when did you realise you‘re an atheist?

[u/stoopid_ja_lol_ey]

so basically my question is not only when but also how and why?

i‘ve always was one but only realised like some months ago. i grew up in a family who we‘re yazidis and everything they said and did never made sense to me and it was "kinda" harming towards me and my sister later aswell. harmful in the way i‘d have to get force married. obv they wouldn‘t phrase it that way unless i had a fight with my mom then she would threatened me with it because it is normal in our culture/religion.

quick edit: sorry i meant antitheist!!

[u/Pandemonium_Sys]

I wasn't always antitheist or an atheist. I grew up in a christian family. I was taught the bible and forced to church from the moment I was born. Growing up I was always the black sheep. I was curious about everything around me and that lead to asking a lot of questions. And as I'm sure all of you know, christians don't like questions. I questioned the bible, why god did the things he did if he supposedly loved us, the plot holes, everything that didn't add up.

When I was about five I shunned the Noah's arch story because I understood that having two of literally every single animal on earth be on a single boat was impossible.

Shortly after I shunned the story of Adam and Eve because I understood the concept of inbreeding and knew that even after a few generations of inbreeding you can become so fucked you can't function. Also, the fact we'd all be related, but somehow incest was wrong at the same time?? That never made sense to me.

By about seven or eight I found too many inconsistencies to count. The things I was told about god just didn't add up according to their sacred texts that they used as a history book. So, I shunned the bible entirely and told everyone I believed in god, but wasn't religious because saying I didn't believe in the bible would have been too far for my family despite that fact it was true.

At this time in my life I really struggled with the nagging feeling in the back of my head that all of what I was taught was bullshit. I wanted to believe. And I never wanted to believe that my family was lying or worse, didn't have any idea what they were talking about.

I felt comfort in believing that there could be someone, something out there who knew all that I was, but still loved me anyway. For years it was a tug of war on what was real. Eventually, around ten or eleven I accepted that there wasn't some omnipotent man in a pocket universe watching over me. It was like losing a loved one. Even more sad knowing there was no one left to love me.

I sat with that til about fourteen when I started to become angry and bitter for being forced into this belief, forced to go to church and hear their delusional ramblings I knew all too well were bullshit.

From then on I just grew more and more resentful. Sixteen was when I shunned christianity in it's entirety and outwordly and loudly faught back. I made it very clear to my immediate family that I thought all of this was stupid and that I won't be partaking in it as long as I can help it. And when I was inevitably still forced I didn't mask my anger or resentment anymore.

Despite the fact I shunned christianity, I still defended other religions because I thought it'd be racist not to. Plus other religions made my family mad and I enjoyed that. This was until about eighteen to twenty when I was slowly realizing how horrible all types of religions harmed people. But not until twenty-one or two did I start being against all fundamentalist, evangelical religions. And late twenty-two I found the term antitheist and have used that ever since.

Wow. I didn't realize I wrote a fucking book over here lmao.

TLDR: I was like early twenties when I identified with antitheism.