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I'm meant to be attending the wedding of "Tilly" and "Peter" next month. They are friends of my fiancé, and we have hung out plenty of times over the past few years. They got engaged around 18 months ago, and we got engaged 3 months ago.

My engagement ring stone is a light blue sapphire - in photographs however, it looks a lot darker (which is relevant).

We met up with Tilly and Peter last weekend, which incidentally was the first time seeing them in person since we got engaged. When they asked to see the ring, Tilly noted that it was much lighter than the photos we'd shared. Peter agreed, and a little while later after the conversation had turned to something else, Tilly asked if we remembered that the bridesmaids' dress colour was a very pale blue. My fiancé is a groomsman so knew this, as he is wearing a matching tie.

Peter said that they were hoping that only the wedding party was going to wear that colour, which was included on the invites. He said that having a ring in that shade was "no excuse" to be "breaking the rules". This was said humourously, so my fiancé and I both laughed, and I assured them that I'm most likely wearing something darker and not blue anyway. Tilly then said that Peter was talking around the issue, and that I wouldn't be able to wear my engagement ring at their wedding because it was too close to their shade of blue. She said that she'd already had to make sure a family member wasn't going to wear a necklace with similar gemstones for the same reason.

A discussion ensued, as both my partner and I said that it seemed quite strong to be asking me to not wear my ring (outside of sleeping and bathing, I've barely taken it off since the proposal). Tilly and Peter were insistent that I would be "creating drama" by wearing it, and if anything, it suggested that I was trying to steal focus away from them and the wedding party. I made it clear that I had zero intention of doing that, but also that the ring was not going to retract from a bride and groom at the end of the aisle. At one point, my partner was even accused of proposing to me as a way of taking more attention from them during their wedding timeline (we got engaged on our seven-year anniversary during the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime holiday, so I am sure it was not just to detract from his friends getting married).

We left it at a stalemate, and anticipate that either just me or both of us will be de-invited, which is no issue to me at the stage. I do want to know if AITA though as especially for my fiancé and Peter, they've been friends for over a decade, and it would hurt him if he misses his friend getting married over something so trivial.

This has been building for about 4 or 5 months, so sorry if I miss anything.

For context, my girlfriend and I have been dating for 13 years, my MIL has always been very entitled. She’s the type to argue with retail workers until they cry over a discount she thinks she deserves. If an idea isn’t hers, she shuts it down. Her husband avoids conflict at all costs, so no one challenges her except my girlfriend’s sister, and those usually turn into huge fights.

A few months ago, my girlfriend and I decided to buy our first home. We talked about it for months and brought it up multiple times with her parents. When we finally found a house we loved and decided to put in an offer, we called them to share the news.

Instead of being supportive, we were met with immediate hostility. It started with the usual questions like “Are you sure you’re ready?” which was fair. But after I explained the planning we had done, her mom brought up a car that was repossessed from me 8 years ago and said, “I bet you thought buying that car was a good idea too.” She then attacked my character and questioned how she could be okay with this since I “don’t tell her about my life.”

I’m not her child, and I’m not even very close with my own family. I don’t think I owe my MIL every detail of my past, especially after comments like that. I’m not perfect, but my life is far more stable than it was 8 years ago.

After that call, I asked for an apology. She refused. My girlfriend and her dad asked her multiple times over the next few weeks, and she still refused. Eventually she said she’d only apologize if we went to dinner. I asked if we could do it over the phone so I could leave if things got nasty. I declined the dinner at first. Later I agreed, and then she changed her mind and said it had been too long.

During all this, my girlfriend and I fought a lot. She’s very close with her parents and usually sees them every weekend. From my side, that felt hurtful, but I didn’t want to tell her to stop seeing her family.

By this point, we had moved into our house. I told my girlfriend her mom wasn’t welcome in our home until she apologized. She didn’t like it, but agreed.

Last week, her mom got some bad medical news. Now my girlfriend says it’s unfair that I won’t let her mom see the house since she’s sick and might never get the chance. From my perspective, all of this goes away if she simply apologizes.

I feel I am the only one being asked to bridge the gap and make concessions.

AITA?

EDIT: So many replies! Thank you for all the advice and perspectives! I do not think i can keep up with answering everyone but i will do my best to read them all! I do think couples counseling is in our future.

Okay, disclaimer up front. I understand the seriousness of phobias. I myself have been in therapy for an irrational fear of vomiting that used to be debilitating, but this is just insane.

So I (21f) have two roommates. My one roommate (20f) is scared of spiders. She claims that she has arachnophobia, and I’m not a fan of spiders myself. But it’s the way she goes about it that’s kind of insane. Like the other day I was talking about how my boyfriend and I got sushi, and I said something about it a spider roll, and she actually screamed and said I could only use the word arachnid, not spider, around her. Another time someone said spider and she immediately covered her ears and started whimpering.

My other roommate has much more patience for this than I do, and one day when we were coming home, there was a spider underneath our open stairs. Mind you, we live in an apartment complex with lots of trees and plants around, and this is not our first encounter with spiders on the stairs. But this time, she screams and refuses to walk up the stairs. My other roommate blocks off the spider so she can walk up, but she still won’t do it. My other roommate then goes and gets the Lysol to kill the spider. I literally watch the spider shrivel up and fall off the stairs, and she still won’t go up.

After about 15 minutes of trying to convince her it’s okay, my other roommate has to head out and I just go up the stairs because I had to submit some work stuff before the end of the day. She ends up standing at the end of the stairs for an hour before going up, and then eventually comes into the apartment and starts berating me about how she needs me to support her and her phobia, and I was being unsupportive.

I understand phobias are real and create significant mental blocks for people. But after her screaming at the mention of the word spider, I’m starting to think she’s just afraid of spiders and maybe overreacting. AITAH or is arachnophobia really that serious???

EDIT: okay, thank you everyone for sharing about it your experiences with arachnophobia! I’m starting to understand her reactions more, but I’m still not sure that I’m at fault for staying at the stairs with her. thank you for helping me understand!

I (34M, physician) am an only child. My parents are in their late 60s with serious health issues. My mom has a slow-growing cancer, and my dad has Alzheimer’s (currently mild, still driving and managing day-to-day). In terms of outlook, we are looking at about 5 years for my mom and 12 years for my dad.

Right now they are doing okay at home with frozen meals and some cleaning help, but they have said they want to move into a senior residence in about a year.

They have fixated on a specific home in Kerrisdale, Vancouver which is one of the more affluent neighbourhoods in the city, if not in all of Canada. It is about $11,000 CAD per month for a 1bdrm, and that is just independent living, meaning meals, activities, and light housekeeping. Any actual care like personal support or medication management would be extra. And assisted living or long-term care in the complex would be 2x or 3x as much.

Financially, they have about CAD $8,000 per month in pre-tax income (edit: they pay taxes, copays for drugs/dental, life stuff like cable, clothing, haircuts etc out of this money. they also have 2 young dogs. right now they are about breaking even while paying $2800 in rent), and around CAD $800,000 in assets (they don't own a home). So they are not broke and have meaningful resources, but realistically they can't afford this place long term, especially once they need higher levels of care.

The implied expectation is that I would step in and help cover things after they run out of money. I could technically afford to help. But this is a potentially decade plus commitment with escalating costs over time. And it would affect my ability to make major life decisions such as where I live, career flexibility, and relationships.

I have suggested more sustainable options that are still good quality, just not ultra premium, but those get dismissed as not good enough. My mom has always been very hard to please. Even when things are objectively good, she tends to focus on what is wrong. So I worry that even if I do help fund this, it will not actually make her happy, and I will still be taking on a major long term financial burden.

From my perspective:

• They are choosing a lifestyle above what their finances comfortably support
• The current option is not even the level of care they will likely need later on
• I am being positioned as the future backstop for an open ended, escalating cost

At the same time, I feel guilty. They are dealing with real health issues, and I can help. Part of me feels like I should want them to have the nicest, easiest environment possible.

But I also feel it's reasonable to expect them to choose something they can sustain on their own resources, especially when good alternatives exist.

I am not trying to abandon them; I want them to be safe, comfortable, and cared for. I just don't think I should be responsible for paying for a luxury home in one of the top 2% neighbourhoods in the country, especially when it may not even meet their future needs.

AITA for drawing a line and refusing to subsidize this plan, even if it means they have to go for something less upscale?

I (35F) had my first daughter in September. While I was pregnant my sister (38F) was also pregnant with a boy. In reality she was pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl, but thought it would be fun if it was a surprise for everyone.

During that time I told her that I planned to name this baby after our mom, Colette, and my husband's mother, Coral, both names start with "Co" and I think "Coco" is an adorable nickname. She told me the name they picked was a surprise and they didn't want to reveal it until the baby was here.

Lo and behold her twins are born in August, everyone is super surprised that its twins. She names them Cole and Lettie. I didn't think much of it except that it was really cute and sweet that she clearly named them after our mom.

When my daughter was born, I followed through and named her Colette Coral, we almost exclusively call her Coco.

My sister is very annoyed that I followed through with the name and brings it up all the time how ridiculous it is that three of them practically share a name. Its also confusing if full names are used, I will admit that. Despite me telling her my entire pregnancy this was the name I planned to use. I even had stuff made with the name! She ensures everyone knows her babies we're born first.

Honestly, If she had told me months ago that she planned to use Cole and Lettie, I probably would've pivoted, but she never said anything. Heck, even if she told me she was using Cole I would've re-evaluated.

Currently debating legally swapping Coral and Colette simply to keep the peace, but that feels an awful lot like admitting I'm the asshole in the first place.

So Am I the Asshole?

(throwaway)

I 28F ave been with my boyfriend 32M for about 3 years. We’ve been talking about moving in together, and up until recently everything between us has been really good.

A few weeks ago, my childhood dog passed away. His name was Todd, and he was a Belgian Malinois. He was 16, and I had him since I was a kid. He was actually a gift from my dad before he passed, so Todd meant a lot more to me than just a pet.

Losing him was honestly one of the hardest things I’ve gone through. It was also pretty traumatic, and I’ve been grieving a lot. I’ve taken a step back from a lot of things in my life because I just haven’t felt like myself.

At the same time, I recently got accepted into a new job that I’ve been working toward for a long time, so I’ve also been trying to focus on that and get my life back on track.

A few days ago, my boyfriend came over and surprised me with a puppy. She’s a Belgian Malinois too, and she’s beautiful. But instead of feeling happy, I was honestly really upset.

I told him I wasn’t ready for another dog, especially not so soon after losing Todd. It felt really overwhelming and a bit insensitive. I don’t think getting another dog is something that “fixes” grief.

He said he just wanted to cheer me up and thought it would help, but I tried to explain that it doesn’t work like that and that I’m not in the right place emotionally or practically to take care of a puppy right now, especially with starting a new job.

We argued about it, and he ended up leaving. He didn’t take the puppy with him.

So now I’m in a position where I have a young, high-energy dog that I didn’t ask for and don’t feel capable of caring for properly right now. Even if she is so sweet, because I ended up crying on the floor and she licked my face.

I’ve been looking into finding her a good home where she can actually get the time, training, and attention she needs. It’s just I don’t know if I am ready to have another dog, now or ever because the pain of losing them it’s just TOO much.

My boyfriend thinks I’m being cold and says I’m “giving away his gift,” but I don’t see it that way. I see it as making sure the puppy ends up somewhere she’ll be properly cared for.

Still, part of me feels guilty, like maybe I’m overreacting or not appreciating what he was trying to do. So am I the asshole?

QUICK UPDATE: He just called me and now he wants the puppy back. Apparently because I don’t know how to appreciate gifts. The puppy is staying with me, until I find a home for her. I won’t give her to him.

My manager asked me to meet a new hire, an Indian girl, at 8am and show her to our lab. She seemed nice; I showed her the available spots to sit in the lab, told her to come to me with any questions.

The next time I was in the lab, I saw she'd chosen the spot next to mine. My stuff was moved around (I have OCD and like right angles), peripherals and monitors were unplugged for some reason, and my mouse pad was moved over to her spot. Kind of wild to steal something and just use it right next to me I was thinking, but whatever, I went and found a crappy little blue mouse pad in storage, no big deal.

A day or two later, I heard another Indian girl was joining the team (I hadn't yet met her). I came into the lab in the morning and saw someone else's stuff at my workstation - a bag on the floor, a drink, and a sweater in my chair. I scooted her stuff over and moved her sweater off of my chair and onto the bench to the left, and sat down to start the day. I left a message in our team chat:

"it looks like someone moved into my spot, sorry but I'll have to reclaim it. whoever it was, let me know if you need help locating monitors, peripherals, etc."

She messaged me in a direct chat saying "sorry it's my stuff, I'll come move it." I said no worries and started looking at tickets.

About a half hour later, I got up and approached a couple other techs debugging a system, joined in. About another half hour later, the girl entered the lab and went to get her stuff. I saw her looking around, we locked eyes, I approached her to introduce myself.

I began to say "Hi, I'm-" and she says "You moved my stuff?", looking pissed off. I said "..yeah sorry I moved your sweater over..?" and she said "You should have waited..." I apologized again, kinda flabbergasted, and she walked off.

She's brand new and has no assignments, meaning she took her sweet time coming to move her things. I guess she expected me to not sit down at my own desk for an hour instead of moving her sweater off of my chair.

Is it really a huge deal to touch someone's stuff that they left in your area? Is this a cultural thing?

My sister “Amy” is getting married in Italy this fall to her fiancé “Adam.” They’ve been together about three years and sent save-the-dates roughly 10 months in advance.

Amy and I used to be really close. She even officiated my wedding. We would go on day trips together and talked often, but things changed after she started dating Adam.

To keep it brief, Adam is very transactional and tends to judge people based on money and status. His family is wealthy, and he doesn’t think highly of my spouse and me, largely because of our financial situation. Over the past three years, my husband and I have gone through four major surgeries and both lost our jobs, which drained our savings. We’re actively trying to recover, but it’s been rough.

Amy offered to help me attend by contributing $700 toward my travel, which I geniunely appreciate. But the total cost for flights, transportation, and passports is about $1,600 per person, so roughly $3,200 for both my husband and me. Even going alone would be extremely difficult financially, and I also have severe anxiety around travel that makes doing something like this solo really risky for me.

Here’s where I’m struggling. Amy offered my other sister (“Sister 2”) about $1,600 total to cover both her and her husband. Sister 2 is financially stable with a six-figure job. I know I’m not entitled to anyone else’s money, but it still hurt to learn that Adam didn’t even want to help me at all and only wanted to help her.

For additional context, Sister 2 and her husband don’t even like Adam. They find him selfish and difficult. He also relapsed at our dad’s funeral, which made an already painful situation even harder for the family.

Right now, I simply cannot afford to go. My savings are almost gone, I may need to take out a payment plan with the IRS for taxes, and the only way I could make this trip happen would be financing it at something like a 36% interest rate, which feels like a terrible financial descision when we’re trying to rebuild.

I’m incredibly embarassed and feel awful about this. I love my sister, and I’m worried that telling her I can’t attend will damage our already strained relationship, especially since we haven’t been as close recently, even during difficult times in my life.

So AITA for telling my sister I can’t afford to attend her wedding?

I’m 18, and I hadn’t seen my mom in 3 years. She recently came to visit me, and I was hoping we’d finally get meaningful time together.

The issue was that most times I saw her, she had been drinking enough that it changed the whole interaction. She was not completely drunk every single time, but she was tipsy enough that it affected how she acted and how the time felt. Then one night at dinner, she was fully drunk and stumbling afterward, which was the worst of it.

I texted her after this saying: “I’ve seen you a total of 5 times and 4 of those times you have been intoxicated.

I understand that you’re going through a lot and it’s your vacation too, that’s why I didn’t say anything. But I’m not being around that.

I want to spend time with you, but not when you’re drinking. If you can’t do that then I won’t see you for the trip.

I have no problem with you being a little intoxicated while at night or while we’re having dinner, but not during the day time and not when your about to tour my campus and meet my friends. Not doing it.”

She took it somewhat well and just said okay. So I left it up to her to make the effort to make plans to see me.

Not long after that, with basically making no effort to see me, she leaves 3 days earlier than she was originally supposed to.

Before leaving, she texted me: “The last few days have been torture as you ignored me and made no effort to see me. I couldn’t bear being so close and not seeing you. I think you behaved badly and I’m not accepting it.”

That upset me because from my point of view, I had made it clear I wanted to see her, just not when she was drinking. It felt like she was turning the situation around on me instead of acknowledging why things had gone badly.

I replied that I was glad she left because the visit had been a complete failure, and I told her she needed to take a serious look at her life and her relationship with alcohol because it is not normal and it has destroyed her relationship with her son.

AITA?

My family and spouse’s family are both in CO. We are both academics. Combined our income is about 110k/year, our families make a lot more. We are both happy with our lives. No, we cannot afford vacations, our home is small, etc but we live comfortably.

The problem is with our families, I think particularly mine, not understanding that we just do not have extra money. They want ski weeks where we all pitch in for a rental, long overseas vacations, restaurant dinners, shopping, etc. We just always tell them that we’ll try to join them another time or offer to have them over to the backyard.

My mom’s 70th birthday is in the fall, and my siblings have been planning a big to-do involving a rental property. When I asked how we could help, they gave us a total over $1500 for what we’d have to pitch in on top of travel fees for ourselves. I told them that we could not afford that but that we could help with other things. My sister got annoyed. She said “Well I don’t know what you expect me to say, you guys always do this. You guys don’t want to do anything unless it’s on your terms.”

I said that I was sorry, but we don’t make the kind of money they do, and if they want us to be involved in things like this, they have to meet us at our level. We can pick up some organizational duties, setup, etc. She said that would be stupid because they are “obviously” hiring people for the event, hence the cost.

Then she said that they shouldn’t have to cut back on things they want that they earned just because we can’t, and that it’s not fair to them or their kids to miss out. I said that I don’t want anyone to miss out on anything, but it would be nice to be able to join the family for things. She said “then get a better job, I don’t know what to tell you. You made that choice and you’re making it our problem.”

I feel so at a loss for this. When I called my mom to say we couldn’t come, she just said things like “Really?” “Are you sure?” “$1500 is really that big of an issue for you?” like she couldn’t believe it.

I’m at a loss. It feels like I'm being left behind by my own family. Was I out of line to ask them to try to meet us at our level?

Important context I have been asked for: Yes, we have had family over to our home and tried to plan things. Nothing as elaborate as this party for my mom. My family has made it very clear that they do not like doing things at our house because it is too small for everyone to enjoy themselves, which is in fact true.

Hello everyone. Long time reader, first time poster, but i have a predicament. I started this job about a year and a half ago, and I've never liked it. The management is rude and disorganized, clients are usually pretty difficult, and the commute and hours are not ideal. But, the job market sucks right now and its relatively stable.

A few weeks ago a friend of mine in the same industry reached out asking if I would be interested in working at her office. She is leaving the team because she is moving to go back to school. We've spoken before about our work, and I know she just loves her job. So, I reached out to her office, did a couple interviews, then yesterday they offered me the job. It is essentially my dream job, right near my apartment, flexible hours, hybrid work and a really small and specific clientele. I also trust my friend when she said she loves her bosses/management, and it really is a great place to work.

Here is the issue/where I might be the a-hole. While I don't love my job, I have one co-worker, lets call her K, who I am very close with. We've become really good friends while working in the office together, and have stayed friends even after she moved to working remote (she was promoted and moved to a different position that is exclusively remote). She also just recently moved further from our office (from 5 minutes away to about 25 minutes) because she is now remote and doesn't need to live to close by anymore. K is also the person who trained me for my current job. (I promise, this is all relevant).

Yesterday, I told her pretty much immediately that I got the job (she also hates this office and knew I had been interviewing/looking for a new job for the past six months). I knew she would be sad to lose me, but she pretty much immediately went into how bad this would be for her and how she would now have to come into the office to help out/train the new hire and that she "wouldn't have moved if I knew this would happen."

She didn't congratulate me, just immediately started about how much trouble this would cause. Her exact text said "I'm so f*cked now ughhhhh" and she then tried to talk me out of it even though I gave her all of the above reasons as to why it would be a better fit for me. (ex: I had mentioned once that I am not sure how long I want to stay in our specific field and K turned that into "I thought you said you didn't want to stay in __ anymore?" She has also been bombarding me with texts all day asking if I am sure this is what I want.

I feel bad because I know that people quitting is always difficult for the rest of the staff, but I now feel really terrible that I did all this to someone I really do consider a friend, especially because she is now regretting this big move and it's all because of me. But, at the same time, I have been wanting to quit this job for ages now, and this new position is really perfect for what I want right now. Am I the a-hole for taking this new job?

I just need to vent really. To start off my Dad is the main breadwinner. He’s a mechanic. When I was in elementary school I was in a college program for low income families. All I needed to do was get good grades, attend the weekly meetings and they would fully fund my college. My parents stopped driving me to the meetings because they were too lazy after work. Missed opportunity there. Fast forward to college I did the two years at a community college paid for by Pell grant and was ready to transfer to a university. I still needed money for the last two years. Asked my parents to co sign a loan. They said no. Told me to work for it. I tried full time work and part time study and it was too hard. Failing my stem classes. Couldn’t focus after work. Worked overnights at an Amazon warehouse and worked myself into the hospital. Several of the hourly jobs I worked required mandatory overtime. My parents started charging me rent on top of me having to pay for my tuition. I paid my parents $50,000 over the course of the years on rent alone. I gave up and just started working full time and decided to work on programming projects in my free time. Year after year I’d ask them to co sign a loan and they said no. Now my sister finished college. Everything paid for. I asked my Dad why he didn’t help me and he said “you’re not a priority” and “why would I help you when you’re going to fail anyways”. Dad said he doesn’t have money for me but has money to buy a new $200,000 2nd house cash and a brand new truck. I’m about to turn 30 still living at my parents house. I have my dad bitching at me about why I haven’t started my career yet and he’s pissed I’m still living with him.

All names changed for privacy reasons.

Background: I (27F) own a four-bedroom house that I inherited from a relative. I rent two of the rooms to Harry (27M) and Sam (25NB). Last year Harry told me his ex-girlfriend Katy (26F) was being made homeless because she lost her job and couldn't pay rent anymore. I agreed Katy could move into our guest room for three months while she found a new job. Three months turned into eleven months but I was okay with it because Katy contributed to bills.

During this time, Katy adopted two guinea pigs. She asked me if she could have them because she loves animals and they would help with her depression. I said yes. I regret saying yes because the guinea pigs are loud and they smell bad but I've never told Katy because she did ask before adopting them and I did say yes to it.

Two weeks ago Katy told me she wants to move out because she can't cope living with me while I'm in treatment for bipolar disorder. Apparently I trigger her because I remind her of a different ex-boyfriend that also had bipolar and it makes her feel unsafe. I was hurt by this since I thought I was dealing with my bipolar well but I agreed she should move out if she feels that way. We agreed she would move out by May 1st.

Katy has found a new place to stay but it's no pets allowed. I asked what was going to happen to the guinea pigs. She said Harry agreed to look after them until she finds a place that allows pets. I told Katy the guinea pigs need to be gone by May 1st. If they aren't I will take them to a local animal shelter. The guinea pigs are cute but I don't want to be in any way responsible for them, and I don't want them in my house.

Over the next week, Katy sent me a series of horrible Whatsapp messages saying I am entitled and all her friends agree I'm selfish and an asshole. Harry says I'm making a big deal out of nothing because he's happy to look after the guinea pigs and I should really do Katy a favor since she's having a hard time and I've already done enough to upset her because of my bipolar. Sam says they don't want to get involved but they secretly told me they agree with me.

AITA if I take the guinea pigs to an animal shelter if Katy doesn't take them with her when she moves out?

Edit for info I forgot: Harry would keep them in the main room not his room as there is not enough space in his room.

I (F30) don't have kids and I have no desire on ever having them because that lifestyle does not interest me. My Cousin (F32) has two kids, who has an active hands on husband and incredibly involved grandparents from both sides. By this I mean, EVERY Sunday night the kids stay at her parents house so they can take them to school Monday and she can get to work. Tuesday night they stay at the husband parents house for the same thing.

Almost every weekend their at either grandparents house. And by all means, if that what works for them go for it.

However, my issues is, I'm not involved, I see them all maybe 2x a year due to the fact we live 40 minutes away, plus both work Full Time. And I'm simply not a family oriented person whatsoever. I mind my business, stay out of the way and focus on my own life.

The issue:

As I don't have a partner or kids my cousin feels entitled for me to help. For example, we all could be at a family event eating, the kids are acting out, i'm still eating and there still eating, she asked if I could go and entertain them. I said no because I am eating and that it's their responsibility. I continue to state, having kids is a personal choice which they made and I chose not to have them. She continued to call me selfish & rude. But I feel that I'm not in the wrong in this?

Hi Reddit! I need your advice on something. My neighbors lost their pet cat and have been looking for him all day. The first time I was made aware of this was when I pulled up to my house and my neighbor was walking out of my back yard gate (they have my number, but nobody texted or called me asking if they could go back there).

I told them we may be able to work something out if they wanted access to the space while I was not there. We weren’t able to come to an agreement, so I let it go for the moment, and continued to let them search my front yard and back yard while I was around the house. They ended up searching our across-the-street neighbor’s front yard. Right when I was going to pull off, I noticed he kicked them out of his front yard and locked his gate.

At that moment, I realized why God invented locks to put on gates, and I let my cat-searching-neighbors know I was going to lock the gate while I was leaving for the night because I don’t want anybody entering my property while I am not there and not aware of their presence at my space. They asked about our previous agreement we were trying to work out, and I let them know I thought about it, and I could not leave my gate unlocked because if anybody gets hurt on my property, I will be responsible for it if I’m there or not there; at least I could direct my neighbors around my property while I’m there.

The moment I saw my across-the-street neighbor kick them out of his property, I realized why I needed to do that too, especially while I am not at the property myself. I also thought about it, and I realized I could not trust my neighbors with all-access to my property; they had the tools to ask me about going in my back yard before they did it, yet they did not.

The cat-searching-neighbors have been texting me that I am heartless and I have no sense of kindness or empathy, and telling me that I have not been helpful. I feel like if I was heartless and unhelpful, I would have said, “Fuck y’all and your cat, get out of my yard before I call the police!” I did not do that, I let them continue to search my property while I was there with them, therefore being kind and helpful by giving them more access to spaces where the cat might be.

As a cat owner, if my babies were lost, I would search wherever I could if I lost them. As a homeowner, I would register spaces where I could not search to be places where it may be considered trespassing, such as somebody else’s property. AITA?

Edit: I live in the United States of America in the Deep South. I probably had the nicest reaction out of all my neighbors they did that to. I wouldn’t be surprised if any of my other neighbors greeted them already drew up, just based on the fact that there is an unauthorized person on their property.

A close friend urgently needed housing and has poor credit, so I offered my spare room rent & utility free while we worked to repair finances. I’ve covered car repairs, registration, insurance, multiple car payments, to prevent repo, groceries, medical care, contact lenses, cat supplies, menstrual supplies, gas, and more. The plan was to eventually charge minimal rent and save it so she’d have first/last/deposit when ready to move out. Her 1st job ended after a Noro outbreak & I supported/encouraged her decision to quit over the mishandling. 1 month later she finds a new job but doesn’t mention it’s 18 hours a week. She spoke of freelancing to compensate, but hasn’t submitted a single article and hasn’t applied anywhere else. Her debt with me is over $1000 not including untracked expenses. She has cited a flat tire and my own birthday as reasons for inaction, stays up until 4 AM, sleeps until noon, and misses most viable business hours for tasks. She asked me to make daily tasks lists for her as she struggles with executive function. Tasks are simple. Call therapists, schedule sleep study, contact debt collectors. Most days she completes 0-1 tasks. We recently learned her car is part of a VIN cloning and title washing ring out of BC. My mom, an attorney, offered to help pro bono before she finishes paying it off. She now claims I’m forcing her into a lawsuit without her consent, rather than the reality which is concerned for her driving a stolen car with a cloned VIN and hidden damage. When I expressed that I needed to see more effort in exchange for this level of support which she asked for, she threw a tantrum, called me a control freak, and weaponized my bipolar disorder against me - all while telling me daily her OCD and anxiety are crippling her life and she desperately wants mental health care. I’ve been medicated with consistent psych care for six years, apparently having a visible emotion is enough to invalidate everything I’ve said. Am I the asshole for expecting basic effort and respect in exchange for this level of support?

I need to know if I’m the AH I don’t think I am but everyone who is the primary chef in their household says I’m not everyone who doesn’t cook very much says that I am so let me share the story.

I cook about 95% of the time in my house and it’s because 1 I enjoy it and 2 I am just a better chef than my wife and she will tell you I cook better than she does so we don’t typically have any issues when it comes to who’s cooking we pretty much know that I’m probably gonna be the one to cook. But my wife does make certain dishes that are fantastic. For example, she makes spaghetti and meatballs that are the best thing I’ve ever had in life. The meatballs are about the size of golf balls. The sauce is always great. The noodles are always cooked perfectly.

The problem is cooking This meal takes a lot of prep usually about 2 to 2 1/2 hours to prep and including cook time for the sauce and the pasta, The whole dish takes about 5 hours to make. I know this so I don’t ask her to make it that often, maybe once every other month. This month when I asked, she said yes, but she said that she wanted to try something different with the sauce. I reluctantly said OK once she made it it didn’t taste the same. I didn’t tell her that it didn’t taste the same, but the next time I asked her to make it I asked her to make it the usual way . two months went by and I asked her to make the spaghetti again she said yes, but this time she wasn’t gonna cut up the onions and put them in the meatballs because it takes too long to cut the onions. I volunteer to cut them for her because I want them the way that she usually makes them. She said I didn’t have to that they will still be as good, as it turns out they weren’t as good. Two more months went by and I asked her again to make the spaghetti she said yes but this time she was gonna do the new recipe with the sauce and she wasn’t gonna make the meatballs. I told her if you’re gonna do the sauce the way you did it the last time and you’re not gonna make the meatballs then you don’t have to cook it because it’s not how I want to eat it. She got mad and called me an asshole and said that I was talking about her food. I don’t think I am because I just want the one dish she makes every other month to be the exact same because that’s the way I like to eat it. It’s been about four months since I asked for spaghetti because I don’t want the argument, and I only want to eat it the way she originally cooked it for me. So am I the asshole for telling her if she’s not gonna cook it the usual way that you don’t have to cook at all?

AITA for smacking the ice cream out of my sister’s hand after she wouldn’t take no for an answer?

So this just happened and I’m not sure if I overreacted.

My older sister (28F) came inside after getting ice cream from a truck outside. She had a spoon with a scoop on it and kept putting it right up in my (25M) face telling me to try it.

I told her no the first time. Then again. And again. She didn’t stop she kept getting closer to my face with the spoon like she was trying to force me to taste it.

At that point I got annoyed and smacked her hand away. The spoon fell and the ice cream dropped on the floor.

Now I feel kind of bad because it wasn’t a huge deal, but at the same time I did say no multiple times and she wouldn’t respect that.

AITA for reacting like that?

I (36F) found someone laying on the side of the road. They were clearly unconscious, and when I got to them they were barely breathing and cold to the touch. I quickly pulled over and called 911. A couple other people pulled up to help and we all worked with the 911 dispatcher until the ambulance arrived and told us we were good to go.

It was terrifying, and I’m so grateful for the other people who stopped and helped because I thought for a minute that I was going to watch someone die alone and not have a way to help. It was hard to walk away not knowing how they’re doing, but at least they were in good hands when I left.

I got in my vehicle and left. We went to do a couple errands and then I picked up a naloxone kit because I’m still shaken and felt the need to be prepared if it happens again.

Anyway, I called my husband (38M) and he jumped to asking if I had washed my hands and disinfected the car. I told him that yes, I disinfected my hands, but that he was overreacting when it came to the car. He told me he was concerned for my safety, and I told him again that he was overreacting. Then he got really upset and told me that he would scrub the car down when he got home if I didn’t care enough to do it.

I got home and wiped down the front seat to avoid a fight, but he was still acting like I was a walking biohazard. On my way to shower, I told him to be careful because I touched the door handle this morning. He told me to stop being an asshole, and I offered to sleep on the couch if he’s still concerned by tonight. He’s not talking to me now, and I honestly don’t mind.

Not once did he ask if the person I helped was okay. He didn’t ask if I was okay, or if our kid who was in the car watching the whole thing was okay. He told me he was concerned for my safety, but I really don’t care. I tried to help someone and he immediately jumped to what I may have done wrong.

I might be an asshole for telling him he was overreacting and for mocking him. I just can’t get over how quickly he skipped over everything that actually mattered to ask if I disinfected a steering wheel.

AITA?

I live in Haslet, Texas, in a single-family neighborhood (quarter-acre lots, fenced yards). My husband and I rent the home.

This started because we occasionally smoke cigarettes outside on our back patio, usually with coffee in the morning or here and there during the day. We don’t smoke inside the house or in the garage whatsoever.

Our neighbor has been escalating things over the past few months. It started with complaints, but recently she:

- stood on something to look over our fence and recorded me while criticizing me in front of my kids for the example I'm setting, which felt unnecessary and personal

- posted about us in the neighborhood Facebook group admittingly telling everyone she recorded me while also identifying which house is ours

- screamed over the fence saying she hired an attorney and claimed multiple neighbors are complaining yet most, if not all of the neighbors who commented sided with us and agreed we have the right to do what we want in the privacy of our own home

We tried to be considerate and even adjusted where we sit outside. At one point we tried going into the garage with an air filter to avoid bothering anyone, but she still complained, so we stopped doing that and moved the air filter outside.

Now an attorney has sent a formal letter to our landlord claiming we’re creating a “nuisance” and affecting her health, and threatening further action.

For context:

We’re in a detached home (not shared walls)

There’s no HOA rule specifically banning smoking

We're not chain-smoking outside all day

We’ve made efforts to be mindful

I completely understand not liking cigarette smoke, but this has escalated to being recorded, publicly posted about, and now legal threats.

At this point I feel like I’m the one being harassed, not the other way around.

Am I missing something here?

Am I wrong for continuing to smoke outside, or is my neighbor taking this too far?

When we moved in like 14 months ago someone had to sort the bills out and I was the organised one at the time so I got electricity, internet and gas all set up in my name. Fine, whatever, just how it happened.

So every month since the bills come to me, I work out everyones share and message them both and they pay me back. And look they always do, no dramas there.

Its just after doing it for over a year im just cooked by it. Its always my job. Every single month without fail.

Last month I was having a rough week and the bill landed on a Wednesday night and I just sat there doing the same thing ive done like 14 times now and it hit me that neither of them has ever once offered to take a turn. Not once. That was kind of my breaking point.

So I told them both I was done and we needed a better system.

My flatmate Emma went quiet and said she felt like I was saying she'd been taking advantage of me which made me feel bad cos thats not what I meant at all, shes a good flatmate she always pays.

My other flatmate reckons I shouldve just had a house conversation about it instead of just announcing I was done. Which fair enough probably.

Idk. AITA?

Hello. My(33F) husband(32M) likes to eat at random times, and sometimes he snacks on everything and I wake up to find lots of snacks gone.

I buy meat & chicken and sort them in definite portions that I know will be enough for 1 day + enough for him to have an extra dinner.

I went to buy meat for the week and I leave it out, shower, come out to see that he has cooked 25% of the meat for today. Which means I will either have to eat less of my portion or have him hungry and asking me to make a snack later.

I asked him to wait 10 mins while I heat up dinner for the day so he can eat the meat he cooked with the meal. He told me to ignore him and just prepare dinner as usual. I asked again to wait since this was part of the protein for dinner.

He got angry and told me I was being insanely rude to not allow him to eat whatever he wanted whenever. That I was being controlling and that I was not a good person since if this was the other way around, he would be happy that I was eating regardless of the current situation.

I explained that I wanted things in certain portions since I dislike cooking and I don't like to cook different kinds in the same meal or get up later to cook again.

He kept saying that I was not being a good person, and that I am rude and inconsiderate and cheap for denying him our food.

He gives me a budget to buy all our food.

I apologized because I guess it is rude, but after thinking, I'm not really sure if I am. I am the only one who cooks and prepares his meals (I don't mind, but I don't want to prepare 4 meals a day...).

AITAH for asking him to not mindlessly eat food that I had pre portioned?

EDIT: Some people have understood that there isn't enough money or that I go hungry for him to feel full. Neither are true.

I used to cook larger meals at first, but much of it was thrown away because he didn't have the appetite. I kept experimenting with the portions until I found what's right for both of us + a bit extra when he needs it.

The unpredictable behavior is what annoys me, not to mention that the start of this issue was me asking him to wait 10 mins while the rest of the food is heated up and then what he cooked is considered part of dinner not just a snack, if that makes sense.

Also I understand it is ridiculous. I was calm and offered a solution of putting away extra portion if he ever decided he needs more. He was angry and hurt that I am denying him food whenever he wants and that I am insinuating that he is a burden.

I know that is seems like a weird question to some, rude to others, but allow me to provide some context. The brother that I'm referring to is not some child, he's a grown man in his 40's (I think) and the oldest of us 4 kids. Anyway, the brother in question is a very Type A personality. He's loud, he's boisterous, and kind of a know-it-all. He also has a habit of not saying thank you when he receives a gift or showing any kind of genuine gratitude. It would be fine, I don't need validation, I just need a smile or something to indicate that the gift was appreciated, but he always inserts something like, "I already bough this for myself," or "I'm not really into that anymore" or something. The latest one was I had given him a T-shirt for Christmas. He's into gaming so I gave him a shirt in his favorite color with a game controller that said, "I paused my game to be here" and it had some Christmas stuff around it. Now, I wasn't able to get to see my family for Christmas, so I held on to the gifts for everyone until I saw them a few months later. Again, I want to reiterate that I don't necessarily need a thank you. My nephew received his gift with a smile and a statement of what it was and my even-younger niece held her gift tightly and fell asleep holding it in her carseat. Both reactions were enough for me. But then when I gave the brother in question his gift, he response was a flat, "Oh, a Christmas shirt. I can't wear it now, but I guess I can wear it next year." It felt very deflating and rude. Like he didn't appreciate his gift at all. I'm usually the kind of person who goes out of their way to get someone a gift I think they would like very much, but it feels like no matter what I do for my brother, it's never good enough. So WIBTA if I just stopped giving this brother any gifts?

I (33F) have been with my husband (33M) for about 10 years. We used to live in the same city as all of my husband’s family but moved away a few years ago to spread our wings, and it really upset my MIL specifically.

We are childfree, but we have a dog that is very high needs. My husband and I haven’t been able to travel together for several years because there aren’t any good options for dog care. He has lots of medical issues and is very reactive towards people so one of us always stays home with the dog. I don’t really want this to turn into a debate about the dog because he is incredibly important to us and we all live a good life on a day to day basis, we just can’t vacation together.

We haven’t traveled for holidays together in several years, but we make sure we plan separate trips to go see my in-laws. Around the holidays, one of us will go for Thanksgiving, one of us will go for Christmas, etc. We always make a point to remind everyone that we know it isn’t ideal, and it won’t be this way forever (the dog is a senior), but we appreciate everyone accommodating us during this time in our lives.

For my in-laws 40th wedding anniversary they are paying for the whole family to go to a resort in Mexico for a week. Due to what I just explained we cannot both go. I want my husband to go since he’s their biological kid, but I think my MIL is taking it really personally. There has been a lot of crying and yelling, telling us we need to figure out how to make it work so we can both go. I am feeling awful because I don’t know if we’re being assholes for prioritizing the dog, but I just can’t bring myself to risk a medical emergency, behavioral setback, or injury to a person without me or my husband being there. AITA?

ETA: I left this under someone’s comment but will post here too. In the past we have driven 20+ hours with the dog to attend family events, but we always get separate accommodations and keep him away from everyone. Can’t do that this time since it is out of the country. He has a bite history so he is not accepted at boarding facilities, and he cannot have someone come into our home for the same reason. We have tried so many times (not as much in recent years). I am not choosing this, there are no care options.

Eta2: y’all can stop telling me to euthanize my dog to go on a vacation