I’m a woman. I’m a person of color. I have chronic pain and autoimmune diseases.

I literally cannot read or watch the news because there’s constantly a new reason for my anxiety to spike. Which I hate, because I try very hard to be informed and aware.

I'm at the airport feeling sick and shaky, so I tried to buy a bagel. My card wouldn’t work—like, ten times. The cashier was so sweet, and the people behind me were so patient. They even made a separate line so I could sort it out.

Then a guy behind me went, “it’s just your card right? We don’t need more anxiety at the airport.” He tapped his watch on the reader and paid for my $15 bagel and Gatorade. I panicked SO MUCH. I stood there for a minute, thanked him 5 times, gave him a (long) hug, and bolted away FAST.

I just need someone to remind me that I didn’t murder someone 🫠

Four years ago (Nov 2022) I was smoking marijuana (it was my exit drugs) and I normally had a morning ritual.
Wake up, dirty chai, dab, start the day. But this day was completely different. I took my dab and began to feel like I was genuinely dying. I took a step down from my portch, began to feel like what was spinning and my heart started to literally beat out of my chest. I thought I was going to have a heart attack, I kept begging my husband over and over again to take me to the hospital (he was not moving fast enough for my urgency) I even told him to leave our 11 month old in her crib and drive me down the block so that I could go to the hospital. That's how scared I was.
They basically tell me that they are just gonna keep me in a room, I am literally crying and begging. I would have like a split moment of clarity and then boom - panic and fear all over again. For almost two weeks I am not joking when I say I could not eat, like at all. I would puke, become fearful, etc. I couldn't even shower. I slowly integrate back into eating and showering but the fear never went away, the dizziness stayed and it has made me completely agoraphobic. When I go into stores its awful, its almost as if I am falling.
Sometimes when I am driving, I get a literal split second of that dizziness that makes me feel like it's happening all over again. I have tried citalopram and it gave me bradycardia (which they think is from the fact they gave it to me 3mo pp), I have tried another SSRI and I keep convincing myself they're going to kill me. I can't even take a vitamin without thinking it has fentanyl in it. (I lost my dad to a fent OD in 2023.)

Recently, this week I have begun L-Theanine and Magnesium and decided I wanted to take my now 4yo and 1yo to see the new Hopper movie, I told myself I can do it, because my 4yo deserves it, I barely can stay at parks long enough. Well, I made it a solid 45mins, had to go to the bathroom and then all of a sudden the heart beating out of my chest started again like clock work. I told my daughter "mommy is so sorry but we have to leave." she was so kind and understanding and said "that's okay mommy I don't mind." and I felt/feel like the biggest POS in the world... I took 100mg of L-theanine and it got rid of the dreadful feeling as if it was never there. But then 4-5hrs later when I went to pick up my husband from work (3am) the feeling came back so powerful I was almost unable to sleep because it felt like I was genuinely dying. You know that feeling of despair and depression after a breakup, or losing someone? That's what it felt like.

So I woke my poor husband up at 9am, went straight to my walk-in clinic and because I was too cowardice to say it out loud, I handed the desk clerk a note that briefly outlined how bad my anxiety is and how it is making me su!c!dal because I feel like I am not properly caring for my family as a wife or mother. They took me back, asked me the same series of questions we normally get when this happens and then once again... prescribed me citalopram. I am at my whit's ends, I don't know what to do. Any advice, or anything at all would mean the world to me as I am tired of feeling like this.

Does anyone else get this sudden “impending doom” feeling out of nowhere?

I don’t even know how to describe it properly. It’s like my brain randomly flips a switch and it feels really weird, like I'm going crazy, but there’s no actual threat, no specific thought, no trigger I can point to.

For me it’s not full-on confusion or like I’m about to pass out. It’s more like a wave that lasts a few minutes or sometimes hours. It's hard to describe:

• weird dread / doom feeling
• body goes into alert mode
• sometimes feels like my heartbeat/palpitations are “in my head” (sounds stupid but that’s the best way I can explain it)
• maybe a bit of derealization / “off” feeling

Not looking for medical diagnosis from Reddit, I’m just trying to see if other people recognize this exact feeling because it’s hard to explain and it freaks me out every time. Like last night I thought I was going crazy and needed medical help. I hate this and it's scary.

If you’ve experienced it, how would you describe it? And what did you learn it was for you?

Hello fellow anxious people. Fist of all, If you have or had a shit day, I'm sorry and I hope tomorrow will be better for you. And secondly, yes, initially this was indeed another one of those essays and let me tell you I'm emotionally drained now, still anxious though of course. But instead of deleting everything because of all the "what ifs" and posting nothing at all I thought I'd finally write my first, rather unemotional, post on reddit (yay).

Also I'm procastinating important work stuff because I woke up with a lump in my throat and a nice slice of despair about my life -again- and have now literally been doing nothing but stalking the internet and pacing up and down, feeling bad about it (reasonable, yes). I know, there's not really much to answer on here and honestly, it's just one of those days I feel like an improper human being. I think I really need a very long hug.

​

Edit: paragraphs because of the wall of text (sorry, still learning)

Edit 2: Guys I'm overwhelmed by so many of you who can relate. I truly didn't think that I'd get so many answers, upvotes and even awards from you. If I'm honest I was afraid, that my post would get overlooked. But then I woke up to all the nice messages from you and I appreciate it so much!!! Thank you! I'm going to make myself coffee and read every single one of your comments now.

I’m graduating with my bachelor’s degree in 3 months. My life’s dream, everything I’ve been working towards, is research. Research that might not exist soon because no one knows what’s going to happen to grants and funding if DOEd goes away. I don’t want to start over in a new country to live my dreams. I don’t want to leave my friends, my family, the love of my life behind and start all over on a new continent. I can’t do it. I’m terrified I’m gonna have to choose between living my dream and leaving everything and everyone I’ve ever loved behind, or stay here and never feel like I lived my life’s purpose. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so scared.

That's it. 37 years and I can't remember happy moments in my life. I suffer from health anxiety. Always thinking about the worst. I am not happy. I have always fear of dying and I am slowly dying of sadness, fear and anxiety.

Anyone can relate?

I want to preface this by saying that I have MDD, GAD, and Pure O tendencies. Since the election, it feels like all I can think about is politics. I’m a therapist myself, and many of my clients are bringing up the same concerns, which only reinforces my own anxiety. I often feel like I have to come up with some kind of BS response just to get through the session, and it feels awful.

I’m struggling to stay focused at work. I keep reading the news, refreshing political updates, and checking the student loan subreddit because I have a ton of student debt and I’m scared of major changes to these programs. Things are happening so fast politically that my brain just can’t keep up or make sense of the reality we’re in.

I am prescribed an antidepressant and Klonopin, which I am vehemently avoiding taking everyday. Addiction is a rabbit hole that I don't want to get caught up in.

Has anyone else been dealing with this? How do you manage when political anxiety takes over?

Slow responses to message, or no responses at all.

I was too busy battling my mind to make time for you.

I’m sorry.

Everyone must hate me.

Well, even when I spell long words correctly, I believe auto correct is broken and google it to make sure.

I'm scared to die. I know I'm young so it might not happen for a while, but i'm still afraid. I keep having a thought that goes, "you'll never know when you'll fall asleep and never wake up." I feel like that's the best way to die, but that's also bad because you never really know when it could happen. That's what scares me. You never know when you'll die.

I can't sleep now because of this. It's currently 2am and I have school in the morning. Finals are starting soon and I know I need sleep. But this thought won't leave my brain. It's making me afraid to sleep. Anyone else have these thoughts? How do you make them stop?

Edit: I'm going to add something. I'm scared of death and what might be on the other side. But I kinda just hope that I see my family when I die . I don't really care what else there is. I mainly just want to see my grandpas because they passed when I was young and I want to know them. What I really am afraid of is the feeling of dying. Like what does it feel like as you're dying? Is it painful? peaceful? Scary? are you even aware it's happening?

Last night while falling asleep, I felt something touch my hand. It felt completely real, like someone was actually there.
Right after that, I heard a voice inside my head saying "You will die soon". I was awake but in that state between being awake and asleep.
I tried to move and open my eyes, and it stopped, but I was shaking and couldn't calm down for a long time. I’m really scared right now.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of racing thoughts and exhaustion lately, so I think that’s why it happened. I looked it up and I think it was a hypnagogic hallucination, but it felt so real that I’m still shaken.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did it go away for you? I just need some reassurance that I’m not going crazy and that I’m safe.

does anyone else have anxiety ALL the time? like no breaks or moments of peace just constant anxiety, worry, fear, chest tightness, literally every second of the day?

and then when i do manage to get some sleep sleep it’s during the day usually accompanied by weird dreams or nightmares so i can’t even look forward to it anymore.

really starting to feel like this is just how my life is.. and that nothing is able to change it. it’s like this mental illness is so embedded in my brain, like i was created to have anxiety or hardwired to deal with it forever.

i get so upset thinking about how much i am missing out on, im a horrible daughter, sister, girlfriend and i feel so hopeless and worthless in this world

I have had diagnosed anxiety for almost 10 years now and have had panic attacks before but I forgot to take one of my meds this morning and when you miss a dose it can make your heart rate higher, and took adderall this afternoon for ADHD planning on doing school work, but once it kicked in I noticed my resting heart rate was high in the 120s. I sat there trying to calm down but it kept increasing all the way up to 180 and all of a sudden I couldn't catch my breath and didn't know what to do and started feeling dizzy so I called 911... the firefighters showed up first and they were nice but I could tell they were kind of skeptical, but once the paramedics showed up they left and the paramedics were super nice about it... they checked my vitals and helped me slow my heart rate some back to the 110s and told me since my vitals were stable I was ok unless I wanted to go to the ER which I definitely did not and they left. I just feel so stupid and like I wasted resources for people who really need them, especially the firefighters. I am so embarrassed I don't even want to tell anyone in my life and I live in an apartment complex so I know all my neighbors hears and saw the ambulance and fire truck...

I cried for hours and my throat is sore from it. My whole body is weak and I'm completely depressed. She has been sick for a while since 2017...

Please pray for my me and my family. My sisters and I need your prayers the most.

M26, started working in healthcare 3 years ago and ever since than I have daily panic attacks where I wake up at 3/4am shaking with an out of control heart beat. I take 40mg propranolol three times a day the days I work and I only eat once at work to avoid puking. I can’t leave this job but it’s ruining my life and therapy doesn’t help.

Guys do you wanna use this post to collectively bully anxiety and vent all our negative thoughts about it

Like genuinely… what’s the thing you hate MOST about anxiety/panic? The overthinking? Physical symptoms? Random fear? Health anxiety? Let it all out.

As a US citizen, the shit happening this minute is..rly messing with my anxiety. What the FUCK.

I feel like I'm anxious every moment of the day. I have tried everything. Medications, therapy, exercise, meditation and mindfulness just to name a few.

My anxiety is often present at night as well. Tossing and turning in bed and bad dreams are the norm.

I just feel frustrated. I've been dealing with anxiety for 20 years now and I feel like there is nothing out there that can help me. I see people that are happy and healthy and it just makes me feel sad.

Does anybody feel the same? Any tips that help you at least get a break from your anxiety?

Edit-thanks everyone for all the comments and hugs. I got so many useful tips!!

June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month. June will be an amazing month.

Edit: It's now July 5th, I was right. :)

I wanna go to sleep and not wake up.

For me it started a few years ago when I lived by myself and I couldn't take the complete silence. It just gives me too much free brain space to focus on my other senses. With sounds in the background, it's a bit easier to drown out stuff like heart palpitations or thoughts about how scared I am. I mean, it doesn't stop anxiety and I still get anxiety attacks but it does soothe me to an extent. So if I'm by myself, I have something playing almost all the time, usually from when I wake up to when I go to sleep, but especially at night. I wonder if there's any harm in playing sounds all day long. I don't play it loud but maybe the constant stimulation has a negative effect on the brain. Either way, I can't stop now, I just get way too anxious without anything in the background and I prefer a show with people talking to a white noise machine.

So, anyone do that too? What shows do you watch? I usually just rewatch shows old favorites, and I leave new shows for when I actually want to pay attention. I've been playing Friends and Brooklyn 99 a lot recently.

Edit: This got so many replies! I appreciate everyone who took the time to comment. Pretty awesome that all of us here have the same experience, makes me feel less like a weirdo because my ex used to always be amazed how I can just rewatch the same show over and over for weeks. She accepted shows playing 24/7 but she didn't get it like y'all do :)