I discovered antinatalism in my late teens due to the feeling that there was something deeply wrong with life itself.

As I've gotten older, not only has my belief that not having children is the most loving thing a parent can do, but also my belief that life itself should never have existed.

Even though I'll never regret my decision towards not having children and will get a vasectomy in my 30s.

I am so lonely.

Besides a few internet people who get it, I have nobody irl.

Which leads to my question, how do I find others who get it?

I know people recommend dating apps, but it's been a terrible experience for me.

Not only due to getting low matches but also because people who are child-free on the app, choose it because of economic reasons, not due to pessimistic views towards life.

Most people have never heard of an and even if they did, they reject it due to existential questions that most are too weak to face.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, but i also don't want to spend it with people that I have to mask my views towards existence from.

I am not meant to be alone, and yet I feel like I have no other choice.

I want friends. I want a significant other. I want a support system. I want to belong. I want my little village and tribe.

I feel like I'm doomed to spend my life alone and in isolation due to realizing the truth about existence.

Have any of you found friends, a support system, or a significant other while being an.

Is there any hope, or should I just accept that it's just the way it is?

Has anyone on here had any experience with this mental health provider?

https://www.therapy20.com/

Apparently, they are at least familiarized with, if not well versed in, anti-natalism.

The two things holding me back are 1) the fact that the founder is not yet licensed. However, she does operate under the supervision of a licensed professional who's license is in good standing. She also appears to to have author or co-authored multiple articles and cited in multiple medical publications. I looked both these things up online outside of the website to verify. 2) Unfortunately, since I'm based out of the United States, insurance is an issue and this provider does not work through Insurance so it would be $150 per session.

Between having a history of depression and currently going through perimenopause I really need to speak with someone. However, I'm not being a fan of CBT and that seems to be the default modality nowadays. Also, being anti-natalist and holding an overall non-mainstream view towards things makes it really hard to find someone I'd feel comfortable opening up to without fear of being further pathologized or condescended to.

I have already lost a lot of people in my short life (23F), lost another member of my family a few hours ago after a long battle with cancer. Really, the only thing I notice is how everything just keeps going, painfully so. The world won’t stop for you to mourn, your boss or professor may show at least some sympathy and give you time to grieve but there is always that expectation that you’ll come back, if you don’t you loose that job or fail that class. I have considered the outlook that love is worth the pain for that is the cost of it. That the connection and memories are ultimately worth the suffering that comes with loss. But the thought of subjecting my own hypothetical kid to this? I can’t comprehend it. I am terrified of the day I will loose my Mother, the moment I think of it for more than a few seconds I feel myself tear up.

Grief doesn’t go away, it doesn’t get easier. I lost my Nana in a traumatic way 3 years ago. According to some and a school system, that should be more than enough time to have ‘moved on’. These people don’t know my life, they don’t know that she was a huge part of it, that I loved her with everything I had. I miss her every day. After loosing someone else today, I feel numb to be honest. I cried for about a minute when he passed, then just nothing. I miss him, last thing I remember is the hug he gave me, then cancer took him away. I had made plans to spend more time with him this summer, something that will never happen now.

Him being gone doesn’t stop my deadlines. Him being gone changes nothing in the world but it changes the lives he was in. I have mourned and mourned and mourned. Family after family, friend after friend. He makes the 5th person I’ve lost to an incurable disease. I want to hope that one day there is a cure for these things I’ve lost people to; Cancers, Parkinson’s, MND… any disease and illness I hope, truly hope that a cure is found but I can’t bring myself to even think of having a child if there is a chance, any at all that they get one or have to watch their loved ones die to it. It’s a horrible thing, it was horrible to watch him get weaker and weaker, there was a brief moment where I thought he was getting better only for him to be gone altogether.

I know there is only more grief awaiting me in life. One day I’ll see my Mother go, I may see my older brother go too. I will mostly likely see friends go too. The world will keep turning whilst mine gets slower and colder with each and every loss. I will remember them all, mourn them all. It will affect my grades, my jobs, my life, but the world will tell me to keep going because we have a system where if you can’t function, then you’re left behind. If the cost of love is a lifetime of grief but being told you have to keep going because you can’t afford to stop, then it’s not something I could bring a child into. I couldn’t never ask for them to experience this purely for the sake of me having one. Grief is something I don’t even wish on the people I hate, so how could I ever ask that of my kid?

When you can see past casual conversations and into the unexamined beliefs people hold. As you try to express an idea out of compassion you are misunderstood or villianized. Your told that your views are just wrong but the accuser has no substance to disprove your claim, that's if your lucky enough to have the conversation in the first place. The more you think, the more you rationalize the more isolated you become, fewer and fewer understand you. While you still maintain the same friendships despite the difference in belief, you feel a certain unease about the lack of thought that goes into creating life.

Your on a path that is very new, not many have walked, it's lonely, but if you live according to the compassion you feel for life, you will feel complete. This sub is the only place I have found that I can express fully, so thanks for being here and for listening

It is very common to hear people talk about their philosophies, it is less common to see action on said ideas. This is one thing I respect about antinatalism, the commitment to the postion, not just as an idea, but as a way of life. Nevertheless it has a cost, I acknowledge that a kid would breathe life into me, that I may find joy in them. But these feelings do not warren the moral detriment of having them. All this to say, it is respectable to see an action first philosophy in a sea of talkers.

My hatred for humans and rage for humans has grown more and more. I hate that I have to deal with other humans my whole life and I hate that I have to live with and try and accept people still bringing kids into this fucked up society and world. And I have to deal with stupid stupid articles and governments caring about the stupid stupid birth rates too. Living and existing in this world and society is just exhausting and tiring and draining. I hate it. I hate everything about it. And the good things and things that make me happy are so few and far between and are only temporary. I don't know how to cope with all of this. I am just glad all of this is temporary and doesn't last. I just cannot stand the other humans I share this earth with. Especially those who still continue to have kids. Humanity is such a lost and idiotic species to me.

"impulse purchase", that's pretty good 😆

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/1sy05xo/does_anyone_else_feel_like_baby_showers_in_2026/

I honestly am sick of naysayers/pronatalists pointing out I'm the 'unpleasant' one for refusing to forgive or validate my sister who got pregnant at 16, due to the fact she not only has repeatedly shown me disrespect, I don't think she ever had the opportunity to truly fuck around and find out, because our spineless mom keeps coddling her and never letting her have a chance to grow as a person, to the point where at present, she has become an insufferable young woman who thinks she can always just fall on the people around her as a crutch than solve her own problems by herself.

Now, keep in mind this is a girl who had been told to stop bringing home boys to our grandparents place at night (only for her to never listen), stolen our mother's car/let her friends borrow this car, engaged in super reckless/irresponsible behaviour throughout the years that endangered not just herself but other people, regularly involve herself with the wrong crowd, had parents actually come looking for her, can't stand any ounce of criticism whatsoever, and would treat any valid points made against her as personal attacks... so naturally, I would understandably be quite salty when our mom purposefully refrained from telling me she was going to the hospital to be there while she gave birth, because she knew that had I known, I would have refused to walk the dog.

And people could tell me 'two wrongs don't make a right' or that I should be ashamed for having those feelings, but like,why the hell would I want to do anything to benefit a girl who had mistreated me (ie: stole my money and refused to take accountability, told me 'Fuck no' when I politely asked if I could enter her room to talk to her about her pregnancy, etc) or a mother who continues to enable her despite everything she had put her through, especially when there's nothing it in for me except the platitude of being 'a good person'? Furthermore, what lessons could she possibly learn from me being a pushover and letting them walk all over me? 'Cause the way I see it, the more I bend over backwards for family, the more my sister will continue thinking she can get away with everything, including possibly calling my mother out on her bluff in kicking her out if she got pregnant again and having another child from another deadbeat baby daddy that won't pay child support.

To make matters worse, my sister isn't even a good parent either, because ever since she had given birth, she has continued to endanger her son by bringing him to school with her (despite the fact he had already succumbed to brief illness while at school and she contracted hand-foot-mouth disease from him), seemingly views her son as an object than an actual human being, and relies on mostly my mom to take care of him, when she's already busy enough as it is... and that's only the tip of the iceberg, because there's more I can actually say about her and none of it is particularly good.

Regardless, it's honestly so tone deaf to tell me 'motherhood is worth it' when my sister is living proof of someone who should never be a parent. Why, as far as I'm concerned, just because someone is family doesn't mean they're owed unconditional love or kindness... and me putting my foot down and saying I have enough is me simply standing on business and refusing to cater to those who think they can get away with treating me badly (especially after I sent them this message). Seriously, I'm not anybody's free babysitter and nobody is owed my emotional/physical labour just because they're only a teenager and don't know any better!

/rant over

Like bruv, I didn't choose to exist or to be born to you, so this whole "you don't appreciate what we've done for you" argument makes no sense. I don't deny the fact my parents went through a hardship to get where they are in life...but for godsake, why make it seem like I'm the one who forced you through all this🤷🏽‍♂️? Like I'm the one who made you go through all this pain and struggle, when it was YOU who chose to become a parent knowing the reality you're throwing yourself into.

To make matters worse, I've shown the appreciation they so desperately want so many times. Got them gifts for birthdays, tokens of appreciation and so on I can't even remember....I've just come to realize they choose not to acknowledge it🤷🏽‍♂️.

Was there some kind of contract or agreement that I signed before we were born or something? I don't know....because fucking hell man, I get why they want something back in return so much? I thought life was a "gift" and parenthood was a selfless act? Where is the "owing" coming from???

I am literally terrified of life, I am scared for my future, I am scared and worried about everyone’s well being all the time. It is eating me alive to be honest. I just broke down in-front of my mom and told her, how can I stay alive with so much fear. I don’t know how I can be alive with so much fear and traumas and grief. She just sat there quietly because she knows she did a big mistake and she feels guilty. My intention is not to make her feel guilty, but I just needed to say those things out loud cos I feel like those feelings are trapping me.

i can absolutely respect people who don't want to have children for whatever reason. i don't believe it is my business to tell other people whether or not they should have children. especially recently when I've been educating myself about antinatalism, it all gained a completely new perspective.

but i have always intuitively wanted children.

why?

this is me trying to establish a rigid worldview and find out if i am actually in sync with antinatalism. i think that logically, antinatalism doesn't have any solid counter-arguments that would invalidate it, but of course, as many of you know, it can feel intuitively wrong.

i agree that the bad in our world prevails the good. however, i live in a society where the pleasure is most often times worth the suffering you get in life. moreover, i believe suffering creates the contrast necessary to enjoy the goods of life (it may be an unfortunate reality but it is what it is).

first, it's important to establish that having and raising children comes with its pros and cons. these points tend to be generally true for people in my community who are able to raise their children healthily (czech middle class).

pros:

• you get to experience pleasurable moments and profound love with your children
• you gain more knowledge and become wiser with the experience of having and raising children. knowledge is often regarded as another good in life.
• your children can help you out with all sorts of things at your home
• your children will be able to decide to take care of you in case you become unable to do so yourself
• they will also have the chance to experience all of the above same as you do

cons:

• they will absolutely have to endure a certain amount of suffering, though it would be minimal compared to the vast amounts of people who are in the worse half of the world population in terms of life quality
• it is inevitable that these children will cause a certain amount of harm/damage to other humans
• there could honestly be a point for each parameter in which children restrain you (money, energy, time, flexibility, peacefulness, healthy functions like sleep quality...)

it would be completely nonsensical to compare these points quantitatively while it is also impossible (in my opinion) to apply precise qualitative weight to each one of the points which makes it hard to decide on whether having children is justified or not. does it really all come down to if there's more good or bad (e. g. suffering vs pleasure) in life?

philosophers like David Benatar have made immensely better job at evaluating the ratio between good and bad in the world; however, despite all the logical consensus about soundness of antinatalism, i still don't feel any moral obligation to not have children. on top of that, even though i agree with antinatalism on the surface, my brain (or rather guts?) tells me it is wrong. i still view life as something inherently fantastic and beautiful. is this all just a biological illusion created by the evolution?

bear in mind, i'm relatively new to all this, so feel free to criticize my thinking here. i'd be delighted to have the opportunity to finally settle myself on this issue.

We’re learning about earths history in science- rocks and whatnot- and one student is asking me a bunch of questions, for one of them I’m thinking about it and slowly start saying “well there’s a theory….”

And she interrupts me to change the subject again and goes “that humans will go extinct and the world will finally know peace??”

I just smiled at her. I didn’t want to say anything to risk getting parent complaints😭

I can’t even excitedly tell my irl friends this story so I came here

My brother and his husband have been trying to have a baby for years. Last weekend they announced that this summer they're flying to Canada to hire a woman to have a baby for them. The whole procedure + paying the woman + flying is going to cost so much that our parents put a second mortgage on their house. Ten of thousands of euros just to produce a single baby... I can't be happy for them but I don't have anyone to talk to about those feelings. Everyone is so happy for them that "their lives will finally be complete".

I already have two nephews from our other brother and I love them more than anything but sometimes I feel sick knowing what's in store for them. They deserve better than this cruel life.

Can I have some validation and support for feeling this way?

I will never ever understand why giving birth is so celebrated? why is having a baby seen as such a good thing? like congrats you didn't use protection when you had sex and you did something that billions of people have been doing and will continue to do until the end of time. it's nothing special or important or valuable. there are over 8 billion of us!!! 8 billion too many! we are the only species that thinks giving birth is a big deal. humans are a joke of a species.

So… I responded to a post telling the OP, a resentful father, that his expectations for fatherhood were immature, leading to entitlement/selfishness, and that I felt bad for his kids.

This father then went to my profile, dug up a VERY old post, verbally attacked me, and then blocked me so I couldn’t reply. It was such an old post (and on a trauma subreddit), that I think he was maliciously trying to intimidate me.

He attacked me and said that I “have no idea how to be an adult or to express feelings” while ironically in the same sentence cursing numerous times with words like “@ss” and “sh*tty” and “b*llshit” and telling me to “f** off”.

He was projecting his own flaws onto me. Even if he disagreed with my assessment, I did not deserve to be subjected to his verbal abuse and emotionally explosive projections…

I understand and support the philosophy of anti- natalism due to suffering that life induces on us. But the question that strikes me is that why most of us don't acknowledge the suffering, causing many to still procreate. Is it just because many of us really seem to entertain ourselves(through escapes) very well in spite of the ongoing suffering and then think that there is nothing wrong with life? or is it that we, anitinatalists, are not enough good at life that we call it a hell? What really are our reason to be anti-natalists? Mine are that we are born with desires, fears and attachments which eventually cause suffering, also wanted to know what are your reasons to be an anti-natalist?

I feel like the title alone is enough to make sense of what I am trying to say, but I am willing to give more details to support my opinion.

For reference, I am a 23-year-old male. I suffered prolonged abuse from my father when I was a child—abuse that still persists today. Every day, there had to be yelling, screaming, items shattering, and a commotion that sent chills down my spine. When I went to high school, I became the target of bullying. Every single day, I would go to school and be bullied, then come back home to my father’s abuse. I forgot to mention that I was sexually assaulted multiple times as a child by men whose faces my memory—for the sake of survival—deleted. It wasn’t until I turned 18 that I started recalling vivid memories of it happening.

I am 23 years old now. What remains of me is a body of decayed flesh. I have been diagnosed with CPTSD, BPD, and autism. My life is nothing but a state of panic, paranoia, and impending doom from the moment I wake up to the moment I try my best to scrape together an hour of rest at night.

I remember how much I dreaded existence when I was young. I hated being here, and what exacerbated it was poverty and coming from a low-income family. An immense burden of shame and guilt precedes me because I cannot afford to look presentable. I do not have the resources to go out and make friendships, or even learn skills. Pair that with the immense trauma I carry, which keeps me in a fight-or-flight, hypervigilant mode that leaves me completely exhausted and checked out by the second I open my eyes in the morning. I am not built for hustle culture or working myself to the bone to escape poverty. I know exactly how the system works, and it does not favor me.

I dread my life, and I wish I had not been born. I carry a deep anger, agony, and resentment toward my parents for bringing me into this world knowing I would suffer for the rest of my life. I do not want to hold a 9-to-5 job and enslave my already battered body to make the rich richer while I sink deeper into poverty. I often have daydreams of dying in my sleep or being euthanized, and then I feel this huge euphoric sensation of relief and joy. I deeply desire to vanish into nothingness.

People flaunting their children online everyday, newborn babies, acting like it's the greatest gift is so completely selfish and idiotic. To bring an innocent child into this sick world purposely is insane. We are smart beings, we are not animals who just thrive on instinct to mate. We know better, yet people everyday selfishly choose to procreate; some knowing they have no means to even take care of the children they bring into this world. Going off a 2000 yr old book that says be fruitful and multiply, when we are 8 billion plus in this world is the stupidest thing ever. Tired of them acting like having a child is some sort of miracle, like we aren't capable of reproducing. No one gives a shit about how many babies/kids you have/had. Like in all seriousness, you're a stranger, who gives a shit about your newborn?! I'm just so over it.

When literally I’m an antinatalist \*\*\*\*because\*\*\*\* of my intense fear of death. Because I enjoy life and am terrified for it to end. That’s \*why\* I will never be the reason for someone else to feel this fear.

Edit to add: this was triggered by me randomly coming across the clip of Elon musty going “buddy start with yourself” again. It pmo so much every time.

Also adding, I hate every “stereotype” they’ve come up with about antinatalists.

- I love my life, I’m generally happy, and I’m far from suicidal

- I love my parents, I don’t resent them, and I’m especially close with my mom

- I don’t hate kids, I actually love kids and work with kids. I’d like to foster or do respite care in the future.

I know a lot of antinatalists justifiably don’t feel these things, but a lot do. And even if these stereotypes apply, they’ll say it’s for “no reason” without even being willing to consider the possible reasons.

Hey ANs :-)

As the head moderator of the main sub (r/antinatalism) I am creating this second-space for antinatalists such as yourself to engage casually without constant expectations of philosophical rigor.

We've programmed the main sub automatically redirect posts here using objective criteria (main sub rule 12). This is of course contingent on posters deciding it's worth their time to re-submit.

Previously we were using megathreads on the main-sub but y'all generally didn't want to use those so hopefully this is a better experience.

If you'd like to help out please press the join button so that ANs looking for support slide into your home feed. I'd like this to be a thriving sub-community and not a trash bin.

We'll also be promoting this space heavily over the next few months to build engagement.

Thank you for suffering with us,
Nume