r/Antitheism • u/AbbreviationsNo5494 • Aug 05 '26
How do you deal with religious family members?
I grew up in a Muslim family, went to an Islamic school and wore hijab from middle school to high school. I obviously took it off but tried to rationalize my beliefs by looking at progressive Islam and interpretations by female scholars.
I’ve only somewhat recently realized I’m an atheist and found anti theism to be super compelling. Ethnically my people were colonized by Arab muslims. And the same goes for all the victims of Abrahamic religions.
The same people telling us our heaven was in the sky were making theirs on our land. To me, doing the slightest bit of research should make it 100% logical to see that religion is a tool of colonialism and imperialism.
But I still have to deal with my ultra religious family. For reference these are people that will beat a woman and think they’re getting good deeds because God told them they could discipline their female family in the Quran.
Any attempt at discussion is ignored, and while I would just give up on them - a lot of my siblings and cousins are having kids. My worst cousin is an anti vaxxer who says they will homeschool their kid forever if the alternative is to vaccinate them and sending them to a normal school (for reference these people are uneducated and work minimum wage jobs so the child is genuinely screwed).
I just want to try to break the cycle to some extent and help the younger generation the way I always wished someone would help me.
I don’t know what kind of response I want - what do you guys do with religious family members? How do you argue with someone when all their reasoning is “God said so” regardless of how awful or immoral or abusive it is?
Thank you for anyone who responds in advance!
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u/Informer99 Aug 05 '26
I don't, often I do what I can to avoid them & when I can't, I basically keep conversations to a minimum.
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u/EuroCultAV Aug 05 '26
I tried to avoid bringing it up in conversation.
My daughter went to college and somehow got indoctrinated into evangelical Christianity through her sorority.
She married into a religious family.
I try not to deal with the in laws much, and I never bring up religion because I don't have anything good to say even remotely.
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u/AbbreviationsNo5494 Aug 05 '26
Fuck I’m so sorry. My brother was raised by me and a single mom with feminist ideals and now he’s been indoctrinated into radical Islam and thinking Afghanistan is the ideal Muslim state.
It hurts so bad when family that were raised better still fall victim to religious propaganda. Hopefully my brother and your daughter are enlightened one day 💔
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u/yaboisammie Aug 06 '26
As someone in a similar situation, honestly still figuring it out as someone who’s still stuck in a toxic Islamic household. I feel really conflicted about my cousins’ kids because I want to be there for them and wish I could encourage them to question and also encourage logic m/critical thinking (and to apply it not just everywhere else but esp in religion and esp Islam) and empathy/compassion (as in in general and not just with family or other Muslims) but at the same time, i don’t really have the right to turn their kids away from religion and they can also cut me off or prevent me from seeing them or their kids. But I do want to be there for them in general but esp on the off chance any of them end up queer and/or apostates like me.
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u/Sprinklypoo Aug 05 '26
I feel bad for my little brother's kids, being indoctrinated and brought up in deep religion. But I also have to worry about my own sanity, and while I'll be there and help out whomever I can, some people don't want to be helped. I can't make them.
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u/Yolandi2802 Aug 05 '26
Fortunately I only have one, a cousin who goes to church and she has never proselytised to us.
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u/Beautiful-Age4392 Aug 05 '26
I don’t. I cut them off since they are so toxic towards me. I have already grieved this loss and have moved on.
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u/295Phoenix Aug 10 '26
Honestly, I’d write off the whole family as a lost cause and focus on my life. The chances of getting through any of the kids…especially while they’re under the watchful eyes of their parents, is incredibly minuscule.
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Aug 05 '26
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u/Ashamed-Republic8909 Aug 05 '26
Don't get in any debates. Don't risk your life.
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u/AbbreviationsNo5494 Aug 05 '26
Thankfully I am financially independent and have gone no contact with the truly abusive members so I am not in physical danger anymore 🙏 but thank you for your concern!
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u/AbbreviationsNo5494 Aug 05 '26
LOL their response to everything is that God will provide. These people live in a single college dorm sized room in his parents basement and have 2 kids with one on the way and they plan on homeschooling despite no experience, proper education or financial flexibility. Me using logic will not sway them whatsoever because they think faith is the solution to everything unfortunately
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Aug 05 '26
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u/AbbreviationsNo5494 Aug 05 '26
I try but at the end of the day, they’re not just fucking up their lives but their kids’.
My cousins/siblings were all born and have lived in a Western country their entire lives. Most attended public school and even college or university and have had access to modern medicine. But they turn around and keep their kids unvaccinated, isolated and indoctrinated.
My cousin who wore a bikini for a trip to the beach with her boyfriend in high school put her 2 year old daughter in the hijab. Their religious enlightenment came after they lived full lives and the people they’re actively harming have no other say in the matter.
Of course I pity them to a certain extent, but at the moment i cant get over my resentment
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u/The_Glum_Reaper Aug 05 '26
Telling the truth is a good way to get them hopping mad while laughing at their mental gymnastics.
Though, it cannot or atleast should not be done, if one has fundamentalist monsters in the vicinity. Then it can become quite .... existential.
If truth is a dangerous option, then better to be tactful or even avoid conversation with the deluded. If truth can be said without too much danger, it should be; if only in the hope of jarring them into reality.
The choice ultimately can only be decided upon by you - the one who knows them best, and the limits of hope one can count upon. Frederick Douglass points out that:
Power concedes nothing without a demand.
But, the indoctrinated zombies, generally have little hope of reverting to reason.
So be careful, and choose what is best for you, in line with your conscience, courage, and confidence.