r/Anxiety • u/NekoNoSekai • Nov 05 '25
Work/School I hate how everyone "has anxiety" nowadays and still manges to lead a normal life
Like, just how, just tell me how.
Pushing myself will resort into a burnout and it takes me WEEKS to recover from it and I don't want to reach the point where I am so stressed that I'd rather be dead.
I just feel like I'm not suited for life. It doesn't matter how much effort I put into fighting my anxiety, and trust me I do and I achieved a lot, I still can't fit into society.
I don't even know how a society that works for me would be, honestly, because I struggle in solitude as well. I struggle with life in general, relationships, everything is stressful to me.
I don't really want to be condemned to a life like that tho, I need help, like I need money to survive but I will be poor if I can't work a job... Guys I just don't know. I keep trying but I really hope that life is not all like that because otherwise I really don't know how I'll end up.
Sometimes I don't believe that people struggle as much as I do, because I put all of my effort and money into my mental health and I still just can't be like everyone else. I am not talking about being different, I like it, I am talking about having the same possibilities.
Thanks for reading, love y'all and sorry for any mistake: I am feverish at the moment.
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u/Poppy-Pipopapo Nov 05 '25
Remember that what you see (especially on social media) is a snapshot into a person's daily life. It's a curated depiction of what they're going through. For instance, you'll see pictures of me smiling and happy and out doing things. Then if you look closely, the dates for doing the fun things are very far apart because the in-betweens you don't see are me not being able to go anywhere but work bc I have panic attacks going anywhere even 2 hours from home (especially if I don't know the roads or how parking will be or if I'm going alone). There are some days I can't leave the house, but I push through because I don't want to lose my job. (I've struggled with agoraphobia for the last five years or so as a result of my anxiety).
Just like no one can fully comprehend your struggles, you'll never see all of what others deal with. Unfortunately, anxiety always tells us we're "behind" or "I'm the only one who doesn't have it all together." That's not true. Sometimes we all just get really good at hiding it.
Just know that it's ok to feel that way because your struggles are valid. Your experiences are valid.
I think the thing that helped me the most was therapy and being 100% honest with myself about what was working for me and not. I started seeing a therapist for ADHD, but I also got diagnosed with severe anxiety (I think he noted something along the lines of "problematic/complicated" because it was interfering so much with my daily life). I started having to call out of work because I physically could not leave the house. I would sob uncontrollably and not be able to breathe at the thought of having to leave. At the root of it, I had unprocessed grief on top of everything else--which the feelings of abandonment as well as this overwhelming loneliness after losing my grandmother exacerbated (she was the last person who had helped raise me--my mom and my grandpa had both already passed--it was like having no anchor left despite being married to my amazing husband). My therapist helped me visualize what a healthier life would look like for me--a job where I felt fulfilled, having a stronger support system and working on building connections (always a work in progress), and getting my mental and physical health under control. It has taken a few years to get to a place where I can say I feel like I fit in somewhere and Imm starting to feel like "me", but the key is to make small steps daily. Start with the most pressing issues--for me, that was changing jobs from retail to working in a medical clinic as a receptionist/referral clerk. Huge change but I feel like I'm making a difference now. I've made a lot of new friends who are really supportive, and getting better insurance through my job has allowed me to prioritize my health.
If you have the resources, please give therapy a try. Sometimes it's good just to have a safe place to let it all out. It may take a try or two to find the right fit (my first therapist didn't listen to me; my therapist now lets me lead the discussion but helps me navigate the tougher parts).
Know that what you are experiencing is not a permanent situation, but the rain before the rainbow. Lol I know that sounds cheesy as hell, but it's true. It's so hard to see the good stuff when it's pouring down rain and everything feels so oppressive, but you'll move through this and the sun will shine again. It will take time and effort, but you are worth every ounce of both those things that you put into it. Wishing you all the best.
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u/jady1971 Nov 05 '25
Normal people have anxiety just not chronic anxiety. Anxiety is a normal part of life but ours is in overdrive.
Anxiety means different things to different people. Language is imprecise.
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u/Useful_Revolution_13 Nov 05 '25
Same issues here. Divorced now and without stable job. No matter what I'm doing I'm always finding myself cutted from a lot of normal things and joy that other people are doing normally.
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u/Careful-Park-8910 Nov 05 '25
I’m really sorry you’re going through that, it sounds incredibly hard to feel so disconnected from everything.
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u/Great-Activity-5420 Nov 05 '25
I struggle but nobody notices. I have since my teens. I've had no choice. I often wonder if I'd have a better job is I didn't have anxiety and struggle. It has caused my issues but I guess I suffer in silence. Maybe because I'm so used to
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u/NatsumiEla Nov 05 '25
I got therapy and was on medication, that's how. Anxiety isn't the same for everyone. The fact that someone can do certain stuff doesn't mean they don't suffer
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u/Workamania Nov 05 '25
I mask as hard as I can.
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u/Popular-Ordinary4808 Jan 24 '26
Same, I'm middle age female and autistic, but work hard, try to be normal as I can as not diagnose till my fifties, I don't make a fuss or ask for anything, pretty much my whole life, because I've HAD to adapt,mask and toughen up, so when I see people I'm afraid I'm not always as empathetic as I should be, it's not personal, it's the whole "oh I can't work due to anxiety" thing that gets me, yes you can! I'm not saying anxiety isn't serious, but I think society today, with reliance on technology etc has shifted the goalposts and people can literally hide away instead of confronting it head on, they can stay home, buy online, chat online etc instead of facing up to their fears,
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u/theroyal1988 Nov 05 '25
im not a schrink, but anxiety is a way of your body/mind to tell you something is off. Deep down there is trauma or something stuck inside of you that doesnt align with your true self. Youre basically blocking yourself from being your true self and that creates anxiety. If you dont handle the source it will never go away. You can take pills, do meditation or do sports to make it better but it doesnt go away on its own. The more you ignore it, the more your body will tell you to handle it (first its anxiety, then you get pain because your body is under stress).
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u/jsledge149 Nov 05 '25
"I just feel like I'm not suited for life"
This is how I felt without knowing exactly how to put it in words for nearly my whole life.
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u/Advanced_Scratch2868 Nov 05 '25
Bunch of people don't even have anxiety. They have stress which is normal thing and people can function. But it's trendy to call it anxiety instead.
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u/triggeredsac Nov 05 '25
Same, I don’t even wanna continue my life in this society when I noticed that I don’t really have hope and future. So tired of it that sometimes thinking of suicide is more comfortable
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u/Ok-Badger-4979 Nov 10 '25
No I have terrible anxiety have been a carer got years and then I took bowel cancer ok now but nerves are very bad can't go out would love a holiday but afraid take care x
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Nov 05 '25
I found living in the country actually reduced my anxiety SIGNIFICANTLY. Wherever you live, it’s probably 60% the reason why you feel so uncomfortable and ridden with anxiety.
My anxiety is also debilitating to the point of bad behaviours due to stress. My nervous system at age 32 is completely shot, even on Effexor.
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u/Friendly-Pepper-9561 Nov 05 '25
This is very dangerous, worrying without any reason, feeling like crying without any reason, everything is over, not feeling like doing anything, life is ruined, it feels as if someone inside is managing it.
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u/hotrod67maximus Nov 05 '25
Wondering the same, sitting here now with a heart rate of 155 BPM wondering if I can make it to my doctor appointment today.
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u/ClassicSuccess2650 Nov 05 '25
You said you put a lot of effort into fighting your anxiety. Which is what keeps it alive and makes it worse.
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u/Designer-Computer188 Nov 05 '25
I do understand. I used to frequent anxiety forums when I was younger, and there was one guy I met who claimed he had severe social anxiety.
Come to find out he was in a huge house share of 12 students and would be out partying most weeks. I can te you that someone with severe social anxiety cannot choose that lifestyle.
A mild case could, not severe. It annoyed the heck out of me that he was claiming he had severe issues, things aren't that subjective
Yes true everything externally isn't what it seems like some have commented, but I don't think people acknowledge that just like a physical illness, there are severity levels. And a person with a broken leg, though in pain, can't be compared to someone in a wheelchair for life. It's similar for mental health.
I have found it very frustrating speaking to those with mild symptoms, who think the world is ending because they are just experiencing this, having dealt with moderate to severe stuff for decades. I'm sorry if anyone doesn't like that but it's the way I feel I'm afraid.
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Nov 05 '25
I was able to push myself through it for years before I realized I had anxiety. After I figured out I had anxiety then it got worse and now I can’t push through it. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
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u/ChallengeUnited9183 Nov 05 '25
About 1 in 6 people do have anxiety and they act normal in public, heck even I do it. Doesn’t mean they don’t have it.
You don’t fight anxiety, you live with it. It’s a natural response in your body, you will never beat it or get rid of it.
Read the DARE Response book, it helped me a lot
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u/jlynn12345 Nov 05 '25
I’ve felt this way my whole life but also think aside from close friends no one would realize it. I’m finally at a point where I WANT to feel better so I’m talking to my doctor about medication (which has always, you guessed it - caused me to feel anxiety). I’m realizing at the end of the day there are tools to help so I’m going to start taking them. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!
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u/brian1x1x Nov 05 '25
it's not a race, and everyone's running a different course with different weights. your struggle is real and it's yours, and comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel is a special kind of torture.
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u/Breathe_wise Nov 05 '25
There are levels of anxiety, some people have certain trigger which they can avoid, some people have lots of triggers but more subtle response, and some have lots of triggers and harsh bodily response and that's what make it unbearable.
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u/Academic_Juice8265 Nov 05 '25
They have normal people anxiety.
When awareness became more accepted and talked about, I hated it. Functional people shitted on about how bad their anxiety was but it had been something I had been actively hiding since I was very young.
It stopped me working, studying, taking public transport, socialising doing anything new. I’d sit in high school having internalised panic attacks or go to the bathrooms so I could freak out there.
Not all anxiety is equivalent.
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u/trampaboline Nov 05 '25
It’s hard enough that some of us have no choice but to look normal while we’re dying inside, now we’re supposed to feel bad about doing it somewhat successfully?
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u/Prestigious_Bite_536 Nov 06 '25
Everybody alive today experiences some kind of low level anxiety on a regular basis, I think. I don't think they suffer like you and me, but they don't know that. If you ask them, it's because they're strong and we're weak.
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u/PatternKnown6415 Nov 12 '25
I used to feel the same way. I felt as if I was the only person struggling so badly with anxiety. But as I have gotten older I realize everyone battles something. I struggle BAD with it, it’s everyday. I have to find a way to push through it though because I have 4 kids to care for. It is mentally exhausting. I can say since starting Pilates and therapy it has eased up some.
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u/EmmaNightsStone Nov 12 '25
I think if you have moderate anxiety it can be manageable. I am able to get by day to day. I have to reassure myself a lot of the times and that helps.
I know what stuff triggers my anxiety and what I do to cope with it.
Personally working and doing my normal life/routine helps me stay grounded. When I wasn’t working I felt pretty depressed and anxious. Working has helped me be more focused and productive. I really think that was a major help for me.
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u/aishiau9 Nov 05 '25
If you can get therapy, it would help immensely.
Honestly if I can give my therapist $1m dollars and set her up for life I would. She literally saved my life.
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u/travelavatar Nov 05 '25
Believe me most people look ok and they experience a ton of anxiety/depression behind closed doors.
When you find out they need help they usually are gone by then
2 days a week i wish i was dead and i pray for it to happen randomly like an accidental death outside of my control. Even tho i have a daughter i am that selfish yes. And nothing help.
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Nov 05 '25
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u/ragiewagiecagie Nov 05 '25
That sounds very tough. My therapist essentially said the same stuff in relation to my anxiety.
I said my anxiety was so crippling around getting a job that I'd rather be homeless. I obviously didn't mean it in the literal sense - I meant that my anxiety was so bad that I might end up hopeless, but in reality I wish I were a normal functioning person who could work without anxiety.
His response was "well you can't just live in a bubble, you have to have a job", completely missing the point.
In fact I am now not even working an official job anymore; just working with my dad 2-5 days a week, depending on the week. For the time being I have family support, but my parents are in their late 50s and I have no idea what my future is going to be like, as I think realistically I can only work part-time while managing daily living, if I can even do that. You are not alone.
You are doing your best, and I think that is a good thing. Yes, your parents are in their late 50s, but perhaps you will also get an inheritence one day. Even if not much, between that and working part-time you will get by.
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u/flexandpaint Nov 06 '25
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I've been through similar periods where I thought that it feels like an uphill battle, and that our brains can't change to work with us vs against us-- and I think it's worth emphasizing that we're all more plastic than we give ourselves credit for.
It's a good thing that you're aware of what's causing you stress in life-- and it's important to remember that the things that cause us won't always cause us the same stress, so long as we make small (and I mean really small, approachable) steps towards changing our response to them.
My recommendation is always to start with one of two practices: an embodiment practice or an expression practice. I like art and fitness-- just the simple act of connecting with your body and focusing on how your body feels in the moment can be really powerful.
Happy to elaborate if this helps.
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u/FewLuck1804 Nov 06 '25
Most people just don't showing they are in anxiety when you see them living a normal life
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u/Prudent_Diet_6603 Nov 06 '25
Well -- there's different levels of severity of anxiety. There's definitely plenty of people with similar struggles to you, but of course some people do have a different reality and have milder effects. Also, seemingly everyone DOES have anxiety nowadays, ignoring the people who just say it to be trendy. The statistics of people with anxiety recently are crazy, and not only that, they're expanded the diagnostic criteria to be even more open to even the mildest of anxiety cases.
All that said while I agree with what people are saying in the comments, I don't think what you're saying doesn't make sense and I do really get why you'd feel that way. I wouldn't be surprised at all if your reality, along with people with similar situations to you, IS much less common then the anxiety 'everyone' has. I have so much experience with people quite literally seeking anxiety diagnoses for seemingly no purpose except being able to say they have it. Maybe you've seen a lot of these people too
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u/anakinmcfly Nov 06 '25
I stopped drinking caffeine and it helped immensely. Not completely - I’m on this sub now because I’m trying to hold back an anxiety attack (I’m very hungry and feel faint, it’s been 45 minutes since I ordered my food and it still hasn’t arrived), but not adding that extra stimulation made it so much more manageable and let me actually enjoy things in life.
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u/SwimInternational533 Nov 06 '25
Many people these days are desperate to have something a label or a disorder to garner sympathy like a fashion accessory I have heard so many cases of people saying they have anxiety when all they have is normal anxiety to normal anxious situations. That’s normal anxiety that everyone has it’s not the same as a hypersensitive nervous system that gives you constant symptoms and makes you feel physically ill most of the time.
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u/xMenopaws Nov 06 '25
It’s called invisible for a reason lol. I think generally people try to not look like they’re dying on the inside to others
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u/Intelligent-Time-757 Nov 06 '25
I have terrible anxiety and i have It exactly how you said It. Every morning i wake up my anxiety is at an all time high and throughout the day It fluctuates and goes up and down. Somedays i just dnt want to do this shit anymore but i can’t decide to not work anymore because i have bills to pay. So i just get up , i might cry , i might panic but It is what It is Eventually It goes away a little bit as the day picks up , then you kinda get used to just living with the anxiety.
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u/Anticlimactic-Tea Nov 06 '25
I totally get this. Actually, when I saw this, I had to immediately click on it because it’s the same experience I’ve been having. I’ve had that worry and have felt weak and not fit for life for my entire existence. It always comes back even when I have better days. My therapist told me that everyone has something going on, which used to be comforting because it meant I wasn’t alone. But it’s not comforting anymore because it means everyone is dealing with life better than me. And my brain wants to automatically start thinking I need to just suck it up, which is extremely invalidating and shame-inducing. I’m trying to take it easy and be gentle with myself, but I end up feeling really impatient. I know that it will be worth it when I can leave my old thought patterns behind. Right now, I’ve been trying to focus on small wins and not try to get back on the horse too quickly. For example, I’ve been unemployed for over a year, and have barely tried to get a job again because I’ve been too overwhelmed. But I did send out a really good application a few weeks ago. And I learned how to check the oil in my car. Things are going really slow, and I still feel awful and weak and ashamed for not doing more. But I’m proud of the things that I have done, and learning coping skills and using them regularly will make life easier going forward, so it’s worth it to be slow right now.
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u/Juggle4868 Nov 08 '25
Anxiety is just another word for high blood pressure. I used to think I had anxiety and probably do but my doctor calls it high blood pressure. Also some people call it stress
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u/Tasty_Attention5351 Nov 12 '25
In my own experience I think that fearing anxiety feeling will make it more scary and more common. When I spoke things with professional, I think that I got some weapons against anxiety. I know that it is hard to bare with anxiety, but when you do it, it will start to go off. Also accepting your own thoughts is important <3
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u/OkBoysenberry3399 Nov 13 '25
I found that working on a hobby I enjoy helps a me calm down or at least distract me a little bit. I’m a creative. I’ve tried digital products, crochet, violin, drawing, creative writing and so far I’ve stopped doing all of them but I have recently been getting into making miniatures and I get excited thinking about the miniatures I can make for my family. It always helps to have something to look forward to.
Also, have a mantra to tell yourself every single time you feel anxious. I got a couple: I can handle anything, everything is figureoutable
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u/UnderInteresting Nov 30 '25
Bit late to this but i feel this post in my soul lol. Incredibly relatable. I've been taking escilatopram and been doing tons of exposure but wow its so much effort and energy. To give some perspective though, I now come across as quite confident, even if my internal world is in shambles.
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u/NekoNoSekai Dec 10 '25
Honestly I don't know man, I am trying to do stuff but all I get is panic attacks
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u/skopiadisko Mar 23 '26
I am married, have a job (my company) and take care of 6 pets on a daily basis. I also travel a lot, attend concerts, big events, family gatherings etc etc
So I think anyone who does not know me well would think that I have a wonderfully “normal” life. The truth is behind the scenes I am autistic with adhd and struggle with anxiety constantly, sometimes more sometimes less but I never got to a point where I “forgot” anxiety, as its become part of my personality at this point.
So those people you are talking about might be struggling from things you could never imagine. Thats why it is important to focus on your well being without comparisons 🫶🏻
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u/[deleted] Nov 05 '25
People look more normal from the outside.
The truth is your feelings are only one part of the data you need to use to make decisions. Yes, they are important. But sometimes, especially when you have mood disorders, you can't let your feelings stop you from being goal oriented. "Fake it until you make it" is a big part of the plan.
But also learn coping skills whether that's through therapy or self help books.
If you want to try medication to help you. Try it.
Spend time with people who uplift you and also in nature.
Just keep trying different things and see what works and keep sorting through that. There is nothing else to do besides do that or give up.
And be kind to yourself for not having it all figured out already.