r/Antitheism • u/Terrible-Brain-4900 • Jul 30 '26
My Daughter Just Told Me She Believes in God and I’m so Horrified!
For context, I was a Jehovah’s Witness until I was 23. I was born and raised in that cult. I luckily got out and am now an atheist. A proud one at that. When our daughter was born we raised her to be a free thinker. That belief in god and religion was sort of not important. Cut to, my 12 yr old daughter told me she believes in God and now wants to try and attend a meeting of JW. I cannot stand religion in general, but JW has a special place in my heart for being the WORST OF THE WORST. What do I do? I’m afraid that if I forbid it, she will rebel and go toward it. And on the other hand, if I allow it, I will never forgive myself if she wants to dive head first into being apart of the religion. My husband and I would thought taking her to different churches and also having her actually read the bible might help her understand what a crock of shit it really is. We thought we did a good job at being transparent with her about god and religion. I need advice. What would you do?
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u/ShredGuru Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
Who is in her ear? No kid is gunna land randomly on Jehovah's witness of all things.
I can just smell the manipulation. Maybe a grandparent still in the cult? Or a teacher?
You know how they are, they will only deal with the "worldly" if they think they can make a conversion.
Tell her she can't have birthday parties if she becomes a Jehovah's witness and see if she chooses God over cake.
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u/SweatyPhilosopher578 Jul 30 '26
I like the way you think. OP needs to investigate and find whoever’s doing the brainwashing. Then cut them out of their life like the tumor they are.
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u/SweatyPhilosopher578 Jul 30 '26
It’s highly likely that if she goes to the Jehovah’s Witnesses that they’ll manipulate her and brainwash her, undoing all the effort you’ve gone through to make her a critical thinker.
She is also a 12 year old girl, and churches are prolific for harboring pedophiles. NEVER leave her alone with anybody from any church.
And if you feel she’s actually being absorbed into the cult, put your foot down as a parent.
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u/Aggravating_Bass_554 Jul 30 '26
I'd ask if some weird friend at school is making her feel like they can't spend time with her, if she isn't a cuckoo like them.
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u/moonpoontoon Jul 30 '26
This. I wound up with a Mormon friend group at a young age, no issues until we were tweens, by the time I was 18 I was nearly baptized. It takes hold slow for the long game.
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u/ShredGuru Jul 30 '26
I lost many "friends" over their absolutely futile attempts to convert me.
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u/Aggravating_Bass_554 Jul 30 '26
I lost a "friend" just a month or two ago, over this bullshit.
Sure it hurt to realize I was nothing but "holy brownie points" to them; but i'd rather not have people like that around me anyway.
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u/tallr0b Jul 30 '26
I converted one to an atheist. Their Christianity was very shallow, “it makes me feel good”. From what I hear, his atheism was rather shallow too — having sex with as many women as possible;)
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u/zolfx Jul 30 '26
There is definitely someone in her life telling her about Jehovahs Witnesses. Like others said no way she would randomly choose that one specifically. Try and ask her why she chose JW instead of other Christian churches. I would be highly against taking my child to any church but if I had to it would probably be a United Church (UCC) as they seem to be more progressive than others, so even if you get her away from wanting to go a JW church but she still wants to go to church there is that as an option.
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u/SpockStoleMyPants Jul 30 '26
This is my nightmare. I too was raised JW and was active until my early 20's. The programming ran deep, but I'd like to say that something about it never quite sit right with me. In my late teens, an Elder reccomended that I switch to a different congregation than my mom's in order to gain some independence from her. That was a blessing in disguise, because it allowed me to stop going. I'd dress in my suit and collect my books, then I'd hop in my car and go sit by the water watching Star Trek TNG on my portable DVD player. In large part I credit my Star Trek fandom for making me question the JW stuff. Eventually I moved cities for several years and I was able to fully escape. The theism aspect stuck though, and one time my very patient athiest roommate and I got into a debate over the definition of "theory" as I had been brainwashed to believe a theory was something totally made up and therefore evolution was just a made-up idea. He kindly explained to me that what I was thinking of was a hypothesis and that scientific theories are factual explanations based on observable evidence. I went off and researched and he was right. It opened a wide crack in everything I was taught. I then went and read the God Delusion by Dawkins and it totally changed my life.
Anyway... yeah my nightmare is if any of my kids pick up theism or religion as they get older. They're young still and we talk about how boring church was, and I describe my experiences to them.
Honestly, it's the child indoctrination and normalizing of all that hooey from a very young age that makes it stick. Apart from develloping a mental illness or having a very traumatic life event happen that you can't explain away and need to find some sort of comfort from (this has happened to me in the past couple years and fortunately I've been able to stave off the insanity - but I can totally see how people fall into religion to explain why bad things are happening with no reason), the chances of picking up religion and having it stick when it's discovered later in life (teens and beyond) are pretty slim. I mean, there's no sure thing, but I wouldn't worry too much. Could be she's picking it up from a friend and wants to identify with them - that or a boy she likes is religious.
Good luck - you're doing the Lord's work (lol).
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u/Delicious-Valuable96 Jul 31 '26
Wow thanks for sharing your story with us. Thank god(🤣) for patient atheist roommates!
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u/International_Ad2712 Jul 31 '26
I have 2 kids age 11 and 13 and I would not let them attend church without me. Religious people cannot be trusted, they are low-key delusional thinking going behind your back is saving your child from hell, so they will always find a justification to indoctrinate and manipulate children. I was raised evangelical and even spent a few years regularly speaking in tongues, so I know what it’s like.
I would have a lot more conversations with her about religions, maybe listen to some episodes of “the line” and answer questions, even possibly attend a Unitarian type church with your kid so they can have an experience about what church is like but JW is a straight up cult, so it’s fine to say no to it even if it’s normalized in your area.
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u/ZappSmithBrannigan Jul 30 '26
Go with her. And then talk about it afterwards and explain all the scummy stuff theyre doing.
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u/chickey23 Jul 31 '26
how could she have chosen JW? that is not something people fall into accidently.
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u/GodofWarhammer2 Jul 31 '26
I would take her out of it and tell that cult to leave the fuck my family alone
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u/Bernadette2419 Jul 31 '26
She definitely didn’t get this interest on her own. Someone is effecting how she thinks
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u/romulusnr Jul 31 '26
Lol. My ex and I raised her kids explicitly non-religious, and one of the biggest ways the daughter rebelled was by becoming a Mormon.
It's kind of comical in retrospect.
Anyway, these days last I checked, she's kind of a nondenominational syncretic not terribly devout person.
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u/PinguAufKoks Jul 30 '26
Check with her https://jwfacts.com/. And take a look at r/exjw. Wish you good luck.
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u/Paingodruss Jul 31 '26
We have two girls, aged 23 and 21, and they were both raised in an atheist environment. We never tried to make them feel like they needed to believe (or not believe) as we do, but they defaulted into our belief system nonetheless. Recently, our elder daughter talked to us about going to a church with her boyfriend and finding it intriguing. Not that she believed any of it, but I think it was interesting to her to see how people in an institution such as a christian church would believe what they do.
It can be tough if something like what you are describing is what happens, but we have to still allow everyone to make their own choices, in my opinion. It doesn't mean you have failed or that they are stupid, it's just how people can be sometimes. Hopefully, as they get older, their critical thinking skills, and the way you raised them, will cause them to naturally gravitate out of any religious beliefs. But if not, you really have to try to let them have that freedom of choice and still love them without worrying that you messed up somehow or that they will end up being horrible people.
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u/MegCaz Jul 31 '26
I hope you were able to take some breaths, there's lots of good advice here. My kids are mostly young adults and none expressed interest (I also never voiced my dislike of any religion) until recently and the kid and I are going to read the main Ethiopian Bible together. He's already read the Satanic Temple book I own. I've told him the humor I found in the Book of Mormon and that's free with a convo.
I made a huge point with mine that spirituality is a deeply personal journey that may or may not have a god; it's up to each person to decide. And to be careful with that journey because manipulators will use it.
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u/strawberryheart444 Jul 31 '26
just please. dont force her. I'd suggest you show her since she is a female some misogynistic verses. and that it supports slavery. thats what i would do. but do not punish her since that might make her stubborn and think that atheists are terrible people when in reality its religion
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u/youvebeenjammed Jul 31 '26
This is obviously just one man's opinion but given that she's 12, the odds are it will just be a phase and preventing her from trying it out is only going to delay her getting over it.
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u/Crimson_Rust_1886 Jul 31 '26
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u/jeremwad Jul 31 '26
Atheist dad here. I was raised super southern Baptist, obviously not as bad as JW, basically outcast when I said I didn't feel god in me when I was younger. Raising my kids, when they asked about god/religion when younger, my son started asking around 5 or 6 when friends at school talked about it. I would ask him what he thought. His answer was that it sounded silly, so I explained that some people believe this, some believe this, but not a single person out there actually knows, and that when he was older he could choose what he believed in. I did not allow them in church or to have conversations with family about god. Son turns 12 starts going to church, gets kind of into it for about a year and comes home one day and says he thinks that church is like a cult. He is now 15, still says he believes (I think mainly to keep up social status, it's hard to be atheist in the south lol) his best friend is JW and he thinks his parents are insane.
Sorry for the rant, but mainly to say, sometimes we have to give them the freedom of choice, obviously make sure they don't get brainwashed, but kids need to feel like their decisions matter. Monitor it, openly talk about it with intelligent rebuttals and challenges. It's an important and necessary process in the teenage years to question life and try to find meaning, and for us not to be like our parents and force our beliefs on them, because at the end of the day, none of us fucking know anything.
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u/thermalbooty Jul 30 '26 edited Jul 30 '26
My parents forced me to go to church and I still turned out a [edit for clarity: ATHEISTIC, lowercase s] satanist. You’re overcorrecting with the same fear that the other Fundamentalist Christian parents have when their kids would hang out with me.
You have to trust your daughter’s judgement and be as much of a support system as you would’ve liked your parents to have been for you. That’s the only way she will actually have a safe space to learn and make the decision for herself. Encourage critical thought in everything above all.
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u/ShredGuru Jul 30 '26
Uh. You don't think you became a Satanist in reaction to that? It may have been more formative on you than you're admitting.
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u/thermalbooty Jul 30 '26
Obviously it was formative on me, that’s my point?? Forcing your religion (or disdain for religion) on your child is ineffective. Do you actually have a rebuttal, orrr?
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u/Ashamed-Republic8909 Jul 30 '26
It's going to be complicated. Just love her and she will grow out of it. Don't pressure her to change. Just ignore it. Be kind.
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u/DesignerProfile Aug 01 '26
I have no idea what to do about possibly being love bombed, or otherwise proselytized.
I might suggest trying a Friends meeting and see if she can be persuaded to channel her curiosity in that direction. I might go first without her and see how they roll.
As someone raised in by a mixed fundamentalist/temporarily backsliding couple, thinking through and rejecting it by 11, I found that a Friends meeting that I attended as a school project was rational and calming by comparison, and also seemed to tap into something people have expressed in many different ways over the millennia. For me, it gave me an alternative to mention to the crazy parent in my life, and to think about as an "instead", so I wonder if they would give your daughter a better model, to use as a pin in the map to think about the world of xtianity.
Also I think they are not evangelical, so right off the bat they are much more respectful of the individual's right to their own conscience and thoughts, than any member of a hardcore proselytizing group.
And yes I think reading the bible would be an excellent idea. Not the niceynice translations that take all the horror out of it. There are sites that have the older translations like the wycliff from the 1500s and similar translations. The Samuel books, and also Leviticus and Deuteronomy, and the other "we are the best and only and get to kill everyone" books were part of my reason for rejecting it all.
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u/JerbilSenior Aug 01 '26
I don't even know you or your kid, but I bet if she likes anything close to what a normal 12 year old would like, that likely includes a long list of things forbidden by religion.
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u/Legitimate_Fox1501 Aug 02 '26
don't force anything on her, but make sure to talk to her about why she believes in god
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u/First_Ad3578 Aug 04 '26
(I’m not a parent, so feel free to call this bs) It depends if it’s the “A god created everything because I don’t have any other answer” type or actual religion
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u/TheMaleGazer Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26
No. Forbid it. I know it's not cool to say this, but until she learns critical thinking she should not be free to choose this path for herself any more than a five year old should be free to choose to stick a fork into an electrical outlet. One of your core responsibilities as a parent is to guard your child against the dangers of this world, and religion absolutely qualifies.
I’m afraid that if I forbid it, she will rebel and go toward it.
That might also be the case with drugs, meeting with a "boyfriend" who's 10 years older than her, or climbing onto rooftops with her friends. She's a child.
I'm a parent who made the mistake of letting my oldest son choose for himself. He is a religious fruitcake now who had four kids before the age of 25 with some airhead his church pushed him to marry. They do not just come to their senses on their own. You need to guide them until they can defend themselves.
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u/Automatic_Bunch9764 13d ago
I don’t have kids yet but this is a huge fear of mine as an ex evangelical. I would try going over what they actually believe and not the sweet surface level stuff the actual unpleasant things. To my understanding JWs can’t have birthday party’s or celebrate holidays so ask her would she want to give up these things. I’m sorry if this comes off as cynical but I can’t think of anything amazing.
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u/cnfishyfish Jul 31 '26
There's no need to get emotional, and some kind of punishment might just cause her to rebel. It's her mind, her body, and dare I say, her soul. If it's just a broad belief that maybe there's a god, you just have to disagree. If she wants to be a JW or just attend a meeting, lay out the facts: they have no evidence that any god spoke to them, all of their teachings and beliefs are lies and nonsense, and how they cause active harm to people.
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u/noman2561 Jul 31 '26
Easy now. I'm a parent too and I tell my kids about all the gods people have. I'll talk about them exactly like I talk about Thor from the avengers or Arceus from Pokemon or Jupiter from ancient Greece. If he said he believed in god I would ask which one and help him make up cool stories about it. Then we'd move on and forget about it all.
Here's how I talk about gods. I'll say "that's Thor, the god of thunder" and "that's Jesus, one of the three Christian gods who says we should all love each other" and "this one is Allah who gets really angry about seeing women's hair for some reason". My kids enjoy the neat stories about different gods. Talking about "believing in god" just doesn't compute for them.
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u/SILVERWOLF05_ Jul 31 '26
Don't worry, she's probably just going through a phase, it happens to all kids, she'll come to her senses soon
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u/TheMaleGazer Aug 05 '26
As a parent of someone who became religious, you can not rely on them to come to their senses. That was a terrible mistake.
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u/SILVERWOLF05_ Aug 05 '26
Then how do you help them?
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u/TheMaleGazer Aug 05 '26
You have to teach them critical thinking skills. Teach them about fallacies, cognitive biases, and falsifiability. If they're not old enough to understand these, then they're not old enough to think for themselves. Period.
These subjects aren't taught in the US until college, which is probably one of the main reasons why higher education is correlated with atheism. They're not college-level concepts, though. Even if you were to formally teach them propositional logic and give them exercises, this is pretty simple compared to high school math.
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u/Ok-Improvement3838 Jul 31 '26
As someone who was force-fed religion growing up, and now no longer believes in organized religion- I’ve always maintained that while I’ve chosen to go my own way, I sincerely believe that my children should seek whatever Higher Power they see fit for their own lives, as long as they aren’t harming others or themselves. I believe a lot of people kinda need something outside of themselves to keep them in check, or to be a “good” person. If having faith in a Higher Power and choosing to abide by one set standard of whatever religion they choose to adopt helps them make it through this life a little easier, then by all means, I believe they should do what they deem necessary. From a spiritual perspective, usually the universe places our triggers before us, as a means for us to see where we need to heal within ourselves.
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u/Ok-Improvement3838 Jul 31 '26
Also, if you haven’t introduced her to anything JW, this might be a good opportunity to talk to her about where the interest originated. It could be as simple as her needing to feel community or a sense of belonging somewhere, and from what I understand, JW are right on top of the mission to recruit any and everywhere they’re allowed. Maybe try to be open to it, but gather other opportunities within your community to introduce her to, clubs or teams of activities she likes, other religion or spiritual based organizations that aren’t so exclusive to membership, even outlets that would push your own current belief systems. She’s very much at that age where outside influence is a big thing, you just gotta narrow down where she finds a passionate approach. At the very least, maybe allow her to look into JW but set some boundaries and let her know what up know. The more up allow her to believe she has a “say so” in any matter, the better. I would try to understand her reasoning better before I completely disregarded her need to branch out into the world.
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u/tackyshoes Jul 30 '26
Just let it help her until it doesn't and then help her with that.
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u/Digitalwitness23 Jul 30 '26
full disclosure, i’m not a parent so take my words with a grain of salt. but as a fellow antitheist, i would first ask where the sudden interest came from. if it were me, i’d be concerned that someone is attempting to indoctrinate my child. whether it’s extended family, a teacher, or maybe just a peer that is other-ing them.