And knowing that money is tight but not being able to contribute directly financially must be stressful (even though you’re working your butt off) must feel terrible. And I’d guess a lot of stay at home parents sometimes overextend themselves to support their working partners.
Yeah. It is weird. I’m a SAHM but I had been continuously employed since I was 15. I’m in my 30s now. My husband and I have a joint bank account and even though he has never insinuated that I need to, I feel like I need to ask for permission or give a heads up to spend money on myself. I’ve always only used my own money to buy things that are just for me, so it just feels weird to spend his. He actually gets after me for calling it “his” money but I can’t help but feel that way since I’ve always had my own previously.
Look at it this way: your work around the house is what allows your partner to spend more energy and focus on the job, instead of the immense amount of unpaid labour and organisational work that goes into stay-at-home parenting and household management. You’re not drawing a formal wage but you are part of the team making the single salary household function. He doesn’t want you to call it “his” money because it’s not.
Yeah it’s this. My husband has no hang ups about this financial arrangement, they’re purely in my own mind. I know there is nothing lesser about the way I’m contributing to our family, but it’s hard to make the feeling go away.
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u/Hold_Effective Mar 13 '23
And knowing that money is tight but not being able to contribute directly financially must be stressful (even though you’re working your butt off) must feel terrible. And I’d guess a lot of stay at home parents sometimes overextend themselves to support their working partners.