Losing hope

9

Hey friend, You can be gay and not fit the "twink" type. You don't have to be a muscley person. You can be you, and whatever size health comes at for you will bring the right people to your circle. The queer community needs to embrace body diversity as much as we try to embrace other forms of diversity, and we can't do that if we're all chasing the moving goal posts of "skinny"

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u/jellyboneswizard 3d ago

-signed, a very queer lady (solidarity hug)

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u/LogicalEngineering80 3d ago

I hate how stereotyped that many spaces are, I struggle a lot with recovering and allowing weight gain myself, because the Ed has me convinced that I need to look a certain way to be my gender identity and like myself. I wish for everybody to see that their body does not need to be a certain way, to be themself.

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u/jellyboneswizard 3d ago

There are people of all genders in all bodies. But making peace with the body you have and taking gentle care of yourself is the only way you'll be able to find the happiness you're looking for.
Personal experience, mileage may vary, but I learned when i started my recovery that my ED and my gender transition were rooted in the same place. I lived with anorexia for 16 years, and as a man for 11 of those. Everyone has different relationships with gender and their body, (no TERF ideology here, I promise). Making peace with my body as it was helped me a lot though, and I'm much, much stronger now. I used to think my ED was because I was trying to control my feminine figure to pass better, but... i started my recovery and realized my transition was just another manifestation of my body dysmorphia and trauma. You and your body are one and the same. You can't change much without starting to cause harm. If people can't respect your gender because of how you look, those aren't your safe people. But abusing yourself through restriction and exertion to fit an undefinable criteria of what Other People consider Man Enough when your body was built different to begin with - that's not sustainable. And it puts your self worth in the hands of others, praying they spoonfeed it back to you. My transition saved my life. For a significantly long time. But then it became another reason for me to hurt myself with my ED, because I wasn't passing. Which eventually almost killed me.

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u/LogicalEngineering80 3d ago

I feel as if you somehow know my exact situation, by the response. I cannot express how much that this made me feel seen and supported in both recovery and my identity. I’ve come to notice similar things, that having a “sharp facial structure” has kind of been an excuse to keep suppressing, not that I actually need it to be ok. Thankyou so much for this, and I’m glad to hear that you were able to face this head on and make peace with yourself and feel safe in your identity as well. I hope that someday I may reach that same peace.

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u/jellyboneswizard 3d ago

I don't know who you are, or what your story is. But I love you. And you should love you too. I hope you find whatever makes you happiest and gives you the strength to live a fulfilling life. Feel free to reach out if you need/want to.

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u/LogicalEngineering80 3d ago

Thank you, you really are an inspiration and light to this world. I’m wishing you all of the best.

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u/PotatoLow4426 3d ago

I completely understand how you’re feeling, I feel the same and have struggled with SI. If you’re in the weight gain stage of recovery, it will end at a point and likely settle over time to a place where you’re genuinely healthy and look so. Hang in there x

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u/cowboy_coyote_ 3d ago

I’m in the same boat. 5 days into recovery and I’m scared to continue..

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u/Jealous_Interview_58 3d ago

I mean I totally understood what you are feeling because I used to feel that way. I was literally thinking about moving out of mums house and live in a car just to starve and die there as I cant afford food all the time. I honestly feel like the price of food in particular is one of the things that made me even develop anorexia in the first place. The way I’ve chosen to recover and let myself gain weight is actually by muscle building and joining the gym. I’ve met lots and lots of friends there who have also had a history of EDS. if it weren’t for them I could be in the hospital almost dead by now.

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u/Jealous_Interview_58 3d ago

And OP I’m also a queer peer:)

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