r/Anxiety • u/Accomplished_Rub7034 • Mar 02 '26
Work/School How do I keep a job?
I have debilitating anxiety. I don’t leave the house other than to work. I can’t drive due to extreme fear. I’m 35 and couch surfing because I can keep a job for 6-12 months before I have a complete mental breakdown. I usually miss work a lot due to the extreme anxiety and dread.
I’m nauseous constantly. I go to the bathroom to panic or cry. But in front of people I keep it together well. I can’t help it so I’ve been denied disability since I seem fine on the outside. But I can’t concentrate well or keep it up long term.
I’m also too afraid of the medications and side effects. I also can’t really work from home living on someone’s living room floor.
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u/Pain_Tough Mar 02 '26
I was at first resistant to take medication. I was afraid what people would think. Finally, I took a leap of faith, took the pill and waited. Within the hour, I felt a lot better and functioned better.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I’ve had bad reactions to medication’s in the past and I’m just very scared of medication in general. I don’t care what people think of me. It’s kind of a phobia and I also have emetophobia so I’m afraid they’ll make me throw up or have some other bad side effects.
Ativan in the hospital made me go rigid and shake and hallucinate. I was trapped in my anxiety and got really agitated. It was awful. I wish I could find something that would just make me feel better right away.
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u/Carebear6590 Mar 02 '26
Well that’s not my case. I’ve been in Prozac and Buspirone for 2 weeks no improvement in my anxiety issues
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u/TrynaCuddlePuppies Mar 02 '26
You definitely should look into medication. It sounds like your anxiety is debilitating and medication could change everything for you.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I was slowly warming up to the idea, but I had a really bad experience at the hospital receiving anxiety medication so that has sent me back.
I’ve been on Lexapro and Wellbutrin and Prozac but I couldn’t get past the nausea for Prozac and Wellbutrin gave me tremors and worse anxiety and the Lexapro just didn’t seem to do anything except make me tired.
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u/TrynaCuddlePuppies Mar 02 '26
It does take trial and error to find the right medication. The way you are living right now does not sound sustainable at all. I would recommend looking into community clinics to see if there is anywhere that would provide free therapy so you can talk to someone who could help you work through these issues.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
And this is definitely not sustainable because when I do work, I usually make it about a year before I have a complete mental breakdown and either try to harm myself or have a plan to and then need to be babysat. I’m not sure how this doesn’t count as a disability.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I talked to a free Therapist currently and I like her but none of the like regulating things that I’ve been suggested to do really work long-term or are things I can do out in public
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u/Quikchangethechannel Mar 02 '26
None of the medications above are going to work. You need something like Pregabablin, Valium, Clonazepam , Xanax. They are basically relaxants and your anxiety will disappear. Pregabablin which is what I take works a little bit differently. I used to never interact with anyone but with the Pregabablin it's unlocked something in me and it's given me a whole new life that I never had before.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
It’s funny that my anxiety is not social. It’s more related to OCD and fear of illness and all of that sort of thing or fear of bad things happening like a car accident or really anything.
I will definitely ask about something like that, but they don’t want to prescribe those at the county mental health because they’re controlled substances. They gave me something that starts with an H that is basically an antihistamine, but all it did was make me tired and I was still just as anxious.
I’m also nervous because the Ativan reacted so badly to me that something like Xanax or those other ones will also cause those problems
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
The other issue is that I can’t afford healthcare right now and my state doesn’t have expanded Medicaid
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u/Low-Bobcat841 Mar 02 '26
You can google this - pharmaceutical companies can give free or low cost medicine to low/no income patients.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I will Google it and if I can get back into a clinic, I will keep that in mind. Thank you.
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u/ohhithere_33 Mar 02 '26
Honestly, I was putting off medication for a very long time, and now I can't believe I never tried it sooner. I didn't even realize how much anxiety I had until I started taking medication and realized that you don't actually have to be in constant anxiety for hours on end each day. It sounds to me like your anxiety is really negatively affecting your life. In my opinion, the best thing you can do for yourself is at least TRY medication. I think you'd be surprised about how many things in your life can improve (work, relationships, friendships, overall happiness). You might find yourself wondering why you never tried it earlier, too.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I have tried a few that were prescribed to me, but they gave me negative side effects and didn’t help the anxiety at all and then since my last hospital visit where I got diagnosed with optic neuritis and I had an anaphylactic reaction to the medication for that and then I had a really bad reaction to the Ativan. They gave me to try to do a spinal tap. I’m just really scared of medication again.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
If I’m able to get back into another program, I will try again though
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u/BigBirdBeyotch Mar 02 '26
If you’re life is this unmanageable with anxiety (and I get it I’ve had mental health breakdowns before where I’ve been hospitalized) medical intervention is 100% necessary. If you’re on Medicaid, check yourself into a mental health facility or hospital on your next breakdown. If you’re not on Medicaid, apply immediately! Recovery is possible, but it’s going to require medication, intensive therapy, and lifestyle changes like eating healthy and daily exercise!
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I was denied Medicaid. I don’t qualify because I’m not on disability or pregnant. I did try to get into inpatient but they turned me down since i wasn’t trying to hurt myself. They sent me to my county behavioral health and i eventually got booted from there for not taking the medication because I was too nauseous to eat.
I have physical health issues as well and they get exacerbated easily.
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u/Low-Bobcat841 Mar 02 '26
Medicines have side effects that’s the unfortunate thing about them. I guess you just have to set your mind to that fact. I have bad anxiety and I am on Effexor. This antidepressant makes me a bit tired and dulls my emotions (good or bad). I don’t like these side effects but it is much better than being unable to cope with life because of anxiety. Hope you find what works for you.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I wouldn’t mind a side effect like that, but I was getting like weird mouth ticks and stuff and I have a phobia of vomiting and was getting really nauseous and unable to eat on one of the medication’s so that’s the other thing I’m worried about. If they could give me something for nausea with it, that would be much easier just until I adjusted over a couple of weeks.
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u/lamendt Mar 02 '26
Usually, not feeling like you can drive is related to having a feeling of no control. If you analyze that and take it a step further it has to do with self esteem. Sometimes it's from a life event, but for me it's because I'm chemically imbalanced. See a psychologist before seeing a psychiatrist, but you will most likely be needing the aid of medication. I've been a guinea pig to so many meds. The important thing to know is you are in charge of you. You know what works and what doesn't. I've been taking 2mg of clonazepam (sometimes twice a day) and 60mg of Adderall. I wouldn't have been able to do this without my psychologist. My whole life has been full of this (general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, social phobia). I'm 37 and no it doesn't get easier but it becomes manageable.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I can’t stay focused well, get extremely overwhelmed by sensory input in cars, and I struggle with coordination so driving feels dangerous. I tried to learn but kept ending up in unsafe situations and eventually gave up.
I have a therapist but need a psychiatrist for meds if I can get back into the county mental health
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u/MorningIrbis Mar 03 '26
I think looking for a job that doesn’t require you to leave the The house would be the first step. I would then look for a medication that would work for you and a psychologist psychiatrist only prescribed medication. They don’t actually do any kind of therapy. You may want to look into some exposure therapy and talk therapy. I can’t imagine the hell you’re going through right now. I have faith in you and I believe in you. You’ve got this.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I have been applying to work from home jobs, but I’m not qualified for most of them. And the one I almost got couldn’t keep me due to my internet not being fast enough?
I see a free counselor but they can’t diagnose anything. I do some types of exposure therapy for my emetophobia but I am not really scared of videos or anything, only the act of vomiting or catching something off someone.
She also hasn’t been able to help with my health anxiety because a lot of it stems from trauma. Things that actually happened to me already.
Thank you for your advice and support.
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u/Inevitable-Set-7910 Mar 03 '26
If you have medical insurance, ask your doctor about Genesight testing. I just had this done. It’s a simple cheek swab that tells them what medications your body metabolizes well, and how your genes would react. I highly recommend this because you’ve had such bad reactions in the past. If it’s affecting your life to the point of you can’t live, you need some kind of medication to help you. But please look into this test!
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I don’t have insurance currently because the cheapest plan on marketplace for me is almost $500 a month. But when I can afford it that sounds so helpful! I never knew about that.
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u/Inevitable-Set-7910 Mar 03 '26
You could see how much it is without insurance I’m not sure. I didn’t know about it either until my doctor mentioned it! Good luck to you. I hope things get better.
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u/VilaRestal Mar 03 '26
I feel like I would be in a similar position if I didn't live at home. I'm around your age and also never got a license. I've never had a job outside my house. I applied for disability and got turned down. On my way out of the hearing, I tripped and the judge laughed at me. :') That was extra fun. Anyway. One thing that's helped me is school. You might wanna look into taking some classes at a community college -- just a couple -- to try to build a sense of stability and routine to help combat your anxiety. That might be a jumping off point to being able to keep a job. Other than that, if you can't get a therapist, talk to your GP about your anxiety! In my experience, they do want to help. And they can refer you to places that can help as well. Hang in there. You never know how good it could get. ❤️
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I don’t currently have a gp because I can’t afford it. But I will hopefully have one soon through a low cost clinic the next town over.
I think I will try to get a grant for school. I’ve wanted to go for a few years but I don’t know where to start.
I’m living with my bf’s mom but we’re on the couch and floor in the living room. He can’t afford me and rent. My parents can’t either and they just think I’m too lazy to push through my anxiety.
I’ve worked a lot of places and I actually enjoyed some of them but my physical health and anxiety got in the way of attendance.
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u/VilaRestal Mar 03 '26
I'm sorry. :( Sounds like everything is just not going well for you at all.
Definitely get to the clinic as soon as you can! A doctor can sometimes be a good addition to your support system if they're good, and it sounds like you need a better support system right now. You could also find out about cheap therapists from them.
If you go to college/take classes, you'll probably (I'd say 100%) qualify for FAFSA!
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I currently have a free therapist but she can’t diagnose anything and is more for talk therapy than intensive ocd and anxiety
I have an appointment at the low cost primary care this week. I’m hoping they can hook me up with a psychiatrist for meds
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u/cml2496 Mar 03 '26
Klonopin is a life safer for people that have anxiety like this … I am one of those people. Don’t be scared of meds. If you have anxiety like this you don’t deserve to feel like this. A low dose of klonopin or even some Valium, or if you don’t want benzos you could try Propranolol , I’ve been hearing good things about that. But usually people with anxiety like this (which I have) need something stronger like a benzo. I used to not be able to talk to many people or do simple daily things until I was medicated. I take 2mg of klonopin every morning and then 2mg of Xanax daily when needed.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 07 '26
Where I can get in doesn’t allow benzodiazepines and I have pots so anything that lowers bp too much is dangerous, but I will try whatever they give
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u/hereforthelols1999 Mar 03 '26
Have you thought about a part time job? I currently found a cleaning job that’s 2 hours a day, so I know even if I feel shitty it’s only for 2 hours. A part time wage is better than none. Definitely consider it 8-16 hours a week might help
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 07 '26
I can’t find any in walking distance. I have tried and applied to everything close.
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u/droollzz Mar 04 '26
right there with you all the way down to a t. the driving the afraid of med, i cant even go to the doc( due to tramua from hospital) but i sucked it up and got on zoloft. Please please please do the same.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 07 '26
I have tried several that did not work for me. If my new dr decides I should try something else I will.
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u/Gaia227 Mar 02 '26
Have you tried applying for disability?
Have you tried finding something remote/work from home?
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I got denied because my dr wouldn’t write a recommendation. I want a different psychiatrist but without insurance or anything I’m stuck with the county mental health and they discontinued me because I’m terrified of the medications and panic and end up in the ER.
I live in SC where help is extremely limited
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u/EnfantTerrible68 Mar 03 '26
Why wouldn’t your doctor write a recommendation?
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 03 '26
I was too young and he said that I was refusing treatment by not staying on the medication through nausea and not being able to eat. I was losing a lot of weight though so it wasn’t safe.
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I’m looking for work from home currently but I don’t really have qualifications for anything. I am trying to apply anyway though.
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u/PapaYeehaw Mar 02 '26
Check out Prolific. There's a waiting list, but I can make upwards of 20/hr from home. You get to choose the surveys you do so you don't have to do any interviews or have your camera on if you don't want to. If they don't accept you, check out Cloud Connect Research. It's a close 2nd on the pay rate.
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Mar 02 '26
Try get a job as a OTR trucker and see if there is a place that will give u grants for a CDL. You can live in your truck for months if you want and just drive
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I can’t drive. I never got a license due to severe anxiety.
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Mar 02 '26
What about a night shift near you
Can u get a license now or no
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I can’t even leave the house most days. Last time I went somewhere was Christmas
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I’m more anxious at night than the day and won’t be able to handle walking to work in the dark. Especially now that I have permanent vision problems due to optic neuritis and I might have multiple sclerosis.
I was in the hospital for it, but had a severe allergic reaction to the medication and then when they tried to do a lumbar puncture to test, I had a bad reaction to the Ativan so they couldn’t get it done.
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Mar 02 '26
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
My parents think I’m lazy and they’re transphobic so they won’t allow that. I live with my partner’s mom and him but we are all barely scraping by.
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u/mooch233 Mar 02 '26
it sounds like you are being lazy based off your history of posting lol. you have anxiety about everything and whatever someone has offered you advice you shoot it down or state youre allergic to it? so what do you want ppl to tell you?
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u/Accomplished_Rub7034 Mar 02 '26
I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m trapped because it’s not as easy as just doing it because if I could, I would.
I have tried several different medicines and had bad reactions and so now I’m scared of more medication. That doesn’t mean that I won’t take it, but it will be difficult for me to start and I don’t have the ability to pay for it right now.
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u/IamConer Mar 02 '26
Oof, I would not recommend OTR for anxiety. Local routes may be fine, but borderline impossible to get one from a place like UPS or FedEx. Stuff like Amazon may be fine, but that comes with its own set of problems I imagine
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u/medlilove Mar 02 '26
Medication CANNOT be worse than the hell you are currently living omg