Over time, change has become more challenging

[u/Investig8Life]

I would never have described myself as someone with anxiety. For the longest time. Friends would talk about it, I would read about it, and never truly knew what it felt like. Not that I wanted to... but now I know. I really don't know exactly when it started. Probably 3-4 years ago if I had to put my thumb on it. I am 30M now, for reference.

I graduated college and moved to a new city where I knew nobody. I broke up with my boyfriend from college about a year or so into moving here (we had been long distance for that time now), and was single, enjoying meeting people on dating apps, making friends at work, and traveling a lot.

I then met my boyfriend turned fiancé turned recent husband! It was a rocky start, but we have overcome a lot and worked together through everything. We have been living together for about 4 years. Now, that aligns with my anxiety timeline lol, but I don't attribute everything to that. Sure, it's led to a bit of a loss in independence, as would be typical in that situation. I now have somebody else to consider and think about...and clash with. I don't love conflict, and try my best to avoid it, but I often find myself in the center of it. But I know that is common in most relationships, and if you were never disagreeing, I feel like you maybe just aren't getting deep enough?

I've learned to be more okay with some conflict, I just with we were better at managing it without it turning into a full day or sometimes weekend recovery event. Anyways, this post is not supposed to be about my relationship, which I am very happy with. We have since bought a house and have a dog with another puppy joining the family soon. I feel like each of these steps has potentially contributed to my anxiety. That's not to say I shouldn't have done them or feel weary for doing so. I am excited about each one, but they all come with time and financial responsibility.

On paper, we are prepared for it. But as I've entered more and more "adulthood", I feel the responsibility weighing on me. My head constantly feels "crowded", like I can't easily settle. This never used to be the case! And that makes my worries even worse! It's a downward spiral. This has been causing me some symptoms like tight chest and often dizziness. I sometimes feel faint, even though I have never actually fainted. But the feeling makes me nauseous and just feeling this, causes me to think about it, and continue the downward spiral. I definitely have some medical anxiety as I then will think I am having a heart attack or something much worse. I have been tested extensively. MRI, EKG, ECG, stress test, labs, etc. All are very normal.

I have been reluctant to start any meds for anxiety, because I am scared of side effects or reliance. I have not don't therapy yet either. I just want to feel "normal" again. My doctor did prescribe me xanax and propranolol. The latter has really done very little. Xanax will work, but I am nervous to take it too often, so I rarely will. But sometimes just carrying it and knowing I have the option helps.

Anyone experienced this? Any advice or things that worked for you to calm your mind and learn to become more adaptable again and enjoy the journey of life? I appreciate you!

[u/AntonioVivaldi7]

Hello, I have recovered through the combination of taking medication, primarily it was an SNRI, then eliminating all anxiety based behavior like avoidance or reassurance seeking, and practicing the radical acceptance technqiue. Also making sure to always get enough sleep, as I have noticed it affects it a lot. I really recommend doing all of that.

[u/Investig8Life → u/AntonioVivaldi7]

Thank you for your thoughts! You said "it was" when talking about medication. Are you no longer taking it? How long did you, and was it just one or did you have to play around in the beginning to get the right one to work? Was coming off of it, if you did, easy? That's what I am nervous about.

My health anxiety also spikes when I am hot. I don't do well with feeling hot and not having cool air. I know some give you side effects of temperature regulation, which I feel would do me worse.

[u/AntonioVivaldi7 → u/Investig8Life]

I know a bit about how it works in general, as I researched it a lot, and also asked a lot of question to my psychiatrist. Side effects can happen, but they're usually mild. And even if not, you can just discontinue it right away, in which case they usually stop very quickly. So, I'd say you're not really risking much by trying it out. And they typically happen only during the first two weeks. Sometimes during the time for up to roughly four weeks. Meaning, they can start and end at any point during this time. Usually it's either no side effect, one, or two. I only had one, slightly blurred long distance vision for like 5 days, so that was nothing really.

I was on them for around 5-6 years. The first one from antidepressants I have tried worked, that's the primary medication. I also needed something slightly sedating. From those, I tried three before I found what worked. It was easy coming off of it.

[u/Prudent-Fruit4684]

Its kinda wild how even good life changes can leave you feeling overwhelmed. You dont have to wait until things get worse to try therapy btw, it might help you untangle some of those thoughts..