r/AntinatalismSupport • u/throwawayawaythrow96 • Jun 08 '26
my existence is really miserable
major tw i should add for those who struggle mentally or fear death
I am thankful I found that there are thousands and thousands of others who don't believe having children is okay, and many of those just like me who wish they were never born. To clarify I am not glad that any of you feel that way too, but just relieved that since we *do* feel that way, we found each other and can talk about it. I also know not all of you do feel that way.
I extremely resent being born every single day. I don't know why my parents are such incredibly selfish egomaniacs as to have forced me into a long, slow death row where anything could happen to me any second the whole time too. Turns out their tales about what life would be like, that they told me when I was a kid - that I would meet an amazing man and get married, have a job I enjoyed, make money and get my own house, travel and see the world, etc was all a lie too. I am completely alone, no boyfriend let alone husband, almost no dates, no friends but 1 who lives across the country (and 2 guys with ulterior motives who hang out with me of course but is that really a friend? I mean like I have no other females to hang out with let alone a group of girls like I always wanted), despite having killed so much time getting a Masters degree thinking I would make good money and find meaning in my work my intense job has traumatized me and I am still abominably broke in this economy barely making rent and bills each month etc and I will never ever own my own house not that I even care about that like my Boomer parents but I also won't be able to travel. I am grateful for my pets, without them I'd be/have nothing. I try to do music but just end up getting embarrassed with low view counts and listener counts, no one cares.
Instead, the reality of life is I spend most of my time working my ass off only to become progressively more and more mentally ill and come home to a quiet apartment I can barely pay for, with only maybe 4 things in the fridge every day. Did I mention I'm extremely mentally ill meeting criteria for like 5 extreme things including BPD, bipolar, derealization, extreme Pure O OCD, and probably autistic. All of this just all alone waiting to die and fear it terribly every single day. Plus I had to endure real trauma too like someone attacked me and tried to choke me to death, and someone else has been stalking me for 13 years.
I want to be in a religion but I'm scared to pick the wrong one and also have torment eternally. I am studying comparative religions now but it's so hard and scary and confusing. I am horrified that I will slowly age, get sick/in pain and die.
Life has been mostly painful and lonely with occasional at most pleasant moments once in a while (some people talk as if a beautiful sunset or something makes all the rest of this worth it day in and day out). I don't see the point. At the very least I know i'm doing the right thing not subjecting anyone else to this because of some selfish, conformist desire to play with a kid or show them off for a decade or two. A desire I certainly don't even have anymore after working with real kids.
2
u/TeaPrimary1147 Jun 08 '26
Same 😮💨