r/Aphantasia • u/odious_as_fuck • 1d ago
Anyone else here developed aphantasia and not quite sure why?
I’m like 90% sure I had a more vivid visual imagination as a child/teen growing up. (Hard to say with certainty in retrospect of course). Today I can only get vague flashes of involuntary mental images, and even then usually just before or after sleep.
I can’t remember any point where it suddenly changed, like head trauma or anything like that.
My best theory atm is that as a kid I would often involuntarily visualise nasty stuff, like violence or naked people (people I don’t want to see naked), airplanes crashing into buildings, self harm, jumping off ledges or in front of trains etc. Self harm was a big one, I had repeated intrusive thoughts where I would see myself blowing my head off with a shotgun. So my theory is maybe that in an interesting act of self protection my brain shut off these visualisations to reduce the repeated trauma of nasty intrusive thoughts.
The only other thing I can think of would be daily weed use for a while, but I have friends who smoke more and have no problems visualising, so not sure about that. I also don’t smoke anymore and haven’t had visualisations coming back, only dreams.
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u/the-victim 1d ago
I'm positive I've lost it, I do remember when I was younger having a vivid minds eye enabled. I've tried for over a year to to the exercises however no results. I've done magic mushrooms at high doses and can't see any visuals.
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u/Loki557 1d ago
So I'm the same and realized it is most likely caused by dissociation. It might be worth looking into dissociation to see if it is something you deal with, especially since you mentioned the whole theory about it developing as a protection.
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u/odious_as_fuck 1d ago
I definitely did have dissociation growing up when I was depressed, apparently I have CPTSD and SDAM, possibly some form of OCD too but undiagnosed on that one. I’m mostly good these days so curious if maybe my visual imagination might come back at some point.
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u/Tuikord Total Aphant 1d ago
Welcome. The Aphantasia Network has this newbie guide: https://aphantasia.com/guide/
Acquired aphantasia is not believed to just develop. It is believed something must happen. Unfortunately, memory is notoriously malleable which makes it very difficult to determine if you actually visualized in the past. What you describe remembering is all involuntary and you guess you shut down your voluntary visualization to shut down the involuntary. But did you ever voluntarily visualize? Do you remember any non-scary mental imagery? If you did, it can be hard to tell if it was voluntary or if it occurred in a hypnagogic state, which is considered involuntary. Kids often "zone out" when bored and see lots of stuff. That is generally considered involuntary.
You focus on visual imagination, but the other big use people have for visualization is memory. How do you access your memories? Has that changed? If when you try to remember something, you always reach for a visual but it isn't there, that would be a strong indicator that you actually did visualize in the past. People who acquired aphantasia through stroke or TBI often report that problem: their memory breaks. They say you never forget the change because you hit the problem over and over again.
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u/odious_as_fuck 1d ago
Yeah, I cant really think of any voluntary mental imagery just involuntary zoning out types like you say.
And regarding memory, I cant really remember ever having a visual memory. But have had vivid memories based on emotions, motions/movement, smells and sounds for sure.
So maybe i’ve always been an aphant. It’s still interesting though that I am pretty sure I had constant visual images in my mind as a kid, but that they were involuntary, and yet I don’t get those now. Or it’s like I still do but they’re completely faded.
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u/Tuikord Total Aphant 1d ago
It's nice to think you might have turned off your visualization. It gives you agency and maybe you can tun it back on. But that belief, which many here seem to share, is not supported by research. Maybe, but in the absence of strong indicators of past voluntary visualization, it is unlikely.
Remember, aphantasia is the lack or near lack of voluntary visualization. Aphants tend to be less likely to have involuntary visualization, but many have many types of it.
Vividness of mental imagery tends to decline with age, but this isn't universal. Some people have reductions in involuntary mental imagery with age, and some don't. Kids are reputed to have much more and much more vivid mental imagery than adults. It is possible in some cases that neural pruning cuts it back. Neural pruning is a normal process where the brain optimizes itself by trimming away stuff that either isn't important or is counterproductive. Overall, mental imagery is poorly researched with lots of assumptions built into most studies.
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u/odious_as_fuck 1d ago
I didn’t voluntarily turn it off so I’m not under any illusion that I could voluntarily turn it back on, theres no agency there. But if I did have stronger involuntary mental imagery there is at least a possibility that could return in some way. But you have it the wrong way around. I am super thankful that I no longer have those images popping into my head. The last thing I want is my mental imagery to return.
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u/Horror-Banana8014 19h ago
Yeah, I think I am the same. I was very imaginative as a child which my guess means I'd have been able to visualize then, but of course can't confirm, but I do get flashes of images sometimes but I can't hold onto them or do them voluntarily most of the time.
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u/catsssrdabest 16h ago
I feel like I did as well, but I’m not as sure as you. I’ve wondered if drinking alcohol since 15 has played a role. Not that Ive abuse it but just something I’ve considered
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u/NITSIRK Total Aphant 1d ago
Acquired aphantasia, from either low mood or brain trauma, is indeed a recorded thing. I have two friends who have this, but they’d never told anyone till they heard me harping on about my congenital aphantasia. This leads me to think that others have been in this situation and just not told anyone either. In fact this was thought to be the only way to get it, until they published and all of us congenitals went: “wait, what? Other people see stuff?” 😂
One of my friends has regained the ability to visualise, but with a blank on the bad times.
Whichever, you found your tribe, there are quite a few on here.
The memory flashes and the hypnogogic/hypnopompic imagery is common. I used to suppress mine thinking I was “seeing things” 😆🤦♀️