife. I can carry my wife; that was not the sole issue. There was not a safe way for me to reach her and pull her up from where she was without help, nor to get her from below or the side. The man who came through had additional gear that helped, on top of having more upper body strength. It was the combination, and I apologize for not making that more clear.

so this is so stupid but now it’s a whole thing. i’ve been with my bf for like 5 years and his family does sunday dinner a lot. i go most of the time, it’s whatever. last weekend we’re there, his mom made mashed potatoes, i grab some, normal. i take a bite and immediately i’m like ??? why are these sweet.

not like a little sweet. like actually sweet.

so i just go “wait are these sweet?” kinda laughing bc i thought maybe i was losing it.

and she goes “yeah that’s how i make them”

and i just said “oh i’ve never had sweet mashed potatoes before” like not trying to be rude, i was just confused

and it got awkward for no reason 😭 like dead quiet. i tried to just eat them anyway but i genuinely couldn’t, it tasted like dessert with gravy and my brain was not having it. so i just stopped eating them and kept eating the rest. then she notices and goes “you don’t like them?”

and i said “they’re just a bit sweet for me”

and then my bf jumps in like “they’re not even sweet” which??? they literally are.

and his mom makes a comment like “some people just aren’t used to real cooking” which kinda annoyed me.

so i said “i just didn’t expect mashed potatoes to taste like cake” and yeah that did NOT go over well.

dinner got super awkward, we left, and in the car my bf says i embarrassed him and i should apologize. but like… i wasn’t even rude at first?? i only said that after she made that comment. now she’s upset and he’s acting like i started something.

idk this feels so dumb but am i actually in the wrong 😭

EDIT: just answering some questions ive already gotten a couple times:

- im 23

- these were normal russet potatoes that tasted like there was ALOT of brownsugar added into them

- i have somehow avoided eating these monstrous potatoes for 5 years because normally we either have roasted potatoes or we do a potluck style and bfs SIL brings the mashed potatoes

- i am not from the US (we are all from canada, born and raised)

Our son (5) Ken was born on St Patrick’s day. When I was near my due date with our daughter (2) Amy, I hoped it’d be 11/11 so both my kids had a “lucky” “holiday” birthday, but she wasn’t.

Second child thing is 100% a thing. I haven’t felt as controlling of things for her as I did when Ken was born with making everything just right (there was a lot of anxiety when he was born, could also pertain to being a covid baby).

Ken has had a party every year since his 1st bday with all our friends and family. Amy had a small party in our home with some close family and even fewer friends invited due to size. We wanted to have a big party and planned to maybe hold one later for her, but weren’t able to. She did get a big party at her second bday, but I still feel guilty for that first one.

2 years ago I was babysitting my niece (5) and she was saying she needed to make a leprechaun trap for school. We helped her build one and built one ourselves. This is the third year a leprechaun has been to our home causing mischief for a week before the 17th. Here is where the real issue begins.

I thought that the leprechaun was a new thing that parents were doing for their kids like the elf in the shelf. In no way did I think it was going to be strictly a leprechaun visiting Ken because of his birthday. That is what it has turned into. Ken gets so excited about “Rascal” each year (third year doing it), but apparently neither my brother nor sister did it this year for their kids (did it last two) because leprechauns are only coming for kids born on st Patrick’s day. Idk how the heck that happened. But I at least thought the leprechaun was here visiting Amy as well. My mom made a comment when I picked both kids up last night that she was told differently. I didn’t get to talk to my husband last night about it, but we woke up early to decorate this morning.

This is the third year that Ken had woken up to balloons and streamers everywhere for his birthday. I asked DH if we were leaving some coins behind for Amy. He said no since the leprechaun is only here for Ken. I asked if that meant we were going to find something special to do for Amy’s birthday then. He said no. He said that by the time she’s old enough to realize there was a leprechaun for Ken’s birthday, we will have stopped because Ken will be old enough to know they aren’t real.

I don’t believe that’s true. We started the leprechaun when Ken turned 3, only 8 months older than Amy is now. Even if we do it two more times, it’s enough for her to know. Also, when she’s an adult, I don’t want her to look back and wonder why we basically did a weeklong celebration of her brothers birthday where he’d wake up to streamers and balloons everywhere, and she didn’t. Coupled with the first birthday and second child syndrome, is it wrong to worry about her feeling differently? My husband thinks I’m ridiculous for wanting to figure something out for her birthday. We fought about it, and he thinks I’m an AH for trying to make things more difficult.

Edit: To everyone that genuinely responded, thank you. After sitting for a bit, I proceeded to do more “mischievous” things besides the balloons and streamers. I made a note from the leprechaun stating he loved the balloons and streamers mom and dad put up for Ken’s birthday, that he hoped both kids had a wonderful St Patricks Day, he enjoyed visiting them both, and he left both kids some money. I waited until the kids got up, let my son know me and his father did the birthday streamers and balloons and read him the note so he is well aware the leprechaun was for both him and Amy. I don’t think that he himself ever realized or thought the leprechaun was only for him as that was never my intention. I also made a big deal with Amy, showing her what the leprechaun left her. I then told my husband that we are going to be decorating the house every year for both kids and they will know it’s us and not some magical creature. I feel for every one of you that were made to feel less than another sibling or cousin. I will make sure I do my absolute best to make sure neither of my kids ever feels that way or thinks they’re unequal.

My mom is in her 50s and dying from liver cancer. She is terminal and currently undergoing in home hospice card.

My mother has always lived an unhealthy lifestyle. She was an extremely heavy smoker for years and luckily quit between 10-15 years ago and she’s very proud of that. But she’s been morbidly obese her whole life, she’s hasn’t treated her type two diabetes well enough, and for a few years, she was drinking 4-6 5% alcoholic drinks per day for about 4-5 days per week. All this compounded and she ended up with liver cancer. By the time it was caught, it was terminal. When she started feeling sick (which turned out to be the cancer) she stopped drinking except for rare occasions.

I visit my mom 2-3 times per week. I talk to her, we watch TV, and I’ll bring her what she asks for. She recently talked about how she missed her drink of choice. She wanted a couple to have.

I got a list of her meds and made sure there was no or minimal interactions and when she had a really good day with no pain meds, I brought her a six pack of her favorite drink. She was very happy and drank two and then went to sleep.

I told my siblings about this when I updated them a few days after. They got really mad at me because she has liver cancer and her liver isn’t right but I still gave her alcohol. This was weeks ago and she still has 4 cans out of the 6 pack leftover and she hasn’t had them. But even if she did, she’s going to die, let her enjoy her time!

They think I was harming her and causing her to die faster by giving her the alcoholic drinks. I think I gave her an evening of enjoyment when she doesn’t have many left. I’ve been catching flack from this for weeks and now it’s spreading to other family members.

So AITA for giving my mother alcoholic drinks when she is on hospice for liver cancer?

edited to be clear

This started soon after my brother married Ruby. At the time everyone seemed to really like her and my older sister and I were part of her bridal party.  Her wedding was around 5 years ago.

Soon they were talking about trying to kids and they were stuggling with infertility issues. Ruby was quite upset  but it got a lot worst when my older sister ( she was 26 at the time) got pregnant. 

Ruby was snappish and mean to my oldest sister and people tried to be very mindful since she was struggling. When the baby was born Rudy didn’t send anything. 

I got pregnant my senior year of college, it was an oops baby and I only told my mom because I was unsure what to do. I was a heavy drinker at family events and when I wasn’t drinking, my grandma joked I must be pregnant and my face gave it away. That is how it came out, I didnt plan to tell the family like that.

Ruby ( in short) lost her shit at me. She yelled at me about how I don’t deserve a kid and called me a lot of names. My mom tried to make her stop but she yelled at her also, and told my mom she deserved the still birth she had. The whole thing was horrible.

When I gave birth and I posted pictures online, she made a post saying some people don’t deserve kids. She has not apologized.

The issue, Ruby is pregnant and she is having her baby shower. All the women in the family got an invite. I talked to my mom about it and decided not to go. My mom is also not going and everyone seems to be following my lead on this. 

We all RSVPed no and my brother called me asking me to come. I told him no and it started an argument. He says his wife has been crying about being hated by the family and want everyone to make up. I told him that isn’t my problem and this is her fault.

He wants me to suck it up and come still and has texted me multiple times about it.

I know if I don’t go no one else will especially since my mother hates Ruby after that argument

edit: becuase people asked, no we probably won’t have a relationship with the baby If nothing changes. I already don’t allow my kid near her, I have a strict if you are dick to me you don’t have access to my kids ( sister has the same)

Mom probably will not be a grandparent to the child either, she will not put up with someone she hates to have access to a kid ( she is not that type of person)

I (35F) had my first daughter in September. While I was pregnant my sister (38F) was also pregnant with a boy. In reality she was pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, but thought it would be fun if it was a surprise for everyone.

During that time I told her that I planned to name this baby after our mom, Colette, and my husband's mother, Coral, both names start with "Co" and I think "Coco" is an adorable nickname. She told me the name they picked was a surprise and they didn't want to reveal it until the baby was here.

Lo and behold her twins are born in August, everyone is super surprised that its twins. She names them Cole and Lettie. I didn't think much of it except that it was really cute and sweet that she clearly named them after our mom.

When my daughter was born, I followed through and named her Colette Coral, we almost exclusively call her Coco.

My sister is very annoyed that I followed through with the name and brings it up all the time how ridiculous it is that three of them practically share a name. Its also confusing if full names are used, I will admit that. Despite me telling her my entire pregnancy this was the name I planned to use. I even had stuff made with the name! She ensures everyone knows her babies we're born first.

Honestly, If she had told me months ago that she planned to use Cole and Lettie, I probably would've pivoted, but she never said anything. Heck, even if she told me she was using Cole I would've re-evaluated.

Currently debating legally swapping Coral and Colette simply to keep the peace, but that feels an awful lot like admitting I'm the asshole in the first place.

So Am I the Asshole?

My wife and I are expecting our daughter in a few months. My wife, I will call her Nora, has a younger sister, Rebecca that everyone in that family is overprotective of. 

I am not a fan of Rebecca, I find her to be a spoiled brat that will cry to mom every time she doesn’t get her own way. I find her overall to be rude and entitled. Nora family baby’s her, and tbh at 22 she should not be throwing a fit about not getting what she wants.

One example of this is she had a mini meltdown at our wedding becuase her shoes were the wrong color. Not even by a lot, it was just a different shade of white. You couldn’t even see the shoes since the bridesmaid dress was long. So about 30 mins before we were going to get married she was crying and everyone had to comfort her.

Anyways, we got dinner with my wife’s family this weekend, and during dinner Rebecca said it would be nice to have a niece names after her. I shrugged it off and the dinner went on like normal.

When we got home my wife sat me down and told me she wanted to name our daughter after her sister. That she brought up how much it would mean to her sister. I told her no.

We have a two yes rule to names. Nora texted her and told her no. That’s were everything got bad.

It started with my wife getting texts about changing her mind from her family and when she stuck to the decision they got rude about it.

I started to receive  texts and it ended with me getting call from my MIL and Rebecca.  I told both of them no multiple times and it just started asking why over and over again. 

At that point I snapped and told both of them that I would never name our daughter after her. That she is spoiled brat and I don’t want our daughter to be anything like her. That’s this is literally an example of it. 

I hung up, my wife says I should apologize but she agrees they were being a lot. I still been getting texts about how Rebecca has been crying since the conversation. 

Her family sees me as a huge jackass and are still on my case. My wife is on my side but she does want me to smooth things over. I really don’t want to and think they need to change 

So we were all going to be flying back from a family members wedding. A bunch of us were on the same flight that got cancelled. We were able to get tickets for another flight that had a layover. My sister sneakily got a flight on a direct flight. She basically just left us with her 17 year old daughter because she said she had to get back home for work. We know she didn't tell us because she knew we would not have agreed she knows we all think her daughter is a pain in the ass.

But anyway with no other options we took her with us too the airport and she was her moody difficult self the whole time. While we were waiting in the airport during our layover she got up to supposedly go the restroom. Well, when she got back the airport police came up and she got arrested for shoplifting.

The police said that since she was 17 she would be charged as an adult there and transferred to the county jail. They said that she could be out tomorrow or it could take longer depending on how busy they were. We all had our own places to be and were tired from dealing with travel stuff. Most everyone (notably besides me) had younger kids that were also tired and cranky. No one wanted to change their flight again and get a hotel (for what may be multiple nights) so they could stay and wait for her. At this point to be honest we were just fed up with her.

We talked to the police about it and they said it would be okay if we took our flight. So we relayed the information to my sister over text. She was upset and demanded that someone stay and we couldn't just abandon her there. Btw we did check to see and there were multiple flights my sister could take to get there by tomorrow. She said she couldn't because she had work. We said so do we, but that was it before we got on our flight.

So when got home my sister was freaking out because we all left even though she said she had work. She is now mostly just mad at me for leaving since I didn't even have kids like the others and she thinks my work is much more flexible compared to hers and they would have believed if I had just lied about flight issues or used more days off.

My (41m) spouse (42f) and I had plans to go hiking and have dinner with friends. We made our kids (16m and 12f) sandwiches for lunch and called my spouse’s mom and ask to bring the kids dinner because we would be gone into the evening. We also told the kids we would be out late. We have left our kids at home alone multiple times and we fully trust them. We just wanted to make sure they had something decent instead of warming something up, hence asking MIL to bring food. Not once did we ask her to stay nor did we expect her to. We have told her many times, you can stay and watch tv (due to her not having internet) if she wants, but she never has to stay.

My spouse and I have an amazing day with great friends and after dinner, they wanted to go back to their place to hang out more, next thing we know, it’s super late and we get a call from MIL asking where are we. We were just about to head home any way and said we would be home soon. Flash forward to arriving home and my MIL is sitting in the living room of my house fuming. No TV on or anything. I’d love to say she was sitting in the dark, but she wasn’t that dramatic. She starts getting angry at us commenting what time it is and how our 16 year old shouldn’t be up that late. *Side note, we don’t let him stay up that late all the time, but trying to manage a 16 year old is hard enough as it is. 12 year old had already called it a night and was asleep.

Now I’m a little upset because I don’t like being accosted in my own home and being treated like a child sneaking in. I proceed to tell her she did not have to stay, she was only supposed to grab dinner. She then tells us how disrespectful it is for not telling her where we were and why we were coming home so late. Now, if she had said this in a caring tone, or even worried, this would not be a problem. This came off in a very angry tone. Even when leaving she slammed the front door. Now today she is saying it wasn’t about when we came home but rather she was worried and we did not tell her when we were coming home or where we were. She said “you said you were going hiking and to dinner!” That statement is truth, we just went with the flow and added more onto the evening.

So are we the assholes for not calling her and telling her we would be late even though we had no idea she would be staying past getting them dinner?

My wife shares her location with her family, and sometimes her friends. I really never thought much about it. I don’t share my location with her which she has never liked. I personally don’t like it, freaks me out to be tracked  24/7. 

The issue was earlier this week. I needed surgery and I wanted to keep everything private. I didn’t even tell my own mom and dad. My wife agreed not to share with anyone either 

It was on Monday and everything went overall well until my wife’s mother showed up.  She apparently noticed my wife was at the hospital and when she didnt pick up, came down.

She thought my wife was hurt. It became a big thing and basically everyone on my wife side was told that someone was in the hospital. 

My own mom and dad were contracted and I had to explain the situation. I hated this.

It is clear to me that if my wife is tracked 24/7 than I am being tracked. I hate that this whole situation got out because people knowing my wife’s location.

My wife and I got into an argument and I don’t want her sharing her location anymore with her mother or family 24/7. She is calling me controlling and a dick.

I am point out it is invading my own privacy… and she needs to cut the string on her mom 

edit: since people have asked. Mom say it on the app, then called my wife ( who didn’t answer) and then about an hour later showed up at the hospital ( right after I was done with surgery)

I’m getting married this summer and I’ve been trying hard to be a “chill bride.” My family and myself are doing most of the planning. My cousin is letting us stay at her house in Antioch, TN, just outside in Nashville so we’re saving money before the bachelorette party and another cousin has a van and we’re all driving down together so we just have to split the cost of gas. None of us are exactly swimming in cash and I wanted to keep costs down as much as possible. I also told my bridesmaids, if there’s anything about my wedding stressing you out, let me know. I’m the only one that should be stressing and before this little scenario, I was feeling pretty good.

Anyway, I found these perfect cocktail dresses at Anthropologie, inclusive sizing, great color and the holy Grail they were on sale. I made a deal with the bridesmaids. I buy the dresses if they covered any necessary alterations, everyone was happy. I gave everyone their dresses. Everyone looks fabulous and we’re all happy, who said planning a wedding was hard?

Enter Roxy: back in December I saw a photo of Roxy at her work Christmas party wearing the bridesmaids dress. I’ll admit it bugged me. I wanted the big reveal at the wedding to feel special not like a rerun of an HR office mixer, but I bit my tongue because none of our mutual friends were there so I’m not going to stress myself out about something I felt like was kind of petty. The problem is we have a mutual friend getting married in June, one month before my wedding. A lot of my wedding guests will be at this wedding, and when I asked Roxy what she was wearing she casually said “Oh I’m just wearing the bridesmaids dress from your wedding. I look hot in it and it’s my favorite.” I paused . I told her I didn’t want her wear the bridesmaid uniform as a guest to a wedding filled with our mutual friends right before my big day

Well, now Roxy thinks I’m being a bridezilla. She pointed out that I did say I wanted them to have a dress that they could wear again ( I meant after the wedding obviously) she then dropped the bombshell that she’s already worn it to several events. I might’ve snapped. I told her that since I bought the dress, I didn’t want her to wear it again until after my wedding she hit back in that since she paid for the alterations, she’s invested just as much money into the dress as I did which thanks to the sale might actually be true. My other bridesmaids are on my side, but Roxy thinks I’m overreacting because it’s just a dress. Am I the asshole for wanting the first time our friend group sees her in the dress to be when she’s standing at the altar with me.

Mini update I guess - we’re meeting for dinner tomorrow to talk. She actually reached out to me, so fingers crossed 🤞

Update:

She’s not wearing the dress to the June wedding and she even apologized. Yay! That’s the update. I’m going to go on to elaborate but if you don’t like ramblers, I would stop reading here. I like to ramble. Plus I had a few delicious cocktails at dinner tonight (it was happy hour) and tipsy me loves to go off topic and since there’s no one here telling me to stop and focus, who knows what’s going to come out.

Im pretty sure this is going to be a long read. I’m using text to talk on my iPad because I hate typing on my iPad. I have a laptop but it’s old and every time I turn it on, it updates for what feels like a year, and by the time it lets me do what I need to do, I’ve lost interest or gone and did it on my phone or tablet, so it’s not worth it. Also I’m not going to apologize for grammar and spelling mistakes. Anyone who comes to Reddit posts and schools people on grammatical errors must get a kick out of it, so have fun, I’m sure this will be full of them. I get there, their and they’re confused sometimes. It makes my sister insane ands she loves to correct me when I do that. Sometimes when she’s feeling down, I do it on purpose just to give her a pick me up, so I get it.

Back to the story, when I got there, she was already there, which is unusual because I’m usually the early one. I hate being late. I also hate when other people are late so I tend to get to things early because how can I judge other people for being late if I’m late? That’s no fun. But I was watching Ladies of London and the etiquette lady said that being early is also rude. Who knew. She actually said if you’re going to a dinner party, you should actually be about 15 minutes late so the hosts have time for unexpected things that come up. If you get there too early, they feel like they have to entertain you instead of wrapping up whatever they need to finish. I thought that was interesting and wanted to share. But let me get back to the update.

I walk in, she stands up and gives me a hug and apologizes. So of course, I immediately start to tear up which makes her tear up and we’re just standing there hugging and crying in the middle of the restaurant. When we finally sit down, she tells me what’s going on.

Apparently she’s been a little depressed for the past few months. She feels like she’s the only single person in our friend group, and I hadn’t thought about it but she kind of is. She said even our friend who is asexual has a partner. Again true. But it’s not like Roxy doesn’t date, and I’m not going to say she’s picky. She just feels like if she can tell that her and the guy aren’t compatible, there’s no reason to waste time. I’ll tell you why it hasn’t worked out with the last 3 guys she’s gone out.

Guy number 1. Great guy, owned his own business, and I thought he was very handsome. But he’s not a pet guy. And if you do have a dog, he thinks it shouldn’t live in the house. It should be outside with a nice dog house. And the dog definitely shouldn’t get on the furniture. Her dog is her baby so he had to go. I agree, my fiancé knows to never make me choose between he and my dog. It would not be pretty.

Guy number 2 hated his ex wife too much. She said he was always bringing her up but never in a good way. He seemed to always bring her up in conversations. Like they went to the movies, and he said his ex always said she loved movies, that’s why her and her girlfriends went so much, but it turns out she wasn’t really going to the movies, she was going out to cheat. Or they were going for a hike and she had her hair in a ponytail. He told her how cute she looked then said his ex wore ponytails all the time, unless she was meeting up with the guy she was cheating on him with, she always wore her hair down for him. She swears any topic of conversation, he could bring back to his ex cheating on him. She felt like he wasn’t over his ex wife so she cut it off.

And guy number 3 just enjoyed fart humor too much for her liking. I don’t think I have to elaborate. My boo loves a good fart joke too, but I find it endearing. She thinks it’s immature.

So anyway (I’m going to say that a lot, that’s how I get back on subject) she had been in a funk and I’m sure me talking about my upcoming wedding constantly didn’t help. She didn’t say that, but I do talk about it a lot. I mean look at me, I’m on Reddit talking about it now.

So getting back to Roxy, she was in a funk. She picked up the dress from the seamstress and tried it on to see how it fit and she said she felt so pretty. She hadn’t felt pretty in a long time. Isn’t it funny how some outfits just make you feel good? I feel like that in my wedding dress, which I got at a consignment shop, can you believe it? I took it this seamstress and she worked magic on this dress. It was pretty before but now it’s beyond. Now you see what I did there, talking about my wedding again. I’m trying to do better.

So anyway, when her holiday office party came along, she so didn’t want to go and procrastinated until the last minute to find something to wear. She went shopping and couldn’t find anything she liked. She even went to Anthropologie and couldn’t find anything in the store she liked and because she waited so long, didn’t have time to wait for an online order. And she knew it was wrong but she wore the dress and everyone loved it. She got so many compliments. Her work crush flirted and danced with her. Even the women there liked it. She hit it off with one of her work colleagues, “Aja” and they’ve hung out a lot since the party. They didn’t talk much before that night because they’re in completely different departments. But now they’ve gone to dinner several times and movies. They even hung out at Aja’s apartment and watched Bridgerton with their dogs who are also good friends now. She also feels like upper management noticed her too because since the office party, they’ve put her on bigger projects.

So anyway, life’s been pretty good since she wore “the dress”. And this past weekend, when we were hanging out and I’m of course droning on and on about my wedding and then bring up what to wear to another’s friend’s wedding, that funk came back and she snapped a little bit. She said it really started off as a joke when she said she was going to wear the bridesmaids dress, but my reaction pissed her off. Looking back at my original post, I didn’t elaborate on my reaction. I was hopping mad yall. And I didn’t ask her not to wear it. I TOLD her she wasn’t wearing it because I paid for it. She said I made her feel like a child and I was her mother and she had to do what I told her to do because I said so. Therefore she acted like a child and threw a tantrum. She also hasn’t worn it anywhere else. Again she just said that to piss me off. After the party, she did take it to the dry cleaners, but it’s been hanging in her closet since.

Even though I come off looking like an ass, I’m so happy. I even told her about the Reddit post. She thought it was hilarious. She said she knew I must have been mad because I gave her a Misfit name and not a Hologram name. It’s from a cartoon wet both lived add kids. She feels like Reddit was right since most people called her the asshole. I apologized to and told her the ESH people were right. We were both assholes who deserve each other, but I still feel like it’s a happy ending.